It's Mother's day, and I miss my mom real bad (died 12/31/04)

[The Straight Story]

I miss ya mom. Been a hard few months without you.

You taught me to love others, no matter what. You always helped people in need, even when you did not like them or their ways.

You were conservative and liberal all at the same time.

You helped me out when things were bad, and gave me love and an ear to listen when I was sad.

You gave me life, a good one. Not a lot of money ever, but money was never something that meant much to you. Family was.

I bought the house next door to you in August of 2004 so I could spend the next years with you taking care of you and enjoying you. Then you went and died on me.

The wife (AutumnMist here on DU) has planted a garned, roses, painted, and so on. You would be proud of the yard mom.

Damn it I miss you today. Why did you have to go away so soon? We all miss you so terribly. You were the key to this family, the one thing that we all could count on.

Yeah, we are closer now then ever, your death helped us all see family in a better light. But damnit mom we miss you today, everyday.

You were funny, kind, wild, and crazy. And I so miss that. I want to share this life with you, and now I can't.

I Miss you mom. Happy Mother's day.

[dsc]

1. I am sorry for your loss

This is my second mothers' day without my mom. My dad is remarrying next month and I have moved out of state so I feel pretty lonely. In any case, we should both try to have a decent day.

[The Straight Story]

3. I am torn here emotionally

My wife is a mother, and tomorrow is a special day for her. But it is also a painful one for me. Dad lives next door and we are all getting together to celebrate the mothers in our lives and the one we all lost. My brother and his wife, my sister and her husband will be there, and my wife and I will be there.

Us guys are working on dinner (Ham, brats, hamburger, beef and cabbage, and more) and we are all happy to have such wonderful women in our lives who have worked hard to be wonderful mothers.

But we all knew and loved mom. She was the center of this family. We will cry and be happy all at once, which is a weird feeling...

[dsc]

7. Yeah it is

I am glad you have your family to keep you company today and wish you the best.

[The Straight Story]

10. Thank you, and it reminds me of something

Your pink triangle that is.

My best friend is gay. Knowing me my whole life as a conservative christian he was not sure how I would take the news when he told me many years ago. I just shrugged and said that it was cool. My mom was raised a baptist, as was I, and she had the same reaction - so what?

She loved him, and many others, without condition. She always liked him a lot, always asked about him. And he was at her funeral and helped my wife with my daughter that night.

My wife is same way. She worked at an aids clinic in CA, and she is pretty conservative woman herself. But we seperate the politics from the faith, people are the core of the world - and love is something Jesus preached as most important.

Love is bigger then labels. Gay, straight, whatever you are - love overcomes. Mom loved me for who I was all those years. Sometimes lost, sometimes stupid, sometimes a mess. Love was not about what you were, but about who you were. Actions spoke, and speak, louder then words or sexual preference.

My mom would have loved you, just as you were. And I suppose that is why I miss her so much - she loved me just as I was.

[dsc]

29. Your mom sounds like a classy lady

Mine went from being pretty bad about it to being good. I never had the opportunity to introduce her to a lover or anything so I don't know how high her acceptence went but she did grow some.

[CornField]

15. Bittersweet

That's how our family describes it. We lost our mom in May 1991 and dad followed in Oct. 2002 (although we lost him to dementia long before that). It is still important for us to come together as a family, but a certain amount of innocence has been lost. We celebrate the new family members while mourning those who have left us. Bittersweet.

As a side note, your mom passed on my daughter's birthday -- the same daughter I was pregnant with when my mother passed.

Lots of positive thoughts to your family tomorrow.

[Celeborn Skywalker]

2. I'm so sorry.

It's very tough to lose a parent and days like these just bring back the pain.

[The Straight Story]

6. The pain and the joy, all weird to me

Her ashes are in an urn in the basement. Dad has two large white boards with photos of her from when she was young until last year. He has 50's music he plays while playing solitaire on the computer down there (she loved spider solitaire).

We touch her urn, cry, and miss her. Hard for me more then my brother or sister because I live next door and see her empty porch each day. They don't know how I do it, sometimes I don't either. But over the last week I have pulled out of my severe depression and gotten on with my life.

I am better, and will live the life she gave me as best I can. Today though I will mourn her bad while trying to be strong and help my wife enjoy this day. My wife is a stay at home mom, works hard and keeps good care of our daughter. I am not a big holiday person usually, but I can see the value in taking a day to celebrate the good things about people like mom's and dad's.

I will get through it, just sucks some.

[BlueIris]

4. My condolences.

I hope this day gets at least a little better for you.

[JohnnyRingo]

5. I miss mine sometimes, too......(1978)

She was the first liberal democrat I'd ever met.

Big on abortion rights and sympathizer of the downtrodden, I hope I can carry on her cause.

[maveric]

8. My Ma died six weeks ago. I feel your pain.

My first Mothers day without a mother. Tomorrow will be hard.

[The Straight Story]

13. Sorry to hear that. I lost "mom #2" about 2 weeks ago as well.

She was mom's best friend, lived two doors down. We called her mom #2.

Her husband called me on a thursday, told us she had pancreatic cancer and was not expected to live long. I went over to see her several times.

The next thursday she was to go to Doctor at 3pm to find out basically how long she had. I was outside on a conference call at 2:30 that day and saw an ambulance pull up to her house. I saw them bring her out and she was flopping around. Never made it to hospital.

I will go see her daughter tomorrow, my age and best friend growing up, and perhaps we will both have a beer and cry in it :)

thanks for the kind words this day, and if you need to talk at all PM me and I will send you my cell number.

[beam me up scottie]

9. I miss mine too.

She was the kindest person I have ever known.
Fortunately you have your family around you now, mine kind of just fell apart.

[Virginian]

11. Mine died Jan '97 -- still miss her a lot.

No one else understands my sense of humor like she did, because I got it from her.

I still see her in my dreams.

[anarchy1999]

12. I am truly sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine, I have a favor

to ask though, could we try some way to keep this day on a high and positive note rather than sorrowful? Just a question, please do not flame and no offense intended. Miss your mom, but rejoice in her love, she is still with you no matter where you go.

[The Straight Story]

14. Understood

And I am trying to, for the wife. But she too is depressed about it all.

It was always a nice day, just filled with sadness and loss now. I have not cried in a week really, and tonight I am filled with memories of her and missing her.

Selfish in a way I suppose, but I cannot help it. She was too cool for words, and I damn well wish I could share but one more day with her.

My nephew was here on easter, he is about 3. As he was heading for the van out front to go home he ran towards her house calling her name, he saw her on the porch, said he missed her and wondered where she had been. No one else saw here, and my brother just about broke down in tears.

It will be a good day - we will come together and talk about the best of times. But I damn well will cry with family and miss her. she was one of a kind.

[anarchy1999]

16. Please just revel in good. I know the pain must be unbearable, but

find some joy. It's there and it is what your mom would want on this day. Not sorrow. She doesn't want to see you cry, go fly a kite.

She wants to see you all laughing and happy, that is the absolute best way you can honor her, your love, this day. Trust me.

[anarchy1999]

21. Go take a drive in the woods. Please!

Don't cry. Appreciate what your beloved mom would have and smile. Give yourselves a break.

[The Straight Story]

34. I have done some things today

I went fishing with the wife and daughter, planted new plants, and so on.

I have finally come out on the other side of a deep depression. 4 funerals in as many months, dad in surgery, wife taken to ER for asthma attack, daughter sick with inner ear infection. Lost my mom and mom #2, and last few years lost two important mother figures in CA to cancers.

In last 7 years I have lost my 3 boys, and have just recently found them - oldest son graduates this year, have not seen him in 7 years. Lost one best friend in a car accident, another to accidental OD on his pain killers. Lost 5 women I have known and was close to who were mother figures, incuding my mom of course (marietta, judy, mary to pancreatic cancer, X girlfriend's mom to breast cancer, mom to kidney failure). Lost several neighbors to varied things like the flu, cancer, heart problems. Found out X girlfriend was pregnant after we broke up and I moved away to ohio and was remarrying (and then she finally wanted me to marry her and live with her....).

In the last 9 years have lost many people, moved across country multiple times, lost good jobs when companies went under (4 went bankrupt). Things were finally going ok. Good job, got house next to mom, found my kids. Then bam, mom dies - my anchor in life.

I had a good day overall, just been a rough few years since divorce when I was 30 until now....

I will get by and make the best of it, just not always easy. Now I have to track down when my son graduates so I can show up and let him know I am alive and never stopped loving him. Lord knows what he will have to say, if anything, and knowing his mom she has probably made me out to be satan....

[NEOBuckeye]

17. I'm so sorry

There probably aren't any words that I can offer you that will take away your pain. What I can offer you however, are my heartfelt tears of both sadness and joy. Sadness for the absence of your mother, and yet joy for the positive way in which she was able to shape and influence your life.

[The Straight Story]

18. And that is a reason it is all so weird

We all die someday, and I knew mom would someday.

So I am happy she is no longer in pain, happy she is not suffering in her hospital bed. And I knew that someday I would lose her.

So I am happy and sad at sametime, which is hard to deal with really. We all go through it at sometime. Either way it sucks while being good.

I don't have to worry about her anymore, or see her in pain. I am grateful she had a good life, glad she moved on for her. Yet sad for me that I could not share some more time with her.

Death is a fact of life, but it still sucks :)

[Historic NY]

19. I know the emptiness it brings, I lost my mother when I was five....

I often wonder how life would have been with her, some 44 yrs later.

[Piperay]

20. I'm sorry...I miss my mother too

mine died just after Christmas 97. Mother's Day is always hard and the first one after they are gone is the worst. :hug:

[Sapphire Blue]

22. Her love shines in you!

:hug:

[EFerrari]

23. I like your mom.

And, it's not the same, but you know -- you still have her. She's always with you. And you just made her very happy. 'Way to go.

:loveya:

B.

[anarchy1999]

24. Okay, you win, Straight Story, Morbidity Rules. Let us all hurt and hurt

now. Hands down, welcome to America, or what is left of it.

I'm sorry for your loss and your severe pain.

[beam me up scottie]

27. What the hell does america have to do with SS's grief?

Are you inferring that grief is unpatriotic and is somehow contributing to the downfall of this country?

Maybe it's just me but I'm having a tough time understanding how expressing your condolences begins with the subject line "Okay, you win, Straight Story, Morbidity Rules. Let us all hurt and hurt"

[hiley]

25. The Straight Story

my heart breaks for your pain and the loneliness you feel for your Mother.

your Mom lives inside you...just like my daddy lives inside me..
i will think of you today as i am now.
you are a loving son and i am positive your mom had to be so proud of you.
:grouphug:

she is at the core of you.

[laylah]

26. SO sorry for your loss!

Mine passed in Feb. of '01. I miss her most on days such as today and her birthday and Christmas and ... It will get better with time :hug:

Jenn

[WillowTree]

28. Awwww, it's so hard.

You're going through what I think of as "the year of Firsts", the first one of everything without her, and that's so difficult because there's this great big old empty place in your heart. That's just part of the grieving process..........the part where you're learning to go on without her..........and it's not only perfectly normal, it's absolutely necessary.

I don't know if it will help you, but when I was going through my "year of Firsts" after my Mom died and again when I lost my Dad, it was a kind of a strange comfort to me to reflect on the fact that the pain of losing them was sort of the mirror image of just how lucky I was to have had the amazing parents that I did in the first place and to have had them as long as I did (which wouldn't have been long enough no matter how long it had been). We miss the worst those people who we really valued the most in our lives.

Like me, you were fortunate indeed to have had such a wonderful woman to call Mom. You'll always miss her, of course, but over time, you'll find yourself hurting less actively and that's normal, too. For now, cry when you must and laugh whenever you can. I think that's the best way to honor all of your feelings for your Mom.

[warrior1]

30. I miss my mom too

She died May 23, 1991.

I love you mom.

[supernova]

31. First holidays are hard with out her

:hug: I know how you feel. First Christmas, Thanksgiving, or whatever your background is. The first time you do any big event without them, it really hurts. Their absence leaves a very profound hole.

My mom died nine years ago and some days that grief does feel fresh in my mind.

Again, :hug: :hug: :hug:

I love you too, Mom. Happy Mother's Day to you. Happy Mothers Day to all our Moms who can no longer be with us. :cry: :hug: :-)

[babylonsister]

32. Mom's Day was the worst for me after

my mom died. Being near a card store and realizing I had no one to buy a card for just tore me up! If anyone saw a grown woman cry in a card store in Houston, 1991, that would be me. I still miss my mom, and sympathize.

[atommom]

33. Sorry to hear about your mom.

I've lost both parents, and I know firsthand that holidays can be rough. Just try to honor her memory, and find whatever joy you can in your memories of her.

Happy Mother's Day!

[Paranoid_Portlander]

35. Mine died on Mother's day.

May 10, 1998. The passage of time really is healing, in my case.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

36. nobody loves you like a mother - I miss my mom praying for me all the time

[alittlelark]

37. KFOG played one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard

as I woke up this morning... it was for those whose mothers were not here for Mothers Day... It was sooo beautiful. I think it was by the Corderoys.... It was simply beautiful. I woke up crying, but in a good way. I think it's a local band... I'll keep searching.

It was soo beautiful....

[SeattleGirl]

38. Your mom....

...sounds a lot like mine. Mom is still around, thank goodness, but I do understand your feelings as I lost my dad in 1977. He never got to see any of his grandkids, but I really think he knows about them. I'm truly sorry for your loss, and the pain you feel. But I want you to know that over time, the pain becomes less intense, and it becomes easier to remember the good things, and to laugh at the memories of the one you have lost -- and in laughing (and even in crying), they live on in your heart. May each day bring you a little more healing.

[kaygore]

39. I really miss mine, too

Mom died January 30, 2002, but she is here every day as not a day goes by that I don't miss her.

[LynnTheDem]

40. Your mom must be very proud of the wonderful child she bore & raised.

*HUGS*

[katinmn]

41. sending you a virtual hug

:hug:

I'm glad you got to live right next door to your mom before she passed away. Good on you for making family a priority.