Email your loved ones after The Rature has occurred

[paineinthearse]

"After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared"

http://www.umanitoba.ca/manitoban/20030312/features_1.shtml

Heaven & Hill

Rapt with devotion

Ryan Hill

People all over the world have mysteriously disappeared. Nobody is sure of the total numbers, but estimates are in the millions. Someone close to you is among the vanished. You are confused as to what is going on, and aren’t sure what to believe, especially in the face of speculation as to where so many have disappeared. Then you receive a posthumous e-mail which makes sense of everything. The vanished are Christians who have been taken to heaven in preparation for events described in the Book of Revelations.

This is a scenario pictured by Scott Butcher, resident of Llano, California, self-employed appliance installer, and creator of Rapture Letters. At this Web page, you can add a loved one’s e-mail address to Butcher’s list. When the Rapture occurs, an automated e-mail program will send a message to all the registered addresses. “This message has been sent to you by a friend who has recently disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world,” the message begins. Around four years ago, led by what he describes as God-given inspiration, Butcher wrote a letter for the unraptured. The letter provides Biblical references to the vanishing and a prayer so you too can give yourself to Christ, which, Butcher hopes, will help save some of those left on Earth.

Butcher’s initial plan was not to use e-mail, but to keep letters in storage and leave instructions for the postmaster. (Presumably, there will be enough unsaved postal workers to keep service running.) He advertised this service in the newspaper but received no response.
After this approach stalled for some time, Butcher switched to an Internet-based service and registered the domain RaptureLetters.com. Since then, visitors to the Web site have added more than 300 addresses.

The question Butcher is asked most often is, “How will you send e-mail if you are raptured?” The e-mail program uses a reset-default system, partly inspired by a made-for-TV spy movie starring Patrick Stewart. There is no electricity on the property where Butcher lives with his wife, Michelle, and their two cats and two dogs, so he resets the system via the computers of friends and relatives. He must reset the system within a certain time frame. If he misses a deadline, the system will presume he has been raptured, and begin sending out messages. In the meantime, Butcher continues to live life. He and his wife help with the local Sunday school and bible study groups, and he is building a small house. However, should the rapture occur within our lifetime, he will have done more than most to prepare.

Heaven and Hill is an infrequent religious column written by an atheist who has read only part of the Book of Revelations.

[dflprincess]

1. I liked Sponge Bob as the antichrist

and the guy doing estate planning for people who expect to be raptured. I wish I'd thought of that scam.

To clarify: The Daily Show was doing a report on Rapture email tonight. When I saw the header on this thread, I assumed that's what we were talking about.

[FreedomAngel82]

15. That was hilarious

I loved that skit with Ed. LOL. Too hilarious. I get so frustrated with these people who have hijacked my religious beliefs and destroyed it. *sigh* Sometimes all you have to do is just laugh.

[Withywindle]

2. I don't know about this but...

I'd like to buried with a cell phone just in case. :D

The question Butcher is asked most often is, �How will you send e-mail if you are raptured?� The e-mail program uses a reset-default system, partly inspired by a made-for-TV spy movie starring Patrick Stewart. There is no electricity on the property where Butcher lives with his wife, Michelle, and their two cats and two dogs, so he resets the system via the computers of friends and relatives. He must reset the system within a certain time frame. If he misses a deadline, the system will presume he has been raptured, and begin sending out messages.

There are so many things that can go wrong with this system I don't really know where to start. All the possibilities are funny anyway.

[GiovanniC]

39. The Patrick Stewart Movie is "Safe House"

Stewart beleives he is an ex-DIA agent with information that could bring down a very influential politician. The only thing keeping him alive is the fact that he is the only person who can reset his computer system, preventing the information from being emailed to every major media source. The problem is that he has dementia/Alzheimers, so nobody believes that he truly was a government agent or that he has any valuable information. He changes his house into a veritable fortress to ensure his safety. Stewart's acting is great, as usual, but the movie is very clearly made-for-TV. Great plot concept.

Not that anyone asked :)

[paineinthearse]

3. I have a confession to make

I learned about thos on the Daily Show.

Getting to www.RaptureLetters.com is impossible. Thousands must be trying to hit it.

Is Stewart more popular than God?

[opiate69]

4. Friggin' nutcases...(a sample)

http://www.raptureready.com/leftbehind/rr-left-behind.html

Dear Husband and Family:


If you're reading this, then I, along with our kids, have probably vanished. Trust me, I've vanished into thin air - literally! I didn't run away, I haven't been hurt or killed. What has happened is what is known as "God's Rapture". You may be getting some sort of political spin on how the "silly Christians" went away, or some nonsense about UFOs. CNN and the local news will have several different takes on what happened. In fact, there will probably be some heavy hitting "christians" still here (I'm guessing the Pope will not have been raptured, for starters, as well as some televangelists) insisting that this didn't happen. Don't believe any of it. I have put together some information here, and have left several resources in our little library, that will explain what has happened and what is yet to come to pass.


I highly recommend that you start reading a novel, part of a series, entitled "Left Behind" by Jerry Jenkins and Tim LaHaye. The authors started this series in the mid-1990s and it was extremely popular. The books are fictional, but are based on intense study of the prophecies of the Bible. Reading "Left Behind" first will give you a broad understanding of the times to come, written in very simple language. Once you get a handle on that, please pick up your Bible and start reading. Start with the Gospels and go forward. Pop over to Isaiah and Daniel - there are many many prophecies foretelling all of these events.


I love you so much, I really pray that you think seriously about this event and begin searching for the truth about it. First off, let me back up my assertion that we've been "raptured" with the following verse: "For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first. Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air and sol shall we ever be with the Lord." (1 Thes. 4:16-17).


There are some things that you need to do to prepare for the events which will unfold. The very fact that you are reading this means you are looking for answers. Please, please believe me when I tell you that what has happened has been foretold for two thousand years. Please also believe me when I tell you a little of the things that will come to pass in the next seven or so years.


First of all, a very charismatic, very smooth, very revered political leader has emerged in the global political front. As I write this, he has not yet been identified. However, the Bible foretells that a very powerful man will come into power. During his reign, at least initially, there will be great peace - particularly in the middle east. In fact, things will be going along so well there that the Jewish Temple will be rebuilt (if it isn't already) and sacrifices in the temple will resume. This guy is trouble. He is the Anti-Christ. At some point during his "reign", he will want everyone to accept his "mark". I don't know whether that mark will have his name, his insignia, his crest, a series of numbers, or any other combination of things. It will, however, be necessary to buy and sell and will signify your allegiance to him. Likely, he will require that the mark (which might even be a chip) be implanted in the foreheads or forearms of everyone. Even little kids. Not taking the mark will make your life extremely difficult because it will be virtually impossible to conduct business without it. DO NOT TAKE THAT MARK!!!! If you take that mark, you will be condemned forever. God is pretty clear on this in his book and will condemn for eternity anyone who accepts the "mark of the beast". Even if you repent later on, you cannot undo taking the mark. Please, please, if you take no other advice from this note, please heed my words not to take that mark.


This global political leader, this anti-Christ, will ensure that his power spans the globe. Eventually, all world politics will fall within one rubric rather than each nation or commonwealth governing its own affairs. Not only that, there will be an amalgamation of religions - one "world" religion, if you will. Mind, this new, "one world religion" will be very new-agey. It will be very accepting of all other creeds, very forgiving. It might even require you to pray to this new leader or to worship him. Don't buy into it. It is a sham.


There will be a huge increase in geophysical occurrences - many severe earthquakes, famine, pestilence, floods and huge, huge lawlessness. Look back to the most outrageously bad time in history, say even to the time of Caligula, and this will be much worse than anything you could imagine.


God will send two men to preach repentance to the world. You'll be able to see them on CNN or any other global telecast. The world will view their preaching as folly and will mock them. Just watch, though. You'll see that no one can come near them and no one can hurt them. After about three years, they will die. At that point, the world will dance, mangling and mutilating the bodies of the two men. What happened to the body of the American soldier during the Gulf War was nothing compared to what people will do to the bodies of these two messengers. Those men will come back to life after three days. They will be well and whole. No one here on earth will have an explanation for this.


Please, all of the things I have said will happen within the space of approximately seven years. I pray that you read the "Left Behind" series and give it serious consideration. There is a website, the "Rapture Ready" website, that will have all sorts of information, including advice on how to survive. Please find it immediately.


Find a bible and start reading. I pray that you look to God. He is your salvation. This last seven years, if you make it through the whole period, is your last chance to claim Jesus as your saviour. It will likely cost you your life here on earth but will give you eternity in exchange.


You might want to think about finding all of the money you can. By that, I mean hard cash. By the time you read this, I don't know if a world currency will have begun circulating or not. Regardless, find gold, as much of it as you can. Do it quietly, so you don't stand out. You may also want to relocate somewhere more remote. Stock up on canned goods, water, a generator, gasoline and oil. You'll be needing all of these things. I thank God that we had a garden in our little backyard. You'll need to know how to grow your own food. Find a weapon and ammunition. The lawlessness that will scourge the earth will have seen no rival. You'll need it to survive.


You know me well enough to know that I am a true believer in Christ. That's why I'm missing. So are my parents, my brothers and their wives. These are people you have known for several years. Look around you. Think about the lives of the other people you knew who are now missing. Chances are, you can recognize all of them as Christians, true Christians, as well.


Honey, I love you more than words can say. I pray you take this very seriously and ask Jesus into your life at your first opportunity. I look forward to dancing with you in Heaven. I love you.

[ailsagirl]

7. Reminds me of those "heaven's gate" people from awhile

back who all committed suicide because they believed that was the only way they'd be spirited away in flying saucers.

"sigh"

[ashmanonar]

11. i had an odd vision of "spirited away"

by miyazaki...lol

oddness indeed.

[Lexingtonian]

31. Rapture = 'Christian' UFO cultism

I think you're absolutely right. I never thought of it this way, but it makes sense.

I doubt there's a serious theological or psychological difference between the two. Check out the Raelians, for example.

At bottom, these are people who hope to get out of miserable worldly lives in which they feel obsolete.

[Selteri]

20. I hope everyone notes this single sentence

That's why I'm missing. So are my parents, my brothers and their wives.


The rest is repetative blatering telling us to read what is quite possibly the worst written book series I've ever even looked at before cringing in horror.

[ashmanonar]

21. huh...must be advertising then.

clever, i must say.

[GiovanniC]

40. Fucking Loony-Toons, Condescending, Psychotic Woman

"Once I have been raptured, there are some things you must do. First off, find Kirk Cameron. He'll answer to the name of 'Buck'."

[Sydnie]

5. Interesting lettter they send

http://www.raptureletters.com/letter.html

Dear Friend;

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently
disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world.

The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you
and would like you to know the truth about where they went.

This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken
up to heaven.

If you read a Bible, you will see that after chapter three in the book of Revelation,
the church is no longer mentioned as being on earth. (The church are the believers
in Jesus Christ, not the buildings in which people meet.)


<snip>

Wouldn't it stand to reason that you might request a letter to be sent to someone that also was raptured? Wouldn't these people be raptured in "herds"? Seems to me that if you are a good christian and think you will be raptured, you wouldn't give a shit about those that were left behind because they were not "of the blood" anyway, right?

I say, don't send me a letter. It will make a great case for the revial of "Unsolved Mysteries" where all the cases in with "We surmise they were raptured".

Pretty good scam just the same.

[Aristus]

6. "Millions and millions"? Revelation says 140,000.

And it's more specific about who will be "raptured": Members of the 'tribe of Israel'. Doesn't that mean Jews? :shrug:

Oh well. Fanatics. :eyes:

[ashmanonar]

12. the fundies believe that they're all descended

from the 12 tribes of israel. don't ask me, i don't understand it. they hold themselves to be the 12 tribes now, even though most aren't of semitic heritage or indeed connected genetically with the ancient hebrews in any way. *shrug*

[paineinthearse]

8. http://www.raptureletters.com/

The rapture: When all the believers in Jesus Christ, who have been born again, are taken up to heaven. After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won't listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven. How is this accomplished, you might ask. It's a dead man switch that will automatically send the emails when it is not reset.

If you wish to do something now that will help your unbelieving friends and family after the rapture, you need to add those persons email address to our database. Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture. Then they will receive another letter every friday after that.

This rapture letter service is FREE and will hopefully gain the person you send it to an eternity in heaven. If you would like to see one of the letters which will be sent after the rapture, click here.
This is a personal ministry, if you have any questions or comments please address them to: [e-mail]

Thank you and God Bless You!

[Sydnie]

9. Just begs for a

"Hey I wasn't raptured ... Where's the party and who's bringing the beer" site to answer this one doesn't it?

[satya]

24. Sorta puts a whole new spin on "rapture-ready", doesn't it?

(oops, hit the wrong button. edited to add smiley)

:toast:

[Melynn]

10. So the e-mail raptures will send messages after the Rapture with a dead

man's switch? What happen if the switch goes off before the Rapture and all the unbelieving family and friends get an Rapture message while the believer is still on earth?

Actually, I know the answer to this question. There is no dead man's switch and this whole thing is a fraud. I think this rapture letters thing is a scheme to get the "true believers" on a fund raising mailing list.

When dealing with fundies, look for the money trail.

[realisticphish]

16. that is true

how the FUCK are they supposed to watch out for fraud? "of course it isnt fraud, it's just that the rapture hasnt happend yet"

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[proudbluestater]

13. When people go missing, I don't think Rapture, I think Guantanamo!

[FreedomAngel82]

17. Or how about

those secret torture flights?

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

14. The most outrageous hubris

Could there be anything more smug, sanctimonious and - let's see, what else begins with an "s"....shitty than thinking your fleshy butt deserves to be hauled up into an invisible world from where you can enjoy the faces of the losers as they read your little ethergram and realize that, in some endgame joke of a "Survivor" ripoff, you won???

Why, if I was a fundie, I'd make friends with as many sinners and heathens as possible, just to rub it in that many more faces.

:eyes:

[realisticphish]

18. what would be totally ironic

is if the rapture actualy sent people to hell :shrug:

God- "hey, its not MY fault you got the wrong idea; i just came up with the concept for the bible, you need to talk to the editors"

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[ailsagirl]

19. Their "Jesus" sure ain't the one I've read about in the Bible

HE was sane!!!

[bvar22]

22. Actually, only the Lutherans will be raptured.

Garrison Keillor said so.

Everyone else is a left behinder.

Oh boy, I'm gonna have some fun rubbing their faces in it.

I'll be singing and dancing on hilltops and pointing to my butt hollering for the IRS to "come and get your money out of this!!!!!"

Oh, man. I can't wait!
This rapture thing is gonna be so cool!
Hope my credit cards are maxxed out!!!



Goodnight everybody...I got plans to make!!!
Woohooo!!!

[Lindacooks]

23. Once again, when they leave the earth will be a better place.

I myself can hardly wait. Then we can start fixing everything those nutcases have wrought.

[progressivebydesign]

25. Oh God! An appliance installer!!??? Quite a freakin' expert! n/t

[onager]

26. A public service message from the Evil Atheist Conspiracy (tm)

Yes, folks, the rapture is imminent! Atheists, do you trust the Christian god to rapture only fundies? Of course not! Could *you* get raptured, and have to spend an eternity with fools and their god?

Fellow conspirators, can you avoid the rapture? You can, if you've got your anti-rapture helmet on!

Remember, as soon as you see Christians start flying up into the air around you, put on your helmet... or you could end up on a cloud with God and a crowd of fundies for eternity!

The helmet may look funny, but it's a lot more comfortable than the Christian hat. (Complete with blinders, skull saw, brain scoop, and chrome fish...)

Don't have an anti-rapture helmet ? Join the Evil Atheist Conspiracy today. Our membership pack includes not just the helmet, your own personal Decoder ring, and the Atheist Tribulation Essentials kit, this month we have a special on a combination Pascalwager counter and irony-o-meter!

...For the kids, there's a wall-chart with a full set of stickers for the supernatural entities you can look out for. How many of the Horsemen will *you* spot during the end days?

http://www.cyberdespot.com/home.html?eac-prod.html&frames/left.html&frames/top.html

[BrotherBuzz]

27. Arkansas Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture

Arkansas Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture

by Elroy Willis

ARKANSASCITY (AP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses.

Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming `He´s back! He´s back!´ and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everett Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georganne Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said.

She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him.

"I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

[paineinthearse]

29. Warning, may be considered revolting.....

I've been waiting for the appropriate moment to post this image.

"...when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky..."

[BrotherBuzz]

32. LOL, you NEED to post a warning with that!!!

Thankfully, I was wearing sunglasses at midnight! :thumbsup:

[paineinthearse]

33. Good idea, some may be eating.........nt

[sarahlee]

36. Ture or False

That is absolutely one of my favorite stories.

I can't hear the word "Rapture" without thinking about it.

And then laughing out loud!

[paineinthearse]

28. * & Card Raptured

"What light in yon winder breaks??

[onager]

30. "Mistaken Rapture" is a hoax, unfortunately...

http://www.snopes.com/religion/rapture.htm

However, the great HBO series Six Feet Under used it as an opener once. That was just about the most hilarious thing I've ever seen on a television.

[sarahlee]

34. The people shilling for Bush. whiile waiting for the Rapture

http://demopedia.democraticunderground.com/index.php/Council_for_National_Policy

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x1617354

[paineinthearse]

35. Great job....

:thumbsup:

[Carl Yasutomo]

37. Isn't it a little presumptuous for people to assume they will be raptured?

I mean, aren't Christians supposed to learn that we are all, as fallible human beings, tainted by sin? "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and all that? Doesn't this imply that we need to recognize that we are all imperfect, with past sins to atone for, and that we should therefore carry a humble attitude in our hearts and not only recognize our own sins but be willing to forgive the sins of others?

In light of this, then, isn't it a bit presumptuous and arrogant for someone to assume that he or she is so perfect that s/he, and not millions of other basically good people, will be raptured?

[paineinthearse]

41. What about the LDS?

They have created the best geneology database in the world for the purpose of "backwards baptizing" all souls, in many cases against the wishes of descendants. I believe there have been "cease and decist" lawsuits.

[paineinthearse]

38. I just got online and all you sinners are still here...

Did I miss the Rapture?

[gorbal]

42. Not one of them will be raptured

With all the poverty in the world they think they are going to be raptured, pu-lease. My guess it that the only good people have been raptured already. The self obsessed "christians" didn't notice becasue they were so busy making "preparations"

:eyes:




They have the segment up at the Comedy central site now, if you haven't seen it yet.
http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/videos.jhtml