Best Supporting Actress: Lynne Cheney in "This is NOT a Good Man" (more >)

[bobweaver]

And the weiners are....

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE - Condoleeza Rice, for both "Incompetence Results in Skyscrapers Collapsing" and "Chief Architect Of An Unspeakable Miasma on The Other Side of The World."

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE - Lynne Cheney, for "This Is NOT A GOOD MAN! An American Tragi-Comedy"

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE - Osama Bin Laden, for "How to Succeed in International Terrorism without Really Trying, In Fact While Living In A Cave"

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE - Zell Miller, for "Exorcist 5: Is There A Priest In The House"

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY - Donald Rumsfeld, for "Les Follies du Abu Graib"

BEST COSTUME DESIGN - D.C. tailor Georges de Paris, for "Cleverly Concealing An Entire PlayStation 2 In The Back Of Bush's Suit, Distracting And Annoying Bush To The Point That He Almost Lost the Election During The First Debate"

BEST DIRECTOR - Karl Rove, for "Manipulating Public Fear Like Nobody Has Been Able To Since The Likes Of Hitchcock"

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE - "The Faking of the President, 2000-2008"

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT - Sinclair Broadcasting, "Stolen Honor: Boiled Down To Just the Principal Distortions and Fabrications"

BEST EDITING - Diebold, Inc., for "Editing What Should Have Been A Resounding Defeat into a Commanding Victory"

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM - Arnold Schwarzenegger, for "Kolly Foin Yuh, Led Me Put My Finga Inya"

BEST MAKEUP - Katherine Harris, for "For The Last Time, I Did Not Delete 90,000 Goddamned Democrats From The Voting Rolls. Shit Just Happens, OK?!!! Now Get Over It. That Was Four Years Ago. I'm a Fucking Congresswoman Now. Oh, Hi Jeb. Lay Down. Be Right With Ya."

BEST SONG: John Ashcroft for "Let the Eagle Soar" in "Fahrenheit 9/11"

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: Kenneth Blackwell and Jeb Bush, for "Magically Pulling Bush Wins in Ohio and Florida Out Their Asses In The Face Of Millions Of People Trying To Vote For Kerry"

BEST WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY), George W. Bush for adapting "My Pet Goat" into "An International Embarrasment"

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY), Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, for "Providing The Missing Link Which Finally Proves That Vietnam and Iraq Are Actually Two Chapters Of The Same Thing"

JEAN HERSHOLT HUMANITARIAN AWARD: To Ronald Reagan, for dying. The only good thing he ever did. Reagan did NOT end the Cold War, dumbasses. The USSR collapsed on its own, not by anything Reagan ever did or said. Yes Ron, we are better off now without you around to stink up the place. By the way, ketchup is not a vegetable. It's a fruit.

HONORARY AWARD: To Ronald Reagan, Jr., for not only disagreeing publicly with his father on most issues, but for throwing verbal darts at the current Republicans on live nationwide television.

PEOPLE'S DOOFUS AWARD: To every single person who voted for Bush/Cheney in 2004, in spite of the massive avalanche of evidence that (1) the Bush/Cheney administration consists entirely of certifiably insane, power-hungry, money-hungry mass murderers, and (2) the amount of damage done by the Bush/Cheney administration will take SEVERAL GENERATIONS of suffering by everyone in the world to recover from - including every single one of those catatonic idiots who voted for Bush/Cheney and their children, their grand children, their great-grandchildren, and on and on. Your great grandchildren will be cursing you for that vote.

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

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[satya]

2. LOL! n/t

[earth mom]

3. LMAO! n/t

[CrispyQ]

4. Good laugh! Thanks! eom

[bobweaver]

5. Thanks... all my other satires are located at....

http://fireworksland.com/nuke/nukeyalernews.html