You might be a Conservative if... - Democratic Underground

ck4829

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Fri Dec-17-04 09:52 AM
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You might be a Conservative if...

You watch the Rush Limbaugh show the same way your kid watches "Barney and Friends"

You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous conservative political TV/radio talk shows.

You have a bumpersticker that says "Insured by Smith and Wessen"

You believe the hole in the ozone layer to be a myth created by crazy liberals.

You believe the Holocaust to be a myth created by crazy liberals.

You fervently speak about the evils of marijuana at social gatherings with a vodka straight in hand.

You believe the Constitution states that Christianity is our official religion.

You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television... oops, my mistake... that's "You might be Newt Gingrinch if.."

You think the words feminist and lesbian are synonyms.

If you fit any of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..."

You believe every man, woman, child and fetus should be armed to the teeth with AK-47's, hand grenades, handguns, and any other weapon imaginable.

You actually believe that people actually own AK-47's for "hunting purposes"

You have faith in idiotic economic policies such as "trickle down economics"

You don't see why everyone's so down on Mark Fuhrman.

You think that Michaelangelo's David should be wearing boxers at the least.

The hostess at the Sizzler knows you by name.

You have a button that says "I'm not prejudiced, I hate everyone"

You can ask your daddy to bail you out when you lose hundreds of thousands of dollars from embezzling S&L's

Your main source for news is an egocentric man named Rush who distorts facts consistently to fit his views and opinions.

You want to find another out-of-work actor to play the figurehead for the Republican party (perhaps Bonzo's free)

Your response to anything Bill Clinton says includes a reference to Arkansas hillbillies.

You still attempt to defend Dan Quayle's intelligence.

You get offended if someone is unusually quiet on the way to a funeral... oops, sorry, my fault again... that's another "You might be Newt Gingrinch..."

You refuse to talk to your sister because she's a lesbian... dangit, sorry.. once again, another "You might be Newt..."

You obsessively impose your own morality upon others.

You wish to amend the Constitution to make desecration of the flag illegal.

You believe that if parents and teachers don't mention sex to a child until s/he is 25, then s/he won't even know it exists until then.

You think Clarence Thomas is a good spokesman for the black community.

You must first don rubber gloves before shaking hands with a homosexual.

You attribute the lack of close families to Murphy Brown.

You helped to ban Beavis from saying "fire", yet keep a loaded handgun in the house (doesn't matter if it's hidden.. your kid knows where it is, trust me.)

You have a sticker saying "Guns don't kill people, people do" (and I suppose those little bullet things are harmless too)

You believe that everyone else should hold the same moralistic and political views as you, and by God, you're going to see to it that they do!

You believe that only Christians should participate in Politics.

You believe that there is a homosexual agenda.

You believe that Vince Foster was murdered by Bill Clinton.

You believe that WorldNetDaily, NewsMax, and the Drudge Report are credible news sources.

You believe Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell are good Christians.

You laugh at the idea of a 'Vast Right Wing Conspiracy', but you think secretive Right Wing Cabals such as the Council for National Policy are simply good Conservative groups that you wish you could join someday.

You believe that Muslim woman who lives across the street wakes up every day with a plan to kill you and convert your children to Islam.

You oppose welfare to minorities, but you support welfare to bigots in religious groups.