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No, you didn’t read that headline wrong. I’ve had another epiphany, you see. Things that were hidden before have become clear. For the first time, I am connecting the dots, and it all makes a strange kind of sense.
There has been way too much complaining lately from the Looney Left (proud member since the year dot, by the way) that America is becoming a second-rate nation in terms of intellectual, scientific, and technical achievement. That we have to import our scientists, doctors, researchers, etc. That American school children are way behind the rest of the industrialized world in math, science, and technical subjects. That pseudo-“science” like “Intelligent Design” has replaced the actual teaching of real science.
It sounds scary, yes. But it isn’t, not really. It’s all part of a well-laid, brilliant conspiracy to once again ensure America’s pre-eminence in all things power-related.
Bear with me a minute while I explain.
For those of you old enough to really remember 1957 and the Soviet launch of Sputnik, it’s easy to recall the nationwide concern about America’s “Science Gap.” The very idea that a nation hostile to American interests could outdo America in any kind of achievement related to establishing power on the geopolitical stage was staggering!
America’s response: We simply poured money into school math and science programs, into training teachers, supporting research, expanding technical and scientific programs in higher education.
In the 1960s, yet another threat to American supremacy arose: the “Missile Gap,” a report by America’s intelligence services (then as now, ever-reliable) that it was possible that the Soviet stockpile of intermediate- and long-range missiles vastly exceeded America’s stockpile. Again, cause for horrified alarm!
America’s response: The first big high-tech military buildup, with gigantic contracts for the development of ICBM technology, missile silos and launch systems, submarine-based launch systems, and other goodies.
Well, friends, fast-forward nearly fifty years. The Soviet Union is no longer a threat. America is undisputed High Tech Top Dog when it comes to military hardware and military technology. You’d think we could sit back and rest on our laurels; enjoy our fearsome supremacy, wouldn’t you?
But noOOOooo…. Those dastardly Forces of Evil have been maturing in secret their conspiracy to render all of America’s high-tech boom-boom gadgets utterly useless against their new superweapon:
Yes, my friends, it’s the age of the Ignorant Fundamentalist Zealot as Superweapon! Nothing can stop them! They can carry “dirty” bombs in a tote bag; release bioweapons in an aerosol can, drop chemical toxins in any open water reservoir to poison a city… And no “high tech” bomb, gun, submarine, plane, etc. can stop them! They don’t care if they get dead in the process of delivering their cargo of death! In fact they want to achieve “martyrdom!”
And so here we are, with a clear Ignorant Fundamentalist Zealot (IFZ) Gap, a full thirty-five years behind the Other Side in R&D and production of these fearsome superweapons!
Mind you, our own development program has been jumpstarted in the last ten years—I’m betting it will take us much less than thirty-five years to get our IFZs to full operational suicidal nihilistic homicidal lunacy. And we’ll have a clear advantage of numbers when we do push our R&D program past the “Self-Preservation” horizon—the only remaining challenge in our program.
It’s taken a tough and valiant effort by a dedicated band of patriots to put this program together. It’s not easy to suppress teaching simple factual science in schools, to discourage critical thinking skills in a whole generation, to evolve the philosophical rationale that will ratchet nascent IFZs into existence. (Fortunately, they didn’t have to start from scratch on that one, there was the weirdly paranoid “Millenialist” tropes on the Christian Bible left over from a previous period of widespread popular delusion in the 19th Century—they only had to haul it out and brush it off, tweak a few things here and there, and identify today’s boogeymen: faggots, liberals, and brown foreigners.)
But we’re almost there. Once again, America will reign supreme on the world stage of mayhem-induction and destructive power.
So if you want to do your patriotic duty as an American, my friends, quite whining about what our kids are (or aren’t) learning in school. Stop discouraging those lunch-hour Bible classes! Send a donation to whichever of your local churches has the largest IFZ production programs!
We CAN close the IFZ Gap!
And we will!
enlightenedly,
Bright
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