My daughter's religious classmate in high school.

[KlatooBNikto]

Two weeks ago, I posted about my daughter's fundamentalist religious classmate. My daughter and her friend have differed since their middle school days on their religious outlooks but have remained close friends. Three weeks ago, my daughter's friend, for the first time,started expressing doubts about her religious beliefs and was scared that it would produce a serious clash with her family.Being only 16,and in my opinion, still a child,she is going through the pains of becoming an independent adult with an inquiring mind.I told my daughter to be a good listener, be nonjudgemental and assist her in any way possible.

Today, my daughter reported to me that her friend has reached a conclusion that she will not be the fundamentalist, unquestioning and obedient person she has been so far in her young life.Along with this religious transformation, she has also decided to abandon the political beliefs of her parents that is staunchly pro Republican.

Although I feel saddened by these developments at such an early age for this girl, I am very encouraged that our young people are able to think for themselves and reach conclusions that make sense to them. This comes at a time of mindlessness and vapid indoctrination through our media and should be taken as a sign that we have youngsters who are not easily swayed by the lies and deceit pouring forth from our mainstream media.I just hope that this courageous young person finds strength and peace and goes on to make the kind of contributions to our society that I have come to expect from her.

Without realizing it, she has given me and everyone I know the greatest Christmas present ever.

[elehhhhna]

1. Her education has begun.

I hope her parents respect what she's going through.

[tekriter]

3. Don't bet on it...

...

[Swamp Rat]

2. Praise Jaysus!

One more child's mind has been set free. This made my day!

[KlatooBNikto]

7. What is so encouraging to me is that this girl's apparent rebellion is

not over trivia like whether she can wear revealing clothes or whether she will be able to stay out at night and party and other things I see all the time.She seems to be dealing with issues of the utmost seriousness in her own way and the best thing we can do as a family is to be supportive of her. I am truly in awe of this young person.

[Swamp Rat]

9. She will definitely need support if her parents are fundies.

Kudos to your daughter.

[Nikepallas]

4. Do not be sadden it sounds to me as if this young girl is proving how

intelligent she is by not following like sheep. I would encourage you and your family to be as supportive to her as possible. Those Fundies will turn on their own sooo fast it isn't even funny. I speak from second hand experience. I knew a girl in high school (not personally but enough to say hi to.) Her family was FUNDIE and well she began to pull away from their ideas. The family shipped her off to "FUNDIE Camp"
(only way I can describe it) where she was taught the "Error of her ways". After High school she died. Police cannot determine if it was a homicide or if she was committing suicide but trying to spare her family the "embarrassment".

Good luck to all of you.

[wildeyed]

5. Young people are still flexible in their thinking.

I know a young evangelical who voted for Kerry. She is way anti-abortion, but thinks the Iraq war is a bigger abomination.

[muchacho]

6. Good for her

It might seem hard now(and everything seems hard when you are 16) just think how hard it would be to live most of you life before arriving at this revelation.

She's a wise and courageous girl.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

8. that kid's going to need a LOT of support.

Have her over as often as possible. Talk to her about it. You are a well-liked and reasonable adult -- possibly the only non-fundie adult in her life. Let her know she can trust you. Reinforce her for her independent thinking.

This is the kind of thing that lands a kid like that in the office of a fundie brainwashing counselor. :scared:

[KlatooBNikto]

10. My daughter has invited her to spend a couple of days with our family

and friends during the holidays and I am happy to report that she has accepted.I plan to make it clear to our young friend that she will always be welcome either at our church or at our home.

[jellybelly]

17. ?

Changing political parties isn't that big of a deal. I became a democrat at 14 and my entire family is Republican. Who cares? She'll be fine. I doubt her parents will murder her or force her into slavery. Everyone is saying to support her as if she just had surgery.:wtf:

I don't mean to be heartless:grouphug: I have immense respect for your daughter and the newly enlightened young lady.

[artemisia1]

23. Harder than most surgeries!

I did the same at fifteen and let me tell you, I had to be so CAREFUL in EVERYTHING that I said. I literally would NOT have survived adolescence had I made an outright declaration of my agnosticism. Read Eric Hoffer's "The True Believer" for some insight into the fundamentalist/extremist mindset. It's about having a cause, any cause, and not the beliefs themselves. Many militant communists became militant Nazis (isn't that a redundancy, militant Nazis!) overnight. Many, if not most, of those attracted to fundamentalist movements, as opposed to genuine religious faith, are truly inadequate individuals who are not likely to take their children's lack of strict followership easily.

I wish her the best of luck, although the very fact that she is ALLOWED secular friends speaks well of her chances with her family.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

25. It's not the political parties thing, for God's sake.

It's the religion. Her parents believe that her doubts will cause her to be eternally tortured, roasted on an open flame, and raped by demons. You don't think they're going to send her to a fundie brainwashing "counselor" if they get wind of it? Yeah. Right.

[DBoon]

11. Been there

though it has been a long time since I was this age, I still remember what it was like.

It is very hard to pull away from a background like this, but the sense of liberation once you do so is amazing.

This 16 year old is taking some very important steps to becoming a rational, self aware adult. Good for her.

[Ladyhawk]

12. It's a tough row to hoe. I know.

Sorry about the silly poem in the title parameter, but she is going to have a really hard time. Anyone who questions becomes something of an outcast in fundamentalist society.

The eldest son of a fundamentalist family I know became the first casualty of the family's way of raising children. He was actually sent to live with the chorus's accompanist because he developed his own mind. The other three kids are still fundies. I sometimes wish I could corrupt them. It might be easier to have that awakening during the teen years.

I had it in my twenties. It still causes me a lot of sorrow.

A book I recommend if she's hurting: Leaving the Fold by Dr. Marlene Winell.

Anyone with an interest in fundamentalism and what it does to its adherents should read this book.

[msmcghee]

13. I hate to throw cold water on her transformation . .

. . but it has little to do with education or critical thinking.

It has everything to do with your daughter and the friendship she has shown toward her friend through your very wise advice.

We believe what feels the best to us. Then we use our minds to justify it. She has been honest enough with herself to realize that the feelings of warmth and friendship from her non-judgmental friend (your daughter) are far more real and important to her than the judgmental ravings of her family.

Good job, Mom.


:thumbsup:

[KlatooBNikto]

14. I would have suspected the same thing were it not for the fact that

this child has a large number of friends including my daughter.In the conversations she has had with my daughter her talk has always centered on scriptural issues and how she has examined them on her own and found them wanting.So, I do not agree that it is all a matter of having my daughter's friendship.

[msmcghee]

19. No matter the reason . .

. . the outcome was a good one. And I believe for the right reason.

[Selatius]

15. A small victory in a long war

I hate to rain on people's parade here. I know this girl is going to have a tough time of it, since she's decided to use REASON, something God gave us, instead of blindly following dogma, and I know she has the support of people like KlatooBNikto, but how many others out there, unknown to us, are having to do it alone without support? How many of them will be pulled back into the void and led to believe that their asking questions was a foolhardy adventure and an act of blasphemy against God? For every one victory, how many losses are there? Are we winning or losing that war?

[KlatooBNikto]

16. The only winner I want to come out of this serious self examintaion

is my daughter's friend who has risked everything at such a young age. That is enough for me.On the larger issues, I think we need to find ways to reach these youngsters and provide a forum for them to talk to other youngsters like my daughter so they get a different perspective.Some of these efforts may backfire because of the protectiveness of the families involved and we want to be careful we do not hurt anyone.

[FreedomAngel82]

18. I remember

being that age and having my own doubts about my faith. I started getting involved in the spiritual side but still remain faithful to my upbringing beliefs. I just believe in more and am not just on the same band-wagon as my parents. My parents are republican, as is most of my family living in the south, but I'm a democrat. Sometimes kids have to find out who they are on their own. I'm glad the girl has your daughter for a support group and a good listener.

[newyawker99]

26. Hi FreedomAngel82!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[girl gone mad]

20. I was the product of a deeply religious family..

though I was free-thinking from a pretty early age. I still hide my true feelings on religion from my family, just to keep the peace.

She will need support. To many fundamentalists, atheism and agnosticism are worse than satanism. Children are often discouraged from going to college, particularly if they show any signs of independent thought. She should go to college, though. If she goes into the sciences or liberal arts, she'll probably have an easy time finding a support system of tolerant friends/co-workers.

I'm so glad I majored in Physics, because meeting dozens of other people who were open minded and skeptical about religion and spirituality was the best thing that could have happened to me as a young adult.

[KlatooBNikto]

21. My daughter's young friend is an excellent student who wants to

go to Medical School. Because I have two other daughters who have graduated from Med Schools, I have asked them to advise this youngster on what to expect and invite her to visit them.Let's see.

[girl gone mad]

22. Many of my peers in physics were pre-med.

More power to her if she decides to pursue medicine. She will definitely need support since that is a challenging field, in more ways than one.

[msmcghee]

24. The fact that you majored in physics . .

. . tells me that you already had a mind that sought out reasons for what you observed. And you had already experienced the satisfaction of having reason guide you.

The people that you met showed you that you could also be accepted (and respected) for having that mindset.

Faith offers strong feelings of acceptance that release chemicals in the brain. Many become dependent upon those chemicals early in their lives and will seek some transcending spiritual experience to make those chemicals available throughout their lives.

Congratulations on having made it through the maze and avoiding the addiction.