What did you do on 9/11/02? - Democratic Underground

eyesroll

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Wed Sep-10-03 01:44 PM
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What did you do on 9/11/02?

I read bearfartinthewoods' post about being not emotionally ready for tomorrow, and that got me thinking about last year. It was different last year, mood-wise, than it is this year.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I remember last year. I sent this to a friend of mine, and he posted it on his now-defunct blog. I think some of it still holds true (especially the end). So -- what's different now?

<begin letter>

Hey,

Today, I sit in my office and just keep my damn mouth shut. I know if I talk too much about non-work-related stuff, I'll say something I shouldn't and get in trouble.

I'm pissed that my government and my newspaper and my employer are all telling me I'm supposed to be grieving. I'm supposed to go to
church/synagogue or something today and pray for the "heroes of Sept. 11." Am I a bad person for just wanting to do my work, go home, cut my grass and maybe order a pizza?

I'm not cold, really, I'm not. I was as confused as anyone on 9/11. I didn't know anyone well who died, but at least one I knew peripherally. I called my parents and my grandparents and e-mailed my sister, cousin and friends in New York. I was glued to CNN for days. I put my change in the collection boxes at the supermarket. And I'm not going to begrudge anyone directly or indirectly affected their personal grief, or whatever they need to do to get by -- if that one survivor wants to sell interviews for $500 an hour, so be it. The media whores are the ones paying for it.

But the problem with marking an "anniversary" like this is that 9/11 never went away. We've had all of the people in charge telling us, every day, that we never should forget. But you can't grieve something
and memorialize it if it's in your face 24/7.

It's also this attitude of one-upsmanship -- "my grief is bigger and badder than your grief! And to prove it, we're having a pizza party! With red sauce, white cheese and -- um -- blue crust?" Brookfield Square Mall is having a 9/11 commemoration -- complete with band and balloons. My husband's work handed out red, white and blue ribbons and has encouraged everyone to wear red, white and blue (in fact, anyone wearing those colors can wear jeans today).Last night, on Fox, we were treated to PSAs detailing how the cast of "Grounded for Life" and "The Bernie Mac Show" wanted us to mourn. George W. Bush ups our state of alert to Orange and I bet his popularity surges again. Beating the war drums -- what a wonderful way to honor someone's memory.

And what are we going to do if or when something even worse happens? Do we discard 9/11 and have terrorism day on the new day? Or do we keep filling up the calendar with rememberances?

Are regimented mourning and enforced patriotism any more or any less appropriate than going about your day quitely, calling friends and relatives to make sure they're OK, making mac and cheese to match our current alert color (we did that last night)?

Salon.com has a good collection of inappropriate responses to 9/11. It's kind of nice--lets me know I'm not alone.

I know your perspective is different from mine. But that's the whole point. We hear from Dr. Phil and all of the other tele-shrinks that everyone handles this differently, and then we're told by others what we're supposed to do. What we're supposed to be feeling. It's cognative dissonance. It's giving me a headache.

So, today, I sit and I stare at my computer monitor and play games and shut the hell up. I'm no more proud to be an American than I was a year ago. I have the same appreciation for police, firemean and other emergency personnel I did on Sept. 10, 2001, but I'm still miffed at firefighters selling flags at State Fair Park for causing a huge gaper's block and at least one accident on I-94 this morning. I'm still not voting Republican. I wonder where all the 9/11 jokes are -- didn't we have Oklahoma City jokes while they were still searching for survivors?

And I sometimes wonder if I am doing it all wrong, if I'm supposed to sit down and shut up because "we're at war now." I feel bad for writing a rant that's all about me, not because of its innate self-centeredness (which I freely admit) but because perhaps some of the media propaganda has finally gotten to me.

And perhaps, more than any "Orange Alert" or "specific and credible evidence," that's what scares me the most.