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Edited on Tue Feb-01-05 08:24 AM by arendt
woke up in a nasty mood this morning, hence the following:
The Great Fundamentalist Martyrdom Circle-Jerk
I have a "modest" proposal for all the non-reality based whackos who can't wait to be gathered to the bosom of their respective blloodthirsty gods. How violent macho gods can have bosoms is one of those spiritual mysteries I leave to theologians.
I propose that we take all the fundamentalists - Christian, Moslem, Jewish, Hindu, and whatever - and arrange them in a giant circle alternating by religion. Then, at a command, or a divine visitation, one of these homicidal maniacs stabs the guy in front of him to death, at which point, the guy behind, in defense of his god, stabs him, and so forth. This goes around the circle like a row of dominos until they have all martyred each other and died defending their religion.
If we can get a package deal, maybe we could fly all these guys to somewhere in the Middle Eastern desert and tell them that their victim is besmirching the holy soil of (fill in the blank). That way, we wouldn't even have to pay for burial. The desert would just cover them over for us. Sort of, pardon the expression, God's will.
This is the perfect solution. Instead of costing the rest of us upwards of $200 Billion to manipulate these narrow- minded medievalists to kill each other, we just remove the middlemen (and their war profiteering - anyone seen my $9 Billion?). No Depleted Uranium poisoning, no nasty chemicals, no Gulf War syndrome. Nothing but sweaty, babbling guys in loincloths killing each other the old fashioned, masculine way, with cold steel - sort of like in a Mel Gibson movie.
What's that? You say some so-called Christians believe that only 144,000 elect will be raptured? Not to worry. Those people don't have the brains to count that high. Just tell each of them they're in the first 144k, and they will fall for it. Especially if you shout the spiritual equivalent of "sand- nigger, sand-nigger, sand-nigger". Its a lot simpler than these contorted WMD scams.
Well, that's the proposal. Now I have to go back to being one of those pointy-headed intellectuals who believes in that invention of Satan, the Enlightnment. You see, only a cold-hearted rationalist could invent such a mockery of religion. No Christian could ever sully the legacy of Jesus with such cynical mayhem.
666 to y'all.
arendt
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