Beef, Birth Control, and Morality (an allegory)

[Modem Butterfly]

Last night, I didn't feel like cooking so I stopped by my friendly neighborhood sub shop to pick up a couple of sandwiches for my partner and I. I get up to the counter and I ordered a roast beef and cheddar on rye. The sandwich maker put down his knife and said, "No."

"Excuse me?" I said, sure I'd mis-heard him.

"No, I will not serve you roasted cow flesh. I will not be comlicit in the murder of innocent animals. And anyway, beef is bad for you,"

I stood and stared at him for a moment. "But you work in a sandwich shop that serves meat,"

"Yes, but I did not give up my morals when I came to work today,"

"Fine, give me a chicken club on wheat,"

"No, I can't do that either,"

"What? Why the hell not?"

"Chickens have a right to life, too. They're beautiful, intelligent affectionate creatures who shouldn't have to die just so you can have a sandwich,"

I stared at him in shock. "You're fucking kidding me,"

"No I'm not, and if you continue to use that language I'll have to ask you to leave,"

"Fine. If you're so uncomfortable with making my sandwich, have the girl at the cash register do it,"

The girl smiled at me apologetically. "I can't do it, I'm not trained in using the slicer,"

The sandwich maker smiled triumphantly. "If you're hungry, I can let you have a veggie sandwich. Veggie sandwiches don't violate my morals. But I can't put cheese or mayo on it,"

[Canadian_moderate]

1. Hah, the veggie sub-shop nazi!

Was this part of a practical joke? Were there any cameras around?

No cheese or mayo either? That is hilarious.

[Modem Butterfly]

2. It's an allegory

[greekspeak]

4. As a biblical scholar to whom allegory means "anything goes,"

GOSH DARN YOU ALL TO HECK! :P

[Modem Butterfly]

8. ROFL!

Mild thing, you make my heart sing...

[Canadian_moderate]

6. Oops, that should teach me to read more carefully

[Modem Butterfly]

7. I edited it to make it more clear

It's early yet.

[bryant69]

3. That's pretty good

No allegory is perfect, but this is pretty good.

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[smoogatz]

5. Good analogy.

Pharmacists are paid to dispense pills, salves, ointments, and the occasional injectable fluid. They should STFU and do what they're paid to do, or look for another line of work. Why should THEIR conscience trump MY conscience? If they refuse to fill my legal and properly obtained doctor's prescription (or my wife's), they should expect one or more of the following: a)A screaming shitfit involving me, the pharmacist, the manager, as many customers as are within earshot, and the police. b)My 6'2", 200 lb. self behind the counter, filling my own damn prescription, thank you very fucking much. c)A very ugly and costly lawsuit. d)A permanent boycott of whatever national chain it happens to be, assisted by NARAL, Planned Parenthood and thousands of outraged DUers.

Long story short, if I want a lecture on morality I'll go to church. STFU and give me my damn prescription!

[Modem Butterfly]

9. Shamelessly kicking my own post

:kick:

[benevolent dictator]

10. Most excellent