Response to Freeper "friend's" joke about Clinton

[Citizen Jane]

Edited for punctuation...

Mom was fuming the other day about how her freeper friend from highschool sends her anti-liberal jokes, so she got Dad to write a "smack, backatya" response. It was too good not to share with y'allL

The original "joke" email:

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the very beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, every one knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, he's been out of work for the past four years and has not even looked for a new job since. All he does is smoke cigars, and cruise around with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college, he does not even pretend to like me...and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do??
Signed, Clueless


Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore...You're a United States Senator from New York, act like one.


The RESPONSE (as composed by my Dad):

Dear Abby:

My husband is a juvenile frat boy who refuses to grow up—literally! He’s just a little fella. You know, not a strong man of short stature, but an insecure, overcompensating bully, who suffers from “short man syndrome.” In short (so to speak), he’s an irresponsible coward and bully. For instance, he dodged the draft, then slimed two genuine war heroes who put their lives on the line to keep him safe on his bar stool. He’s also an incorrigible liar. Confronted with tens of thousands of deaths, caused by deliberate lies he told in order to benefit his rich cronies, he just grins and goes fishing or biking. It’s embarrassing. I hear people whispering something about “fiddling while Rome burns.” I don’t know what to do. I’m smoking four packs a day out of frustration.

Sincerely,

Pickles


Dear Laura:

The flip-flopping never stops, does it? Hillary's husband screwed an associate while enriching the nation. Your husband is screwing the nation while enriching his pals. Makes us all miss the good ol' days. Sigh. Anyhow, everyone knows that you’ve always been the stronger, smarter, and more mature partner in your marriage. Act like it. First, dump the pathetic coward. Second, blow the whistle. What you’ve cited is clearly a series of “high crimes and misdemeanors,” justification for impeachment and removal from office. In other words, dissolve your own union with your husband, then help your nation do the same. Step up and do the right thing. Before it’s too late for us all.

Sincerely,

Abby


I LOVE MY PARENTS (and thank them for making me the liberal I am today!!!).

Shameless plug for my Dad's blog:

"Scarabus" located at: http://www.agrippinaminor.com/wp/

[tanyev]

1. Any idea what the freeper's reaction was?

[Citizen Jane]

4. So far it seems to be stunned silence.

Not much you can say to that, eh?

[rateyes]

43. Wonder how many more "anti-liberal" e-mails your

parents will get from freeperville! I bet they just got kicked from the address book. Good for them.

[mitchum]

48. That's because the freeper is digging around for another "joke"...

to use as an "original" rebuttal. However, one should expect them to try pass off a 7 year old piece as their own "wit"- freepers aren't really known for thinking for themselves.

Your parents are great!

[jean]

2. haha, loved his 'in short' summary

[wakeme2008]

3. funny thing is most ppl do not know how short Bush

really is...

[NYCGirl]

28. He's 6 ft. tall.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:George_W._Bush/Archive_12#Bush.27s_height.2Fweight

[Samurai_Writer]

37. He is listed as 5'11" on his Texas driver's license

And everyone is notorious for lying about height and weight on driver's licenses, since they don't actually measure and weigh you. I've seen him in person, several times. No WAY is he 6' tall. Not even 5'11".

[mitchum]

49. I noticed that his height was blurred on his military records

Hmmm....

[Verve]

54. He's just notorious for lying, period. n/t

[mwb970]

59. It's amazing. He lies about *everything*. (n/t)

[MADem]

61. And take a GOOD look at his shoes

No, I am not talking about the high heeled cowboy boots, his SHOES.

You don't have to be Gepetto the Friken Cobbler to see he uses lifts. It accounts for that stupid walk of his, tilted forward, arms askew like a little monkey for balance.

I'm betting if you tried to teach a monkey to walk in high heels, you would get the exact same strut....

[stevedeshazer]

42. No he isn't.

I'm 6' myself, no lie, no shoes.

I don't wear elevator shoes like he does, and I'll guarantee I could eat a cracker off'n his forehead wearing handcuffs.

[NYCGirl]

45. More links:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/08/05/AR2005080500500.html

http://www.nwherald.com/StyleSection/366355112794792.php

http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/pub/category/8868.html

[stevedeshazer]

46. hmmm

The first is definitive: 71.75".

The second: "just shy of 6 feet"

The third: (6 ft)

[RubyDuby in GA]

51. I call bullshit - kinda like little ol' batshit crazy Zell Miller

He's iddy biddy. I'd say no taller than 5'5". I'm 5'4" and if he's not wearing his special cowboy boots, I can look down on him slightly.

I think I can take him too. I may have to challenge him to a duel.

[mzteris]

5. That's GREAT!

It should be making the rounds now..... and *we'll* know where it all started!

Give your dad (and mom) a great big hug!

:hug:

[tabasco]

6. Haha!! Very good response.

I usually don't read these things.

[Citizen Jane]

7. Yeah, I know about not reading these things

My Mom is a very tolerant person....to a point.

[in_cog_ni_to]

8. That ROCKED!

Here's to dad! :toast: Cheers! Good one!

[kittenpants]

9. that's really well done!

do you mind if I save it in case I ever get that forward?

[Citizen Jane]

12. Save Away and share. I sure will!

Dad is a college professor...his old blog was "pedantic rants." Knowing y'all are spreading the word would make him more than happy. Hopefully he'll respond in the thread.

Hmm, maybe I'll put this on my office door. Oh wait; I don't have tenure and the only conservative in the department is in the office next door. Shite!

[pacalo]

24. Thanks, Citizen Jane!

Your dad is awesome! I will save his response, too, in case I ever get that forward.

[titoresque]

10. A big hug and high five for Citizen Janes parents!!!

:bounce: :party:

:hug: :grouphug: :yourock:

:woohoo:

[Gronk Groks]

11. Something about clubbing clueless freepers comes to mind...

...and I LIKE it!!!!

Tell your Dad, "Way to go!!!"

My signature says it all...

[Citizen Jane]

17. See my quotation in reply #15 for more!

Your sig is one of my favorite thoughts!

[Gronk Groks]

23. The hypocrisy of the reThugs is amazing...

...the lies, corruption and just plain evil of the current mis-administration is appalling! Yet they stand by their man because he is a good "christian". How they can read their bible and describe the shrub as a good "christian" is beyond me.

[SammyWinstonJack]

30. Phony christian is more like it.

"born again" for political purposes, just like everything else the little worm does.

[Citizen Jane]

34. Dad is a self-proclaimed Zoroastrian

In reality, he decided on a career in academia instead of a career as an editor for the Southern Baptist Convention. Sometimes neither of us (or my Mom) can reconcile it.

My poor maternal grandmother thought she married her daughter off to a future preacher and he came back to town with a ponytail. LMAO!

[jrthin]

13. I like your parents. They're on the ball. nt

[Citizen Jane]

15. Thanks for reminding me of that

My Mom plays tennis and said that someone told her they came in the other day wondering who had all thre great bumper stickers on the red miata. Then they saw her and knew who it was.

Here's a great selection from Dad's latest blog entry:

"Bill Clinton got a BJ from another consenting adult—one who boasted to a woman she thought was a friend of her “conquest.” BFD! Bill Clinton proved his masculinity via fellatio. Shrub is trying with notable lack of success to prove his masculinity via military conquest. Given the choice, I’ll take mutually consenting sex over unconsenting death and maiming every time!"

[Surya Gayatri]

60. Jane, your parents are

some of the unheralded, wonderful patriots of middle America who help me not to lose hope. They sure did a good job with you! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Dora]

14. Bookmarked! n/t

[babylonsister]

16. Nom.! I love you and your parents! nt

[Citizen Jane]

19. Thanks

:blush:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

18. Yay Dad!!!

And thanks for sharing this Citizen Jane :D

:applause:

[Turbineguy]

20. Terrific and....

Thanks for the "shameless plug" too.

It's bookmarked.

[donheld]

21. Very good indeed

You should be very proud. I got stuck with fundy parents.

[Redstone]

22. That's absolutely hilarious, not to mention brilliant writing.

Redstone

[stevans_41902]

26. Great response - i cant believe they are still sending Clinton jokes -

its been 7 years for Gods sake! I guess they have a hard time coming up with new "jokes" so they have to keep recycling the same dumb ones they've been using for the past several yrs.

[Redstone]

29. They'll never stop. whenever you argue a rightwinger into a corner,

their last line of defense is always the same, no matter what the subject at hand is: Clinton! Clinton! Clinton!

Redstone

[Robeson]

31. Yes, it always amazes me on just how much they hated prosperity.

[jbm]

25. I love your dads blog too!

Thanks for the link!

[kliljedahl]

27. Your dad's my new buddy, & I don't even know him

His blog is bookmarked & will be read frequently.

[Citizen Jane]

32. He's always been my buddy so I am more than happy...

to share him with y'all.

If his semester hadn't started this week he'd be in Crawford.

[kliljedahl]

33. Well thank you for sharing him

It's about time. Why have you been hiding him so long?

[Citizen Jane]

35. I haven't been hiding him

But he is an introvert, so I've gradually gotten him more active in the DU. Let me try to remember his username (gotta go search my hard drive!)!

[kliljedahl]

36. Please tell me, & he'll be on my buddy list

On edit; Tell him to post more, like the blog.

[Citizen Jane]

38. Eh, shameless kick.

Macallan (our dog) just licked my ankle so I'll kick it!:kick:

[Catherine Vincent]

39. Your parents are awesome!

:thumbsup:

[Mabus]

40. I love your parents too

:spray: :applause:

[Libby2]

41. This is one I saw, I don't know who wrote it.

DEAR ABBY,

My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ.

Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

Signed, Lost in DC





Dear Lost:

Stop whining, Laura. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with him for four more years!

[Festivito]

62. I like it it's simple, when there is SOOOOO much material against Bush.

DEAR ABBY:

My husband has ruined business after business. He quietly runs up huge debts, then leaves being bailed out by his father's friends. They end up profiting more money than the businesses seem to lose.

Someone lost most his military records, except there's one he checked saying he wouldn't serve in Vietnam. And, now, he berates war heroes to get his way which amounts to sending them into further danger.

The neighbors hate us, and he bullies them. In fact he bullies everyone since he's an insecure overcompensating ex-fratboy college cheerleader... and lately there's been an Internet call-boy who stays the night but no one knows where.

Sincerely,
Pickles

Dear Pickles:
You married him, now teach him what he needs to know.
YOU'RE A KINDERGARDEN TEACHER FOR GOD'S SAKE!

[Kurovski]

44. Kudos to your father! n/t

[GardeningGal]

47. Awesome!

Damn, I wish I could come up with responses like that!

[quiet.american]

50. Brilliant! n/t

[K8-EEE]

52. I Love CitJane's Parents!!!

MY PARENTS ARE AWESOME TOO THOUGH! My dad walks down to his corner protest every Friday, actually there are tons of over 70's represented at the Studio City Peace & Justice vigil every week. My husband made the sign (CINDY'S all right! W'S all wrong..) It's definitely a family affair.

[BlueStateGirl]

53. He's been out of work 4 years and hasn't looked for a new job since????

LMFAO!!
Yeah, he only wrote a massive book that earned him $10 million.

Guess that's not real money to Republicans.

[Old Mouse]

55. As much as I enjoyed the response

People who support the administration to this degree have degraded their capability for critical thinking.

Sarcastic, factual retorts, the type that are so satisfying to give, have a cumulative opposite effect. They tend to strengthen the resolve of these challenged individuals rather than convert them.

There are much fewer in number than they seem, and arguing banal points only makes the argument stronger.

[wildflowergardener]

56. People who send these things

Just curious - would you send jokes like this to your old friends when you didn't know if they were democrat or republican. I know I wouldn't. I get things like this from time to time - and I am just curious to know if this is just a republican thing to assume that you must be a republican and send something that would be offensive like this to a liberal. My mom had a friend who sent stuff like this - and she finally asked her to stop.

I always take great care to not criticize the president when I'm with someone who I don't know what party they are for. My one republican friend will say anti democrat stuff to anyone, assuming they must be republican. Two of my friends told me they were democrats and said they were unsure if they should tell her because she always talks about these things with her. I would, but they haven't - well I guess that's for them to decide.

I just always hate it when people try to force their beliefs on you. My philopsophy is I may not agree with what you do, but you are welcome to your own beliefs.

Good response to that message, btw.

Meg

[scarabus]

57. Scabus thanks you for the warm welcome

Folks—

Thanks for the nice welcome! I’m proud of my liberal daughter and wife, and of the next generation liberal Citizen Jane is rearing. We’re all working on CJ’s husband, who shows signs of coming around. :-)

The response by Old Mouse reminded me once more of Lakoff’s Don’t Think of an Elephant (highly, highly recommended). Two issues: strengthening the opponents’ resolve and the importance of truth and facts. First, it’s good to keep up our own spirits with humor, but of course as Old Mouse says the sarcastic humor we find charming will simply harden the other side’s conviction that we have sold our souls to Satan. Still, we’re not going to convince them anyhow, right? The key is the middle third: not the already enlightened; not the permanently benighted; but those good people just waiting to be won over to progressive values and ideas.

Lakoff mentions several myths we liberals have trouble giving up on. One of them is that “the truth will set you free.” If we could just get the real facts out there, those fools would recognize the error of their ways and come around. The problem is that because of the way they perceive the world, their minds quite literally will either reject or just fail to register the facts we hold before them. It’s a function of cognitive psychology. We have to change the cognitive frame.

A personal example having nothing to do with politics. On June 4th we had an automobile accident at an intersection on a divided highway. We had a green light, but without warning a car coming the other direction turned right in front of us. The driver insisted that she had had a left turn lead, and consequently that we must have run a red light. The fact is that the left turn lead arrow at that intersection had been removed 6 months earlier. Fact: two solid green lights. Perception: green left turn arrow.

We “see” what we already know, and we really, really have a hard time giving up on that. The driver in question was determined to fight her traffic citation in court, insisting she had seen a (non-existent) green arrow. It’s called the “confirmation bias.” Given a conflict between previous “knowledge” and current fact, humans will always be powerfully driven toward protecting “knowledge” and denying fact. That’s all of us. We have to fight against it all the time.

So I’m gonna keep having fun with my friends; I’m gonna share the light with those in the middle; and I’m gonna remember that mere truth or fact won’t make a twiddly-diddle of differentce to the kind of guy who would drive a pick-up through the field of crosses at Camp Casey. :-)

[Swamp Rat]

58. Welcome to DU!

:hi:



PS. If you like George Lakoff's book, you should check out Robin T. Lakoff's (yes, wife and colleague) book "The Language War."

[GOPFighter]

64. Welcome, Scarabus!

One of the good things I got from my Baptist upbringing is the importance of "planting the seeds". Of course they meant planting the seeds of their particular brand of kooky religion, but I remember that my journey from freeper to liberal was mostly a result of the many seeds of truth planted by friends, and others who were able to calmly articulate their beliefs. Hopefully your humorous reply to your wife's freeper friend will plant just such a seed.
:toast:

GOPFighter

[ovidsen]

63. Like parents like daughter! Good job!