Anyone else dealing with "survivor syndrome"?

[mourningdove92]

I was outside watering my plants, and suddenly began to weep.

My plants are getting water.
My animals have food, water, comfort and air conditioning.
I can sit here at my computer, watch the US open, do whatever I want.

My fellow Americans and fellow human beings in New Orleans and other Gulf coast areas are starving, thirsting, dying.

My anger knows no bounds at this pitiful administration. But still, I feel guilt and pain over all that I have and all they do not.

[HEyHEY]

1. I felt a little shitty eating breakfast this morning watching the news, ya

[xultar]

2. BIG TIME. To help get over it. I cleaned out my closets and I'm

waiting to get the info on my adopted family. Then I'm heading over with
4 pairs of shoes
3 xl suitcases full of womens clothes
feminine hygiene products

I'm even tossing in the suit cases!

[shireen]

11. I'm envious

you're actually doing something *really* useful. Most of the rest of us get to donate as much as we can afford, call our elected leaders in anger, and feel guilty about living.

Thanks for doing what you're doing. It means a lot to us.

[Ladyhawk]

29. Wish I could adopt a family. Good on ya, xultar. :) n/t

[sandnsea]

31. As one who has been there, DON'T FEEL BAD

I lost everything in a house fire and my husband was hospitalized and unable to work for months. DO NOT feel bad. REVEL in your lives, HUG your kids, your parents, your neighbors. I also just buried my father 3 weeks ago.

Those who are in need KNOW that the help they are getting is because you are not in need, and they would and will return the favor when they can. I spent the day gathering items and sorting items to ship to Texas. I think my money will go farther that way. I've spent several days gathering local agencies who are helping the victims. It is MY TURN and I joyfully rise to the occasion.

Life is short and precarious, love each other.

[renate]

46. thanks, sandnsea

From someone with past experiences like yours, your reassurance carries a lot of weight.

I'm very sorry about your father's death. Your positive attitude and joyful, giving spirit are a credit to him (and to you too, of course!).

[fujiyama]

53. You and Bouncy are amazing..

and whomever else personally opening your homes up to people.

[DoYouEverWonder]

61. Remember the other night before the storm?

I knew this is what you were talking about. I knew that there were/are many wonderful people in NO and that they would do everything they can to help each other. But I also saw the oncoming train out of hell and knew that there was little any of us good people could do about it but somehow I had to try. I hope you understand where I was coming from?

PBWY
DYEW

[CTyankee]

3. I find it's hard to think of anything else

almost like it's wrong to think about anything else, while people are suffering and dying. And yes, I'm crying, too. And lying awake at night.

[Pirate Smile]

47. Sleeping is bad. I took something tonight to hopefully knock me out

because I can't get any sleep. I'm haunted by the pictures and stories.

The other night, if I shut my eyes all I saw and heard was the little girl standing on a flooded street median begging for help and crying, and the boat with the cameraman just drove off. They showed it on Countdown. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could do was see and hear her cries.

If I do fall asleep, I wake up repeatedly and just think about everything. I also can't think of anything else.

[tedoll78]

4. Mine started yesterday.

I was eating pizza, and the dog (as usual) was by my side begging, and I made the typical response about how spoiled he is. That was it.

That could've been my mom & dad who didn't get to evacuate. It could've been my sister working the weekend shift at the hospital.

I know it doesn't seem logical, but that's how I feel.

[shireen]

14. it is logical and compassionate

only callous uncaring people would feel otherwise....

[Cassandra]

5. Your depriving yourself or your plants...

doesn't put one drop of water or food into their mouths unless you are actually close enough to help in person.
Feel sad and keep helping however you can.

[Debau2005]

6. YES!

And I don't feel like I can do enough, at the same time I don't know what else to do!

I also feel extremely guilty for being grateful that my family in Mobile did not have any damage.

[hlthe2b]

7. Oh, God... thank you for expressing exactly how I am feeling...

I feel guilt at every petty little thing I'm doing or worrying about, even though I don't have the resources to do much more than I am currently trying to do. What may be coming with gas prices and the coming devastations to the economy are terrifying to me,as I am not able to weather it, given some of the crisis my extended family has weathered the past several years. Yet, even thinking about this seems so wrong, so selfish, in light of all that is happening to these poor people.

I stopped for coffee, out with my dog, and as I watched everyone happily chatting away, reading books, talking on cellphones, I had to restrain my urge to yell at all of us: "don't we all know there are people dying as we go on with our routine lives!"

Then, as I asked for a cup of water for my beloved dog, which the girl gladly gave me, I thought of all these people (and their left-behind pets) who are getting no smiling, willing help for their basic needs, much less their "wants." Then, I think that at least I am bothered by all this, guilt-ridden by my daily routines, when so much grief and hell is being experienced... Are we the minority?

[NoBushSpokenHere]

15. I about lambasted my combat veteran husband this morning

when I walked by him while he was watching a movie and explained to him the news of the morning.......he said, "huh" and kept on watching tv..........

later he did ask more questions about it.

Yes, I have been having similar symptoms.....I had to go to Walmart today (not my choice), as I walked through the parking lot, I saw yellow ribbon after yellow ribbon.......I almost purchased spray paint and ran to the lot to spray my car ------ Bush - Genocide Leader - If you don't like him, make HIM leave.

And, almost started screaming at everyone with one of those ribbons, still might do that.....but did stay away from the spray paint :)

[Lindsay]

8. Congratulations. You have earned your stripes

as a genuine, compassionate, caring human being.

And if we're really lucky, the same reaction is taking place all over the country. Because it could be anyone's sister or brother or mother or father or aunt or cousin or child.

I love you all.

[shireen]

9. yes, absolutely yes!

I feel guilty about being in air-conditioning, having gas in my car, eating, having a job ....

I need to do water changes for my aquariums later. Hell! Even my fish get fresh water!

This is so ridiculous. Where has our country gone?

[JackDragna]

10. I live in Baton Rouge..

..and I see the refugees from the hurricane all over the city. I feel huge pangs of guilt when I realize the worst I had to put up with was the power going out for a few days. I've talked to people who have had everything they own destroyed, relatives killed or gone missing or stories of having to hide in their attic for days, wondering if the waters are going to rise and drown their families. Never before have I ever felt so guilty about my good fortune in life.

[shireen]

16. Jack, you did good.

You were there for them, volunteering, listening to their stories, trying to comfort them. Many of us wish we could be near enough to do what you're doing.

Thank you so much.

[QC]

12. Have been feeling it all week.

And, since I live on the Gulf Coast myself, I can't help but think that my own community is living on borrowed time.

[smurfygirl]

13. oh god yes, i won't eat those hills on the end of bread and last night

I made a pb&j and then threw those hills away. Right after-wards I cried so hard, harder than I have ever cried. I'm still crying. I brushed my teeth this morning and wash my face and realized how lucky I am and balled. I'm balling right now thinking about it.
I definitely have some type of syndrome.
I know people that had a really hard time dealing with 911 that lived in Manhattan but I think alot more people are going to be affected by this. All over this country.

[MaineDem]

17. Yep

I feel helpless, angry, appalled, frustrated, devastated...did I say angry?

To some extent the same as after 9/11. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to cook meals.

I feel guilty every night when I crawl into my clean bed.

[Bison William]

18. I didn't buy water yesterday

I bought my groceries yesterday and I usually buy a one of those 24 bottle cartons of water for myself. This time I bought it then took it outside and tossed it on the truck bound for NO.
I can drink tap for a long time.

[Desertrose]

19. I am certainly more aware as I pour a glass of water ....

that so many don't have this "necessity"...and I am very grateful that I am not suffering too.

I try not to feel "guilt" that I am OK and safe while so many people are suffering so much ...even to the point of death.

I just don't see how adding more misery of my own can possibly help anyone or anything.
I keep trying to think of ways to help beyond watching the news and typing on a message board...so far the best I can come up with is to maybe try to help keep spirits up somehow.

It just is all so unnecssary and frustrating and unfair....these are the nicet words I can use before I start with the angry ones.

I really think a lot of us compassionate people tend to suffer along with those souls and yet I don't know if that ultimately helps.

(Not good a feeling helpless I guess)

[Window]

20. Yes. I've been extremely distraught these last few days,

but last night I was so overwhelmed, I was thinking about cancelling my surgery scheduled for next week. I feel a little better today.

Peace

[...of J.Temperance]

21. Often I feel just like curling up in a ball in a corner of a room

It's like shell-shock. And I'm internally angry and I can feel part of my SOUL just dying :cry:

I hate what these BASTARDS have done, they need to rot in Hell for this. Bringing all this MASSIVE trauma on SO many people.

[Libby2]

22. Yes.....I sure am.

I haven't been able to eat or sleep.
Had to go buy excedrin's for a pounding headache, walked past the aisles of water and just lost it.

Watch my neighbors going on with their lives like all is right with the world.
It's making me bitter.

[Obamarama]

23. Truthfully, no. Reason? We need to be their VOICES right now...

Yes, these poor people have been on my mind constantly all week. While it may be human nature to feel some sense of impropiety at being able to go on with life as normal, we should not allow ourselves to be come too mired in it. We are just as much a victim of fate, albeit good, as are the victims of this disaster of nature, and the second disaster of our government's response.

We can't become too mired in it because there is no way they can possibly know the devastating truth we know.

These people need us to be their eyes, their ears and their voices so when an accounting of the lies and incompetence does come - and it WILL - their experiences will be documented for all the world to see.

[CoffeeCat]

24. I was in my kitchen today...

...and I was very thirsty.

I couldn't get a drink right away, because I was cooking pancakes for my kids.

I was really thirsty and uncomfortable. I kept thinking, "Oh my gosh, I had water several hours ago. I can only imagine what it feels like to feel thirsty for a few days."

I had two giant glasses of ice water and they tasted so good. However, I felt guilty that I had the water and sad for those who didn't and still don't.

Also--I am experiencing a great deal of fear. I have PTSD from childhood trauma that I've mostly worked through during 3 yrs of therapy. However, when I see our government lying, controlling people and deliberately orchestrating suffering--it triggers me. I have had a lot of fear in the past couple of days. I've been thinking about where I would go and what I would do if an emergency happened. I have a huge stockpile of food (I'm a guerrilla couponer and I get tons of free stuff at the grocery store), and I'm planning on organizing it better and buying lots of bottled water. Possibly, I'll keep a box of water and non-perishables in the car.

This situation makes me think of other scenarios---like what if there is a multi-pronged nuclear attack? I would consider myself on my own and solely responsible for my family's survival and my survival. I purchased Potassium Iodate a few week's back. My husband laughed and accused me of wearing tin foil.

All of this certainly sparks a multitude of emotions and thoughts...to say the least.

[Bouncy Ball]

38. We need to talk, girl.

PTSD, yes. PM me.

[2Design]

25. keep thinking if I had gotten in my car the day after storm

how much supplies could I have brought or people I might of helped
woke up two hours early thinking of where those people are

and that this could be anyone of us
our government has failed us and continues to fail us

and I am amazed at how calm most people are
Watching nighline last night and people walking out of town on the highway - that would have been me

there was no help
watching the telethon knowing those people whose images they showed were not being helped. - there was no food or water for those still on roofs, underpasses, and other places and knowing the red cross doesn't help like everyone thinks and would not be giving food or water to all those who did not come to them - you have to be able to get to red cross to get help - all of these people were abandoned

the stars would have been better off renting/buying busses and going and getting those people -

looking around at lunch time - many mexicans in the place and thinking these people know - no one will help

our government is a failure and all those elected officials are failures too - they had the power to make this different

anyone with a lot of money - instead of giving a million dollars to red cross - please just get them out there - go get them - build them a house - do something real for them - our help agencies are failures

[sickinohio]

26. I even felt horrible for our fellow Americans

when I went to the restroom and had the privilege of flushing my toilet!!! That is no joke either!!

:hurts:

[natrat]

27. totally

i keep thinking about these adorable children in there school uniforms i saw on the st. charles street car one day

[carpediem]

28. definitely. I keep breaking into tears thinking about how

guilty I feel just dealing with the mundane issues of life.

[steve2470]

30. I almost feel guilty for enjoying my day

Then I have to remind myself, that I would want other good people to be enjoying life instead of being miserable over me.

[Greylyn58]

32. I've broken down and cried a few times

over the last few days. I had to stop watching after readingand watching last night because it was just too much.

It reminded me of how I felt just after the Nov elections. It was just too much and I had to back away.

I'm moving between anger and heartbreak

[bullwinkle428]

33. "Thank ME For Your Tax Cut - I Voted for Bush"

I saw this bumper sticker on a business van in a parking lot this afternoon, and just about lost it! It was for some kind of business related to waffles or flour (:shrug: ), and I had thoughts of waiting for this guy to come out of Home Depot and tell him first off, mofo, thanks for letting me know where I would never consider getting my flour from. Secondly, I want to tell him me why he supports a war to remove some guy that "gassed his own people", a war started by the guy he worships, who drowns his own people! This a-hole obviously would throw his own mother under the bus for that $300 check. I guess getting out of the house exposed me to the indifference to suffering on the part of some, and it just pissed me off...

[BrklynLiberal]

34. Had this very same discussion with friends today....Felt guilty just being

able to take a shower this morning.

[Bouncy Ball]

35. Oh hell yes, I want to save every last one of them.

It's that great big bleeding liberal heart of mine.

I've felt horribly guilty about my air conditioning today. Anytime I think to gripe about something trivial, I bite my tongue and think of them. Also, I've been having nightmares the last two nights. They keep coming up out of the water. :cry:

[Bouncy Ball]

40. Also meant to add I feel so profoundly disturbed by these

events that I feel as if something has snapped. Like.....this is a turning point. For me. I don't want to turn into a great big cynic, but this has really pushed me in that direction, hard.

At least as far as government goes. I do see there are so many good people around. NOT the people blaming the victims, those people are ASSHOLES. But all the good people helping, crying, praying.

I just find it so horrifying.

[mandyky]

36. I don't feel all that guilty (yet)

But I do feel empathy and I am pretty frightened of things to come.
I am more leaning towards anger at all the rude and racist things I hear from the GOP and their supporters.

I do count my blessings and say prayers each night for the people in NOLA and the other areas hit.

[PatriotGames]

37. OMG. I felt the SAME way today as I did yard work.

[markus]

39. Yes

I'm 19 years and 1,300 miles removed from my home, and I'm just a wreck. It helps that my wife hates the GOP and fumes at FEMA and the rest as much as I do.

My blog has been keeping my too busy to lose my mind, but at some point I have to get back to a more normal life, and that just seems *wrong*.

Plus I have to deal with the idiots in Fargo, ND: *we'd* never behave that! we'd have more sense than to stay! It took every iota of my polite southern upbringing to keep myself from tossing the former state director for a US Senator over the realing at a rooftop political party on Wednesday when he started off down this line in a vicious way.


wetbankguide.blogpost.com

[Auntie Bush]

41. I was going to ask if it's possible to have all the negative vibes

from these poor people effect my emotions? I went to a public meeting yesterday and burst into tears in public. I thought I was having some sort of breakdown/depression. I cried many times today and couldn't get a thing done...no strength...very fatigued and disorganized!

I had been wondering if the news was actually effecting my health.
I didn't even feel like this after 9/11. After reading all these posts...I now believe it's a reaction to the horror of the news rather than my own weakness. This is hard to explain but I hope you get what I'm trying to say. It's late, I'm tired and upset!

[bicentennial_baby]

42. Yes, most definitely

This week, being the time of such horror and anger, has also been an exceptionally magnificent one for me in my personal life. I feel conflicted, and a bit disoriented at this point. x(

[Roxy66]

43. Yes, I think about it all the time...especially when I was shopping for

food the other day, and filling my tank

[nonconformist]

44. Yes, big time. nt

[BQueen]

45. "Secondary Trauma" specifically

"survivor" is more when you experienced the same peril as those who died or were injured, but you were not.

Secondary trauma is what happens when you are forced to witness traumatizing events (or have them recounted to you by victims, which is how I know about this). It's a lot like witnessing a fatal car accident, being completely unable to prevent it or help those who die.

I think we all had more of the survivor type over 9/11, because any one of us could have been on a plane. This time, the specific geography makes it one step less for most, but the feeling of shared responsibility for the clusterfuck (even tho it's the bush cabal's fault) takes it a notch closer again. Plus the feeling of utter helplessness to do anything that you *know* will be effective adds to the trauma.

[FlaGranny]

48. Yes. I do.

When I sit at my computer, when I eat, when I watch TV, when I use the toilet, when I take a shower, when I get in the car to go to the bank.

Edit: Actually when I'm doing anything I know they haven't been able to do.

And then again, I sit here in South Florida wondering if it will be our turn next. Ordered more freeze dried meals, water treatment tablets, and I'm thinking of buying a tent to live in if the mobile home gets blown away. Also must get plenty of dog food.

[Bullwinkle925]

49. Yes - it's awful to be eating and drinking and sleeping in a comfy

bed and using the plumbing and driving to the store and using the telephone and computer and watching tv and listening to music and chatting with friends at Starbucks....

Guess I would say that I do feel the guilt & sadness.

[renate]

50. no guilt, but a lot of sadness and anger

I watch the news and try to imagine what it's like from the point of view of the people on the screen... what's it like to be wading through your neighborhood in waist-deep water, wondering whether your neighbors are drowned inside those houses?--what's it like to be living in the kind of conditions that get people arrested for animal cruelty?--what's it like to not know where your loved ones are?

Also, I've been in Third World slums and, as trivial as it might seem in theory, the smell alone is enough to make you feel absolute despair--when even the air you breathe feels like the end of days, you just can't think of ANYTHING but how suffocated you feel and how desperately you want to escape (if you're lucky enough to have the ability to). Thousands of people have been living like that, hungry, thirsty, hot, and scared, for days, feeling abandoned and having no idea what the future will bring.

But it's not guilt--I'm not Bush or the rest of his incompetent cabal playing government, so I don't feel guilty about this. Just very sad and very angry.

Edited to clarify that the stench in slums is not trivial when you're there, but possibly it is when it's just being imagined rather than experienced. I mean, most of us never experience truly horrible smells in the course of our everyday lives, but when you can't even take a deep breath to clear your lungs because it would make you vomit, that's a pretty big deal.

[friesianrider]

51. Took a drink of bottled water today...nearly broke down.

How many would fight and kill for the few sips of water I just so casually took?

[Cleita]

52. I've been doing a lot of that, not only about this, but about

the horrors of the Iraq War, and 9-11. If I turned everything off, I would be in a pretty nice place, ignorant, but a nice place, with just my garden to look after, looking at the wildlife that passes by my house. The weather is mostly nice and I have a view of the ocean to look out on from where I am perched up on my hill.

There are the dogs, the cats, the chickens and my neighbors horse who visits me over the fence too. But I can't bury my head in the sand, when there is so much evil happening around me. So everytime I am at DU or listen to AAR, or occasionally put something on the TV, I just cry.

[The2ndWheel]

54. Happens every day

around the world. I feel no worse today than I did 3 weeks ago when I thought of some family/mother/father/child somewhere on this planet that has no chance because of some man-made and/or natural cause.

[snot]

55. It's traumatic in the 2d or 3d degree to see such suffering and be unable

to do much about it. We've all been paralyzed for 5 days or so watching innocent people die horribly while the government we pay to help these people did little or nothing.

[FreedomAngel82]

56. I know how you feel

In a lot of ways I'm very blessed because I have a nice bed to sleep in at night, I have all of my family members with me and last night I ate at a restaurant. It wasn't anything fancy but it was still nice food and something I enjoy. This weekend I went shopping and bought a few items and felt so guilty. *sigh* Last evening something happened with our washer and my mother was washing a skirt of mine and it ruined and I got a little upset but then I remembered all those people and it wasn't that big of a deal since I have other skirts. This past week after it happened I realized how lucky I am to live where I live (southeast Tennessee). I don't have to worry about weather like that. If I do it's very rare.

[Gelliebeans]

57. I started crying tonight while

I was eating :blush:

I have been glued to DU and CNN and sirius since this disaster unfolded. So when I started to cry my dog Vinny, jumped up and licked my face (he doesn't like momma to cry).

I have decided to force myself to take a break for an hour every now and then. I find myself unable to finish or do anything else except watch in absolute horror at the devastation. My anger is getting to me also, which is why I forced myself to go to the store today and get away from the computer and TV.

I feel like I owe those people my full attention since they aren't getting that from my government.

[Giant Robot]

58. Almost all of what I have read people feeling

is normal for survivor guilt or whatever you want to call it. From my perspective, yes I am a counselor, it is part of the process of what we all may need to go through as a nation, and as human beings. I also think its a beautiful thing that you can feel such compassion and empathy for others that tragedy effects you on an emotional level. That says a lot. Good for you.

My other thoughts are, of course, if this is interfering in your life to the point where you are no longer able to function or are having thoughts of suicide to escape the feelings, please seek some professional help. We do not need any more tragedy out of this if we can help it. And also, I think the important thing to keep in mind is that your feelings are all normal, but this is your opportunity to figure out what to do with your guilt, your anger, you hurt, your fear. For some it may be donating to the Red Cross. For others it may be posting on a web site and getting support from other members. For others still it may be turning into a social activist and working toward change in the system. But this is your chance to figure that out. Lastly, I think that while these feelings are perfectly normal, we all need a break from them at times. Learn when its your time to take a break from your thoughts and feelings and remember to take care of yourself, like watching a movie or doing something fun. A couple hours rest will do wonders, and besides, the tragedy will still be there after the movie is over. I hope this hasn't been too preachy or hard to follow.

[mikelgb]

59. actually

I have had trouble eating since wednesday...

[RiDuvessa]

60. I understand.

I occasionally have to stop watching the news. I have been depressed for days.

Everytime I go to the computer I have to fight the urge to go and donate more money. I just feel so helpless. I want to do more to help, but donating is all I can do right now. I wish there was more I could do to help.

[greekspeak]

62. Remember, to, my dear mourning dove, there is only so much you can do

Don't exhaust yourself with grief. Do all you can, and learn to accept it. Save some strength for the long term. Years of rebuilding lie ahead. Rebuilding a government that will never let this sort of mess happen again. Rebuilding one of Earth's greatest cities. Rebuilding the lives of the displaced people of NOLA. Rebuilding our collective broken heart. Bless you for having a big heart! :hug: