Florida: 'A Paradise Of Scandals'

[NNN0LHI]

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/04/15/60minutes/main688458.shtml

<snip>This is how Hiaasen describes Florida: "The Sunshine State is a paradise of scandals teeming with drifters, deadbeats, and misfits drawn here by some dark primordial calling like demented trout. And you'd be surprised how many of them decide to run for public office."

Still true?

"Yeah, very true. More true than ever I think. The opportunities for corruption are many here," says Hiaasen. "But the one thing about Florida politicians, the crooked ones that I still find somewhat heartwarming, is that they're not very sophisticated."

In fact, most of them still take cash. You could hold a film festival of all the undercover sting operations and perp walks involving public officials. One of Hiaasen's favorite subjects was Miami Commissioner Humberto Hernandez, who was indicted for bank fraud and money laundering, re-elected anyway, and continued to serve until convicted of vote fraud.

"A pernicious little ferret from the first day he walked onto the stage," says Hiaasen. "And the only thing that slowed his political career down was jail, when they took him away to jail and then he could no longer serve. And even in Florida, they don't let you serve from inside the cell."

Hiaasen says any politician without handcuff marks on his wrists is considered an elder statesman. He called one Miami mayor “a slagheap of mediocrity.” And he called the Florida state legislature “a festival of whores.”

[CitrusLib]

1. I love Hiaasen

I love how he writes, I love how he thinks. And as a Florida resident, I can affirm he's right. There is something about this state that attracts the loonies and that's for damned sure. Guess what was featured on the home page of my U.S. Congressman's website for the week following 9/11/01. A tribute to the victims? A call for justice? Nope. A diatribe about the evils of human cloning. Talk about being in touch. From that time on, he became the right Honorable Pinhead.

[UTUSN]

2. Medicare Scam-artist Jeb Crow Shrub Was in the Forefront Moving There n/t

[DoYouEverWonder]

3. That's why his first business partner

was indicted for drug money laundering.

[SteppingRazor]

4. I love the line about "demented trout"

I think he means demented salmon, but you get the idea. It's a strange world down here. Pimps and hustlers seem to come out of the woodwork everytime there's a buck to be made, and even the nuns are whores. Terrible, terrible.
What is it that turns all of us Floridians, especially here in South Florida where Hiaasen and I stomp around, into degenerate pigs? A lot of people blame it on "too much sun" or "something in the water" -- perhaps lead chips from the sad state of the tap water.
But I prefer to think of it the easier way -- the hustlers follow the marks. And with a bunch of brand new immigrants, befuddled old people, and half-bright snowbirds, we're got all the ready-to-be-fleeced bumpkins that a reasonably sharp conman could ever need.
OK then.

[rzemanfl]

7. Absolutely, a thousand new suckers a day, and every one of us

gets screwed a few times before we learn the ropes. Most places any repair to your car air-conditioning is a thousand dollars, even if the problem is a broken wire. I ended up learning how to re-charge the a/c myself with $45.00 worth of supplies and tools and it was still working five years later when we sold the car.

[madfloridian]

5. At least nine of 9/11 terrorists trained for mission in Florida.

I love Hiaasen's work.

"I was watching in the living room, and they started showing the pictures of Mohammed Atta and then the others in those photographs," says Hiaasen. "I said, 'I swear to God, those are Florida driver's licenses photographs.' At least nine of them, I believe, and possibly more had lived and worked and trained for their suicide mission here in Florida."

"And I always tell people, 'You think that was an accident? Where's the one place in the United States where the bar of bad behavior is so high that nobody's gonna notice these guys?'" adds Hiaasen. "Nobody's gonna think twice when they walk into a flight school and say, 'I'd like to get on a 757 simulator, but I don't need the part about where you land it. Just teach me how to fly it around.' And pay it in cash, and they say, 'Oh, right this way, Mr. Atta. Sit over here.'

[zanne]

6. demented trout

I really don't have alot to add here, but I just love that trout reference so much I had to say so.

[rzemanfl]

8. He is one of my favorite authors. If you haven't read his stuff you

should, starting from the first book.

[The Backlash Cometh]

9. What have I been saying for the last few years?

What am I, chopped liver?

[SteppingRazor]

10. Yes, you are.

And you taste delicious on a slice of matza, or maybe a bagel. :evilgrin:

[blindpig]

11. I knew it was Hiaasen

as soon as I saw that quote. He sings The Doom of Florida better than anyone.Though not a resident I have visited Florida many times in pursuit of reptiles and I feel his pain for the mindless greed and stupidity destroying a place that was truly a Paradise for lovers of Nature. Skink Lives!