World's Shortest Books (humor)

[Liberty Belle]

(A friend e-mailed me the Republican's list of "shortest books" by Democrats, (ie, Clinton on morality). I thought it only fair to respond in kind with my own list of the "World's Shortest Books" by Republican authors!)


World’s Shortest Books:

Election Integrity, by Kenneth Blackwell

My Career as a Journalist: The Straight Scoop, by "Jeff Gannon"

Don't Bug Me: An Exterminator's Guide to Political Ethics, by Tom DeLay

Respecting Human Rights, by Alberto Gonzalez

Protecting Our Troops: How to Weld Trash Can Lids & Other Tips to show I Care, by Donald Rumsfeld

Protecting New Yorkers' Health After 9-11, by Christie Todd Whitman

How to Tell When Terrorists are About to Strike the US, by Condoleezza Rice


Corporate Responsibility, by Kenneth Lay

and the world's shortest book of all:

Winning Friends Around the World,
by George W. Bush

[EFerrari]

1. lolllllllllllllllllll

I want to steal this.

Tonight heard: "It's not my job to do intelligent work." -- Rumsfeld.

[Liberty Belle]

3. Feel Free. Perhaps some creative minds here...

can help expand the list. Jenna and Babs need a book, IMHO.


Here's one for Arnold:

Keeping Campaign Promises to the People of Caleeforneuh, by Arnold the Terminator

[punpirate]

21. About all that comes to mind...

... regarding the twins might be:

Curbing College Binge Drinking
Jenna Bush (as told to her sister)

Uncle Neil's Got A Hickey On His Pee-Pee
Anonymous Twins

Rich and Superficial: A Campaign Guide for Republican Gurlz
Babs and Jenna (as told to Britney Spears)

:)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

2. Bravo!

[EFerrari]

4. hard act to follow

Global Ethics for a New Age. J. Negroponte, E. Abrams, S. Libby.

Riding this Mule. J. Lieberman

Medicine Cabinets for Moms. M. McClellan

How to succeed in speaking. S. McClellan

Living in the Moment. G.W. Bush

[Liberty Belle]

6. Good ones! Here's another:

Understanding Sexual Harassment, by Arnold Schwarzenegger

[EFerrari]

8. lol

Your Freedom, My Privacy. R Nixon.

Knowns. D. Rumsfeld.

What color is your duct tape? T. Ridge.

Camping on $2 A Day. P. Wolfowitz

[Hardrada]

5. More of Them

Christian Pacifism by Pat Robertson
American Diplomacy by Condoleezza Rice
Justice in a Free Society by Antonin Scalia
I Did It My Way by Colin Powell
Renaissance and Baroque Sculpture: An Appreciation by John Ashcroft
Taking Responsibility by George W. Bush (also by him, 12 Steps to Sobriety)

[Liberty Belle]

7. Oooooooooh, those are good!

Another:

Declassified portion of My Secret Energy Meetings with Enron,
by Dick Cheney (forward by my duck-hunting pal, Justice Scalia)

[EFerrari]

9. I can't read any more. You guys are making me hurt. lol

[begin_within]

10. "My Three Mistakes" by George W. Bush

[EFerrari]

11. As Read by Howard Kurtz.

[pazarus]

12. some of the shortest ones....

What I've Learned
by George W. Bush

The Comprehensive Procedure With Which We Vet Conservative Journalists for White House Press Passes
(a picture book) by Scott McClellan

A Practical Guide to Effectively Waging the War on Terror, With Examples
George W. Bush et al.

The Part of the Bible I Read and Understood Without An Attached Pamphlet
collaboration of hundreds of thousands of Bush-supporting Evangelicals

How To Avoid Hypocrisy
Rush Limbaugh, foreword by James Guckert

[EFerrari]

13. Good Kids. Barbara Bush.

[punpirate]

14. Some very funny ones so far...

... I must admit. Doubt I can top them, but that never stopped me from trying:

Getting in Touch With Your Inner Self
Richard (Snuggles) Cheney

The Joy of Secularism
John Ashcroft

Making Your Marriage Really Work
Rush Limbaugh

My Beautiful Mind
Barbara Bush

This Democratic America
Tom DeLay

Stopping Terrorism Before It Starts
Condoleezza Rice

Let's Get Big Money Out of Politics!
Ed Gillespie (with Terry McAuliffe)

The Need for Open Government
Karl Rove

Winning Military Strategies
Donald Rumsfeld

Cooking for George
Laura Bush

PETA: The Nation's Conscience
William Frist

Ethical Behavior in Journalism
Sean Hannity

When Only the Truth Will Do
George W. Bush

:)

[Liberty Belle]

17. ROFL! You've topped my best. When do you sign on

for late-night comedy?

[punpirate]

20. Nah, not that quick...

... thinking on my feet. :)

But, now that I consider it a bit, there are countless more (there's so much material):

Why I'll Never Run for President Again
Ralph Nader

The Tao of Feminism
Phyllis Schlafly

A Child's Guide to Jeff Gannon Websites
Lynne Cheney

All those Internets: How to Chose One
George W. (Geek-in-Chief) Bush

Whitewater: A Confession
Ken Starr

Deep Inside Carlyle
George H. W. Bush

Ronald Reagan Is Still Dead and I'm Not
James Baker III

My Liberal Friends
Ann Coulter

Winning Hearts and Minds
William G. "Jerry" Boykin, LTG, USA

How Could I Have Been So Wrong?
Grover Norquist

The Big Lie: Reagan Won the Cold War
Michael Ledeen

A Psychiatrist Heals Himself
Charles Krauthammer

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Conservative Corruption
Robert Novak

US Interference in Central America Affairs
John Negroponte

I Coulda Been a Contender
Bob Dole

A Marine's Reflections on the Constitution
Oliver North

:)

[Liberty Belle]

26. ROFL on the Cheney title. Okay, one more: ;-)

Phone Etiquette by Bill O'Reilly

[punpirate]

29. Would have to be very short...

... even if the subject were just etiquette... O'Really is kinda of short on that quality, in general. :P

Of course, thinking of O'Really makes me think of:

My Favorite Falafel Recipes

Effective Interviewing

It's Time to Save PBS

Cheers.

[Liberty Belle]

16. You guys are a riot! These are so funny.

Thanks for the day brightener, amid so much other rotten news.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

15. Here's a few:

"Proper Combing Techniques" by Paul Wolfowitz

"How to Distinguish Cartoons from Reality" by James Dobson

"How to Lose Your Accent" by Arnold Schwarzenegger

"An Independent Woman" by Laura Bush

"Nudity is Beautiful" by John Ashcroft

"Lost in Iraq: Letters to My Family Back Home" by Jonah Goldberg

[Liberty Belle]

18. More...

"Proper English" by George W. Bush

"What's great about my master" by Barney the dog

"Supreme Court Justices Dumber Than Me" by Clarence Thomas

"Justice for All" by William Rehnquist

"Travelog of my Disclosed Locations" by Dick Cheney

"How Not to Get Caught Cooking the Books" by Arthur Anderson

[punpirate]

19. Very good!

I'd forgotten that Bush dogs get their own books. :)

[alphafemale]

22. Remember "Scratch and Sniff" books?

:evilgrin:

[Ferretherder]

23. How about...

..." Of the People, For the People : A compendium of essays on the wisdom of the open, responsible government model of the founding fathers of The United States of America " by ranking members of the administration of George W. Bush (with a forward by the ghost of Richard Nixon)

[Liberty Belle]

25. ooooooh. Ghost of Nixon. Good one.

[name not needed]

24. Letters to Penthouse by John Ashcroft

:P

[moggie12]

27. LOL -- You should write for Letterman

My contribution to the list: Ethical Political Campaigning, by Karl Rove

[Liberty Belle]

28. Haha! Maybe we should send our list to Letterman,

or the Daily Show.

[gottaB]

30. Fun

On Civility, by Richard Bruce Cheney.

Constitutional Limits of Executive Power in the Age of Terror: A Guide for Public Officials and Law Students, by John Choon Yoo.

Credibility: The Key to Extending Global Strategic Influence, by Colin Luther Powell.

Playing By the Rules: How the Senate Conducts the People's Business, by William Harrison Frist.

Without Apology: Transcending Blind Loyalty to the Republican Party, by John McCain.