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"That Little Ol' Band From Texas," ZZ TOP, performed at President George W. Bush's inaugural celebration Thursday, January 18th, 2001 at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel.
Obviously, this band was W’s choice—we all know he could afford whoever he wanted. Surely their songs would have to be uplifting, patriotic expressions of the New Moral Order! Let’s take a look at some of ZZ Top’s lyrics and see just what these moral values are and what W’s views on life are, as portrayed by his chosen spokesband.
First, there’s the sanctity of marriage. In “Somebody Else Been Shakin' Your Tree,” they sing:
I think it's time for me to find a new tree of my own.
It's plantin' time.
Anything you wanna do is cool with me.
I don't care who shakes your tree.
ZZ Top has a lot to say about marital fidelity. In “Just Got Back from Baby’s,” we hear:
Now, I just got back from baby's,
big white house on the hill.
I said, I just got back from baby's,
big white house on the hill.
If her lovin' don't get me,
I know her husband will.
We all remember the Doonesbury’s notorious “Brown Sugar” incident. Well, the Rolling stones were not the only band to treat this theme. Here’s ZZ Top, W’s chosen band, on the subject:
My friends, they all told me,
Man, there's something gonna change your life.
My friends, they all told me,
Man, there's something gonna change your life.
Gotta have that brown sugar.
Man it's just gonna change my life.
Man, I gotta have that brown sugar.
Man, it's just gonna make me feel so right.
There's something make me feel good,
and it's gonna change my life.
There's something make me feel good,
and it's gonna change my life.
I gotta have some of that Brown Sugar,
Gotta try it before I die.
Will our fearless leader try it before he dies? Or has he already?
On the other hand, ZZ Top’s song “Squank” seems much more concerned about air pollution than their biggest fan’s policies would indicate he is:
Woman, grab your children, run and hide.
Don't let it catch up with you.
You gotta fight it to stay alive,
and if it gets you, man, you're through.
It smells so rotten and rank.
Well, everybody calls it the squank.
It's sick, depressin, gettin' bigger all the time.
Don't help it any way you can.
It's grey and brown and sometimes lime
and it's spreadin' all over the land.
And soon we'll be all breathin' out of tanks
if somethin' ain't done about the squank.
The meanest thing the world's ever bred
by me and you and my kinfold too.
A monster can't live unless it's fed,
and it's being fed by me and you.
And soon it's gonna leave the world blank,
and we'll all be erased by the squank.
What sort of ideal woman for W do we see portrayed by ZZ Top’s songs? Well, “Francine” is a great example:
My Fancine just turned thirteen,
she's my angelic teenage queen.
And I love her, she's all that I want.
And I need her, she's all that I need.
And I love her, she's all that I want.
And I need her, she's all that I need.
And I love her, she's all that I want.
And I need her, she's all that I need.
Oops…let’s let Francine grow up, shall we? Then W’s dream date will be legal…although some of the things she does aren’t:
Got Me Under Pressure
She likes the art museum, she don't like Pavlov's dog.
She fun at the mind museum, she likes it in a London fog.
She likes other women, she likes whips and chains.
She likes cocaine…she even likes great Danes.
And what other recreation does our president like hearing about? Take a look at “I Got the Six”:
Slow hand on the clock, I'm sitting here like a rock,
I'm feeling so abnormal.
Pictures in the magazines, all my thoughts are so obscene.
Cover up that centerfold.
I'm running out of time,
I'm about to lose my mind.
I got the six,
gimme your nine.
Look at this, what a pair, she won't let me touch her there,
she's so discriminating.
This is weird, it's time to blow, I just heard the rooster crow.
I guess I'll have to spank my monkey.
I wonder if “Woke Up With Wood” would be approved by the FCC? I don’t think I’ve heard it on the radio:
When I woke up this morning
I was feeling mighty good.
My baby understood had to do what she should
lying near a pile of wood.
Laying it on some,
playing with it some
when I, I woke up with wood.
I was lying there thinking 'bout basketball
trying not to lose my mind
my baby came to help and I let out a yell,
she grabbed me from behind.
Laying on it some,
playing with it some
when I, I woke up with wood.
Beauty queens fall in trances,
debutantes lose their furs.
But it felt so good from where they stood,
they were working on a pile of wood.
Laying on it some,
playing with it some
when I, I woke up with wood.
We’ve all seen W in the flight suit…choppin’ brush on the ranch…sayin’ “Bring ‘em on!” I guess he wants us to think he’s a “Rough Boy”:
What in the world's come all over me?
I ain't got a chance of one in three.
Ain't got no rap, ain't got no line
but if you'll give me just a minute I'll be feelin' fine.
I am the one who can fade the heat,
the one they all say just can't be beat.
I'll shoot it to you straight and look you in the eye.
So gimme just a minute and I'll tell you why
I'm a rough boy, I'm a rough boy.
I don't care how you look at me
because I'm the one and you will see
we can make it work, we can make it by.
So give me one more minute and I'll tell you why
I'm a rough boy, I'm a rough boy.
This one I present with no comment other than—TWO FRENCH PHRASES!!!
Lovething
It must have been the way that she kissed me,
made me as weak as a lamb.
Tastes so fine like french silk pie,
sweet as strawberry jam.
It could have been the thing that she told me,
when she threw her wrench at my monkey.
Shoulda been a cool scene,
Like honey on a ripped queen.
I thought it was a day-dream,
But it must have been a lovething.
I smiled at the way that she told me,
"I just can't turn you a-loose."
She was a force majeure in her haute couture,
I was howlin' at the moon.
That's when I jumped out of her window,
Before my monkey could cook her goose.
John Ashcroft isn’t the only song writer concerned with flying eagles. I don’t know what he’d think about “Penthouse Eyes”, but it might explain W’s public speaking prowess:
She's always checkin' with her penthouse eyes,
Makes me stutter, gives me butterflies.
Got to have her, she pins me up with her penthouse eyes.
I wanna lie where her eagle flies,
She's got my love pressure on the rise.
When I see her, she really rocks me with her penthouse eyes.
Maybe some of W’s all-important theology can be gleaned from “Jesus Just Left Chicago”:
Jesus just left Chicago and he's bound for New Orleans.
Well now, Jesus just left Chicago and he's bound for New Orleans.
Yeah, yeah.
Workin' from one end to the other and all points in between.
Took a jump through Mississippi, well, muddy water turned to wine.
Took a jump through Mississippi, muddy water turned to wine.
Yeah, yeah.
Then out to California through the forests and the pines.
Ah, take me with you, Jesus.
You might not see him in person but he'll se you just the same.
You might not see him in person but he'll se you just the same.
Yeah, yeah.
You don't have to worry 'cause takin' care of business is his name.
What kind of people are the best U. S. citizens, in the mold of W himself? Why, “Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers,” of course:
If you see me walkin' down the line
with my fav'rite honky tonk in mind,
well, I'll be here around suppertime
with my can of dinner and a bunch of fine.
Beer drinkers and hell raisers, yeah.
Uh-huh-huh, baby, don't you wanna come with me?
The crowd gets loud when the band gets right,
steel guitar cryin' through the night.
Yeah, try'n to cover up the corner fight
but ev'rything's cool 'cause they's just tight.
Beer drinkers and hell raisers, yeah.
Huh, baby, don't you wanna come with me?
Ah, play it boy.
The joint was jumpin' like a cat on hot tin.
Lord, I thought the floor was gonna give in.
Soundin' a lot like a House Congressional
'cause we're experimental and professional.
Beer drinkers, hell raisers, yeah.
Well, baby, don't you wanna come with me?
Of course, what could be more wholesome than some entrepreneur’s small, local down-home business? One such backbone of old-fashioned values is portrayed in “La Grange,” one of the band’s biggest hits. I think this one was popular because of the widespread reputation of this particular “home out on the range”:
Rumour spreadin' a-'round in that Texas town
'bout that shack outside La Grange
and you know what I'm talkin' about.
Just let me know if you wanna go
to that home out on the range.
They gotta lotta nice girls.
Have mercy.
A haw, haw, haw, haw, a haw.
A haw, haw, haw.
Well, I hear it's fine if you got the time
and the ten to get yourself in.
A hmm, hmm.
And I hear it's tight most ev'ry night,
but now I might be mistaken.
hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
Have mercy.
Of course, La Grange isn’t the only place that can use our support. Let’s take a look at how we can foster relations between races and countries by patronizing another entrepreneurial endeavor on the Texas/Mexico border in “Mexican Blackbird”:
If you're down in Acuna and you ain't up to being alone
don't spend all your money on just any honey that's grown.
Go find the Mexican blackbird and send all your troubles back home.
They all call her her "puta" 'cause no one really knows her name.
She works the cantina, dancin' and a-lovin's her trade.
Her mama was Meskin and her daddy was the ace of spades.
Oh, let's drive that old Chrysler down to Mexico, boy.
Said, keep your hands on the wheel there.
Oh, it sure is fine, ain't it?
Now, ya got it! Hand me another one of them brews from back there.
Oh, this is gonna be so good.
Mm, she's hot as a pepper but smooth as a Mexican brew.
So head for the border and put in an order or two.
The wings of the blackbird will spread like an eagle for you.
Oh, one more time,
can you roll me another Bull Durham, please?
Can't you do it with one hand, boy?
Hey, it looks like that one has some drinking and driving going on! What else does W’s favorite band have to say on this subject? Take a look at “Arrested For Driving While Blind.” Sound like anyone we know about?
When you're driving down the highway at night
And you're feelin' that wild turkey's bite
Don't give Johnny Walker a ride
Cause Jack Black is right by your side
You might get taken to the jailhouse and find
You've been arrested for driving while blind
Now just the other night with nothin' to do
We broke a case of proof 102
And started itchin' for that wonderful feel
Of rollin' in an automobile
You could say we was out of our mind
And let me tell you we were flyin' while blind
Then they had us up against the wall
Hey it's only blood grain alcohol
And there ain't no cause for alarm
We ain't out to do nobody no harm
How could anyone be so unkind
To arrest a man for drivin' while blind
Just how extensive is W’s geographical knowledge? Probably as extensive as we see in “Shiek” (sic):
I met a shiek from Mozambique
who led me to the Congo.
He dreamed to go to Mexico
and sample a burrito.
My tempature had risen again,
it must have been a hundred and ten.
Under the oaks I was telling some jokes
and thinkin' I had it made-
Gettin' on with the folks, havin' some coke
and coolin' off in the shade.
(W may blame it on the fever, but I think the coke had more to do with it.)
Will this ZZ Top anthem replace the “Just Say No” campaign?
Thunderbird
Get high, everybody, get high.
Get high, everybody, get high.
Get high, everybody, get high.
Get high, everybody, get high.
Have you heard? What's the word?
It's Thunderbird.
All you kids from Texas,
you grow so big and tall.
All of them kids from Texas
they grow so big and tall.
All of them like to roam
in that T-Bird hall.
Get hi-hi-high.
Really makes you feel so fine,
really goes down so smooth,
really puts you in the groove.
Have you heard? What's the word?
It's Thunderbird.
Juice, juice, juice
really makes you loose loose, loose,
really goes down so smooth,
really puts you in the groove.
Have you heard? What's the word?
It's Thunderbird.
Get hi-hi-high,
way up in the sky.
Gonna get, yes sirree,
if ya come and rock with me.
Have you heard? What's the word?
It's Thunderbird.
What of parental duties? I’m sure we’re supposed to put our permissiveness behind us, and live up to the standards of this song (which seems to be could be taken from W’s own life):
LONG DISTANCE BOOGIE
Is everybody feelin' good? You makin' us feel good, too!
Now, early this morning I got on that long distance telephone
and I called my mama.
I said, "Mama, this is your boy, and I'm way down here in
New Orleans, Louisiana."
And she said, "That's all right, boy."
And she turned to my papa and she said,
"Papa, our boy's way down there in New Orleans.
We cannot let him stay out all night long."
She did!
Long about that time, I heard my papa lean toward my mama.
I heard papa tell mama, "Let that boy boogie-woogie."
He said, "It's in him and it's got to come out."
So I went downtown.
There's a lot of people there.
They was-a really havin' a ball.
And I felt so good.
Yes, I felt so good.
Yes, I felt so good.
Yes, I felt so good.
Yes, I felt so good.
Yes, I felt so good.
Yes, I felt so good.
Boogie, children!
Boogie, children!
And I’m sure this song is about a former CNN personality:
Tush
I been up, I been down.
Take my word, my way around.
I ain't askin' for much.
I said, Lord, take me downtown,
I'm just lookin' for some tush.
Soo…vote for moral values—crank up the ZZ Top!
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