Howdy, partner, it's your old friend George W. here in Washington , D.C.
I thought I would write with the hope of learning you are being treated well in your undisclosed location. I see you have a new haircut and are getting a bit grayer; so am I.
Sorry about the Uday and Qusay misunderstanding. Like they said in The Godfather (which I know is your favorite movie), "it's business, not personal." I hope both your sons made it to paradise and found their 72 virgins. As a devoted father, you have to be happy about that! Perhaps they’ll find multiple wives and settle down in paradise, and "I hope their first child is a masculine child."
It was a good year for me. You'll be quite proud to hear that I managed to steal another election! My brother, Jeb, came through once again in Florida , and Diebold rigged the Ohio vote count.
Kerry would have driven you crazy with his flip-flopping, and his wife is a "major league" pain in the butt - "big time".
Can you imagine dealing with Kerry? "Saddam, you were with us before you were against us.” And his wife might just tell you to go "shove it".
You're lucky you didn't have to deal with all this election nonsense when you were in power in Iraq. Your treachery and deception were pure, and you didn't have that idiot Michael Moore chasing you around, getting these morons all riled up and making a fortune doing it. You would have thrown the dope into Abu Ghraib. Hmm, now there's a thought…
Pretty cool, though, what we did at Abu Ghraib, huh? I bet you're disappointed your sons missed the fun with the red panties, whips, chains, dog leashes and hoods. That Lyndie England is one mean chick; bet she'd have made a perfect mate for your son, Uday, but I doubt she was a virgin. Oh, well, c'est la guerre.
(very reluctant snip)
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