Religious DUers and lurkers, riddle me this about homosexuals & marriage:

[Deja Q]

Poll question: Religious DUers and lurkers, riddle me this about homosexuals & marriage:

Pick and choose the real or the clear majority reason why more than half of America's marriages end up in the crapper:


(and if you ask me, I'd choose #3. By far, #3.)

[RC]

1. People marry for the sex.

Hormones. Most have no clue about friendships being possible with the opposite sex.

Marry your best friend and then each work on the friendship.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

2. As Tolstoy said,

"All unhappy families are unhappy in their own way."

[Ian David]

3. Til death do us part used to mean 15 years

Marriage for life was created when horny teenagers married around 13-18 years old and then usually died by the time they were 35 or so.

The first few years until 23 or so used to be spent working the fields and then coming home to have sex.

A lifetime marriage was much easier then.

[Deja Q]

5. And yet the Bible promotes marriage, in a time when people lived 600 years

:crazy:


I agree with you fully.

Plus, I think marriage was the answer to STDs at the time; tokeep people from getting or spreading.

But in terms of raising a child, two parents is much better - especially when both have to work to barely be able to provide in today's climate. It's funny how corporate america likes to stress family, and then not begin to pay a couple a reaosnable amount so they can spend time with the child at home, instead of dragging it out into public - especially when the child is ill.

[Ian David]

21. If children need a mother and a father...

From the dawn of time, men have always been sent off to fight in wars. Most of the time they'd be gone for years at a stretch. Very often they never returned.

It seems to me that for the entire span of human history, most children have been raised without the presence of a father.

[NMDemDist2]

4. power struggles and family of origin dramas

a couple things have become clear to me in 50 years about marriage

the first thing is no matter how long you live together or court, when you get married you immediately start playing your family of origin drama. If you are a man, you will start acting like your dad, a woman like her mother. This (needless to say) puts a bit of strain on the relationship :P

If you can get through that lovely stage, then the power struggles begin. They last usually around 10 years IME. If you can make it to your 10th anniversary and still be friends and lovers, you will have a long and happy marriage.

Unfortunately, most marriages are so damaged by the above, they can't really be called much more than "Marriage in Name Only" even when they last decades longer :shrug:

You can call it financial or sexual or whatever you want, it still usually boils down to a power struggle

Just my observations and experience, I could be wrong

[notadmblnd]

6. I think having children is the reason marriages fail

From my experience (I can only speak from mine) everything was well and good until the first child came along. Prior to my sons birth we lived and breathed for each other, no one else had my attention like my husband did.

I first began feeling resentment towards my husband when he insisted his life stay the same while everything about mine had to change. I had to work days because he wanted to stay nights. He worked nights so even though I had to get up and go to work all day I was up all night with a small baby.

Then he started complaining as he felt I had put him on the back burner as far as my affections went he never understood that I was just so tired and felt so icky about myself. He threatened to leave so often it got to the point I'd just ask him if he wanted me to pack his shit or if he was going to do it himself.

It came close many times those first few years of my sons life, but we stuck it out got through it until one night when my son was 10, my husband went to sleep and didn't wake up.

[StephanieMarie]

7. People divorce because they're selfish and lazy.

To make a marriage successful, each partner needs to put the others happiness above theirs. When both do this, it's wonderful. When either is too selfish or lazy, marriage is hell and it ends in divorce.

[FellowAmerican]

25. Excellent!

Yes! Nail on head! :bounce:

[Razorback_Democrat]

8. Specified: finances and infidelity added to immaturity

homosexuality is not a threat to marriage in any concrete sense.

I personally don't see it as a threat in any abstract sense

the fundies operate under the theory that gays getting marriage will make some kind of a "mockery" of the institution of marriage (not my belief at all)

Additional, I don't think all "Christians" are opposed to gay marriage, only the more conservative and fundie types are.

And most of them can't give a logical argument about why.

Fear that God will "smite" the US is it allows "immorality" is another possibility of why.

[Behind the Aegis]

9. Divorce

I feel that some of this biggest issues involve money and time. This is why most relationships, be they sexual or not, are terminated. How many people here are still friends with the same bunch they ran with in high school? College? 5 years ago? Over time, relationships change, some become stronger, many do not. Some say that marriages should stay together because it is easier to raise children in a two parent home. I always say it is BETTER, not always easier, to raise a child in an environment of love and compassion, not a bitter war zone.

[Borgnine]

10. Who the hell voted for choice number one?

Do we have some lurking freepers here or what?

[karlrschneider]

17. There are -always- lurking asshole freepers...

:grr:

[Zhade]

20. Some of them don't even lurk. They have 1000+ posts.

NT!

[idiosyncratic]

27. I ran into one of those today and I hit the "alert" button.

It would be great if they had to start all over again hiding their true feelings while building that post count.

[JVS]

11. People are bad. Putting two in a room and expecting them to get along...

is extremely stupid. But people do so anyway, hence failed marriages

[blondeatlast]

12. Other. It has become a "live for the moment" activity.

The elaborate costume, the endless planning, the stress to have the "perfect" fairytale princess "affair."

I've seen this happen (I've been a bridesmaid many, many times) over and over again.

I once was asked to recuse myself from my maid of honor duties when I asked my BEST friend if she'd given any thought to the (beware, vulgar word coming) MARRIAGE.

I had a teeny, tiny wedding and have been happily married for almost 9 years now. We planned for a honeymoon, a house, investments, and our child. We planned our wedding for about half an hour, no more.

[NightTrain]

13. The Religious Right claims that people should marry only to have children.

Which means that, by their standards, Rush Limbaugh should never have married (let alone three times!), Pat Buchanan should never have married, and Bob and Elizabeth Dole should never have married.

[blondeatlast]

14. HT, it's too late to edit your poll, but I say the only response that

truly requires an explanation is No. 1.

All this talk, and nary a word as to HOW homosexuals undermine marriage more than Britney Spears and Cher do.

[idiosyncratic]

15. Alcohol abuse ended a 25-year marriage I know about

The woman loved her husband dearly . . . when he was sober.

But after years and years of putting up with verbal abuse and general meanness after he got drunk, she finally divorced him.

[SmokingJacket]

16. Marriage is fricking hard!!!

Under the best of circumstances, you have to be your best self and work your ass off.

Most circumstances are less than ideal.

Some reasons:

1. People change, and ten years later you're married to someone you don't recognize.

2. People don't hold up well under pressure: financial, child, other life changes.

Gays????
Wha????

[shimmergal]

18. It's hard to live harmoniously with someone else over the long haul,

especially when you have to share so much.

Personally, I think some people tend to value independence over security, and some the opposite. The "independence seekers" have a harder time staying married, unless they find just the right person.

[SarahB]

19. Lack of honesty and communication.

I think no matter what the problem is, it boils down to these elements in one way or another. In mine, we both worked very hard in many ways to make the other happy, but it was really only our illusion of what we thought would make the other happy if that makes any sense. It wasn't built on a strong enough foundation and eventually all the stresses and lack of communication just made it all collapse.

Gay people had nothing to do with it. I find it silly people would even think this.

[Lone_Wolf_Moderate]

22. Basically, a mixture of all those above, minus the homosexual issue,

basically falling under the reason that people don't understand that marriage is supposed be a covenant. You don't marry for money, or power, or without forethought. You commit yourself to a person, and it's supposed to be forever. I guess we just don't take marriage seriously as much as we ought to.

[Withywindle]

23. All the reasons people have said are true...

Marriage IS difficult. There are so many different kinds of relationship skills that come into play. Just because you're in love, have a good time in bed, and enjoy each other's company doesn't mean you're going to automatically be able to hold together a marriage! You also have to learn to work together as roommates, as financial partners, maybe as co-parents, as support and maybe nurse to each other...that's a hell of a lot to ask, and I think it's kind of remarkable that so many marriages DO last a lifetime!

That goes for straight and gay committed relationships both. I cannot comprehend why anyone thinks that same-sex marriages are any kind of threat to het marriages. I think that's just lame-ass reaction on the part of heterosexuals in denial that the REAL threats to their marriages mostly come from inside.

[imenja]

24. people expect too much from marriage these days

A spouse is expected to be the ideal lover, best friend, intellectual companion, parent, financial partner/ provider, and supply endless romance. In previous centuries, marriage was a crucial economic and social institution but carried fewer expectations. Thus, divorce rates have risen.

[UrbScotty]

26. As people change, so do their likes and dislikes.

As an example, two years ago I really did not want John Kerry to be nominated, to say the least. But once he gained the front-runner's position, I fell in love with his campaign.