Hold your hand up if you have ever not intended to conceive

[put out]

and had a sexual encounter which might have resulted in a conception. Hold your hand up if you were a little drunk, a little high, if you were feeling love and just acted on the feeling. Hold your hand up if you ever took a chance. Hold you hand up if a woman ever told you, after, that she had protection, or that she didn't. Hold up your hand if you didn't use protection, and had some fear, later.

I am holding up a hand. I cannot countenance people who pass judgment upon those who deal with an unexpected pregnancy.

So, hold up your hand.

We must try to understand, and not try to punish. I'm just trying to keep up.

[swag]

1. I sweated out more than one lateness

before doing the right thing and having my vas deferens cauterized.

[put out]

6. Oh, my. It is no good to have

a pregnancy you don't want. Not at all. I took chances. I was about half smart about it, and about half lucky. And I sat on the toilet hoping for my period.

And thank you for loving the women in your life enough to do that.

[seabeyond]

2. holding up my hand. for the grace of god, there go i

both my kids came unintentionally. i was married, we were fine with it. one condomn, one the good ole rythm method. should have worked. lol

[put out]

11. Oh, boy, oh girl.

I was anxious to get all pregnant and all of that. Plans are just plans, and then life happens. I intended my pregnancy, but if it had happened years before, I can't say what my decision might have been.

And I surely support any other person's decision. Let us protect the decisions of others.

[seabeyond]

14. i didnt get married until i was 32

i certainly had my share of crossed fingers. gosh i was in the 80's. we had the play, and then the aid scare. we all remembered not having those condoms

[illflem]

3. If it wasn't for choice I would have been a dad at 15

[Booster]

4. My hand's up. And if your hand isn't up then you've led a very

unalcoholic, sheltered life in which you didn't have very much fun. (or you're lying through your teeth - ha)

[Warren DeMontague]

5. Come on- who never had a condom break while they were in High School?

I sure as hell did, at least once or twice.

Anybody who is "passing judgement" on folks dealing with unexpected pregnancies- however they choose to deal with them- can bite me.

[kurtyboy]

7. While I never had the chance to need a condom in HS

I have had the sinking feeling that comes with the phrase, "I'm late"

Hated it--but the one thing I can say is that I never heard it from anyone but my wife. She eventually got her tubes tied to preclude the phrase in the future. I would have been happy to clip my vas defs, but she wanted to take the positive action.

I try to never pass the judgment you speak of--but I might be willing to bite some people!

[Warren DeMontague]

15. Every child a wanted child, seems a pretty reasonable ideal to me.

Other than that, the big reason I'm pro-choice is this: whatever I personally may feel about abortion, how can I presume to make that decision for someone else? It HAS to be up to the woman who is pregnant.

[blonndee]

8. Happened to me twice. Before you judge,

once when I was 17. Yeah, I knew about birth control, etc., but I was a stupid teenager and made stupid decisions. (Not that I haven't made stupid decisions as an adult, either.) I CHOSE to have the baby, but my baby was born prematurely and didn't make it. I now realize that, as tragic as it was and as much as it hurt, it really was the best thing that could have happened for the baby and for me. I was in no shape to take care of her, yet I would not have given her up.

Second time, I was 23, on the pill AND used condoms faithfully. So much so that I had no idea I was pregnant until I went to the ER with searing pain and fainting. Turns out I was about 7-8 wks pregnant. I WOULD have chosen to have an abortion, but had a tubal pregnancy and almost died instead. I went to the ER about 14 hours after the pain began. If I had waited a few more hours, I would have bled to death.

So now, if it happens to me again, it would be considered a high-risk pregnancy. My 2nd doctor (the one when I was 23) told me, "Your next pregnancy HAS GOT to be planned. It could kill you otherwise."

But if * and all the RW, fundigelical MFers have their way, I won't have that choice. Thank you, Georgie!! YOU know best what I need!

Edited to clarify which doctor.

[put out]

17. Oh sweet heart.

What a crummy thing to happen. My point, if I can make it, is that we, as men and women, must have control over our fertility. I was told to never get pregnant any more.

And I won't. But I will protect your rights, all my life.

[blonndee]

28. Thank you. I wasn't meaning to be a

downer or anything, but I'm totally passionate about this issue. And it's not like I'm "blindly" passionate or whatever people might say. I'm too scared to put my NOW "Keep Abortion Legal" on my car w/my Kerry-Edwards and my No W sticker, which are risky enough (since I live in OK) but this topic is important. And thank you for protecting my rights. When or if it happens again for me, it will be MY decision, informed by my doctor's opinion.

It just infuriates and exhausts me (almost to the point of giving up) that anyone else would try to claim property rights over MY own body.

[sandnsea]

9. christ, I don't have enough hands n/t

[Lone_Star_Dem]

10. I've been there

So have most of the friends that I have. I've comforted many a friend while we waited for their menstruation to show up, or not.

[Ms. K]

12. My ten-year-old

daughter was an unplanned pregnancy. I was 18 when I got pregnant with her, 19 when she was born. Two years later, I was divorced and raising her on my own. Two years after that, I married Mr. K, and he's been her dad ever since.

I CHOSE to have her. And I would make that choice again if given the opportunity to go back in time. I just would not have been with her father after I got pregnant, and would never, ever have told him. He's a walking nightmare, and we'll leave it at that.

But were the circumstances different, I might have chosen abortion. And that would have been MY choice.

So, The Shrub and the rest of his limp cronies can fuck off if they think I'm going to hand over control of my reproductive processes to them.

[pk_du]

16. Welcome to DU Mrs K......personally I think

a. Only Women should get a vote on this one - bugger-all to do with ANY guys opinion.
b. That said its then up to the INDIVIDUAL woman in her INDIVIDUAL circumstances to decide whats right for HER.

[Old and In the Way]

13. Absolutely.....

I wasn't ready and I'm glad the option was available. I hope my kids have the option and never need to use it.

[mixedview]

18. We need a constitutional amendment

supporting reproductive rights for BOTH women and men.

Having sex or birth control failure should not equal forced parenthood/forced financial servitude.

Women should have the right to an abortion, and men should have the right to forfeit paternal rights (and thus be free of any financial obligation) if the woman chooses to have the child against his wishes.

We also need better birth control methods, especially for men (where's our pill already !?).

Basically, what it all comes down to is this: reproductive rights, family planning, parental determination .. are essential to the notion of liberty and individual freedom.. essential American values. We as a society cannot claim to believe in liberty while denying individuals reproductive rights.

[MaraJade]

19. To a certain extent, I agree. . .as long as the man is responsible for his

own birth control and does not ever rely on the woman. This means that the man takes every measure possible to ensure against an
unplanned pregnancy. HE provides the condoms, foam whatever,
--up to and including vasectomy.

Each person must and should see to their own protection. If that means guys should carry birth control for the woman, then so be it.

I believe that the onus rests upon any man who is unable or unwilling to shoulder emotional and financial responsibilities of fatherhood to use any and all means necessary to protect against conception. Why?
because no form of birth control is 100% foolproof. For example,
guys should always make sure of their own birth control and not rely upon anything the woman tells them. Who cares that she's "on the pill?" Wear a condom anyway. Hell, wear TWO!! Don't like condoms?
Then get a vasectomy or don't have sex. If the woman is taking care of her own and they guy also provides additional birth control, then
both people are covered.

I am sick of men saying that they should have the right to ABANDON A CHILD just because a woman decides against abortion. Rather than the old cop out that "she told me she used something," the man should make sure that birth control is used. This means no sexual contact without a condom (or two) at minimum. To do otherwise is tantamount to saying that any resultant child should starve, go without or become a public charge because some bum wants to have irresponsible unprotected sex.

Sheesh!

[blonndee]

23. Definitely. I support men's rights too, in this regard, and I think

ANY person ought to have a say in what happens (to a certain point--after all, it's not the men who risk their lives to bring a fetus to term and give birth to a baby) their lives, as much as is possible. But like you said, accidents happen. It *can* happen on the pill AND with a condom. Rare, but it happens. That doesn't mean women ought to bear the entire burden for whatever happens next.

Culture of life, my ass.

[cynatnite]

25. "she told me she used something"

I hate hearing that. It's an excuse to be irresponsible, IMO. I'm like you. Each person, man and woman, should see to their own birth control no matter what form it might take.

When I was single I took the birth control pill when I remembered. I didn't tell any guy he had to use a condom either. I got pregnant as a result. It was a combination of stupidity on my part and the guy I was with.

The one thing I have taught my kids is that they need to be responsible if they are going to have sex. No one is going to do it for them. I've made that very clear to them and if they want birth control I'm not going to pass judgment on them for it. I may not like it, but I prefer for them to have what they need in order to be safe and to protect their bodies.

[mixedview]

30. A woman should do what she has to,

but in the end we are not living up to American values if we force ANYONE for ANY reason into becoming a parent, or deny anyone (without very good reason) rights to see their child if they choose.

A woman alone should have the right to decide whether or not she becomes a mother. The father can never deny the mother her rights.

A man alone should have the right to decide whether or not he becomes a father. The mother can never deny the father his rights.

Sex and birth control should never factor into any of this. It is the responsibility of both parties to protect themselves, but if they don't, that still should not force anyone into parenthood or force anyone to forfeit their parental rights. It's about choice and self-determination, just as the supporters of abortion rights have been telling us for 30 years. I agree, and also add that it should apply to men as well.

[blonndee]

31. I think this is skating into letting fathers off the hook.

"but in the end we are not living up to American values if we force ANYONE for ANY reason into becoming a parent, or deny anyone (without very good reason) rights to see their child if they choose."

for ANY reason? Really? This ALMOST sounds like a father ought to have an equal say into the mother's decision whether or not to bring the pregancy to term in the first place. Is this what you mean?

Then you say, "A woman alone should have the right to decide whether or not she becomes a mother. The father can never deny the mother her rights.

A man alone should have the right to decide whether or not he becomes a father. The mother can never deny the father his rights."

Are you really making sweeping statments with your "never"s? You don't think it's up to the "mother" whether she wants to have a baby or not? Do you think the "father" has "rights" to having a child in the first place that the mother "can never deny"?

Please clarify...because it sounds to me as though you're trying to say someone other than the pregnant woman has a right to the decision.

[mixedview]

33. clarification

The man does NOT have equal say as to whether or not the woman carries the fetus to term. After all, it is her body. He can't force her to give birth, nor can he force her to abort the fetus.

Similarly, an independent woman making independent choices should not be able to force a man to be responsible for a child (legal fatherhood), nor can she prevent him from taking on that responsibilty if he so chooses. Paternal rights (legal fatherhood) - and the right to forfeit those rights - should be the man's right.

[put out]

27. That wasn't quite my point, but I am trying to keep up.

I think my point is that many people have intercourse, and it seems that many of those people having intercourse wish to deny ... that sometimes nature finds a way.

Well, many of us do this mating thing, and many of us have taken chances. It can turn out badly, sometimes it is lovely.

I hope, when you mate, you can love whatever happens. Please let your mate know if you don't want her to get pregnant. She will need to take care of herself.

[cynatnite]

20. 1st unplanned, 2nd planned and 3rd came out of left field

When I was 17 I asked my mom for birth control. She said no. It was giving me permission to go have sex. Well, we got condoms, had sex anyway. The thing busted and along came kid number one. I was 18 when I had her. Abortion with her never crossed my mind.

After I divorced, I was single for six years. I played the field like no other. I got so stupid and became pregnant. There was no way I was emotionally or financially prepared to raise another kid. Having it was not an option since at the time all I had was the military. I chose to have an abortion. Not something I am proud of, but to this day I consider it a necessity. There was no choice for me. After that, I was more responsible about my sexual activity. I never missed a day of taking the pill and in most cases the guy used a condom.

I remarried, we wanted a kid right from the start and we got one. Worked out great. After a few years we tried for another, but it didn't happen. By the time our middle one was six we quit trying and figured it just wasn't meant to be. My plumbing was out of wack and the doctor didn't believe I would get pregnant again.

They lie when they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. The middle kid was nine at the time and nine months later we had our little boy. My last two pregnancies were filled with medical problems and to do it again, even by accident, was too dangerous. I got my tubes tied.

The choices I made about my pregnancies were my decisions. Whether to have them or not to have them was a choice I made. I don't regret any of them. The government played no part in them and I will fight like hell to make sure it stays that way.

[NMMNG]

21. I was passed out one time after too much to drink at a party

And this jagoff had his way with me. Fortunately nothing came of it but if it had I would have had an abortion.



And if Chimpy and his cronies think they have the right to take freedom of choice away from women, they better be prepared to castrate all rapists too!

[schrodingers_cat]

22. solidarity! many of us have been there...including republicans!!!

:hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi:

[NMMNG]

26. Welcome to DU schrodingers cat!

Unfortunately although many Republicans have been there, they choose to ignore this fact and moralize instead. It's a sad reality that makes things harder on all women.

[Blue_In_AK]

24. My hand is up...

...and I'm not ashamed to say that I gave up a baby for adoption in 1966 because I was afraid of having an illegal abortion. The Catholic sister of a friend of mine aborted twins at home after being given something by somebody to make her lose the babies. I was with her, and it was a pretty horrible experience. When I became pregnant, I knew I didn't want to go through that, I wasn't in any way in love with the father, so I went to an unwed mother's home for three months and signed the baby away. In those days it wasn't really acceptable to be a single unwed mother, I was only 19 -- and I didn't want to go through what my friend did, so it was really the only choice I had. I cheered Roe v. Wade ... I would hate to see it overturned.

[cynatnite]

29. And this is a prime example of why women need the choice

It was dangerous for your friend and she's a lucky one.

I had a friend who gave up her baby for adoption. She was pro-choice, but didn't feel right by having an abortion. She did what was right for her and no one else.

One of my gripes is that these people who want to overturn Roe vs Wade have no clue what it's like to walk in our shoes. They think they have a right to make these decisions for us.

[put out]

34. Thank you ever so much for replying,

My family is full of secrets. Children born and given away, sisters who were really mothers and aunts.

I like it when we try to understand one another. I kind of think we do. I like this place.

But, our bodies must be free; it means our destiny.

[Blue_In_AK]

35. Thank you, Put Out

The connections we are making here will support us through the coming dangerous but hopeful times. Power to us.

[goclark]

32. Hand up

and I have never regretted my decision.

[beltanefauve]

36. hands up

One act of carelessness, AND birth control failures. And I had a less than 2% complication with a legal abortion that if done illegally would probably have killed me.
The problem with Roe V Wade, as I understand it, is that it was deemed Constitutional because it is a privacy right, a choice between a woman and her doctor, and that is what the constructionists call sketchy arguement. But what if we were to frame this as a CIVIL right? A WOMAN'S issue? Perhaps it would have more solid footing Constitutionally.

[beltanefauve]

37. self delete

[tenshi816]

38. Holding my hand way up high here.

I was very pregnant when I graduated from high school at the age of 16.

I had my baby, my beautiful daughter, and never once regretted it, although life was so hard when she was young. It turned out well for us in the end, but it's not a situation I would wish on anyone.

My own teenage pregnancy is why I'm so strongly pro-choice. I made my choice, and it was the right one for me, but that doesn't mean that I can now turn around and tell anyone else with an unplanned pregnancy what they should or shouldn't do. It's their choice, and that's the way it should be.

[Wetzelbill]

39. almost.....

I found out about a year later she had a baby. I was counting off the fingers on my hand trying to see if I was in the 9 month time frame, but it ended up being ok. It was somebody elses. But uh, I've been pretty risky regarding unprotected sex a few times in my life. Alcohol and the heat of the moment. Pure stupidity.

[Maine-ah]

40. 31 years old. MANY scares.

When I was 22, I got pregnant. I chose, due to circumstances in my life at that point, not to have a baby. My husband, was at that point, my boyfriend. Looking back, do I regret it? No. Do I want children now? I am still torn on it. My body is telling me, it's time. My brain is saying "are you fucking nuts!?!?"