What's a funny response to the freeper email that is a "joke"

[Ilsa]

about being accosted on the street? I'd really like to respond to this one, and I think someone on DU had a hysterical response a few months back:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?



Democrat Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.



Republican Answer:

BANG!


Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click..(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??

[xchrom]

1. why bother?

the joke is from somebody more brain dead than terry schiavo. or however her name was spelled.

just pull the plug and and listen to the stupid motherfucker take his last pathetic breath.

[emanymton]

2. Republican Answer: Piss In Pants...Bang...Call 911... Self Inflicted Wound

[emanymton]

4. Then Blame Clinton

[cybildisobedience]

20. funny....

you made me laugh...

[cdb]

3. You have a Glock??

a.) Why didn't you buy an American made gun?

b.)What are you doing walking around a deserted street with your family? You could be in Iraq shooting "insurgents" with that thing.

c.) Good move, bonehead, walking down a deserted street with your family. Were you LOOKING for trouble? Or just showing off?

[pitohui]

5. stop re-publishing their jokes

i've noticed a trend here to say yo, guys, i got this freeper email and then the entire email is published

i won't go into motives for doing this but i have my suspicions

by this time of century genuine progressives know what to do w. freep emails

block the sender

do not publicize the entire text of the "joke" on DU under thin guise of seeking advice

[jobycom]

15. Thanks for the ostritch method

I like to take on Repubs, myself, and have nothing against seeking group advice on how to do so. You afraid a DUer is going to be swayed by a bad joke?

[JNelson6563]

28. You're right, this is very important!

If we don't counter their lame jokes who knows what horrors may befall our society????

Ugh.

[jobycom]

41. If we don't challenge every bit of their nonsense, we are yielding

to their arguments, and people begin to assume they are right, by default.

[havocmom]

17. Wise words, pitohui. Why waste DU bandwidth giving ignorant bigots

larger audiences is my question too.

Motives, ah yes, interesting to speculate. Why would people waste DU bandwidth on spreading wing-nut bullshit in its entirety...

[Ilsa]

19. I have over 8,300 posts on DU, and you're questioning my motives?

The only post I've ever had deleted was because I didn't specify an Army Times article (favorable for dems article) as from a conservative source a couple of years ago before LBN rules were refined.

[havocmom]

22. why waste bandwidth

think about that before ya give that sort of trash a bigger audience

[Ilsa]

25. I've seen bigger wastes of bandwidth on DU.

I replied to this SOB already. Dems need to sometimes fight back this garbage to stop it head on and improve the misperception that they never do anything with a spine. I'm hoping that with some practice, I won't need to ask for much help in replying to this crap.

[havocmom]

26. I agree we need to fight back

but I do not agree that we need to post hateful drivel in its entirety in that effort. Why give hateful bigots and idiots the satisfaction of a wider audience? That serves THEIR purpose, not ours.

If you need help with rebuttal, just boil down the shit and give us the gist of it. No point in republishing the whole spiel.

:eyes:

[Ilsa]

29. Well, my apologies for not not taking the time to

boil it down for you and two others. Next time I'll be more careful.

[havocmom]

37. : + >

[pitohui]

27. simply no need to repeat the joke or any hate speech

sufficient to say, you've received some hate speech in an email, what do you do, you may take it as given that we all get email so we've all seen these "jokes"

if you prefer to give the hate speech wider audience, yes, i question if not motives then judgment

we all make mistakes, you could have 10 million posts and you would still not be infallible pope of DU

don't do freep's dirty work for them

they laugh every time a progressive repeats their hate speech

[havocmom]

36. Bueno

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[dr.strangelove]

38. Please don't speak for me

"(you may take it as given that we all get email so we've all seen these "jokes")"
Please speak only for yourself and not for the collective "we" of DU. I have never seen this joke before and appreciate reading it in its entirety. I also support any DUer coming here for advise on how to respond to a republican attack. I believe jokes like that are an attack. I have always felt a benefit of DU is to get feedback and assistance in my struggles with conservatives in my daily life. If you don't want to read threads that contain terms like freeper email and joke, please feel free to ignore them. I for one hope this DUer, and any others who feel the need to get assistance before taking a stance, are open to do so. I want to see every word that is being used before I respond.

[Ilsa]

40. Thank you.

I sent back that combined a few ideas I got here, and one or two of my owned that were inspired by folks here.

I'm beginning to wonder if we have to take loyalty oaths on DU, even though my available profile indicates I've been postin over two years with over 8,300 posts! But my critics didn't bother to check that.

[dr.strangelove]

46. I have no doubts about you

I've only been here ~16 months with over 1700 posts, so I am not in your league, but I hope no one is questioning my loyalty.

Anyway, I have several republican collegues who send me that kind of thing and I always try to put together a clever reply. I am not the most clever person though, so I think it is just fine to use DU as "cleverness" support.

[jobycom]

42. You're speaking for me, too, Doc! Very well said. nt.

[dr.strangelove]

47. Thanks

Glad to agree with you. Thank you for the kind words.

[jobycom]

48. Nice to be on the same side this time?

Is that what you mean? :-)

[dr.strangelove]

51. Yeah.

I don't think we were really on the opposite sides yesterday though. More like on the standing on the same side but disagreeing on how to act on the same side of the fence.

[Bouncy Ball]

57. ...

[Ilsa]

18. I've been here a long time, and many here know me well

enough not to question my motives.

Sorry, but I wasn't born with the quick wit to come up with pithy replies to emails from old friends, and I wanted to reply to this guy for being such an asshole.

Sorry if my thread offends you.

[info being]

6. Republican answer:

Blame this man's existance on Clinton's penis.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

7. Democratic answer?

This would've never happened under a Democrat. Firstly, the economic conditions would've never forced someone to resort to this. Secondly, there would be a well funded enough police force to prevent this person from ever getting this far. Thirdly, on what fucking planet does a man charge at you with a knife (of all things) from a distance for no good reason?

[PST]

8. Republican: "mmm What Would My Pet Goat do?" nt

[Vinnie From Indy]

9. What is John Bolton Doing With A Knife On My Street?

eom

[Inland]

10. Repug answer: Invade Syria, cut taxes. nt

[whosinpower]

11. Here is another hypothetical question I heard

Imagine for a moment that you are a photo journalist. You have been asked to cover the recent hurricane damage in Florida.

When you arrive and peruse the damage, you recognize the damage the hurricane has wrought is devastating. Homes are smashed, lightposts bent and twisted, cars overturned - and flooding everywhere.

As you set up your gear, you hear a voice crying for help off in the distance. You investigate. You see a man, down in the wreckage, in the water perilously close to a car upturned and about to fall over. You have heard that voice before. You have seen that face. It is none other than George W. Bush.

And now is your chance to photograph the most powerful man on the planet take his last breaths before being crushed by the car. You would be instantly famous beyond your wildest dreams. It would be fitting that an act of God took this man.

George clearly recognizes the danger he is in and begs you to help him. He sees you hesitate....

And so the question is........



Do you use color film, or Black and White???

[Dogmudgeon]

12. Same Joke

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?


Republican Answer:

BANG!

When the police come, you learn that you that you have just shot and killed an undercover police officer staking out a crack house. You receive a 10 year sentence for manslaughter with an extra 18 months for carrying a concealed firearm without a concealed-carry permit.


Democrat Answer:

You step quickly to the left, stick out your right foot, and the attacker goes flying, landing on his face, the knife sliding too far under an SUV to be used.

He picks himself up and grumbles about how the damned Libbruls confiscated his gun as he scurries away.


--p!

[porphyrian]

13. "Go fuck yourself, traitor."

Ha, ha, that one always gets me.

[jobycom]

14. Here's an answer

A repub would shoot an innocent passerby, declare "Mission accomplished," and smile for his wife as the man stabbed him, took the gun, and shot his wife and kids with it.

A Southerner would accidentally shoot his wife and kids while trying to yank the gun out of his belt.

A Democrat would be smart enough to avoid the dark allie.

Anyway, it's a bogus question. Under the Republicans, the bad guy would have a gun, not a knife, and would shoot long before the innocent civilian could draw a gun.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

16. You shoot yourself for being dumb enough

To walk your family down a deserted street when you have a FUCKING CAR.

[trekbiker]

21. newly divorced republican wife...

puts classified ad in local paper..

"brand new Glock 40 for sale. Never fired and only dropped once"

[jobycom]

44. I love that one! ANd the truest of any of them

:bounce:

[NoPasaran]

23. Sign him up to receive lots of pornographic spam

Well, I think it's funny.

[Ilsa]

30. He sends porno spam already.

We've had to ask him to clean up his act.

[NoPasaran]

35. Sounds like a real winner

[nyhuskyfan]

24. Republican Answer:

Blame Clinton for not catching him three years ago. Fabricate intelligence that the attacker, even though he was a Crip, had Iraqi ties. Falsely claim that Iraq was trying to obtain machetes from Africa. Invade Iraq (well, let other people invade Iraq while you hang an American flag on your car). Release the names of undercover police officers who have infiltrated the Crips to the press. Give Halliburton 100 billion dollars. Go on vacation.

[KurtNYC]

31. GOP answer

for 15 minutes.

[Siena]

58. That was good!

:rofl:

[OrlandoGator]

32. Republican Answer: Duck out of the fight, blame anal cyst.

n/t

[auburngrad82]

33. Republican answer:

First I'd beat my wife. I own her.

Then I'd sexually molest my kids. I own them too.

Then BANG!

Then I'd go home, get drunk, beat my wife, and sexually molest my kids.

[sakabatou]

34. I'd run like the wind, try to get to a safe place

[dr.strangelove]

39. Answers

Democrat Answer: Shoot him. Then worry for years about the effect that seeing their daddy kill a man will have on the children. Try to explain how difficult that situation was and employ professional assistance to get through a very difficult time for a family. Teach them that violence is always the last resort and in this situation, there was no other choice.

Republican: Shoot him and brag about it to your kids. Watch them grow up believing violence is the solution to all problems.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

59. DEMOCRAT ANSWER:Freepers have the cognitive ability to pose hypotheticals?

[LSK]

43. turns out your best friend was playing a joke on you

And the weapons were fake and now you are going to jail for murder for the rest of your life.

Way to go Republican.


Secondly, why do Republicans live in fear of extreme situations like this???

[The Sleeper]

45. Easy...

they boil everything down to absolutes. Pump up the fear factor, baby...

My answer:

"Well.... I'd know what to do if I was in that situation and it was you coming at me with a knife..."

[sysoprock]

49. Shoot the attacker, and then another guy that looks kinda like him.

Democrat Answer:

BANG!

Republican Answer:

BANG!

Shoot the attacker and fall back on the support of your friends and neighbors.

A year later at a party, find a guy that looks kind of like the guy who tried you shoot you earlier, claim that hes carrying a gun and hes going to shoot you too.

Drukenly piss off your friends and neighbors by insisting you want to shoot this guy until they can't stand you anymore.

Finally, go shoot the guy.

After you shoot the new guy and discover that he never really had a gun, go to his house and discover that he was stealing cable and beating his kids.

Use the stolen cable and child abuse as your new justification for shooting him.

[samsingh]

50. Repug answer: Shoot an innocent man walking on the other street

[walldude]

52. Funny but if a guy was running down an ally

at me with a knife and I was holding a Glock pointed at his face, I would assume he would be smart enough to turn and run the other way. If not then I would assume that the attacker is another dumb republican who just came from a gun show where he bought a modified automatic 9mm Uzi without a license or a backround check thanks to his buddies in office. I would also assume that he stopped at Wal-Mart to pick up some ammo before he went around terrorizing the populace. Then I would gather the Force around me, use a Force pull to grab his knife and slide the clip from his Uzi. I would then use the old Jedi mind trick to make him think we were'nt the droids he was looking for. Then my family and I would go peacefully about our business. Hell, if you are going to have a FANTASY you might as well go all the way with it right? I mean it's almost every day a crazy man comes running down an ally at me with a knife. :eyes:

[dean_dem]

53. Republican answer:

Well, I would shoot him, but my dad just got me accepted into a great MBA program, and I don't want to blow it, that's why! But I put a big yellow ribbon on my SUV because I support whichever poor kid is being sent to kill him for me. So where's your ribbon? Why do you hate America?

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

54. REPUBLICAN ANSWER: Stop him by bombing his innocent neighbors.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

55. REPUBLICAN ANSWER: Let's pretend social problems don't exist.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

56. REPUBLICAN ANSWER: Hire somebody to stand there to take it for you.