Choice: It's important to tell your story!

[Modem Butterfly]

My partner and I have been moving over the last couple of weeks (we're not going far, in fact, we're staying within the same zip code). Last night we ordered in pizza and had some friends over who'd really helped us out. One friend brought along his brother who is in town for a wedding this weekend. The topic of abortion came up and this friend's brother commented that if women would just be more responsible then maybe there wouldn't be so many abortions. His sister-in-law spoke up and said, "We were being very responsible when I got pregnant in college. We knew we wanted to get married but we knew that having a kid would have really hurt our marriage and careers and maybe even stopped us from graduating," She went on to say that she would not have been a very good mother at the age of 21. The brother was speechless for a moment. He turned to our friend and said, "Did you know about this?" and our friend said that he was definitely involved. His brother said, "Is that why you started voting Democrat after you moved to Atlanta?" Our friend laughed and said that he had a lot of reasons for his politics, but that he thought it was really important to protect choice. Another friend of ours talked about her abortion and how she had wanted the baby but that it was likely to have terrible birth defects. I talked about adoption and just how many babies are given up for adoption who never find a permanent home. The brother didn't say much, just that he was surprised because his sister-in-law and our friend seemed like "such nice women,"

Gradually, the conversation turned to other topics, especially our new home and our decorating plans. Finally, we called it a night. I'm not sure if we changed his mind, but at the end of the evening, he said, "Thanks for giving me something to think about,"

[Beaver Tail]

1. I'm Adopted and so is my daughter

You hit my heart on this one. Yes I am anti abortion for partly personal and partly religious reasons (I am pretty liberal in my beliefs of gay rights, gay marriage, anti capital punishment, social values and policies etc…) but (going out on a limb here) the child is given no choice in abortion so I am uncharacteristically right wing here.

Some believe that the fetus is not a living being. Others reject this (both in religious and scientific communities). There is no definite common ground and no definite proof on either side but I just can't take the chance and the guilt that comes with that (and same with my wife) that I (or her) would be responsible of the taking of another’s life.

Everyone deserves a FIRST chance.

EDIT: For Typos

[Modem Butterfly]

2. I'm adopted and I'm pro-choice

I believe the argument that everyone deserves a first chance is a definite slippery slope towards outlawing contraception.

Is a fetus a living being? Sure it is, but that fact alone doesn't carry much signifcance. A tumor is a living being. An egg cell or sperm cell is a living being. An acorn is a living being in a period of stasis. Arguing that a fetus is a living being is a poor justification for restricting another person's freedom, IMHO.

[Beaver Tail]

3. Living Being

A Tumor does not have the capability of becoming a self reliant and self supporting being. Nether does a sperm cell or and egg cell. An Embryo does.

[Mandate My Ass]

4. Yet you admit you have no proof

of when life actually begins but are anti-choice because you can't live with the guilt.

Some people don't feel any, nor should they.

[Modem Butterfly]

6. Depending on how you define "self-reliant and self-supporting"...

A tumor absolutely can become a self-reliant and self-supporting being. A sperm cell and egg cell can also beome self-reliant and self-supporting; all they need is each other and a place to grow.

[mondo joe]

16. Doesn't matter. We don't force people to use their bodies to

support the lives of others: we don't force people to donate kidneys or blood to others who need them. We don't even force people to donate organs when they're DEAD and done with them. There is no basis for forcing a woman to surrender autonomy over her own body.

[getmeouttahere]

10. Bravo, Modem Butterfly!

Did you know about this organization?

www.34millionfriends.org

helping protect the reproductive rights of women all over the world

[Ysolde]

5. Nor is the raped woman...

or the victim of incest...

or the woman who's desperately wanted child has no brain...

Yes, a lot of people aren't given "choices", but taking away one person's control of her body in favor of another is not the solution.

As for definite proof...a fetus cannot live outside the host's body.

Abortion is a medical procedure that many women need for lots of reasons. If we had universal healthcare and sex education and decent living conditions for all, abortions would be much more rare, but the need for them would not disappear. Because, until the culture of this country changes to find it unacceptable to brutalize women, women will continue to be victims of situations that require abortions. To take that away from them in order to give the fetus a choice is very cruel.

[hfojvt]

13. does being anti-abortion have to be anti-choice?

My story is that my grandmother wanted to have an abortion - when she was pregnant with my dad. She was 40 and already had two sons and was afraid that this delivery would kill her. I have two female cousins who got pregnant without being married. One had an abortion and one did not. They both later got married and had two more kids. The fetus which was not aborted has grown up into a pretty impressive young man. (although I am admittedly biased towards my kinfolk.)

Anyway, I am anti-smoking, but I do not believe cigarettes should be illegal. I am anti-alcohol, but I am less sure about prohibition. I am against the non-medical use of marijuana, but I do not believe it should be illegal. I think it would be a worse world if adults are not free to make their own choices, even if I do not think they are making the right choices. I prefer persuasion to coercion.

[getmeouttahere]

18. The quick answer is no....

you can't be alone with those feelings. At least you recognize the importance of choice. Remember, no one is pro-abortion.

[Rainbowreflect]

14. I found out I was pregnant when I was 16 & my older boyfriend

was at boot camp (I was on the pill at the time). He wanted us to get married, but my mother put her foot down (lucky for me). I had the baby & put him up for adoption. That was almost 25 years ago & I have never been sorry for my decision even though I think of him every day.
When I was in my early twenties I was in an abusive marriage & became pregnant again. Because of the relationship & personal health issues I decided an abortion was the most reasonable choice for me at that time.
Both of these situations were very difficult for me & neither decision was made lightly, but I know in both cases I made the correct choice.

[getmeouttahere]

15. I applaud you, Rainbowreflect....

and what a great example of the importance of choice you are.

www.34millionfriends.org

[Ysolde]

7. I totally agree.

Speaking up is the only way to make people wake up. It's just like the situation if someone knows a gay couple, they are much less against gays.

One comment in your post stood out to me. The "if women would just be more responsible" comment really annoyed me. This is the bottom line to the entire attack on women's reproductive freedom. Women must bear all of the responsibility and consequences for daring to have sex! Men are in no way accountable. How did this guy think women get pregnant? By themselves? This is my pet peeve. I have an overly religious sister-in-law whose goddaughter had to do the whole virginity pledge thing, but the big brother didn't. The hypocrisy drives me crazy! :grr:

[Beaver Tail]

9. Agree and DIsagree

I am completely with you on the responsibility of women when you say it bugs you but I don’t accept that Men are in no way accountable. Some men certainly ACT that way and that is just plain disgusting.

Men (speaking as a man) ARE 50% responsible for the creation (with the obvious excepting of rape) of a child and therefore are 50% responsible in the upbringing of that child (to bad a lot of them so ignorantly brush of that responsibility).

Any man who walks away from his responsibilities of a father (speaking as a father) for his own selfish interest is a despicable disgusting individual who IMO does not deserve the respect or consideration of society.

Trust me…been there on the receiving end so I know exactly what it is about(thank god I was adopted).

[Ysolde]

12. I think you missed the context that I was speaking in...

I was commenting on the ignorance of the man who made the comment. He was acting as though it is all the woman's responsiblity. I was commenting on that and the whole segment of this society that does see it in terms of "punishing" women for having sex. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone advocating "punishing" men for having sex or getting anyone pregnant. That's the hypocrisy that I was commenting on and that is what drives me nuts!

[cally]

8. But 'you are such nice women!'

Who do they think have abortions? Comments like these infuriate me. Yes, I agree that all need to speak out. Men and women need to speak out about their experiences. Speak out about the fears of being pregnant and figuring out what you would do if you are. Speak out about abortions and how it changed the lives of yourself or loved ones. Silence is not working.

[getmeouttahere]

11. All very true, and very important...

but remember where the religious right is coming from. They want no sex education, no contraception AND no abortions because they believe that any sex other than for procreation is evil. One of the things we have to do is silence their voices by removing their enablers from office. If we don't, we will continue to battle the imposition of their religious beliefs on the rest of us, while teen pregnancy rates in the U.S. continue to be the highest in the western world.

www.34millionfriends.org

this organization helps protect the reproductive rights of women around the world

[Beaver Tail]

17. ON the record

You already know how I feel about abortion (Religious right in this fashion)

Sex Education - No argument here. I support it. Nothing worse than ignoring it. My Liberal Evilsness <sarcasim>

Contraception: I support that as well.

[Blue_Roses]

19. I think comments like this

are ignorant, pious, self-righteous and the list goes on and on. :mad:

[Modem Butterfly]

20. I shudder to think what this guy thought about women who've had abortions

I am afraid to imagine the kind of woman this guy thinks has had an abortion...

[mondo joe]

21. It has a parallel with being gay - if there was a sign on the forehead of

everyone who was gay, or who had an abortion, it would have an amazinng effect on the culture.

[Modem Butterfly]

22. Indeed. Silence = Death.

Very, very true.

[mondo joe]

23. I think silence = relaxation. But you have a point too.

;-)

[demgurl]

24. I speak out about my abortion whenever I get the chance.

I honestly think that abortion is a religious matter and that religion should not be shoved down the throats of those who do not practice it.

Laws are made to keep a society from anarchy. There are certain things we all have to agree on - speed limits, theft, etc.... If I go out tomorrow and get an abortion it will not send our civilization into anarchy.

People who quote the bible to me might as well be talking in Spanish. I do not believe the bible so this only applies to them and not me. I will not force anyone to have an abortion but I do not think it is right of them to force their beliefs on me.

I am a strong woman. I have been beaten, raped, had an abortion, and had two children. I do not regret anything I have done. I can make my own decisions about my own body and as an adult I do not feel the need for anyone else to tell me how I should live. I have survived and will continue to do so. I will fight for others to have the same choice that I had.

No one wants to have an abortion, but women are strong enough to do it if the need arises. I have never felt guilty or like I have done anything wrong. What I did was legal. I have no shame and stand proud.