The Tattle-Tale Heart: Last Words of Dick Cheney's Dying Heart!

[dxstone]

There have been a number of posts on DU recently regarding rumors of Dick Cheney checking into Vail Hospital in Colorado, obstensibly for a knee problem--though the Huffington Post story below casts doubt on these assertions, reporting that he went directly to the cardiac unit rather than ortho:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/thenewswire/archive/2005/...
What most people don't know is, Cheney did NOT have a heart monitor implanted back in July of 2001, but was given a full Jarvik replacement!
So unfortunately, Dick Cheney no longer HAS a heart to attack him...

...but it did NOT go down without a fight!
I published the following article back in March of 2001, just 3 1/2 months before the final demise of this plucky and feisty but sadly luckless organ; it is excerpted here, with a link to the full piece.

The Tattle-Tale Heart!

I am Dick Cheney's Heart.
Once, a very long time ago, I had two functions: the purely physical job of pumping blood throughout Dick Cheney's body so as to provide oxygen, nutrients and abundant energy to all his organs and muscles and tissues--to every single cell in his entire body, in fact--and the second, more metaphysical aspect of giving Dick Cheney a sense of joy, joy in simply being alive and also in sharing that joy with others through love, empathy, compassion and good works, each of these being a higher expression of this natural joy de vivre' available to most members of humanity... for people are social creatures, on more levels than they dream; and they communicate constantly with their communities and environment, whether they wish such connection or not. This is the wisdom of the human heart: It knows that all life is one, we are all interdependent and interconnected in a magnificent and joyous dance of life... and this celebratory dance is the only essential reason for being here at all.

But just try telling this to Dick Cheney's Brain.

I have to deal with that big lazy gray mass of fat everyday--and I'm telling you, it's killin' me. No matter how much blood I pump to it, it's of little use; it's already made up its mind, you see...
(snip)

http://presidentevilonline.com/heart.html

Dick Cheney's Brain hates me. It's always hated me, because, with my incessant primal thump-thump, I constantly remind him of Life, and, by contrast, of the slick corporate bloodsucker he's allowed himself to become...
(snip)

I am Dick Cheney's Heart. They say I attacked him, but this is not true. He attacked me first...
(snip)

[BeTheChange]

1. That is a great article...

many guffaws on this side of the screen :)

[dxstone]

14. Thanx, man... glad you liked! n/t

[Up2Late]

2. NOoooooooooooo, He does NOT have a Jarvik, He's got a Pig Heart!

I replaced it myself, The Space Aliens helped me! This was 5-10 years ago.

[DistressedAmerican]

4. Confused Again! He Doesn't Have Pig Heart, He's Lower Than A Pig's Fart.

You probably just misheard something!

[dxstone]

15. Hooo-HAAAA!

"lower than a pig's fart!" ,,, that's pretty LOW!

[jmcon007]

3. like Edgar Allen Poe's 'Tell Tale Heart'....guilty conscience will

get him in the end, whether the heart is a Jarvic or Pig.

[Swamp Rat]

5. Arrrrr!!! ... Where is dee oil hu-mon!

[DistressedAmerican]

13. SSSSwaamp RRRRRRaat!

Slithering fucks!

[hiley]

21. Swamp Rat I think

you read his mind correctly..
:evilfrown:

[dbt]

6. Wonderful piece, dxstone! My favorite part is:

"And now he says he wants to reroute all reserve energy in his entire system to his two very best friends and first lieutenants in his little Organ Mafia: His mouth and penis.

He says (his mouth says) that if all energy went to the mouth it would eat more, and ultimately everyone would end up happier at day's end.

As far as the penis goes, well... let's just say that it never did require all that much blood to begin with, so that's no real problem there..."

(And I'd tell you how much I LOVE THIS PART, except it'd get us both in trouble: "I can see no real hope for my own survival anymore... but if I have to go, I've decided it's time to take Dick Cheney out with me.")

Cheers!

[dxstone]

16. hey, it's only parody, man...

I LOVE Dick Cheney, not to mention apple pie and Amurrrrica, of course... no matter HOW UGLY or SCREWED-UP our country and it's lovely leaders, I just LOVE IT ALL!...
I mean, what's not to love?



DICK CHENEY: MAN OF A MILLION SNEERS!

[I Have A Dream]

7. Great stuff, dxstone!

Keep up the good work.

[DistressedAmerican]

8. That's Three Nominations! I'm Sure We Can Get Some More!

Kicker!

[hiley]

9. unknown and probably Freudian reason! lol!

"The Tattle-Tale Heart: Last Words of Dick Cheney's Dying Heart!"
by dxstone
snip--

"Dick Cheney's Brain hates me. It's always hated me, because, with my incessant primal thump-thump, I constantly remind him of Life, and, by contrast, of the slick corporate bloodsucker he's allowed himself to become..."
snip---

"One good example is the ears, which it uses little if at all these days... it also hates his belly button, for some unknown and probably Freudian reason... and then, of course, there's me."
snip---

http://presidentevilonline.com/heart.html


Love this dxstone some fine work here !
nominated and show us some more of your work.d

hiley

[dxstone]

17. If you want MORE...

...just return to the page and click on any of the links to the left of the article; I've got a good dozen or so of my personal faves from my old columns, and even the ones that are a bit dated are pretty funny, I think...
F'rinstance, my 2001 in Review column; I'm pretty proud of that one:

http://presidentevilonline.com/2001.html

ALL these pages have the links on 'em, so you can go directly there by the above if you so wish...
And thanx for the kind words, hon!
d

[hiley]

20. of course I did not do this artwork here

but I like it.

[dxstone]

22. Bwaaa-Haaaa-HAAAA!!!

That's a GREAT one!
:rofl:

[DistressedAmerican]

10. 5 Nods Baby, 5!

Bwaaaa Haaaa!

:evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

Kick in the ass!

[Arugula Latte]

11. That heart graphic is priceless!

:rofl:

[dxstone]

12. Thank you, thank you, one and all!

This article was one of my most popular when it was published in a small alt-weekly of no real consequence back in 200l, and I never thought I'd get another chance to dust it off and show it about... but happily, the pressure's gettin' to Dick again; thank heaven for small favors!
:party: :party: :party: :party: :party: :party:
d
:smoke:

[MizNicky]

18. Huffington post

Has anyone seen any other source for the Dick Cheney cardiac hospitalization story, besides the Huffington post?

[hiley]

19. MizNicky in a word no..

but that is expected with the propaganda that flows from the White House.

This thread needs a kick !
Everyone needs to laugh some..
hiley:P

[dxstone]

23. Yep, Hiley...

I realize it's not been verified; but my intent was mostly to spread a bit of levity about, anyway...
d

[understandinglife]

24. Thank you!

Peace.


www.missionnotaccomplished.us - So why, my fellow Americans, is Bu$h not already in jail?