question for all the atheist here who have children...

[luvLLB]

My kids are friends with a lot of Christians, and most of our family are Christian also. They always ask my kids to go to church with them, and I really don't have a problem with them going. I have always felt that my kids need to make their own religious deceisions, and I have never wanted to influence them one way or the other. I have noticed that they are really not that interested in church, just the social aspect of it. I guess my question is, how do you handle it? Do you let your kids go to church with family members or friends who are Christian?

[sarcasmo]

1. Lucky for me, I am the Atheist my son was brain washed by my ex wife.

Just don't let them suck him in. He will be giving away ten percent of his check for Jesus.

[Walt Starr]

2. Suggested response from a Pagan perspective

If the parents of the child who asks if your child can go to church is okay with their child going to a Pagan Sabbat celebration, the answer is sure, let your kid go. If they aren't, the answer is no, your child cannot attend.

[salvorhardin]

4. Good answer!

Seriously. :yourock:

[MissB]

17. Really good way to address the question

I haven't really faced that with my kids. We live in a very unchurched state, so while there are fundies out and about, they aren't especially thick.

The only religious thing they've been invited to is a Hanukkah celebration with some of their friends. I was invited along as well, and I was able to prepare them ahead of time by reading them books about Hanukkah.

We read a lot of books about myths and legends, so I'm not terribly worried about them being immediately brainwashed by one religious experience. I do hope they make up their own minds when they are older. For now, various religious experiences are fine, with a few boundaries.

[cestpaspossible]

23. Hard to apply to atheism, though, dontcha think?

[Walt Starr]

26. Make friends with a Pagan

:evilgrin:
"
So if you want Johnny to attend church with Billy, then Billy will have to go to the Beltaine celebration with Johnny and Tommy since Tommy's mother asked Johnny and any other firedns of Joyhnny to join.

Don't worry, they don't let the children under 18 jump the bonfire and we'll have Billy home shortly after sunrise on the first."

[BurtWorm]

3. It's never been an issue.

My daughter's friends aren't religious and she's not that interested in religion anyway. Although we did pause to watch a service at La Giralda, the cathedral in Seville. She got bored.

[danalytical]

5. sounds about right

My daughter will be 4 in August, but she is attentive and intelligent. She asks questions about God and Jesus. I am firmly in the Atheist camp, but I never tell her my obscure abstract beliefs. I answer her in a non denominational universal type of approach. My parents and one of my sisters are Evangelicals, and they frequently bring my daughter to church on Thursdays. I have no problem letting her go, and I think its great for social, ethical, and moral reasons. When she is older we'll talk seriously, but for now she can go if she wants to. If they were teaching her bigotry and mean spirited ideas, I would immediately stop her going.

[rkc3]

18. That's about the same approach I take with my kids.

Except my wife has pushed them to a Christian school. Every time I go for a function, my brain throbs.

When they bring up God or Jesus at home, I try to temper their education with the fact that their are different religions that are equally important to others.

[Maraya1969]

6. When I was in the "Jesus Movement" I brought a friend to one of

our meetings. I thought it was really cool that her parents let her go because she was Jewish.

To be fair, I don't have any human children. I do know that they will make up their own minds at some point and allowing them to explore if they want is in my opinion, the best thing.

[opusprime]

7. Think of it as an educational experience...

I would let our kids attend church with friends, even though I believe in the faith.

I would just explain why we dont go to church, and tell him/her that this is a decision they will have to make when they get a little older.

I wouldnt worry too much. I grew up Catholic and went to church every damn day except Saturday. By the time I was 10 they had to drag me kicking and screaming because I got so friggn bored listening to the monotonous dribble that noone really understood anyway.

[uppityperson]

12. Nice response and welcome to DU

:hi:

[progressivebydesign]

16. My kids are free to decide for themselves... Same here.

No one should be forced to be any certain religion, regardless of their age. Just because a parent is one religion, no one should assume that the children will be as well. They are free to attend any church with their friends. They usually come back adamant that they never want to return, and it's their choice.

They're especially hip to the attempted luring of kids into christianity by the promise of free pizza, games, and parties. All really fun until they put the heavy pressure on you to accept Jesus and hand out your phone number to the group leaders. Smart kids.

[murray hill farm]

8. I am not atheist...but i do dislike organized religion..

so we never went to any form of church when mykids were little...they too wanted to go to church with friends..and i sure do understand that social..church family kind of need..so, i let them decide, but one day they came home...and all three were under 10 yrs..and had been not to church, but to an easter function at a catholic church..and came home very upset that jesus had had to die for "their" sins...so i really though this was way to much of a guilt trip for children anywhere to deal with..ha..so after that i would not let them go to churchs or church functions or organized religious functions with their friends, but i did tell them that if they did want to become part of a religion or to attent services, etc to check out which was the more appealing of suitable church for them, that i would go with them..and that i would take them to any church that they wanted to attend...and they seemed satisfied with that comprimise...and never did ask to attend a service of any sort. they are grown now..and have children of their own..and none are religious..but all are spiritual in their relationship with life.

[BurtWorm]

10. That's odd. I'm an atheist and I like disorganized religion.

;)

[MissB]

20. *snort*

:rofl:

[uppityperson]

9. I let mine go and talk afterwards, esp when younger. Now whatever

I've always believed that exposing my child to different religions and different religious ceremonies was fine, so long as the choice to join or not was truly a free choice. When mine was younger we talked afterwards, compared what happened with other occasions and places, impressions, feelings, thoughts. Now is in late high school, that righteous stage, and enjoys getting into religious discussions with church people. It will be nice when the teen-angst-righteous stage is past.

Edited to add: I am not an atheist, was raised liberal Christian, now am secular humanist

[shoanete]

11. It would depend on the age of my child

simply because you never know about people and their motivations. Is your child old enough to understand about religion? Have you explained your views on it to him? IMO they WILL try to convert him ....... unless you have implemented a good defense.
I, too, always felt that my children should be free to choose their own religion, therefore I guarded their little minds from what I considered to be "contamination" JMO

[wtmusic]

13. I never let them near church when they were very young

We sent my two kids to a Presbyterian preschool because I liked the teachers, they had a great facility, and were told there would be no "religious education" outside of "occasional" references in class.

I then found out they were going to a half-hour long church service every day, learning songs like, "Standing on the Side of the Lord", etc. etc.

From then on I took the half hour off work every day to go pick them and bring them back afterwards. The other parents thought I was crazy.

Very young kids are *extremely* influenced by religious teachings. When they're old enough they can make up their own minds, but kids under 6, IMO, shouldn't be exposed to that. When they ask questions like "Where did the world come from?", etc., I say nobody knows, and they seem perfectly willing to accept that.

[progressivebydesign]

14. Are we being set up by the Christians today?????

Man.. how many Athiest/Christian threads can we stand today???

[MissB]

19. This one seems harmless enough.

There were several other threads that I found flamebait-ish. But not this one. :shrug:

[Ernesto]

15. My father in law is a fundy, freeping ex preacher

However my straight A 17 year old thinks he is nuts, just like I do.
It's pretty funny to hear about "granddad" idolizing (gag) O'Rielly when I'm not around....
Anyway, I let my kids go to church with their Mom so they can learn about the "power of mythology" in all human societies.

[Tansy_Gold]

21. Both of my children joined their friends at Sunday school and

church, and my daughter even chose to be baptised Southern Baptist because that's where all her friends were being baptised. I attended the ceremony.

Within two years, she had seen the light and rejected what she saw as silly superstition.

My son never sought baptism and is as atheist as I am.


If you've raised your kids to be intelligent and capable of making their own decisions, they'll make the right decisions for themselves.

[zippy890]

22. sure

being open minded is the thing, not letting your kids go if they want to would be narrow minded.

The friends or family members who want your kids to go to church may have an 'agenda' - watch out for meddling, well - intentioned religious family members who try to 'convert' your kid.

I had to deal with that from my in-laws, we worked it out eventually.

It is quite possible, and I think it is a better way, to raise your kids according to a set of moral standards and ethical values without having to believe in a supreme omniscient being.

Why is it important to be good and do the right things and take care of each other? Because as human beings, we can. Simple as that.
Not because you are going to be punished and go to hell if you don't.(Christianity) Because we are capable of goodness, we should be good. And if you live that way, your children will follow by example, and will turn into caring, good people like yourself.

[cestpaspossible]

24. I don't know any atheists who were not exposed to religion at an early age

so I don't see any reason to worry about 'contamination', however, it would be important to be very communicative with your kids to be sure that there is not 'indoctrination' going on.

[Modem Butterfly]

25. Our folks let us go to church whenever w/whomever we wanted

They figured that if they tried to stop us, it would only make us more determined. Forbidden fruit and all that.

[warrens]

27. I'm an agnostic

I allowed my daughter to go to church with friends. She thought it was kinda weird when she was younger; now as a teenager she's a pretty militant atheist. I have nothing against religion per se. Just bad fundie lunatics.

[Withywindle]

28. This was a big issue as a kid for me

My parents are atheist/agnostic, but where I grew up, pretty much all social life is dominated by "what church do you go to"? I was kind of an outcast not having one, so I had to check it out and see what it was about. I went to a few different ones with schoolmates--all Protestant, that's all you have around there--Methodist, Baptist, Pentecostal, Lutheran, etc.

I did have a "conversion experience" and I did consider myself Christian for a few years, to my parents' dismay. (The typical screaming match between a stubborn willful 12-year-old and her father is multiplied greatly when the subject of said screaming match is metaphysical!) But I was sincerely seeking, and it was something I had to pass through. I'm very grateful my parents didn't actually impede it. They would drop me off at the door of the church and pick me up when the service was over.

I'm Pagan now, have been for over 15 years. We don't scream about religion anymore. Paganism seems to offend my dad's sensibilities less. :) And I don't rub it in his face for dramatic effect anymore, nor do I go on long crying jags because I think he's going to Hell.

I'm not a parent myself, but I think it's important to let kids chart their own course in figuring out what kind of person they're becoming (as long as they're actually safe, that is).

[ruthg]

29. UU

my kids were born in the Bay Area but then we moved cross country to a rather conservative area. One of the first things I looked into was " where are the unitarians!" I finally found some ( a struggling small Fellowship which is now a medium sized not struggling as much Fellowship)- most of the kids my kids were meeting went to church every sunday or sunday school or whatever. If we had stayed in SF I don't think I would have gone out of my way to find a UU Fellowship for the kids...But it has been great for them. And they met other kids with weird parents and other weird kids...at any rate it was and is a great antidote for this Fundamnetalist area. Part of being UU is having a respect for others beliefs, so sure my agnostic children have attended many functions in "real" churches and synogauges. They are quite active in UU youth functions ( they are both teenagers) and it has been in general fabulous. I am actually glad we moved in some ways because I don't think I would have felt the need to become part of the UU community if we hadn't been desperately seeking other liberals.
Anyhow, thats my story ( and I'm stickin' to it) but I refuse, refuse ,refuse, to refer to that place where we go on Sunday Mornings as a church. It is a Unitarian Universalist FELLOWSHIP! I correct the kids when they ask if we are going to church....."

[woodsprite]

30. I'm christian and when I went to church as a child and teen

it was definitely all about the social aspect - as long as the church is not evangelical or a "shove-it-down-your-throat-or-you-will-die" kinda church. If your children are raised in an open and supportive way (and it sounds like they are) I wouldn't worry about it. We didn't really make up our minds to the "spiritual" side of it until DH and I were in our 20s -- and I still think that at 43, most die-hard bible thumpers, fundies or evangelicals would question our belief. We don't - that's their problem. Actually, we didn't make up our mind until 10 yrs ago to begin attending church regularly - and then, we picked a very liberal church. If it turned, we'd be outta there.

I *DO* keep my kids from going to certain churches with fundie grandma/grampa and cousins. No "holy-roller" types, Victory Fellowship, fire and brimstone churches. I don't ever want to have to deprogram them. In-laws are just downright scary, especially when they're around their own kind - like a bible-based Stepford community. My daughter was invited to an "Awana" meeting - I kept her home from that too, even though she really wanted to go to the Valentine's game night. I did explain why and I did offer an alternative "playdate". Apparently the girl couldn't graduate to the next level without bringing x-number of non-Awana friends to one of their public get-togethers. Sounded like a bad-news, kid-based, Jim Jones, Mooney wanna be group.

Best of luck. It's really a challenge to raise kids in this world.

[ihaveaquestion]

31. I took my kids to a UU church.

There they learned about lots of religious traditions (so did I) and that morality doesn't depend on any one set of beliefs, but is something common to all humanity.

Lots of agnostics, atheists and non-traditional religious types at the UU church. Nice welcoming atmosphere.

Unexpected bennie: The wacko evangelicals leave you alone after you tell them you go to the local UU church. They think it's run by Satan. Too Funny!!!

Unitarian Universalist Association

[Coexist]

35. When people come to my door to ask my to read the Bible

with them, my standard response is, "I'm a Unitarian Universalist".
They get a bewildered look on their faces and leave me alone!

[JNelson6563]

32. I let people invite them

but not force them to go. If the kids want to go they may, if not I will not allow them to be pushed.

Julie

[m_welby]

33. That rarely happened to mine

Occasionally they'd sleep over a friend house on a saturday night and go to church on sunday (usually Catholic because we lived in a heavily catholic area). Neither really enjoyed it much and since we raised them to question everything (much to our chagrin sometimes), they never took to it.

They never were invited to an evangelical service or any other denominations that I can recall, but I wouldn't deny them the opportunity to be exposed to organized religion. I was always afraid that one of them would convert and sell their soul to jesus but neither have (yet). Of course I was also always afraid they would get hooked on drugs or flunk out of school or any of the other nightmares that go along with being a parent. I always felt they need to be exposed to it so they can have an understanding of religion and faith.

Apparently one has become a pagan (due to the influence of his girlfriend), but the other is (so far) a devout athiest.

Essentially, if you are doing your job right you should be able to let them go and discuss it with them afterwards if they have questions.

[Coexist]

34. I went to church all the time growing up and it didn't affect me except

it made me realize that I don't believe that the Bible is the truth anymore than the Koran is.

I am agnostic/atheist/deist/UU - pick a day, my beliefs morph. (I try really hard to be agnostic, but some days I just can't muster it! UU is the only church I can stand to attend, but won't go out of my way to attend)

My kids have questions about religion, I let them go to any services they ask to attend. I answer their questions, and compare/contrast them with how other religions handle them. I know that one of them will have some type of epiphany one day and start their own tent revival - with me being cast as the "godless mother" who raised him/her in sin until they saw the light. That's okay with me. I figure turnabout is fair play for the Catholic ritual-bashing I goad my own mother with!!! (all in fun - she's really cool about it)