How many of us here were sexually abused, how many had it swept away?

[anarchy1999]

under the rug, so the perpetrators could continue you on and to do so? Anyone here brave enough to stand up and hold hands and say no more. We can stand strong. We do not have to take it anymore, be we white, black, brown or any other color. For this one issue I will stand tall. My NATURAL FATHER ABUSED ME AND MY BROTHERs, I am the "BlacK SHEEP" OF THE Family, I stood TALL AND TOLD MY Dad To leave me alone. For that I was thrown out of the family home and spent the end of my senior year living with my best friend's family. And then after many years continuing this years into Therapy, with one of the best worldwide. Nationwide. I'm still not well, but thank heavens there is hope.

This world is messed up.

Someday, just maybe we will get it right. I have low expectations, but always, I hold them high.

www.tamingyourgremlin.com

Good luck to you all.

And much love to Richard Carson.

I know he saved me.

[hippiechick]

1. You might want to spell check ...

Your subject line makes no sense.

[Mnemosyne]

6. How petty. No text required.

[jeanarrett]

38. It makes fine sense - there are no misspellings -

semi-colon instead of comma - so what. Read your profile and start practicing on self, maybe.

[seabeyond]

2. lot of spelling errors, what happens when talking from the heart

the important was speaking and putting it out

thank you for sharing anarchy1999

it isnt who you are, this abuse, but it does effect how you see the world, in everyway. totally opposite in my family, we had none, our parents gave us a home of safety and security. it was our refuge

the best to all that use this thread to speak out. empower self

[anarchy1999]

5. I tried to fix them all. Point out the ones I missed and I'll fix them

fast.

[seabeyond]

8. your perfect

that is what i am saying. when speaking from heart i write the message and hit send, without thought. just amazed some of the words i typed. the nifty, this site lets us send out, and then edit. a good thing.

now your message can be heard in purity without the consternation of perfection, wink.

if this thread gets moving, i may want serious help from people in a particular incidence i have with 16 year old niece and her father. just depends where this thread goes, and how people are using it. wealth of information. and with information, we can all heal

[anarchy1999]

41. A kick to the top for you. May someone here please help you.

n/t

[oldlady]

3. I'm sorry to hear this

my husband works in the mental health field, and no, you are not alone. Sometimes families reject the one who won't let them keep the myth of the good family alive. I hope you find peace and others to hold your hands up--you are right; they are out there.

[smirkymonkey]

45. "...the myth of the good family..."

So that's what my problem has been w/ my family all these years! I find this concept very interesting - the family that rejects the one who tells the truth. Is there a name for this phenomenon or a link that might explain it further?

Thanks - sorry to go off on a tangent, but I have never heard that concept before.

[Just Me]

4. I admire the courage necessary to share your experience.

Those who take a stand against dysfunctional or abusive family units are almost always targeted as a scapegoat (yes, I, too was the scapegoat in a dysfunctional family).

It's not your fault that your family is such a mess.

You are the strong one, facing the reality and doing something about it.

:hug:

[anarchy1999]

7. Thanks, but it is a daily fight.

I don't know what to do about it. Thank you again. I'd just like to help other kids being abused and I don't know how.

[DARE to HOPE]

12. Dear child...

You have been VERY BRAVE to stand up and say "NO!" That speaks to a deep survivor spirit within you! Give yourself credit. Leaving one's family, or being rejected by them, is one of the hardest things to do in the world.

But you are NOT alone. The world is full of people who can become family to you, and will love you, and help you heal.

When you get a little distance, either through years or miles, perhaps you will be able to look back and see your father for the broken child he himself is. Was he sexually abused in his own childhood? Or is he part of a power circle (military, intelligence, police etc) that caused this behavior to spread. In any case, HE is the one RESPONSIBLE for what HE DID to HIS OWN CHILDREN!! It is HIS problem--NOTHING to do WITH YOU!! God will have to forgive him. Your job is to just someday try to make sense/peace with it.

It is the loving child who TELLS. It is the strong child who TELLS. It is the smart child who TELLS. Telling will bring healing to you, perhaps to your brothers someday, healing to others. Bless your heart, girl.

Finally, what secures my own world is a deep faith in God, the God who made me, the God who loves me. My own parents were not sexually abusive, but pretty abusive nonetheless. Once, in the middle of my own despair, I heard words from my Lord deep in my soul, which I pass on to you: " I AM thy Mother and thy Father! I AM your Mother and your Father!" I felt God's Love surround me and wrap me up. It is His Love, and the love of a sweet husband, that has healed my own pain. I wish the same for you.

[anarchy1999]

14. Thank you, I'm not a child, I'm coasting to 50. But all you said is so

true. Thank you. We all need to reach out with our knowledge and help those in need today. And yes, it was the love of a good and sweet husband that has helped me most. Along with the therapist mentioned above.

[HereSince1628]

9. The world is INDEED messed up.

I know it is little comfort, but you are not alone. Everyone seems to offer sympathy, but no one seems to understand.

I get it, I got it (well, the physical abuse anyway).

If you are like me, 40 years after the abuse, and years after he is moldering in the grave, you still need help out of the pit.

Don't be embarrassed to seek it.

Best wishes.

[Mnemosyne]

10. I was also a victim of my biological father.

I used to believe the crap they spewed in the MSM about the false memory syndrome, until my father made a pass at me in 1996 when I was 38 years old, then all of it came flooding back like a tsunami. I had problems for years that I could not understand, flashes of memories too horrible to believe, until that moment.

I never believed that anyone could forget such horrendous things, I learned differently.

I am disgusted that anyone here would have the gall and insensitivity to actually respond to such a heartfelt, personal post with such petty remarks about grammar and spelling. Shame on anyone that could be so cold.
:nuke: :grr: :grr: :spank: :spank: :think: :mad: :puke:

My heart goes out to you anarchy, may you continue to find the strength and peace you need. Bless you.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hi:

[anarchy1999]

13. I'm so sorry it took you so long. Spelling, Smelling? I've tried.

I think there are many here in pain and don't know what to do with it, be it verbal, sexual or physical.

Thank the heavens above for DU and our ability to connect and to heal.

[bleedingheart]

11. my mom was sexually abused by her stepfather

it has had a horrid effect on her.

So many children are victims of both the attacker and the selfishness of the people who let it continue. My grandmother married her second husband after her first died. She married the first guy who paid attention to her and because she needed another bread winner to feed her and the kids she let him beat and molest her three daughters.

The day he was killed in an industrial accident my mother thanked God.

Nothing...absolutely no material comforts or even basic needs are worth getting if your kids are put up as sacrificial lambs....

[noonwitch]

15. My mom's family

My mom claims her father sexually abused her when she was a teenager. It's probably true, but I love my grandpa and my mom has been known to make shit up to get sympathy. She never told anyone until a few years ago. Grandpa babysat for us (he never did anything to any of us). She claims her uncle did, too, which I totally believe because he was a violent man and one of his kids was a child molester. Grandpa witnessed a lot of violence as a child in WWI Europe, including the gang rape of his mother by italian soldiers.

It's a constant drama with her family-they are all completely unable to draw emotional boundaries. My mom always forced us to hug and kiss relatives (never do that with your kids! Always ask the kid if he or she wants a hug!). Although Grandpa never did anything to any of his grandchildren, one of my uncles and my 2nd cousin (mentioned previously) did. My uncle probably molested his daughter, and his son molested a younger cousin when he was about 13. My mom refused to deal with any of it and left it all to me. The uncle and cousin are dead-the first to cancer and the second to a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

I don't like to talk about how it touched my life, because I don't like to see myself as a victim.

[anarchy1999]

16. I'm sorry and I highly recommend Rick's Book, and website:

www.tamingyourgremlin.com

He saved me. No more victimazation. Gremlins are very ugly creatures.

[anarchy1999]

17. A kick to the top. There are many here that need to share the pain, to

get it out and try to move on, with lots of love and support. Someway or Another. Personally, I highly recommend Richard Carson and Taming Your Gremlin. He saved my life when I was only 20+ and I continue to see him on a limited basis to this day.

He is the "counselors', counselor.

www.tamingyourgremlin.com

20 years plus and then some.

[applegrove]

18. I was never sexually abused. Later in life (in my late twenties early 30s)

I was stalked and harrassed. That was traumatizing enough. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a kid and be traumatized so. My heart goes out to anyone who was so victimized as a kid.

[anarchy1999]

19. A kick back to the front page. There are many here.

n/t

[Xithras]

20. I don't know that it's anything to be proud of.

Hold our heads high? Come on. My sister and I were sexually abused for years by my babysitter and her husband, my moms boyfriends, and in one case a complete stranger, and IMO it's a memory better left forgotten. I refuse to be a victim. I refuse to let some perverts "good time" define me or my personality for the rest of my life. I refuse to seek sympathy for a crime that occurred nearly 20 years ago. I'm glad to hear that you put your foot down and that you ended the abuse, but what's past is past. If you allow your victimization to define you, you are allowing the victimizers control to continue. I came to terms with what happened, buried it, and I recommend that you do so as well.

[anarchy1999]

21. To bury is not to get well. I am not a victim, but I am a survivor.

Refuse as you must. My victimization does not in any way define me. Do I deal with it, yes. Is it who I am, NO! Ixthras, IMHO, you are rude. And I speak for us all.

"Come to terms, bury, recommend I do so as well?" What and where are you coming from?

Several weeks ago, on this board, someone else posted a similar thread that I don't think I answered to and have felt shamed for every since.

IMHO, you are way out of line. Sorry.

[Just Me]

22. I agree. We have the power to define ourselves in spite of or,...

,...because of painful experiences.

The turning point in my own journey to healing was the moment I realized that I was basically choosing to allow painful experiences to define me rather than utilizing my power to define myself in spite of and/or because of those painful experiences.

Until I actually got that about me and what I was doing to myself (being a "victim"), I could help no one. I realized that, while I wanted to help the wounded, I was still bleeding to death *LOL*.

I always am mindful of how I characterize myself.

Obviously, you do, too (you dont' define yourself as a "rape victim" but rather as a "survivor").

Having the power to define ourselves no matter what our experiences is an incredibly freeing experience that can be passed on to others.

:hug:

[Xithras]

25. Rude? I don't think so, reread it.

What I said was, DEAL with the problem (through therapy, personal introspection, or whatever method works best for you) and THEN bury it. Skeletons are best left underground.

Look, my molestation took me to the edge of suicide more than once, and it took me years to come to terms with what happened. Once I'd resolved my personal demons, however, I buried the experience. There is simply no point in dwelling on what we cannot change in our past, or in repetitively bringing up tragedies that we've already dealt with. Your life is yours. Live it, enjoy it, and don't let your victimizers actions forever haunt your memories.

I'm sorry if you find that a bit blunt, but after two decades of trial and error I think I have a pretty solid handle on what works for me. I simply cannot see any value in keeping these types of memories near the surface.

[anarchy1999]

27. To bury memories, feelings and etc. serves absolutely no purpose.

n/t
It is a most unhealthy response.

[Xithras]

28. I disagree.

Burying unresolved issues certainly isn't healthy, but once you've come to terms with them I fail to see the purpose in keeping them near the top.

Look, I was forced to have sex with my own ten year old sister by two adults who threatened to beat us to death if we refused. You tell me, is it better that the memories of what happened stay at the top and come flooding back every time I see my little sister and give her a hug, or are we better off burying the memories of what happened in order to maintain a normal relationship?

I have come to terms with what happened and understand that I was a powerless child and had no control over the perversions of my molesters. Given that, what is the point of keeping those memories alive? What good can come of reliving these events in my mind?

Sometimes it is remembering that serves no purpose, and it is only forgetting that allows us to live normal lives without constantly being reminded of the pain we endured.

[REP]

47. You Do Not Speak For Me

I agree with Xithras.

[LizW]

23. Surviving and recovering IS something to be proud of

Many people think these issues should be buried and forgotten, but not everyone can or should deal with it that way. To each his own.

[Ariana Celeste]

24. I was, too...

By 3 men- two were family, one was a friend of my ex-stepmother. To this day I will not name the 2 men from my family. Especially on the net, or written on paper. Those kind of things have a tendency to catch up with you, you know? And I have never told anyone who could help me, besides a couple of old friends and a couple of people I have dated. My family situation was bad enough, I didn't want to make things any worse.
Then after these situations, my mom hooked up with a raging alcoholic, and my mother, my brother, and I were emotionally abused by him on a constant basis (That is, when he wasn't in jail for DUI's)... so that ended up affecting me much worse than the 3 cases of sexual abuse. I was lucky in the respect that, with all 3 men they were isolated incidents, that never happened again.
So I was on meds, in and out of therapy, for all my teen years, for the emotional abuse, and the depression I suffered due to all the bad situations in my family (and trust me, they were numerous.)
Throughout my teen years, I dated a lot of guys. Rather than being torn apart by my previous sexual abuse, I became somewhat promiscuous instead. Most of the guys I dated were either:
a) Abusive in some way or another, or
b) weak, passive, and more than willing to take my anger and aggression.
Mainly it was just abusive guys.

The closest I have gotten to sexual abuse again, was from men that I dated that would force me- not physically- but by whining, getting mad, just by being assholes until I caved in... and a friend of my dad, who didn't touch my genitalia, but did love to get really close to me, and whisper in my ear, and kiss my ear. Merely just uncomfortable touching from a creepy man- my dad put a stop to that immediately, as this was the only time I stood up and made it stop before things could get worse.

Anyways. I stopped taking meds and got into drinking and doing drugs. Met new people, and worked on getting better.

Eventually I left my state and moved in with my SO, a man I met years ago on line in a chat room LOL... and I have, for the most part, been able to move on. I was lucky in the respect that I wasn't constantly abused, which I guess made it easier for me to handle.

So, good luck to everyone else who has been there- none of us are alone.

:grouphug:

[jdj]

26. me. still at 36, my Dad still tells me to "get over it".

my brother just started dealing with his, and because of this removed his child from contact with our family.

because our mother put us kids in harm's way with her dad despite the fact that her dad abused her her whole life.

alot of people don't remember.

[anarchy1999]

31. I just love the "get over it" and "move on". It is so refreshing.

That is all you have to do, "get over it all, forgive and move on". "You'll be fine"!

[jdj]

33. yes, and I want to say, then why does it perpetuate?

if people "got over it" they wouldn't continue to repeat the behavior through the generations.

[Deja Q]

29. I was. By 3 people during my childhood. and other nasty things too.

We need to forgive our pasts, and simply decide that those who harmed us will be paid in kind with interest by karma and get on with our lives as much as we can. (to fully recover is impossible; to this day I have real problems socializing and openly getting involved, but I do it sufficiently. But despite my initial statement, it truly is hard and none of us can truly forgive. Not when what had happened was so personal and callous. And we have every right NOT to forgive.)

[anarchy1999]

32. Sorry, forgiveness is the key and it is a daily struggle.

To find peace is to find forgiveness, and God, yes, it is tough! But necessary or you will never find peace yourself.

[barbaraann]

30. I read in one of the stories about Sandra Dee that she was

molested by her stepfather when she was a teenager. I never knew that--sexual abuse was a taboo topic when she was a star.

[anarchy1999]

35. Abuse (sexual) was a "taboo" into the '70's and later.

It just did not happen. If what had happened to me in the 90's, my father would have been removed from the home, or if my mother choose to stay, then my brothers and myself would have been removed. Progress, right? I had professional counselors, church elders, and community leaders that knew and buried it all.

There was one incident where my father beat my younger brother (2 years), black and blue with a clothes hanger. My mother kept him home from school for several days and only just a couple of years ago did I learn of this incident, from my brother and how he blamed me. I told on him for something.

In the end, my mom met me at a downtown lunch spot and asked me to forgive her, but that she had to stay with my Dad to take care of my brothers. I was almost about to graduate from high school and I had my life in front of me. "...Please understand..." NEVER!

In addition, my father's brother, the cop, lawyer, bondsman in Orange County, LA. CA threatened me with my life if I ever dared to tell my father's dad (it was his father too). What a nightmare. Tell me again how to "get over it"?

[barbaraann]

37. Yes.

There was an article in a medical journal about the "battered child syndrome" in 1961 that started to awaken our society to child abuse.

1961--approximately 100 years after the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals was founded.

[anarchy1999]

42. Charming, just quite simply charming. And your point?

n/t

[barbaraann]

46. You must not have seen all my posts about child abuse.

Sorry. I have done a lot of work with CPS and other organizations/agencies to help prevent and deal with child abuse and it bothers me greatly that society doesn't care more about the welfare of children. When I lived in California the Republican governor eliminated the highly cost-effective Child Abuse Prevention Program and condemned thousands of young children to continued abuse.

I have the deepest sympathy for what you and others have gone through and the only reason I'm not still working with child abuse issues is because I am trying to do what I can in the area of politics now because it seems so urgent.

[Red State Rebel]

34. I was by my Grandfather - my aunt still doesn't believe it.

I told my grandmother the night it happened and she never said a word.

Those betrayals are almost as bad as the abuse itself.

[plcdude]

40. my mother had

a similar story. She told her mother about the abuse from an uncle with pretty much the same results which was to keep it quiet and hope that it doesn't happen again. She always had a strained relationship with her and she never told anyone except her youngest son, me, just a few years before her death.

[Mr. McD]

36. I was sexually abused between the age of 6 to10 but

My family was never aware of it. The man was a friend of my older brothers, early to mid 20's. I never dealt with it until my 30's. I'm now 55 and have a good understanding of the negative affects it had on my life. I have had counseling and have read much on the subject. Most of all I know that it was not my fault. In that I have found some peace.

[anarchy1999]

39. A kick back to the front page. Who started this topic the last time?

I'm coming out.

[AngryAmish]

43. Priest - I was an alterboy

This guy went after almost every kid my age in school.

Remember every second of it. Nothing repressed.

[New Earth]

44. :(

i haven't talked about it or thought about it in a while. it feels good to see others who have been through it. i was abused by about 2 family members, but the only one i could figure out for sure i confronted about 5 years ago. i also believe in forgiveness, so we are civil and he is very nice to me and i am very nice to him at family functions. i don't talk to him much, but i say hi, give him a hug, but that is it. there was a lot of fucked up shit that went on in my family and i don't know where it came from or who started it or how long it's been going around, so it's hard to 'blame' anyone even if i wanted to. also, about 8 years ago my mom's boyfriend (at the time) did some things that threw me right back into the memories - it was terrible....she is not with him now and i just try not to think about him - hopefully he is gone from our lives forever.

i went to a psychologist for a little bit about 3 years ago - it wasn't because of the abuse, but for a hard time i was going through with my daughter's dad/his family - so i had the chance to deal with some of it there. the rest of my 'recovery' has been pretty much on my own, with the help of friends and the lyrics of my favorite band, 311. They have literally been my lifesavers and i am forever grateful :hug: