50 Most Loathsome People in America

[Manix]

...list put out by the Beast website..

<snip>

50. Ann Coulter
Crimes: Coulter plummets down the list as she slips into irrelevance. As her columns degenerate further into absurd, incoherent attacks against her own personal paranoid fantasy of fanged, drooling, Saddam-loving liberals who hate America and childish France-bashing, we find our outrage slowly giving way to a baffled “I can’t believe I used to go out with you” feeling. Her arguments are ridiculous, her vitriol forced, her hatchet face even harder to look at. Still, she insulted a one-armed war veteran, called reports of the hundreds of tons of missing munitions in Iraq false, claimed Wesley Clark was pro-infanticide, and blamed Abu Ghraib on the presence of women in the armed forces—they’re not all like you, Ann—and on and on. It’s just not worth debunking someone who has no credibility in the first place.

Smoking Gun: Has credibility in the minds of more people than we can stomach acknowledging.

Punishment: Skull crushed with rock.


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49. Clay Aiken
Crimes: Rode to stardom on a racist backlash after his failure to win “American Idol.” Brings false hope to pre-teens that they will meet a nice clean boy who won’t take advantage of them. Befouls airwaves with his vile dreck, which makes us long for the days of Shaun Cassidy.

Smoking Gun: Was one of two people on this list to do a duet with the rolling corpse of Bing Crosby for a Christmas special. Put himself in the role of David Bowie.

Punishment: Hydrochloric acid martini.


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48. Scott McClellan
Crimes: Completely hollow. Able to regurgitate any message programmed into him without regard to its validity or internal logic. A human void, capable of sapping the virtue away from the most idealistic reporter within three jokey, familiar, stonewalling press conferences.

Smoking Gun: Hasn’t killed himself.

Punishment: Locked in a room for eternity with a camera that sprays spitting cobra venom in his eyes every time he speaks.




The Beast

[WillieWoohah]

1. PURE GOLD

I've bookmarked the site too. Thanks!

[Nay]

2. Good God, that was funny! Thanks!

[fujiyama]

3. With all fairness to Aiken

who I know nothing about, I don't really know if he himself harbored any bitterness about it. He seemed to get along pretty well with the other guy that won.

That said, I wouldn't be caught dead listening to his music!

Overall, I have to say that site is pretty funny though.

[Cooley Hurd]

4. 45. John McCain:

Crimes: Survived years of torture in Vietnam only to become a bend over buddy for a sheltered rich dunce. McCain could have bolstered his largely unearned air of credibility this year had he stood against Bush, but instead chose to show us all that that no principle is too fundamental to humanity to be overlooked in the name of party loyalty. We can only hope that they’ve got something on him, something big.

Smoking Gun: Returned to criticizing Bush as soon as it didn’t matter anymore.

Punishment: Vice President under Rumsfeld
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
43. Tony Blankley

Crimes: Editorial page editor for the Washington Times, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon’s religiofascist newsletter and the Bush Administration’s favorite morning read. Thinks the UN Oil for Food scandal warrants more attention than a White House full of war criminals.:thumbsup: Had the gall to attack George Soros because “e said that he has no moral responsibility for the consequences of his financial actions,” when that is clearly a moral loophole embraced by all free market zealots such as Blankley, and went on to attack him for being “a self-admitted atheist” and “a Jew who figured out a way to survive the Holocaust.” Refers to Donald Rumsfeld as “brilliant.” His paper has lost a billion dollars and sells one paper for every seven Washington Posts, but is in no jeopardy because of lavish funding as the psy-ops arm of Moon’s Unification Church.

Smoking Gun: Ended his final column of the year like this: “Americans are standing upright, their strong arms uplifted against the barbarians.” A shameless, taint-licking propagandist.

Punishment: Very slowly lowered into meat grinder.
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!:D

[Maddy McCall]

5. Bwahahahahaha! Some of the best of the fifty:

40. Laura Bush
Crimes: Oh the first lady, what an inspiration she must be to android researchers everywhere. Smile, nod, smile, (look interested) nod, put on $50,000 dress, suck off the president and there you have a typical day for the first lady. Corporate yes-wives like her will hasten the coming of mandated burkas for American women. Actually looks related to George, which might explain their mongoloid children.

Smoking Gun: She married George Bush.

Punishment: Chugging a gallon of stem cells on Fear Factor.

____________________

29. Michael Savage
Crimes: Will say anything to get attention, and then say the opposite for the same reason. Thinks revealing his inner xenophobe makes him some kind of rock star. Learned everything he knows about world politics from Archie Bunker. Said this: “When you hear ‘human rights,’ think gays. When you hear ‘human rights,’ think only one thing: someone who wants to rape your son. And you'll get it just right. OK, you got it, right? When you hear ‘human rights,’ think only someone who wants to molest your son, and send you to jail if you defend him.”

Smoking Gun: Real name is Michael Weiner.

Punishment: Ass-raped to death.

_______________________

27. Bob Novak
Crimes: Beats even Scott McClellan as Bush’s most unholy mouthpiece. Virulently protecting the Bush administration in order to further his own career. Novak didn’t think twice when instructed to reveal the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame in order to get back at her critical husband, Joe Wilson, yet he now claims it would be morally wrong to reveal the treasonous White House leaker. Indirectly caused the incarceration of Judith Miller of the New York Times, who should be in jail on totally separate charges involving her poorly researched WMD hysterics leading up to the war in Iraq.

Smoking Gun: Still insists the Swift Boat Veterans ads and their libelicious spin-off book, Unfit for Command, was “well-documented” and didn’t contain any lies.

Punishment: Heart harvested in preparation for Dick Cheney’s presidential bid.

_________________________

19. Zell Miller
Crimes: Part Yosemite Sam and Part Foghorn Leghorn. Miller doesn’t make the list for his salivating, traitorous keynote speech at the Republican National Convention, or even the duel thing with Chris Matthews. He makes the list because he really does represent Southern Democrats. Miller was chief of staff for diehard racist Georgia Governor Lester Maddox, who used to own a restaurant where he’d hand out pick handles to his customers to beat any black people that might try to come in. The Democratic party really isn’t the party he once knew—thank God.

Smoking Gun: Won’t switch parties, just to be a pain in the ass.

Punishment: Death by torrential barrage of spitballs while watching his granddaughter make out with Big Pun.

_________________________

1. Kenneth Blackwell
Crimes: The greasy, rancid piece of crap who delivered Ohio for Bush by any means necessary, and then bragged about it in a recent fundraising letter. A black man who has no reservations about screwing over his own people in his lust for power and money. Blackwell is the kind of soulless traitor without whose complicity no nefarious evil plot ever goes down. In step with the future of global elections.

Smoking Gun: Phony recounts, media lockouts, intentional misallocation of voting machines, you name it.

Just Punishment: Dissolved in barrel of acid.

[American Tragedy]

6. Funny, but the order is totally wrong for almost every entry

The most obvious being that neither George Bush nor Karl Rove are at the very top. Without those viscerally offensive creatures, most of the other political characters are rendered effectively irrelevant, and many of the events that brought us to this point are obliterated.

If considered as a list of the fifty most unbearable examples of the human race in no particular order, it's brilliant.

[mopaul]

7. what a great read! especially the part about 'you'

that nails it

[blueblitzkrieg]

8. I agree with most of those except....

Ellen Degeneres. I don't get the, "If she were a straight man, she'd be booed off stage." She's succeeded in spite of her gender/sexuality, not because of it. Anyway, I think she's hilarious and love her, so I had to stick up for her there.