Revised Patriot Act Will Make It Illegal To Read Patriot Act

[Paragon]

http://www.theonion.com/3936/

WASHINGTON, DC— President Bush spoke out Monday in support of a revised version of the 2001 USA Patriot Act that would make it illegal to read the USA Patriot Act.

"Under current federal law, there are unreasonable obstacles to investigating and prosecuting acts of terrorism, including the public's access to information about how the federal police will investigate and prosecute acts of terrorism," Bush said at a press conference Monday. "For the sake of the American people, I call on Congress to pass this important law prohibiting access to itself."

Bush also proposed extending the rights of states to impose the death penalty "in the wake of Sept. 11 and stuff."

[ewagner]

1. The Onion is a National Treasure

Should be required reading for anyone over .....

hell...it should be required reading for anybody who CAN read!

[Richardo]

2. I'm laughing my ass off!

Those guys are geniuses at just the right "journalistic" tone...

[Richardo]

5. Sidebar: "God Grants John Ritter's Wish To Meet Johnny Cash"

Heeeheeeheee! :D

[patdem]

3. Man, you tricked me...my eyes were about to bulge outa my head

til I glanced up at the source to see the 'onion'...I am glad you did not use 'short link' or some such subterfuge! LOL! I do love the onion! It also peels away and makes one cry at each layer! LOL..thanks for the 'relief' comic and otherwise! :bounce:

[rabid_nerd]

4. Same here...

Got me at first too

[rocktivity]

6. To make your signature graphic clickable

Insert this code without the spaces:

[
link:www.livingcolournet.com|http://www.livingcolournet.com/lcbanner.gif
]

rocknation

[Paragon]

9. Thanks!

Couldn't make that work before -- of course, now the "HTML lookup table" is staring me in the face. :dunce:

[soleft]

7. I started reading before I saw it was the Onion

was two lines in and said, I hope this is the onion!

[TrogL]

8. The scary part is

This is believable as straight news.

It's right out of Kafka.

[Red_Viking]

10. Got me! Hysterical.

My favorite, though:

Supreme Court Gets Free Box Of Shoes After Mentioning Nike In Ruling
WASHINGTON, DC—The nine justices of the U.S. Supreme Court were treated to a free crate of athletic shoes Monday, following an offhand mention of Nike during a ruling in the case of McBrayer & Company v. The City Of Detroit. "All I did was say that the claims made by the defendant were similar to those made by Nike when defending labor conditions in its Asian footwear factories," Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said. "Next thing you know, we get this big box of red Air Zoom Spiridons in the mail. Inside the box was a form letter from Nike's publicist. Sweet!" The Supreme Court will begin its new session Oct. 6, with Case 03-130: Sony High-Definition Widescreen Televisions v. Fossil Sterling Silver Multifunction Watches v. Bombay Sapphire Gin.


Pee-your-pants funny stuff.

RV