Should I boycott my (now repuke) baby brother's wedding? Feedback please

[jdj]

I'd appreciate some feedback on this.

My whole family has morphed into warmongering closet bigot republicans. The thing that is upsetting is that we are union people on both sides (not this generation but previously.)

I was just getting ready to sit down with my family and watch the super-bowl last Sunday, and when my brother and his girlfriend got there he was wearing a new suede "Proud to be A Republican" cap. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. He and I were the closest in the family, he used to be really cool. AND he is the only one in immediate family to have a UNION JOB. AND he is still young enough to enlist. I had the fight the urge all night to take him one of the enlistment forms I had in my desk.

But the kicker is he knows I've dated women for the last 10 years. He's met all my girlfriends and he used to be really liberal and cool. I can't understand this at all...I am just sick about it. I had hints that he was turning a little conservative by some of the things he has said, but I'm shocked to see him call himself a republican. I couldn't even stay in the same room with him, I just gathered my things and left. As a non-heterosexual person, I feel like my family voted AGAINST ME in this last election. My father, though ON DISABILITY, is now a card-carrying republican.

I had an inclination that my sister had voted republican...she pretends to be southern baptist xtian and all that to my parents' faces but to me she says doesn't buy any of it, although she goes to all the contemporary christian concerts with them.

I never in a million years thought I would be considering this with regards to my closest sibling, especially since my other brother just disowned our entire family because he is an ultra fundie who thinks they aren't conservative enough, and my parents haven't heard from him in months, not even at christmas, so they don't need anymore pain. But I'm tired of laying down and pretending I don't matter and don't deserve the same rights they do.

I just don't have any desire to stand up there as the happy smiling queer and be photographed with people that voted against my right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. People who swung this election based on opposition to my existence, or be with them at a celebration that celebrates the very thing that the votes they cast are denying me.

I'm afraid I am trying to make his wedding about me, so I need perspective. I don't have an ounce of desire to go.

[Eric J in MN]

1. I say go.

You'll want to be in the photos (I'd guess).

[jdj]

2. actually,

that's the worst of it. No way in hell do I want to be in the photos. It's evidence of my own betrayal, and theirs.

But it did just occur to me that I absolutely can go, and refuse to have my picture taken, so I won't constantly be reminded of the day that I betrayed myself. Thanks for the feedback.

[traco]

59. Family is family

and politics are politics. Keep them separate. You can't pick who your family is!

My dad is a raving far right wing repuke. I have had to learn to not talk about politics with him. He wont shut up about it. I just tell him I refuse to talk about it, because I love him as my father, but we won't ever agree about this.

[jdj]

61. How can I keep them separate when their politics affect my life?

When their political affiliation and church says I am the devil and a sign of the end times.

I'm all for separation of church and state...we had a great thing going back in those days.

[traco]

71. I'm sorry, I don't know what to say that will help you.

In a perfect world, your family would remember that you are related by blood and would not hold your choices against you.

I will keep you in my thoughts, and I hope you find a way to decide what is best for you, without ruining your relationship with your family. Or, if you have to lose your family relationship, I hope you will have a better support team available.

[kiraboo]

84. Hmmm.... "Choices"? n/t

[FreedomAngel82]

63. So tough

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry about your family. Most of my family is republican too. I had a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on my car and my two aunt's (dad's sisters) said they were ashamed of me for voting for Kerry. Ugh. But we try our best to keep politics seperate except for jokes or something. I'd go to the wedding to show your support but not stay for photo's or anything after and I'd sit far away from them. Maybe try writing your brother a note on how you feel and everything. Maybe if things keep going the way they are soon your brother will be wearing a shirt that says opposite.

[tjdee]

3. Have you expressed this to him?

That'd be my first idea. He may not be aware that you take it so personally, in that you feel they all voted against you.

Sounds like he thinks you're close enough to the family that you're still going over for the SuperBowl, and to even be invited to the wedding.

I'd go to the wedding. Few people ever *really* want to go to those things (I'm one of them, love weddings).

Good luck!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

4. He's your brother

and if you were close at one time, you can be close again...at some point though, it is worthwhile to tell your family how you feel and why.

[jdj]

10. it just occurred to me that I don't know the answer to the question

"would he come to my wedding?"

I mean, would he stand for me, being that they are so religious and becoming more so everyday?

I don't think I would want them there. Our relationships depend on me not ever bringing up my gayness. They are not comfortable with it. I've felt his girlfriend was not comfortable with me from the beginning, she wouldn't even look at me or speak to me initially, I think it was the straight girl "that dyke is gonna rape me if she gets half a chance" syndrome. She's better now, but I've seen some of the e-mails she's sent my Mom, and it's all that "Allah or Jesus?" shit, and the spam covered in eagles, american flags, and wounded soldiers, despite the fact that she's perfectly healthy and would make a great soldier and doesn't even freaking work, my brother has supported her for the entire six months they've known each other.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

14. He probably wouldn't but what HE would do isn't the issue

It's what's in your own heart that matters. MY family wasn't terribly supportive of me (and they are all liberals) at first...but my mom has gotten better and my sister and brother both love my SO..she's family to them now..she spent all the holidays with us.

I know it's harder when the religious thing is in the way..but the deal is this: WHAT CAN YOU LIVE WITH?

[jdj]

17. My family used to be fairly liberal

my mother was awesome when I came out, and my Dad was like "well, we have everything else in this family, we might as well have one of those too..."

But they grow more and more unrecognizable to me every day.

I have always been really independent, and never gave much of a crap about their feelings toward my queerness, because I totally separated from them when I left home...I just didn't see how they were connected with my "lifestyle"..but now it's obvious how they and people like them can affect me. So much of the senator bugging and letter writing I have done has been in fear of what could happen to my brother and nephews, especially with the talk of a special skills draft that keeps getting bandied about. I have done even more of that with regards to medicare and social security for my parents, because I am so worried about that for them...arrggghhh, it's just so weird to spin around and realize, whoah, not only is this not being reciprocated, but they are actively using what power they do have in agressive non-support of who I am. It feels like vertigo.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

33. Have you considered counseling?

GLBT center usually have competent counselors that can help you work through the issues. I guess I am fortunate in that I got through the hard part years ago and never had the political separation....my family are all solid Dems and range from moderate to radical.

I feel for you and don't know what to offer..it is hard to watch people work against their own interests..

[jdj]

37. you mean this isn't counseling? (just kidding, LOL)

I know I will know what the right thing to do is eventually, but that is a good idea. I just like to throw something out and hear about a zillion different opinions, rather than just one therapist.

I guess my timing with coming out was lucky, they were devout fundies, then had roughly a decade where they were passably cool around the time I came out, but now their assholes are all drawed up again around the bible.

But now it's around politics as well, that's what you get with an MBA in the white house, a master marketeer.

Part of me just really wants to put a human face on what the stand they are taking. But I think that is just denial of the fact that my human face IS on it, and they just don't care. I'm a sin, I guess.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

38. This is a good ear and a friendly ear

but behind all the political issues, I am pretty sure you have a lot of pain...

Understandably so..this is your family..we don't choose our families.

[ThorsHammer]

58. I'd say go; you can take the high road even if he wouldn't

[purduejake]

68. Since when is the high road...

Putting yourself through hell when people don't even want the real you to be there anyway? I don't see who it helps. His unhappiness is what makes the family content. F**k that.

[ThorsHammer]

102. KLyon said it better in post #88 below (nt)

[Dorian Gray]

120. But...

Do they not want him there? Will his absense make them sad? I think he should talk to his family, who actually sounded pretty open about his coming out. I'm sure that they love him, and they may be shocked that their actions have hurt him in this way.

As for the political divide... it's just politics. Family is more important, I believe. If you can resolve this, try to. As an adult, it's a good idea to discuss the problem. If they aren't receptive, then you have a different starting point, and you can make your decision based on that.

[FreedomAngel82]

64. Why do they have pictures

of wounded soliders? Wha? That's mixed up.

[Egalitariat]

5. My family is so much more important than politics

that I wouldn't even consider it. I recognize you might disagree with the way your family feels about some issues. But family is family.

In my book, family is number one. Politics might make it has high as #183, but probably not much closer.

[jdj]

8. it's not politics, it's civil rights.

but people don't understand that unless they've been denied basic civil rights.

I appreciate everything everyone is saying, because I so would hate to make a wrong decision about this and live with regret, or cause more acrimony in my family since it is just now healing from my other brother's act of dropping off the face of the earth.

[purduejake]

67. If people refuse to accept me for who I am...

forget about them. If your family cannot accept you for who you are and you don't feel comfortable around them, why would you put yourself in that position? I get the feeling you don't want to be there and they don't want the real you to be there, so what is the debate about? Don't go.

Regret? It's their choice. Like somebody else said, this is not about politics -- it's about your rights to live equally. If people want to be fundies so they can support war or some ridiculous religious cult, they're not good enough to be part of my lives. It's your choice and I know it is difficult, but that's just how I personally see things. Good luck!

edit: oops, I meant to reply to the original message. Sorry.

[G_j]

85. yes, calling it "politics" tends to

deflect the fact these issues seriously effect people's lives.
Your story is one example of this. The RW fundie indroctination is tearing apart families!
Perhaps you could explain this to them. That despite the aim of the RW 'agenda' to tear apart and sew discord among families you will not play the game.

In any case I would think a serious talk is in order.
Maybe it would be best not to go, but certainly let them know why.
Maybe this is one of those 'teachable' moments.

[mitchum]

6. Yes

he's an asshole

[quaoar]

7. Go to the wedding

But that doesn't mean you have to be a punching bag. Insist on being treated with respect.

Be an example of tolerance.

[Maat]

9. I say, if you possibly can, make an appearance, be in a ..

picture, drop off a token gift, and then, bow out.

I understand how you feel. I have a similar situation. For years, I loved being around my husband's relatives. Then as I joined a progressive faith and became involved in progressive causes, they moved to the midwest and became the most religious righties around.

I had to meet them in Nevada in December. We went up, exchanged gifts, had a few polite conversations (during which I excused myself when things became impossible), and then it was over. I'm glad I did - my kid thinks they are the greatest, and she'll have a few pics. Think of it as a mission (pix for the future) - regardless of how they are.

What do you think?

[jdj]

12. yes, I always tend to forget there are solutions with degrees in them

instead of everything being in absolutes and black and whites.

If I had kids it might be different.

I haven't been into the movement for gay marriage as much as others because I have been so focused on the war in Iraq, however, the irony of what I'm being asked to swallow with this seems just a little too much of a mouthful.

[Grey Ranks]

19. If you give up on him

Then you can never make a great person out of him.

[brokensymmetry]

11. Let me suggest you go.

Time changes people - perhaps your brother will grow wiser, eventually. And, if you don't become too far apart, perhaps you will have the opportunity to help him gain wisdom.

[ultraist]

13. I would go if I were you, you may regret it one day

Keep it short and sweet. If you just show for a bit and say your congrats, you can bow out gracefully without a scene. Keep the focus on your brother, it's his wedding.

His wedding is not the appropriate time to deal with family issues. Let him have his day and be happy for him.

Be super fucking positive the whole time and no one will be able to pick a fight with you.

That's how we handle my in laws. They are all Repukes and my sister in law is a nutcase fundie. We will never have an honest and open relationship with them and we have accepted that. But we also decided we would rather have some superficial contact, then to cut them off completely.

[jdj]

22. It's because it's a WEDDING, and they are anti-gay marriage.

That is the point. It's not about cutting them off completely. It's about saying, this is what you would deny me, this is what you think is an abomination, even though you know me, even though I am your own flesh and blood, even though the Christ you worship never once even mentioned homosexuality in the bible, this is what brought you to the polls...ME... and yet you want me to stand up here and smile a shit-eating smile at YOUR freaking wedding?

I've got a little while to decide, but I don't want to spring it on him at the last minute and have it cause more chaos than he'll already be in, I want to have it dealt with before hand.

[neuvocat]

34. Look at it the other way...

if that ends up being the reason then it could also be argued that you personally do not acknowledge and recognize all forms of marriage either.

Do you have to be out in front or anything like that? If you just have to be in the pews then you wouldn't have to stay past the ceremony.

[purduejake]

74. Yea, just sit in back...

so nobody sees you. You don't matter. Appease them. Suffer and make them happy.

[ultraist]

51. Well then...

If it is going to be too painful for you and destructive to you, you have to consider that as well. You must take care of your own needs.

I have opted out of some family events because I was not in the space where I could deal with it. I have to be in the right space or it can be toxic.

So, it has to be weighed out, will the guilt of not going be worse than exposing yourself to that painful situation? How will you feel in a year or two when your brother decides he was wrong to vote Repuke and realizes that gay rights are important? It could happen.

Best of luck with it!

[Dorian Gray]

121. It sounds like you have

already made up your mind. With each argument, you have a reason why you do not want to go. That's fine. It's your decision. And if you feel so strongly about it that you are willing to end your relationship with your family, you have every right to do that.

But, remember, this will be a wound that will be difficult to heal. So unless you are a hundred percent sure that you are willing to give up your familial relationship, I'd really spend time thinking about this.

Good luck to you! :)

[GetTheRightVote]

15. It is up to you how you approach your family, I moved away from mine

and now I get along with them better not seeing them that much. They did not think highly of me and treated me silently like I did not count for much. Sometimes you move away just to get your own space and value but I do not know about your approach to it.

:kick:

[FreedomAngel82]

65. Moving some does help

Even if it's just another town in the same state. My parents, brother and I for a while were seeing my parents side a lot and we were all getting on each others nerves and one night had a fight about stuff and when we go a long time (like a few months or so) without seeing each other when we do see each other we appreciate it more and have a nice time together. Family is very important so I hope it works out. :hug:

[GetTheRightVote]

16. It is up to you how you approach your family, I moved away from mine

and now I get along with them better not seeing them that much. They did not think highly of me and treated me silently like I did not count for much. Sometimes you move away just to get your own space and value but I do not know about your approach to it.

:kick:

[Rockerdem]

18. Heres some advice from an older person

In my lifetime, there have been a lot of social changes. The resisters go through a process. 1. Shock and anger. 2. Sullenness and resistance. 3. Resignation. 4. Acceptance.

I know a lot of older conservatives that were virulently segregationist (or close). But over the years, many of them are where they should have been in the first place. Believe me, and I cannot stress this enough, time changes attitudes for a lot of people you thought were hopeless.

When I look at the gains that GLBT people have made since my youth, it is astounding. They are on the verge of being legally accepted 100%. Within a decade or so, most people wont care one way or another, mark my word.

Take a chance on your brother. In the years to come, he might be one of the healed persons, and he will love you for it.

[flordehinojos]

20. my two cents worth--for what it may, or may not, be worth.

Well, let's see ... it seems it is very difficult for the family not to partake in "group think" and rewards are given to those who do partake in the group thing--sort of like you are with us or you are against us. You don't share in the family's group think on political matters. So, you are a step ahead but there is some pressure there from the family to make you revert back to the "group think" mentality.

You could take your brother aside (find time to talk to him) and tell him that while he knows that you don't speak the same political language that he does, HE IS STILL YOUR BROTHER AND YOU WISH HIM ALL POSSIBLE HAPPINESS IN HIS MARRIAGE and that therefore while you will be present and celebrating his marriage along with the family on his wedding day, you will not be celebrating the political policies that he and the rest of the family are now following and that in your heart you actually grieve because of that.

You will be taking a stand but you will not be cutting off from him... so that you will be showing him that you have room for him even when he thinks differently than you and, most importantly, you won't be letting the divisions that are so prevalent in america today, and that are a product of totalitarian governments, fraction your family or your relationship with your brother.

easier said that done perhaps -- but just a suggestion.

[Historic NY]

21. Just go...blood is thicker than water...and I afraid the water already

went over the dam in Nov. He is your brother and supporting him on his day MAY...show him that dispite differences he is your brother. Perhaps, one day he will see the light and support you.

Remorse is REGRET that one waited so long to do it. H. L. Mencken

[candle_bright]

23. You should go

This isn't all about the vote. I can understand why you see their vote as being "against you" but chances are it wasn't about that at all.

[aquart]

24. I didn't know anything about lesbians

Until my friend Wendy came out. And I remember some damn frank conversations with her and some other friends, straight and gay, male and female.

Wendy didn't know how I'd react, if I'd reject her, if her family would. I didn't know what it would mean, either. Until we talked.

Disappearing and becoming the shameful secret can't help anyone. You ARE NOT going to contaminate that future sister-in-law and it's time she found that out. She can't find out if you're not there.

It's YOUR family. If your brother needs a kidney, he won't be asking his wife for it. (And it wouldn't hurt to remind him of that. Marrow, too.)

[jdj]

28. I've been out for over ten years.

Nothing has changed with me, I came out of the closet with a bang and have never looked back.

I have no reason to tell the fiance, my feeling is he told her before I met her and she has that straight girl mentality that thinks every lesbian would jump on her given half a chance. But that is over now, she got over it, so it's not an issue.

I wonder if I am the only one who has come out into a relatively sane family and then had them devolve into fundie wingnuts over the course of a decade...I keep hearing people say their family was weird and it got better, my family was fine and got weird, and is getting weirder by the day, and I'm not sure if I can just shut up and smile and go along this time.

[LoverOfLiberty]

128. This is what happened to me also

With the exception of my younger brother, my entire family has devolved into right-wing haters. My mother and 4 bros/sisters all voted for DOMAs. They claim to accept me, my partner and our adopted children, but I simply do not get it. Our relationship is very strained, almost non-existant. I decided to move away from them.

I don't know what I would do in your case. It is possible that your refusal to attend could be a wound that would make it more difficult for your brother to come around. On the other hand, if it were your wedding, how would your family react. Would they attend joyously, begrudgingly, or not at all?

Really, sometimes I feel that the only family I have is those that support me. Good luck to you, I totally understand your predicament. Its why I don't go home for the holidays anymore.

[Inland]

25. Here's what I think: it is a trial, but go.

If I know our bigoted Americans, they don't see it as personal with you. In fact, its hard for most people to hold bigotry and extreme political hatreds for people they actually know, and may not understand your taking it personally. So not showing up won't be understood as a political statement, but as a personal dislike.

Unfortunately, I think you get to play the role of Jackie Robinson and be better than anyone else to gain the acceptance that you should be given freely. You get to be the person that actually allows them to say that non-heterosexuals and liberals are really okay. Attending means that you can let them know that you do take these political things personally; whereas if you don't show up, you can't tell somebody how bad you feel when somebody says xyz. I would hope I would have the strength to take on that burden.

Of course you don't' want to go to the wedding, but then again, nobody else does, either. Weddings suck, and there are always plenty of people who don't like you and you don't like them, but it isn't about you or them . Don't worry about having to paste on a fake smile at the weddings. We all do it. Been to an old flame's wedding? Or a wedding in my wife's family? Find someone who you want to talk to and try and get seated at their table.

[lostnfound]

26. I'm sorry.

That's got to be really hard.

You're the only one who knows the right thing to do here. Weighing a sense of betrayal of yourself vs honoring a sense of possibilities, a sense that the past and the future are coexistent with the present.

I'd lean towards trying to have a heart to heart conversation with him before the wedding, not about the wedding but about the sense of betrayal which you feel due to his political change. Try to reach out to the person he once was, remind him of that person, and make him recognize exactly what it is doing to you to be condemned for who you are, and for your own brother to join the condemners.

As far as the wedding itself, it's not a political event. Go for a short time, take a couple of pictures or not, and vow to simply record a snapshot of it in your memory as a future reference point.

[KarenS]

27. I support you in doing what you really need to do on this,,,,,,

it's clear you are looking for some feedback & conversation on this subject.

Maybe for the next 24 hours you make the decision not to go,,,, don't tell them, but just see how that fits for you. Decide what you might do instead that day ~ go to a movie or a concert, whatever,,,,

Then the next day, or so, make the decision to go,,,, figure out what you will wear, take as a gift, all that stuff,,,,, and see how that feels,,,,

These things are not easy. But I do not believe that Family comes first,,,, YOU come first. You need to take care of you. You don't need to stay away angrily ~ you can stay away regretfully,,,,

Good Luck with this,,,, it's a toughie.

[jdj]

30. I love you folks

I really do.

That's a good idea, as I weighed the two possibilties and came to the second one of picking out gifts, and outfits, the anger just welled up in me and brought tears in my eyes.

This isn't going to be an easy decision.

Part of me feels like I am being spiteful, and I want people to ask him why I'm not in his wedding pictures, and I want him to have to think about why, and try to make something up to tell people..

And then again in my posts I am hearing me,me, me, I, I, I. And I know his wedding is not about me, it's about him, and he's a great kid, and the girl is a great girl, and they are living in a plasticene white bread private idaho by virtue of who they are, and they don't have to think about how their prejudices affect others. And I want them to think about it, dammit.

[Dorian Gray]

123. Then TALK to him about it!

That's the BEST way to get him to think about it!!!! Not showing up and not explaining why won't do that. You need to communicate!!!!!!

If he's not receptive or refuses to see your side, then you have a reason to be angry. But if you don't try to talk to him in the first place, then your anger exists without trying to remedy the situation.

[sleipnir]

29. Deny the flame and reap the whirlwind.

Remember that, and all shall be forgot, as a remarkable sage once foretold to a band of revelers. The warning is not so idle in these times and your situation.

[fujiyama]

31. Go

but don't let them push you around and tell them that if you are attending to not speak of politics. If you really feel uncomfortable, then don't stay for long.

Years down the roard you may regret not having attended...and also in time they could change. Stay close to family and talk with them honestly. Who knows, maybe you'll have some luck getting through...then again you may not, but never give up.

Also I wouldn't let Bush split your family up. He's destroyed enough as it is with this war.

[jdj]

35. They voted for Bush. Bush didn't put a gun to their heads.

Bush said gay marriage is bad and evil and will destroy america. they know me, and they know that I am not bad or evil, nor will I destroy america, nor have me and any of my girlfriends ever even attempted to destroy america.

I wouldn't dream of talking politics at his wedding. I wonder whether I will regret it or not...I've only been to one wedding, and that one I wish I had boycotted, because the preacher at my other brother's wedding chose to preach a side sermon about how wives should be submissive to their husbands, right in the middle of the ceremony, and I think my sister-in-law felt humiliated by that. I loathe these fundie ceremonies in general. I do have a problem with inadequate foresight as far as how I'm gonna feel down the road about the things I do today, but that could go either way.

[fujiyama]

76. One thing I'm curious about

Are you in a relationship right now?

If you are, then tell your brother you are bringing your girlfriend. If he resists, then refuse to go.

I would go only if they are willing to accept you as you are. Otherwise it's not worth it. This really depends, if you feel your problem with them is "just about politics", then I think it's possible to go, otherwise it may be too difficult to.

The problem with the issue of gay marriage is that many worry that churches will be forced to perform ceremonies for gay and lesbian couples. It's partly a matter of ignorance. Do you know what their views are on say civil unions? Or are they so homophobic they are against that as well? Hell, many times, people don't even think of how these policies affect other people. Maybe they don't even understand why this affects you as it does.

Now, I know that itself is a smack in the face for any gay/lesbian person (to have your family deny you the same rights they themselves enjoy), but part of it simply may be a matter of tradition for them.

Ultimately it's about accepting you. If they can do that, then try to make it. Otherwise, I don't blame you if you decide to skip out on it.

Goodluck in your decision. I'm sure this is difficult. Please let us know what you decide.

[knitter4democracy]

114. Shoot, take a date anyway.

I would. ;)

I went to an evangelical Christian college, and I was constantly amazed at how evil many there were toward anyone a little different, let alone GLBT. I think there is fear there, fear of the unknown. As long as you act in a known way, they're okay with you. Is that what bothers you--that you have to keep acting the way they want in order to feel accepted? I'm sorry if that is the case--I'm in the same situation with my father and his family, and I'm not even a lesbian. *giggle* I've just always been the "bad" kid, and I'm sick of that.

Maybe a wedding is not the right time to stretch their boundaries, but maybe it is. I would take a friend along or a date or whatever--not to shove it in their faces so much as to make them see that you're just like anyone else (all the invitations to singles should say, "and Guest," even yours). That way, you also have a built-in reason to leave early if things get icky.

[NV Whino]

32. This is not necessarily what I would do, but...

Go. Talk to him first. Express your happiness (?) that he has found someone to love and to wed. Ask him if he would come to your wedding if you found a person to love and if it were legal to wed that person. Tell him you support his choice and you would ask that he support your choice when the time comes. The tiime you spend at the wedding will be based on his answers.

But, the one thing to remember: in your entire life, you spend 100% of the time with yourself. Make sure you make yourself happy.


(Just a note on my headline: personally, if it were I, I would not go and divorce the entire family.)

[seabeyond]

36. i was going to come right in and say go

then i read your story

one brother left family over "god"

you dont want to go and i totally understand. my inlaws repugs have two gay sons. i was so mad at them, telling husband i was supporting their sons more than they were. then i found out they decided they couldnt vote this year because of the homosexual issue. i was happy, i could look them in the eyes again

i dont know what you should do

and i am sorry you are in this situation

[jdj]

39. great, now I'm crying.

someone gets it. Somebody out there actually loves their kid enough to take a stand against this asshole.

That's some kind of parental love. If Jesus is truly so great, he would never come between a parent and child, or ask that parent to act against the best interests of the child for any reason. I have just gotten to the point of not seething with anger every day that they put my two beautiful draft age nephews at risk with their votes, and I just don't know any more.

My favorite part of the gay pride marches I've been to in D.C. and elsewhere is seeing the little ladies with their beehive hairdos walking around D.C carrying great big signs and wearing t-shirts tha say "I love my gay son." I have never seen greater parental love than that, and I can never walk past these ladies without getting all teary-eyed.

[seabeyond]

41. ya i hear you

i have been wrapped up in my own drama today and yesterday on a thread. it was about parenting, lol lol and kids, go figure. at the very end a poster did the same thing, she got it, spoke exactly what i was talking. the intolerance we have for each other today. and brought tears to my eyes too. it is that important for people to hear us

[jdj]

47. I hear you,and don't get me started on that

I know about this not because I have children but because I went to AA meetings for 10 years and this was an issue with some people and that was offensive to me... that if anyone needed to be an an AA meeting, it was a mother, and if that child was screaming and crying and driving her crazy, all the more reason. Some meetings would actually pass rules to say no kids could be there, which I felt was horrendous.

Older children I could understand because of the fact that some of the subject matter was too mature for kids who were old enough to ponder and comprehend what they were hearing... but babies and toddlers, I found it very upsetting that some people couldn't open their heart and be more tolerant, that for that very child's sake that mother needed to be there and not be made to feel as if she was impinging on others.

[medeak]

42. take the high road

and set an example for them all.

You know what the right thing is..there have been some beautiful posts here. Fill your heart with love (granted it may take many tapes and meditation) but sometimes that is the best revenge. Loving behavior (from experience) blows them away and leaves them speechless and you won't be on your deathbed with regret.

If you don't go..it just gives them ammunition to criticize you and you end up being hurt in the long run...they won't get the reason you didn't show up...it won't be about them...just your thoughtlessness.

[jdj]

43. my relationship with myself is what is mattering to me right now.

Do I betray myself or not with this...in another time, it probably wouldn't matter, but in this climate, it does.

[medeak]

44. so it's not about the wedding?

It's about how you feel about yourself?

[jdj]

49. no, it's how thoroughly I'm willing to betray myself.

It's looking like I might just go and not be in the pictures.

I'm not sure yet. This feels like a betrayal of self to me, because of the gay marriage issue. I don't feel like I can explain it anymore, you either get it or you don't.

A couple of people have said, maybe it wasn't the gay marriage thing, maybe it had nothing to do with that...but I know my family, they are fundies, and that WAS what it was about, that and abortion.

[medeak]

52. don't allow the limitations of others to limit you

don't give them power by reacting to their fundie views...you're above that. You're here! We're all here for you!

Go and underreact..you're not selling out...but showing how classy a liberal is.

[klyon]

90. if you go I don't see it as betrayal but standing -up for yourself

KL

[hiley]

40. Perhaps the first thing to

do is to get your brother over to your house and just tell him how he is making you feel. See if he can feel your pain.
If he can not or will not, you have to put yourself first. Your brother will either listen and be concerned about your feelings (which are very legitimate and I see exactly where you are coming from) or he will react poorly. It will be hard but it seems like it is hard already for you.

There is a mob mentality going on in this country and maybe some in your family just were swallowed up in it since, they didn't used to be like this.:hug:

[donheld]

66. You have said what i was feeling

reading through this thread, not really knowing what to say.

I think jdj if at all possible you should try to talk to this brother before the wedding and tell him what you feel. See how he responds and then make your decision as to what you should do.

:hug:

[WillowTree]

45. Only you can decide what's best for you.

My gut reaction is to say "go" because it's family and family's important and you never know what other turns there are in the road ahead. But you have to decide in your heart-of-hearts what will be the best thing to have done in the long run.

Try to remember this, though: When you come to the end of your days and you look back on your life, what will matter to you will be whether or not you did the right things along the way, not whether anyone else did.

I'll keep you in my prayers as you grapple with this. I know it must be tougher than tough.

(((jdj)))

[Bouncy Ball]

46. I don't understand going to things you really don't want to go to.

If you really don't want to go, don't go. It's not a life or death thing.

Don't be guilt tripped into going, either. Go because you really want to, or don't go because you really don't want to.

Anything else is just dishonest.

[Bluebear]

48. I totally understand your not wanting to go

'I don't have an ounce of desire to go.'....

You don't have to. I am not encouraging one way or the other, but I am facing the same atmosphere with my 'other parents', the ones who for years said it didn't matter...right before the election I pointed out that they have me, (a close family friend), their own son and their own grandson who are gay and they still voted for Bush. AND the husband said something like "I just don't understand why you people feel you should get married"....it kicked me in the stomache and I haven't been over since.

[jdj]

50. I once read a poem that was exactly two lines.

Sorry to say I don't remember the author, but it seared into my memory, it went:

The day I came out to my mother, I became
"you people".



It's hard for people to understand how being "you people" feels, if they've never been made into "you people". Thanks for posting, and sorry you've been treated like that. It's tragic. Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.

[ultraist]

53. Can you take a date or a friend for support?

Maybe it would be helpful if you had an ally with you so you did not feel so alone while you were there.

And if you do go, know that many of us here and around the globe, support you and your rights!

[Bluebear]

54. Whatever you decide, your feelings are important

And I understand them completely. A lot of people can't let go the notion that 'family comes first'. It's a two-way street. If they have made you uncomfortable in your own skin I don't know how much you're expected to gag on while trying to swallow it. Will you let me know how it turns out?

[jdj]

57. yes, thanks for reminding me that I am my family's family.

So theoretically I should come first as well?

I'll keep you posted.

I'm just sad right now.

[purduejake]

73. They know what they do...

and if I believed in hell, I'd say it should have a place for people who treat others like that.

[klyon]

91. I believe

when someone says something silly like "I just don't understand why you people feel you should get married", you should respond by calmly explaining why as if it was a very sincere question, treat them with sensitivity not judgment is what is needed. People that make statements like that have never gotten heart felt answers and they are the ones that need it most.

KL

[Zuni]

55. you only have one family

Don't hate your family because they have stupid political beliefs. You will regret it one day.

[jdj]

60. the thing is, I'm 36, and everything I was told I would regret one day

I haven't regretted, and every thing that I was told I would look back and think I was wrong about, I haven't.

It's so weird that they tell you you will look back and think that your parents were so right about everything, but that hasn't happened, the truth is that the were tragically wrong about just about everything. The reason is probably because they both were victims of serious child abuse growing up, and they just weren't parented, they didn't know how to parent in return, and still don't, really.

But this is the first mention of hatred so far in this thread, and that is a pretty severe extrapolation from my posts.

[Bouncy Ball]

69. Not going to a wedding doesn't equal hating her family.

[purduejake]

72. Don't hate your family for stupid political beliefs...

forget them because they hate you. You'll regret putting yourself through shit for people who don't give a damn about you.

[sandnsea]

78. Alot of truth to that

Sometimes you just have to learn to let go of the notion that your family will accept you for who you are. It's damned painful living your life being judged by people who are supposed to love you unconditionally. That's true.

[AuntiBush]

56. Stand Tall, Proud and Give Yourself the Gift

of knowledge that you are loved and tolerated by most others. Get a t-shirt and cap that shows you're a proud American Democrat. It's historically a honorable party to be affiliated with. Hold your ground and show them what true moral dignity is all about, peacefully.

And if they can't handle it, walk tall knowing you can.

Then again, if it was me... well, it would be a family free-for-all. Do as I say, not as I do...;)

:bounce: :kick:

[LeftyMom]

62. You said all you need say

"I don't have an ounce of desire to go."

You don't need DU's approval or your family's to stay home. If deep down in your heart you have no desire to go, don't.

[Bouncy Ball]

70. I second this.

I've never understood this "blood is thicker than water" stuff. They're people you happen to be genetically related to because of who you happened to be born to.

If she doesn't want to go, it's not the end of the world. She doesn't go.

I hate seeing people pressured and guilt-tripped into attending family functions because "they just have to" and shit like that.

It's that mindset that allow some family members keep treating other family members like shit. Because they KNOW they'll come back for more. They can't NOT come back for more--they're RELATED. Like that's some magical thing.

[3lefts]

75. You answered your own question in your original post...

You are making this about you. It's his wedding, his day, his beliefs, his viewpoints, his politics, etc. You can't change him any more than he can change you.

Also, did you ever stop to think that you may be alienating him because you think he is not "cool" anymore? Are you treating him differently now because you don't care for his politics? Rhetorical questions.

[sandnsea]

77. Go, and take a date

That'll put things on an equal footing!

I don't know what to tell you. It sucks having family that treats you as less than, and you don't have to be gay to get that, believe me.

Whatever you decide to do, fuck guilt. Make a decision and be done with it.

[Seabiscuit]

79. Boycott it. Waste of time and energy.

[Snotcicles]

80. Screw them all your Family is here now and we are happy to have ya. n/t

[Jose Diablo]

81. I don't think you should boycott the wedding

We can pick our friends, but relatives are blood. The best that can be done is sort of 'suck it up' and make the best of the situation.

It hurts far more to care about someone and sever the relationship. The fact of being related and thus caring cannot be avoided, even when we want to just write them off.

We are human and cannot get away from feelings. Blood relationships involk the deepest feelings.

[shadowknows69]

82. bite your toungue

get a good free drunk on and love your family. messed up as they are they're the only one you get.

[AngryOldDem]

83. Political ideology comes and goes...family is forever

I think you have to ask yourself if it's worth trashing a relationship. Because that is the chance you may be taking by not going to the wedding.

Fractured families are horrendous. While I can't tell you what to do, of course, I would go just to make a polite appearance and then leave. Nobody says you have to stay until the last bottle of champagne is drained.

[zanana]

86. Don't let them make you an outcast.

Don't make it too easy for them; show up at every family function with an "I'm proud to be Gay" hat. Whatever; just don't let them shut you out. Stay and fight.

[sellitman]

87. Go.....

I have good friends who are conservative...You have to learn to live with others who don't always feel the same way you do. It doesn't make them bad people.....just misguided. Family should stick together. If you don't go you will regret it for the rest of your life.

[klyon]

88. No to boycott, show that you are the bigger person and

attend the wedding and say nothing about politics. Tell and show them that you love them.

Afterwords call for a moratorium on political talk and spin at family gatherings and call the missing sibling and encourage them to rejoin the family.

I am doing this with my family and it seems to be working. There are many things to talk about and enjoy with family that doesn't involve politics so leave it on the doorstep. After all you only have one family.

Good luck, I know how you feel.
KL

[callous taoboy]

127. I agree. Go:

I'm a teacher and I took my family's vote for * as a slap in the face in light of the fact that the Mepublicans are attempting to DECIMATE public education. I did boycott Thanksgiving this year because I would've been very rude. But now that some time has passed, and despite the fact that * has more time now to fuck up as much as he can, I realized that the joke would be on me if I stayed mad. Remember, too, that the * era will pass, the Mepublicans are shooting lots of holes in their feet on many issues (including homosexuality). If nothing else, remember that the Dalai Lama has professed love for the Chinese. Your enemies make you stronger.

[cmd]

89. Get yourself a Proud to be a Democrat cap and go

Better yet, make it a big old cowboy hat. Stick a flag on it. Add a peace sign. Go and have fun.

[drbtg1]

99. The hat story gave me an idea

How about your own hat that says "ASHAMED that my family is republican"?

Too subtle? ;)

[SouthernDem2004]

92. Their actions should dictate how you interact with them not..

their party affiliation. All Republicans do not share the same beliefs just like all Democrats do not. If they are accepting and supportive of homosexuality then it can be viewed as a good thing they are exposing other Republicans to these views. If they have turned anti-homosexual then sure stay away from them. If they still love you and treat you the same as always then go to the wedding regardless if they are Republicans. All Republicans are not evil...Most are just misguided...

[apple_ridge]

93. Write them off. You'll save yourself a lot of pain in the long run.

[LynneSin]

94. Go, take you're signficant other, wear something to show you're a liberal

and then duck out early from the reception.

[GumboYaYa]

97. I agree, go to the wedding and take a date...

You should never have to feel uncomfortable in your own skin around your family. Taking a date gives you someone you know you will be able to talk to and have fun with (even if it is sitting alone laughing at the Repuke idiots).

[Ilsa]

95. He's your family. Go. Maybe he'll change later,

but don't let consideration of that be the deciding factor. Keep the event light and happy and wish him well. With attitudes like most repukes, he'll need all the good blessings you can send his way.

Big hug to you, jdj. We're behind you.

[DebinTx]

96. I say go, take your partner and for a wedding gift

get 2 t-shirts made (a his and hers) and have printed on it "Support Choice - Vote Democrat".

[SmokingJacket]

98. Wow. I was going to say Go, then I see that you're a lesbian, and

are NOT ALLOWED to marry the person you care about.

That SUCKS.

I have republican family and I spend my time with them ignoring politics, which is not easy considering FOCKS news is on all day on the giant screen TV. So I believe in putting family before politics, in general.

But asking you to go and pretend to you're all right with the whole thing might be too much. I couldn't do it. I'd fake a case of the shingles, or something.

But causing more war and family pain is no good either.

Maybe you should find a way to go and enjoy it. Are you dating anyone? If you go, you should bring a girlfriend and hold hands the whole time. Sit in the corner and laugh at everything with her. Don't let them pretend you're something you're not -- BE yourself. And show them how strong and generous a liberal can be.

The worst, worst, WORST thing about this rise of mepublicanism and the acceptance of homophobia is that more gay people feel like they have to hide and pretend and be something they're not.

[Walt Starr]

100. If I was in your shoes, I would not go

I would cut them off entirely.

That's just me, though.

[KuTava]

101. So you can stay home and disapprove of them.

They voted in a way you disapprove of. You imagine they disapprove of you, too. So you can disapprove of each other, or you can accept each other. This means they welcome you whether you're gay or not, and you welcome them whether they're Republican or not. Alternatively, you can reject people who love and welcome you, because you don't approve of the group they belong to. Sounds familiar to me!

[SnowBack]

103. YOU are just as important as they are.

My family could never deal with my being Gay. My brother and his wife
are born again haters, and used to give me bibles to try to "save" me.

When I would complain to my parents, they would tell me "I" was being stupid, and I should just shut up about Gay stuff...

As hard as it was, I had to take care of ME before them. Being a second class citizen in my own family was too hard to deal with. I told them that if they were going to call and insult me daily, not to call.

My parents didn't talk to me for many years, and when my father died, I was not invited to his funeral because I was Gay.

The good thing to come out of the whole mess is that I became very close to many cousins who I hadn't been in touch with for years. Many of them called me and we got to talk openly about my life, my husband and my life for the first time.

My mother and brother had spent years trying to hide my "Gayness" from my relatives, and continue to this day. They spend their lives bitter and angry about having a Gay person in the family, and I've finally got a REAL family... Relatives who accept my husband and I for who we are, not who they want us to pretend to be.

Good DOES sometimes triumph over evil.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Benson]

104. Screw your family. Politics come first. Blood means nothing!

In the end when you die, it will count for nothing what you did for family...No: what matters in eternity is how politically pure you were.
/SARCASM OFF]
Its family. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.
There is NO reason to cut yourself off from your family.

[cabbage08]

105. Go

It is his wedding. In the future he might see the light.

[Skittles]

106. jdj, go to your brother's wedding

if you don't go I promise you there will come a time when you will regret not going

[Fescue4u]

107. Remember, the wedding is not about you.

say that again. Its NOT about you.

Its about the folks getting married.

I tend to laugh at alot of these handwringings over whether someone should attend (note the word attend), a wedding.

The fact is, the wedding is not about the attendees. Its about the bride and groom.

For the most part, nobody cares about whether or not so and so attends. Unless we are talking about the mother or father of the groom, missing attendees won't be noticed. In cases where its noted, its pretty much ("have you seen so and so?..no? hmmm thats odd. hey thats good cake!").


If you think it will help your relationship with your family to attend, then attend. If not then don't.

Just don't fool yourself into thinking that your brother will spend even 1% of the time worrying about your attendence, as you are.

[KansDem]

108. For what it's worth...

I thought I'd weigh in here...

My family is staunchly GOP. I've had to put up with their racist jokes and stories, their anti-liberal, anti-government, anti-union claptrap for years (decades). OK, I did so out of respect for my mother. Now she's deceased, as are all of her brothers and sister (my uncles and aunt), except one brother--a rapid right-winger who is now my only uncle. In spite of their political views, which I suspected were moderate (except the one uncle), they were the generation that held us all together. Family reunions and summer vacations centered around this group of five siblings.

But for some reason, the younger generation (my cousins and sister) turned out to be right-wing reactionaries. But I tolerated them for the aforementioned reason. Now, I don't care. I don't care if I ever see them again. It's tiresome to be with these people. I just don't want to put up with their conversations, jokes, rants anymore. I know this sounds like a cliche, but life's too short. It's too short to spend it with people you don't want to spend it with. As I enter my third quarter century (I turned 52 last month), I see that I don't have a whole lot of time to waste. And spending an evening or weekend with people of the opposite political spectrum and whose conversations have very little interest to me is a waste of time.

Now, having said that, go to your brother's wedding. I lost my only brother when I was 8 (he was 13). We were inseparable playmates, spending many an afternoon at the park, building a fort, studying ants and birds, getting into "fights" (shoving matches) with other boys, putting together model cars. We also engaged in an occasional "shenanigan" worthy of "Wally and the Beav"--Once our mother, who had pledged a pie for the PTA carnival at our school, had us take the pie to the school. We sat in the bushes just outside the school and ate the whole thing ourselves! I mentioned this to my mom some 20 years later and she never knew we did that! She remarked, "I bet those PTA women wondered where my pie was." I miss the few years I had with him, and there's rarely a day that goes by when I don't think about him and what he might be doing now had he lived.

So go to your bother's wedding. As other DUers have pointed out, there may be a day you'll regret it. And you'll have the rest of your life to think about shunning those people you don't want to spend time with.

[IdaBriggs]

109. TALK to him and find out where you stand -- quit ASSUMING stuff.

Issue 1: He's a Republican. Its an embarrassment, but the world doesn't end, because MAYBE he's infiltrating. (Think positive!) If he really believes the basic Republican bullshit, then he's a loser, you can be ashamed of him, and deal with him just like you would someone else with a mental illness in the family. Think active alcoholism, drug use, schizophrenia, or other untreated problems, and deal with your "problem child" in an appropriate way. Don't beat around the Bush; be clear with your stance. "You are an embarrassment, but I'm hoping you'll get better; here's what I have to do to protect myself from your abusive, destructive behavior." (This is also a fair way for them to treat you, too.)

Issue 2: Would he come to your wedding? If not, don't go to his, and snub him every chance you get. If your parents wouldn't come to your wedding, don't go to their homes anymore, either. Don't fight about it; just make a very calm, clear statement that marriage isn't something you think you should have to compromise on, and if they don't get that, then you are DONE. If he will come to your wedding, bring a date, and have a good time.

Either way, HAVE THE CONVERSATION. This is a great opportunity to open up a dialogue about these issues, and maybe cause some THINKING to occur. On the other hand, depending on your family dynamics, their views on certain issues may have more to do with their level of respect (or lack thereof) of YOU than real live "general opinions." If you are not loved, valued, treasured, etc., then you shouldn't be around them. If you are, then tolerance begins at home -- for both sides.

What a confusing mess! I'm sorry you are having to go through it, but it sounds like a great opportunity for personal growth -- UGH!

[goodboy]

110. go, but make a 100.00 donation to the DNC in HIS name, give that to him

as a wedding present

[cidliz2004]

113. Awesome idea!

I like the way that you think.

[goodboy]

116. thanks....make sure his wifeypoo's name is on there too.

[earth mom]

111. We don't pick our families

but we can choose whether we want to spend time with them.

My mom died when I was 21 and I (the youngest and a girl) had 3 brothers who were complete opposites of me and though our differences weren't political but rather of lifestyle-drugs on their part-it took me a long time-most of my 20s-to let go of the family ties that held us together. It was easier once I realized how self serving they were and how it was me that made all the efforts-not them towards me. Once I realized and accepted that the family I'd known as a child was gone-it was easier to let go and choose my own happiness first.

In a similar vein, my DH has 3 brothers, 2 of whom are smug and self absorbed. They are judgemental and for years have treated my DH as if he's the black sheep just because he wasn't as successful as they were at a younger age. It's taken years for my hubby to shake off their criticism, though he finally let em both have it a few years ago and has barely spoken to them since. I am SO proud of him for speaking up for himself-though it took him until he was in his early 40s to do it!

I really feel that if there are people in your life who are making you feel badly or negatively about yourself, they should not be in your life. I know it's a painful idea when it involves family, but we all must put ourselves and our own well being and happiness first and foremost.

Good luck, hope things get better for you!

[cidliz2004]

112. You never know what the future holds

No matter how bad things seem now, you really have no idea how things are going to be in the future.

The saying "Don't burn your bridges" really is wise. Down the road, as inconceivable as it seems now, things might be totally different. The thing is though, you will never be able to take back your "no show" at the wedding. Although others might choose to overlook it in the future, you will never forget what YOU did. You will never make something right by doing something wrong.

I look at my life's upheavals like this as of late: Jesus did nothing wrong to ANYBODY and he was crucified on the cross and betrayed by his disciples.

So, I figure, life isn't fair and life isn't predictable. No matter how hurt you are now and no matter how jerky some of your family is now - you cannot imagine how different things can be in the near or distant future, what you cannot change is what you are writing in your own history book. If you were going to be the best person you could be, what would you do? Then try to do it.

If you simply cannot find the strength to go though, try not to beat yourself up too much down the road about it. What is past is past.

I went to a wedding some years ago. It was people that my husband knew from work. When we got there, there was a table of other co workers. The groom's father, mother, sister (the people that my husband knew from work) were not there. We found out that there was a big fight, where the bride yelled, screamed and swore at the groom's parents during the rehearsal. So the groom's parents and sibling were not at the wedding. A few years later the groom's father unexpectedly passed away. There will be a deep hurt in the groom's heart for the rest of his life, I am sure. The question is - what is all of this worth and how long will it hold this worth?

Good luck.

[davidinalameda]

115. as another non-heterosexual person

who had to do the same thing a few years ago, I say suck it up for the day

but I would tell them that you're bringing a date--and if they say no, then don't go

the onus would be on them and not you

make them out to be the bad guys

[Moderate Dem]

117. Wanna see a different take on this?

This thread is being discussed on Hannity.com right now. It's not as negative as you'd think it might be.

http://www.hannity.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=140756

[Modem Butterfly]

118. First Question: Were you actually invited?

My Freeper brother made a big noise to our parents about me attending his wedding a few years ago, but never actually sent me an invitation, never called to invite me, or even give me the date and location (though he did call and tell me where they were registered and requested I buy him and his fiancee matching La-Z-Boy recliners). Needless to say, I did not attend his wedding. I can take a hint. Freeper brother and I are now estranged, and I don't regret it one bit, though it bothers our mother and I do feel sad about that.

[txaslftist]

119. Go to the ceremony, skip the reception.

The ceremony is important, and it'll be a slap in the face of your family if you don't go to that. Beg off on the reception, hell, make something up. If the wedding is big enough they won't even miss you, and you'll feel better using the time for something productive, like DUing!

Seriously, the ceremony insulates you from their disdain and bigotry through ritual. The more 'relaxed' reception will probably just offer them an excuse to publicly humiliate you (but in a pseudo-polite way). It will give your ultra-puke brother a chance to point out to his ultra-puke friends what a freak you are, and you'll feel like a complete fifth wheel and a pariah.

You'll be happier and they'll be happier if you just skip it.

[truebrit71]

122. YES. ABSOLUTELY.

I know if it were me there's no way in hell I would surround myself voluntarily with a bunch of republicans...

[Siyahamba]

124. Your situation is indeed awkward

The fact that your family will watch the Superbowl with you shows that they still care about you. Who knows why they voted Republican. Don't forget many gays and lesbians voted Republican. I had one friend who defended *'s constitutional amendment position as "he doesn't want to keep you from getting married, he just wants to stop activist judges."

But, I am upset enough at my partner's parents for not voting at all - I consider non-voters as bad as * voters as they didn't find * bad enough to vote against him - so I'm not going to say "just suck it up and go" either.

[ArkDem]

125. Your family sounds like it is full of horrible people. They probably

secretly hate you. Get AWAY!

[ronnykmarshall]

126. I say go.

Wear leather.

You might not be asked to be in the pictures.

If I lived near you, I could go with you as a "date", I've got this snappy latex outfit that fits realllllly snug!

:loveya: