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I was baptized as a Catholic though never confirmed (ie no holy communion) and my mother and step father were only "Holiday" Catholics. They only went to Church on Easter and Christmas, midnight mass and such.
I remember as a child I was fascinated by the horrific images portrayed in Revelations, and at that time there was a rise in Fundamentalist Evangelical Christianity and Hal Lindsey's book had been out for a while, and every now and then I would come across some Chick publication. The brand of Christianity I was exposed to was entirely fear based, Satan, Hell, Fire and Brimstone, The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse... Some of the best horror writers must lament that they couldn't come up with stuff this good!
But what really turned me off was the hypocrisy of evangelical leaders and a near blind opposition to science. My bullshit meter was always in the red zone whenever I would see those t.v. preachers slapping the bible condemning people to hell fire, then asking for money or pitching the latest 'end of the world' video or book for $29.95, Months later my suspicions were confirmed when I would find out they were drugged up prostitute patrons who thought an air conditioner for the dog house was a good idea. "Please forgive me," I saw them cry on national television. "Nothing to forgive," I thought to myself, "I knew you were full of it from the start."
For some reason that I can't quite explain I felt that science always trumped religion. I remember at age sixteen attending a church that my step sister was a member of, and being extremely perturbed by the fact that the preacher was bashing evolution. To me it was like claiming the earth was flat. In my view of history these types were obstacles to progress. I still feel that way about many religious leaders.
But science didn't answer all the questions and it certainly didn't solve the central human problem. Why are we such assholes to one another and why can't we stop? In fact science enabled us to do even more horrific things to one another. So science was no saviour.
I started on a philosophical and religious journey... a search for truth if you will. I started by looking for the historical Jesus. And discovered that there was no independent source in support of such a persons existence, and along the way I discovered that the Gospels were not eye witness accounts, biblical books had many authors over long periods of time and were contradictory, early Christianity was even more diverse than today, christianity was an amalgam of Levantine and Mediterranean religious traditions, Judaism, Zoroastrianism, Mithra-ism, and Greco-Roman mystery cults. It was all very fascinating!
I began to examine other religions, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, and mythology in general which led me to such names as Houston Smith, Joseph Campbell, and Carl G. Jung and others. Then I took a dive into Philosophy especially metaphysics and ethics. All the while there seemed to be a central theme that is a little difficult to put into summation. But it seemed to me that everyone had an idea about the same thing but due to limitations of language, time, culture, or personal bias they always fell short with the description.
During this journey I went through many different phases. I started out as a christian oriented person seeking verification for his assumed belief, became a confused and frustrated agnostic, onto an uneasy atheist, back to an less confused agnostic, and lately assuming a position somewhere between Buddhism and Taoism. My view may change in the future who knows - I'm still on that journey and it won't end until my last day in this form.
I see each religion as a but path to truth. A particular religion is not the truth itself as ultimate truth is beyond words. Most religions start off with a divine revelation like Judeo-Christian traditions. And such religions speak of the ultimate being by means of metaphor which are unfortunately foolishly interpreted in a literal sense by some. I chose a path without a divine revelation as a starting point, not because I doubt divine revelation can happen, but simply because divine revelation is not a part of my current experience. Divine revelation is a subjective experience and I decided on a more objective starting point, which brought me to Buddhism.
The objective experience I refer to is that of impermanence. Even you can look around and realize that everything you can detect with your senses is changing or will change form. Forms break down and recombine all the time. It is self evident. Its the truth of reality. The fact is generally speaking that we do not accept this condition and it is our rejection of reality that causes us suffering. In other words our attachment to impermanent forms causes mental anguish. Pain itself does not cause suffering, it is our attachment to being comfortable that causes suffering. From just this starting point I have begun some self examination and have realized that what I call my "self" or personality is really nothing more than a collection of likes and dislikes. For example I know that I am the person who likes broccoli, dislikes country music, likes to go to the beach, dislikes going to work and so on. If you think about it this is the way we describe ourselves (apart from our physical appearance) to others. But all of these things are biased decisions I've made based on my limited single perspective experience. If I change my mind and decide I really love my job and county music then this "self" has changed and yet I am still me. But what is me? My body? This body has changed so much over the last 34 years to the point that any matter I started with back then is most assuredly someplace else...
Now I'm not trying to convert anyone here... but simply illustrating this path - this line of contemplation - should lead me to a point of realization about the ultimate source being that some would call God. Some others will realize God/ultimate being through contemplation of their own religious path. In that sense, to me Christianity is still a valid and powerful religion. Jesus IS the way, the truth, and the light, but you can't get there by dunking your head in water, slapping bibles, condemning others and having a holier than thou attitude. Before you can take the speck from your brother's eye you must first remove the plank from you own eye. When you remove the plank from your own eye you will know how best to remove the speck from your brother's eye. In other words you can't "save" other people until you have worked on yourself and you won't even have a clue about saving anyone until you have opened your eyes to reality. That is the problem with most people think they've got religion. Its really just the blind leading the blind.
The truly religious aren't just blind sheep following some idiot shepherd. They are people who have struggled on a journey of self discovery and ultimately found themselves in others...
I personally have learned quite a bit in my quest for truth in religion and philosophy much more than I could possibly write down in a single post, but the single most important thing I've learned is that religion is not the cause of the human problem like anything else in this world it can be abused. Ignorance and misunderstanding are the cause of human woes.
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