Our Fearless Leader

[Terwilliger]

(received in an e-mail...sorry for the formatting)


GEORGE W. BUSH



The White House



USA



PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:



I ran for congress and lost.



I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.



I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went

bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.



I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land

using taxpayer money.



Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the ChicagoWhite Sox.



With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.



ACCOMPLISHMENTS:



I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most

polluted state in the Union.



I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-r idden city in

America.



I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in

borrowed money.



I set the record for most executions by any Governor in American history.



I became President of the United States of America after losing the popular

vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the

Supreme Court.



ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:



I attacked two countries.



I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.



I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history.



I set the economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any

12-month period.



I set the all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock

market.



I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.



I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal

record.



In the first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on

vacation by any president in US history.



After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over

the worst security failure in US history.



I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other

president in US history.



In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.



I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any

president in US history.



I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any

president in US history.



I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to

intervene when corruption was revealed.



I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use

the national reserves as past presidents have.



I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.



I set the all-time record for the most people worldwide to simultaneously

take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the

record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.



I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.



Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.

(The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker

named after her ).



I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military

occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the

United Nations and the world community.



I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of

the United States.



I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more

than any president in US history.



I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the

US from the human rights commission.



I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the

US from the elections monitoring board.



I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of

congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.



I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.



I withdrew from the World Court of Law.



I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default

no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.



I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election

inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).



I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign

donations.



My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best

friends, presided over one of the largest cor porate bankruptcy frauds in

world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).



I, with a policy of "disengagement," created the most hostile

Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.



I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of

Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and

stability.



I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea

more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.



I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden "dead or alive."



I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of

our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months, I have

no leads and zero suspects.



In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks, I have successfully prevented

any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of

the United States.



I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other

president in US history.



In a little over two years, I created the most divided country in decades,

possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.



I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than

two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.



RECORDS AND REFERENCES:



I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving

record has been erased and is not available).



I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of

war.



I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.



All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas have been spirited away to my

father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.



All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt

companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.



All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are

sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.



Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public

energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.



For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker. (They

can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

[liberalhistorian]

1. AAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

I think my brain's going to explode. I knew how bad it was, but to see everything laid out in stark detail like that is almost too much. I'm printing it out and giving it to everyone I come in contact with. Jesus, we knew he'd be bad when he was selected by his pals on the SupCo, but I don't think we ever thought it would anywhere near THIS bad!

[Terwilliger]

2. I was quite stunned at the hairy details

this reads like the end of the country

[CatWoman]

Everything * touches turns to shit

Where's King Midas when you need him?

:hi:

:*

[CatWoman]

3. Everything * touches turns to shit

Where's King Midas when you need him?

:hi:

:*