The Onion: Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity....lol

[AnnInLa]

Is it my imagination, or didn't DUers half-seriously predict this? Me thinks The Onion has been reading DU.

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133&n=2

snip

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. "secular gravity" lol

This is typecast well enough that it would be scary coming from ID proponents. "Monsters from the ID..."

[HysteryDiagnosis]

2. The devil made gravity to confuse mankind and lead him astray. nt.

[lala_rawraw]

3. I am dying over the Rummy visits wife's vagina, lmao

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133

[wli]

4. you know, if the evangelicals actually learned physics...

They would probably find a lot of reassurance in various divine-smelling principles within it, for instance, the Principle of Least Action (which is in fact what general relativity is based upon; the "action" is the integral of the Ricci scalar). In terms of evolution, similar minimax principles are observable with evolutionary game theory (which aren't refinements of evolution per se, but extensions of it to new situations it did not originally cover).

They really sound stupid when they try to discredit science. There is tons of stuff they could interpret as signs of God's work and so on within science, and be very happy with it that way.