Predictions for Bush's Speech

[markses]

OK. So we've seen the jokes that are only half-joking: Terrah terrah victory Saddam stability saddam osama terrah GBA (gawdblessmurkah). These are all true, in their way. Let's see, however, if we can predcit more exactly the content of bush's speech. I think it will be a fun exercise in simulating depravity.

I take the purpose of Bush's speech to be pretty clear. he has to go to Congress within the next few weeks to beg for $70 billion, a figure even the most conservative Congressperson will have a difficult time selling to constituents, given the sudden collision of real material conditions with the ideological mystifications. Furthermore, Bush will use the opportunity to chastise the UN, and head off the (rather obvious) image of his sudden reversal and grovelling. Since the Bush administration is thoroughly unable to conceptualize any constituency but US domestic (and reactionary at that) the speech will have at least the following elements:

1) A long list (between 8 and 10 examples) of successes in Iraq. At least one of these will be the toppling of Hussein, one will be the execution of Uday and Qusay, and one will list the total number of "playing cards" folks captured - with possible explicit mention of "Chemical Ali" and his crimes. These will be the "military" points. The other examples will be "human interest" stories of a school built here, electricity restored there, etc. These will be drawn mainly from Basra and the Kurdish north. The point will be to highlight the supposed "successes."

2) Bush will backhandedly excoriate the UN for non-cooperation, possibly referring (dishonestly, as always) to the UN charter.

3) Bush will use the term "larger war" at least 6 times, the term "commitment" at least 10 times, and the term "sacrifice" no less than 20 times. His primary task is to make people forget their immediate social interest by tying their deprivation to some larger (and inevitably vaguer) cause.

These are just a few. Let's write the speech. I think it would be funny to see what we produce (knowing the Bush Bullshit Machine so well) and what the final product actually looks like.

[gulliver]

1. "The American people are a patient people. History is

testing America, and America will live up to that test, with resolve, with courage, with support for our troops and with patience."

Bush continues, "Say this last line with a special emphasis on 'test' and 'patience' and say it really slowly, Karl."

"Actually, I'm not sure that last part is part of the speech. Shrugs, grins. Camera people laugh dutifully..."

[mourningdove92]

3. Dubya leans forward and smirks into the camera.

Pointing his finger, he reminds us that "We will not falter. We will prevail in our war against the Evil Doers. Those that hate freedom."

take long pause while the teleprompter scrolls forward. Pick nose, scratch ass.


:dunce:

[frustrated_lefty]

2. Two predictions:

1) They had Powell ask France and Germany to speak specifically about what those nations feel needs to occur in Iraq within the last 24 hours. These expectations will form the basis of a new Bush campaign to show how 'selfish' the 'old european nations' are.

2) 'Some Americans would drive us into a deeper recession. Those (questionable) Americans would repeal the munificent tax cuts which jesus gave and like the satan-spawn they are, they would drive us into a recession so deep, it's beneath the ninth circle of hell.

[olmy]

4. Mine

1. The American people have always seen things through, not left a job unfinished.

2. The money that we need is to make sure our troops have all the equipment they need and to keep our sucess going.

3. Invoking God 10 times, either by name or by our countries foundations, institutions, little doe-eyed child.

4. A personal note, dealing with him and his creep-show wife, and their feelings going out to...

5. A roundabout dig at the Democrats, and a very vague blame shift on Clinton, without metioning his name.

6. I go and puke.

[Ramsey]

5. My prediction

YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I know that doesn't do justice to your very astute intellectual exercise, but seriously, he won't say anything of substance, as usual.

[liberalhistorian]

6. Yes, I agree, but the problem is, many

American sheeple WILL believe what he's saying has substance, and take him seriously, as hard as that is for us to believe and understand.

[pansypoo53219]

7. but will he be at the big desk

so far haven't seen that speech. not that i will watch it except daily show snippets.

[niceypoo]

8. Where are the DNA tests from Uday and Kusay?

We never got the results as promised

[alfredo]

9. Good evening

Tonight I want to talk you you about bowel movements. I am not talking about those little balls that drip and drop, I am talking power dumps. You know, the type that take two flushes. The type that leaves your bung hole tired.

Do you know that I have just peed my pants. It's nice and warm.

Oh, where was I? Yes I was talking about when I was a fighter pilot, I peed my pants then too. I have a piece of popcorn stuck in the back of my mouth and it is driving me crazy.

You know, I can see myself in the TV camera, and there am I on that TV over there. I am waving back at me. I like TV but I can't eat pretzels when I watch anymore. Karl won't let me. Uncle Dick tries to get me to eat them, but he scares me. I don't like playing kiss the snake with him.

But seriously, you have to wash your hands when you are done, the backs too. Mommy told me that.

I'm going home and play Nitendo.

[kimchi]

10. OMG Alfredo, you had me crying on the floor!

What was the question?

Oh yeah, speech.

I'll get back to ya on that.

I'm back. We forgot to include naysayers or revisionist historians, how he shares the pain of the Iraqi people and how brave they are, and for the finale, a reference to working together with the rest of the world in restoring the Garden of Eden. Biblical, unifying, and environmental/archaeological all at the same time- it is golden.

[Shanty Oilish]

14. Carnac's reading

Answers:
Bush...Rice...Dick...Colon...Orange Alert...Mass Evacuation.

Question:
There's something in your underpants. You pull them down and the LAST thing you want to see is---?

[disgruntella]

11. i do wonder what he'll say about the U.N.

My first guesses would be along these lines:

1) U.N. involvement in the war with Iraq was part of our master plan all along (lie)

2) Referring to U.N. cooperation as if it were a done deal - in the hopes of pacifying Americans, which could work (for the ignorant) -- but also as an attempt to increase pressure on the U.N., France, etc. -- which will backfire in his face, but that seems to be the M.O. for this administration. You know, "If we keep saying it, it must be true"

3) Reference to the U.N. bombing in the narrow context of, "See, we told you Iraq was a hot bed of terrorism". The death of deMello won't get a mention.

Just brainstorming - any other ideas?

[Davis_X_Machina]

12. American productivity may be up...

...but not in Crawford, TX.

A month's vacation to swat up a 15-minute speech?

Pathetic.

[robbedvoter]

13. My Fellow Americans,

9.11, 9.11, God, 9.11, evildoers, God told me to, 9.11, 9.11, we liberated Iraq and we'll liberate womever we want whether they want it or not because 9.11, 9.11, permanent war, help the shut-ins,9.11, tax cuts are about to create more jobs, 9.11, those who attack me are evildoers, watch what you say 9.11.
May God continue to bless the USA.

[VolcanoJen]

15. I will not seek, nor will I accept, my party's nomination...

As if...

But one can dream, can't one???

:-)
Jennifer