How to Protect your Privacy From Liberal Bloggers

[Plaid Adder]

Are you a right-wing shill? Do you worry that one day you're going to open your mail and find out that the Revolutionary Army of Liberal Death Bloggers has sent YOU the Black Spot? Learn how to protect yourself against these unprovoked and scurrilous partisan attacks by adopting the Plaid Adder's

FIVE WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR PRECIOUS PSEUDONYMOUS PRIVACY FROM PRURIENT PROGRESSIVE PEEPING-TOMS

1. Don't 'hide in plain sight.'

If you hide in plain sight, people are gonna find you. I'm just sayin'.

2. Avoid appearing on television.

Once images of you making an ass of yourself have been beamed into millions of homes across the nation, you've opened the door to a world of hurt. In our culture, people who make asses of themselves on television are considered 'celebrities,' and during the time which their 'celebrity' lasts, such people cannot even go to the bathroom without having some idiot post about it at www.15minutesofflush.com.

3. If you are gay yourself, try not to publish gay-baiting articles with your name on them.

Some gay people enjoy gay-baiting, especially if they're closeted hypocritical bastards who vainly believe that they will escape persecution as long as they give enough head to the men who do the persecuting. But most gay people feel differently about this, and take particular joy in exposing those people. Many of these people are also practiced in administering withering sarcastic remarks, and are highly skilled and efficient gossipmongers.

4. If you happen to be a professional prostitute, then launching a website to advertise your services is probably a sound business idea. However, in that case, triple-dog daring your inquisitive opponents to 'bring it on' is NOT a sound business idea.

5. Don't--and I can't stress this enough--don't post naked pictures of yourself all over the world wide web.

Sure, you're excited. Sure, you want the business. Sure, you really love the way that shot of you splayed artistically across the hood of a sand-covered Humvee captures the subtle shading of your firm, pert buttocks. Sure, you want your friends, lovers, clients, bosses, former teachers, mother, aunts and uncles, and minister to be able to appreciate the sculptural beauty of your taut, muscular form. But do you really want 90-year-old toothless crones in Albania discussing the size of your genitalia over their morning coffee? Next time, maybe you should just spring for a photo album.

Good luck, shills of America,

The Plaid Adder

[LeftCoast]

1. This should be required reading!

Great post! :thumbsup:

[tcfrogs]

2. Hilarious, and true

Great job!

[jdots]

3. Don't forget those bomb shelters and secutiy cameras.

Yes friends right here at " Reverend Al's Spy Shop " all humanist detectors are on sale thru Armagedon.

[EFerrari]

4. NOW you tell me. LOL n/t

[Plaid Adder]

5. Forgot rule #6

6. To avoid being harassed by strangers, it's always a good idea to try not to give out identifying information, such as your height, weight, sexual proclivities, and penis size.

Morons,

The Plaid Adder

[warrior1]

7. Excellent Ms. P. Adder

Knocked another out of the ball park.

[Stephanie]

6. "Sure, you're excited."

LOL! Excellent guidelines. Please forward to Drudge, et al.

[utahgirl]

8. Damn!

I so hate it when I get my keyboard and monitor all covered with tea. Nice advice but it presupposes the maroons can read.

utahgirl

[rocktivity]

15. I've gone through so many keyboards since joining DU

that I now keep a sheet of clear plastic on mine!

:headbang:
rocknation

[Freebird12004]

9. too late

good thing I'm willing to admit to all of my words

[brainshrub]

10. Someone needs to post this at FR.

I can't b/c going there gives me the hives.

[KyndCulture]

11. Plaid, well done!!!

I crossposted with props and credit to you over at Randi's Board, we have our share of resident beasts, they should read this advice....

:) Kudos!

[IronLionZion]

12. bwahaha! that's rich

it's almost as if Gannon wanted to be caught...hmmm....

[Joanne98]

33. It's called being self destructive. Me thinks your right.

If they're all this way we're in luck.

[TXlib]

36. I think he may be into humiliation and spankings.

Only way to explain it.

Or perhaps he's just stupid.

[ArchTeryx]

13. Plaid Adder,

You just made my day. Hilarious article. Should have been published as a column in the LA Times or something. :>

[rocktivity]

14. Rule #7: Don't tell lies that you can easily be caught in.

For example, don't say you worked for a business that wasn't IN business a month before you started working there. And don't say you created a web site for someone else if someone else can prove they created the web site for you--especially if the site features photos of you naked!

:headbang:
rocknation

[enough]

16. Beautiful. (nt)

[Bethany Rockafella]

17. This is great. I am sure we all know who this is directed to!

If you don't want your so called private life talked about by the public, then don't post your goodies on the world wide web.

[Callboy]

18. nothing is sacred anymore

[bloom]

19. I hope this gets posted where it can help some of these people...

who may not be able to figure it out for themselves.

:)

:bounce:

[GiovanniC]

20. Dammit, If I Wanna Put Photos of My Hugh 8-Cut Penis on the Internets

that is my own private business!

It's not like the very act of posting it implies that I am sharing it with millions of people all around the planet, so stop saying that, you Libral Blogger Bastards!

[sui generis]

21. it warnt that big

exaggeration is not the sincerest form of self-flattery, but I guess somewhere in Albania a toothless old crone just spilled coffee on her hoo haw.

[GiovanniC]

23. You Take That Back! I Am HUGH!

[Clark2008]

41. Hi Hugh!

:hi:

Sorry, a very evil part of me just had to do that. :)

And, Hugh, Freepers wouldn't use big words like "implies." ;)

[Bethany Rockafella]

22. You know, after seeing Guckert on CNN, he doesn't have the voice

of a guy that has an 8 1/2 inch cut. :-)

[Starlight]

35. After seeing his nude photos...

you're right. :evilgrin:

[nostamj]

24. brilliant! (duh)

this should be media-blasted far and wide (as a public service AND act of kindness)

rack up one more recommendation for the GREATEST page!

[Jack Rabbit]

25. Excellent

Good work, Pladder.

[wryter2000]

26. Awesome!

Can someone send JimmyJeff Gannon-Gukert a link to this? :evilgrin:

[Straight Shooter]

27. Plaid Adder attacks the Coalition of the Shilling

Scores a direct hit! "Jiffy-Lube Jeff" Ganner goes down, but not the way he wants.

:evilgrin:

[mandyky]

28. The Plaid Adder rides again!!

LOL you are a gem!

[yardwork]

29. This is so funny! Right smack on target!

[Spazito]

30. LOL! Excellent work, as usual!

love the 'photo album' comment, so true!

[AwakeAtLast]

31. My tongue still hurts from saying the title,

"...PSEUDONYMOUS PRIVACY FROM PRURIENT PROGRESSIVE PEEPING-TOMS"

Hysterical! I'm sure I can't say that five time fast!

As always PA, you get right to the heart of it. Great post!

:hi:

[Nothing Without Hope]

32. ROTFLMAO - and oh, does this laugh feel good! Thanks, PA!

Too bad poor little put-upon JimmyJeff didn't have the benefit of this sage advice a little earlier -- maybe he would have been a bit less of a loose Gannon.

[LdyGuique]

34. Although all of this free advertising must be good for business

As many a hollywood star has noted, all publicity is good publicity as it keeps one's face in front of the masses.

I'm quite sure that Jeffy could raise his prices as the offers keep coming

[TXlib]

37. Very funny. Thank you!

[immoderate]

38. Plaid Adder, you are a treasure!

Hurts to laugh that hard.

--IMM

[Nothing Without Hope]

39. This is purely WONDERFUL - but shouldn't there be "8+ cut " points?

You list only 5, though some others are added in the replies. I'm surprised that such a careful and thoughtful analysis would have overlooked this!

[Cleita]

40. Thanks for the chuckle.

:-)