Anyone else moving to the numb/weary stage?

[smartvoter]

I have been in a state of near-rage all week over NO. I just realized that at some point tonight I got past the "I can't believe this and it makes me even more angry" responses to new details. Now, I am just shaking my head.

[Blue_In_AK]

1. I go to bed at night, I go to sleep

and I wake up every morning ANGRY to my core and just dead tired. Sleep brings me no rest. I feel 10 times worse than I did on 9/11.

[Erika]

9. Yep

and its worsened by knowing these same people are fighting in Iraq.

America has created an affluent class that closes their eyes to these realities. They nor their children are exposed to W's America. They don't pay the price.

[Radio_Lady]

35. Me, too. I slept a couple of hours during the day... had terrible images

in my mind. Will have to get some rest tonight and tomorrow. Last night I woke up screaming and my husband had to calm me down.

How can anyone even contemplate celebrating Labor Day on Monday? I have my little grandson with me and he's sleeping in a room decorated with Americana memorabilia from 1976 in Massachusetts.

I am ashamed to be an American tonight.

[libhill]

2. I've gone through similar phases -

now I'm feeling very repulsed to be an American, disgusted with this country, wishing I had the means to leave and never return.

[undergroundpanther]

11. I contemplate

Willing my heart to stop beating. I really HATE this prison, this existance is for me.This ghastly CONTROL and social system made for and made by bullies "alphas" sociopaths authoritarians narcissists..The souless without shame or love the reptiles amoung us are the"blessed ambitious pigs and assholes. Death,is merciful it, takes away the PAIN of being consious of being stuck HERE with the abusing selfish,dominating sadistic pushy asshole, controlling. deceptive FUCKS!!And no one wants to step up and kill them off.So they dominate and make life miserable and we obey them without thinking..

I have had too much trauma in my life.Been around too many sociopaths and narcissistic fuckheads,My brain will not stop the vilagence,the fucking startling, the stress of existing is destroying me, the lonliness, the nightmares, images..and RAGE..and dispair and always feeling trapped..I WANT OUT DAMMIT..and yet I live,I cannot make my body stop feeling,my mind stop hurting, my soul screaming..I cannot change reality,and I am stuck here in hell..39 years in hell.

I wish I was never born,I have wished that everyday for a long,long time. This Earth is not my home.I hate here.LIFE is an EVIL "gift" a foul thing imposed from a fouled up world full of too many bad people with too much POWER.. And not enough people to fix the problem because they forgot how to detect the monsters in thier midst and forgot how to relate to each other and forgot that giving care to sociopaths only gets you hurt.

[smartvoter]

14. For what it's worth:

I'm glad your ticker is working even when you don't want it to.

It is people who care enough to be affected by all this who are going to help this country turn the corner.

I realize I'm just a screen name representing someone in a nameless city somewhere, but we're all here because we need each other to make things better.

[ClusterFreak]

16. I hope things get better for you.

:pals:

[Beam Me Up]

36. undergroundpanther...

I've just come across your post many hours after it was made. In some ways I can relate. I'm twenty years older than you are (apparently). I've seen a lot of suffering, too. So I know at least some of what you are feeling. :hug:

I don't know you so I don't know what I could say that would be of any real help. We are all in this together and we all need one another. Everything you say is SO TRUE -- and yet, at the same time, it is said from the perspective of the dark time -- which is where we are.

The thing I know is, it is not only 'where we are'. We are also in other places filled with light. What we must seek is some balance within ourselves. Not avoiding the pain and suffering but seeing it for what it is. Not being all consumed by pleasure or enjoyment of life, either, but aware that for everything there is a cost -- a personal cost.

Beyond this, I would say, life is not just about us -- our personal experience. There is much much more to it. This planet is a living being, as all the various animals, insects, plants and so on are also. Life is very rich and very complex and I believe it not only permeates our galaxy, but other dimensions of time and space.

I know, all this is probably getting too metaphysical or something, and I should probably just shut up. But if it is possible to turn one's attention to something else, even if only for a few moments, then things can begin to change. I don't think we realize how important that is, and how powerful we (collectively) are. We could change the world if we only believed in ourselves and in those noble virtues that are in us. But, even if that doesn't happen, there is something to be gained from simply BEING. Being and letting go -- however much we may be able to do that.

Sigh. I'll boil it down to this. I hear you and I care even if I can say or do nothing that will be of any help.

[ClusterFreak]

3. Here. Go to the thread I just started....

...feel better.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x4622534

[smartvoter]

7. I did, and I do feel better. I was thinking tonight that I have

been hoping impeachment gains momentum somewhere but I am now ready to say it, write it, chant it and fund it:

IMPEACH NOW!

[OhioChick]

4. Shock.........insomnia......

rage......insomnia.......neverending.

[wli]

5. No. My outrage has not subsided. n/t

[Not_Giving_Up]

6. Yes

My husband was out of town all week. My TV never moved from CNN. Now that he's back, he's taken over the TV for his PS2 unwind, and I can relax a little. I've hardly slept or eaten, I can't stop watching the coverage, and I have no appetite. I am angry beyond belief, I have broken into tears many times (something that I don't normally do), and I am exhausted, but cannot sleep.

[lildreamer316]

8. Honestly I'm a little irritated with

DU. Had a bit of a hot thread earlier and then posted about it in Lounge and for some reason THAT one got locked but not the one I orig. started which I found out LATER had against-the-rules-posts in it(from somone else insulting me) and the mods are ignoring whatever I sent (probably too busy) and I know it isn't important anyway and then EVERYONE seems to be proposing wilder and crazier theories(can't the gvt. just be STUPID) and...........
yeah I'm tired. Ak.

[Erika]

10. It is hard for the informed and caring

Go to sleep.

[libhill]

18. Stupid, and evil, and manipulating.

And supported by sheeple who don't have enough brains to blow their fucking nose.

[smartvoter]

22. I do think they are stupid. But I think that we now have so much

evidence of relief being inexplicably withheld -- evidently until photo-op day -- that for many people it becomes a scenario wherein the logic is:

If they would do this horrible thing, why wouldn't they do that?

I personally and not in the LIHOP camp but I think the blatant, reprehensible attempts to leverage the situation for PR advantage make it so people really don't think there is anything this crew won't do to gain or hold power.

I know how some of the arguments out here go -- can't spend much time at DU and avoid them. I usually disengage on my own and take a break. Seems to help in my case...

[lildreamer316]

25. Yeah; It's about

breaktime; but I was off for most of this morning and afternoon. For me that is a break. Just seemed to be particularly vicious and alarmist today.

[smartvoter]

26. Stress levels are high. Try not to take any of it personally. nt

[stevietheman]

12. I'm counteracting that by putting my thoughts and efforts into...

a blog article calling for Bush's impeachment. In fact, my anger is at such a fever pitch, I think I've achieved the laser-like thinking of a global terrorist. :) My focus is so extreme that the article is writing itself, and it will be comprehensive.

[smartvoter]

34. This sounds like a good way to channel your frustration. nt

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. I haven't really slept well all week and even when I say

I am going to get away from the hurricane news, I feel like that is just pure selfishness as even if I have been saturated with the details, they have been saturated with the disaster.

I've contributed money, but I even resent that...not because of the money but because good people are being told money is all there is to do

[smartvoter]

23. Guilt. I have it here too, big time. I went out and picked up some

grub today and organized some games with my kids and I realized when I saw the pizza, salad and wings -- far too much for how many of us there were -- that we could eat until we collapsed and there are people dying right now, in this country, because they can't get a bottle of f***ing water.

[Ladyhawk]

39. I'm feeling the same way. I have to get away for awhile, though,

because my heart is breaking. At the same time, that feels selfish because the folks living it can't get away. :shrug:

Because of my disabilities, I can't do anything but send money. But even folks who have no physical limitations can't do much. The whole thing is / was so disorganized.

[mikelgb]

15. checking in

[texpatriot2004]

17. Yes, I can't sleep, I am disgusted at the failure of my Federal

Government to adequately respond to this tragedy. I am appalled at the dismantling of FEMA. I am sickened by the undoing of my government. I am outraged by the lack of human decency when it comes to the poor, the sick, the elderly, the young...it's sickening. I am furious that I am stuck with this madman in the White House. This evil dictator who is so selfish and ignorant. All week, I'm like how could my government fail me, fail us all, is such a colossal way, such a public way? Is this really America? Have we lost our values? Have we lost our conscience? Thankfully, there are many Americans willing to help and they are helping. Like Clinton said, the American people are always there to help. The problem is where the hell is the government? How can this be happening here (AGAIN)?

[Name removed]

19. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Giant Robot]

20. I can tell its time for me to check out for a while

because I just can't bring myself to read any more about it. I think its helpful to do something for myself when I feel overwhelmed. Makes it easier for me to go on. And this tragedy will be there when I am ready to get back into it. Sad to say. So I hope we all can take whatever time we need so that we can all care for ourselves here. That's what the people whose loves have been ruined need from us; they need us to be healthy, rested and ready to be available when they need us, not tired worn out and miserable. This is also a celebration of life. A reminder to be thankful for all we do have. Cherish that part of this. And mourn the other part when you are ready.

[Drewskie]

21. not me

I'm sort of a wacko... I suffer from nuclearpsychosis always thinking the mushroom clouds are imminent. I also often think about Martial Ney and how he was the last man to cross the bridge into poland after Napolean's failed attack on Russia... hundreds of miles on foot in freezing conditions with nothing. I mean 600 people out of 600,000 made it back and Nay is the ultimate survivor in my mind as he was still trying to lead men... none were left to lead and he was a one man army. Also, I'm a Neizche disciple and fully subscribe to the notion that that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I do however feel much sorrow over the babies/newborns that perished as they had absolutely no way to defend themselves from the heat and lack of water.

[Sugarbleus]

24. I am EXHAUSTED from rage and sadness...

I did take a sedative last night so I could finally sleep through.

Yes, I'm starting to get a bit numb/worn out..........BUT when I hear assholes (from the "enemy camp") who are still on the radio, I have on nearly all the time, I go berzerk.

I wrote my last FU letter to some jerk on the radio tonight. I'm switching it off now. I will try to get back to some semblence of normal life in the next couple days..

I'm still deeply interested in the FU of Bushco; I'll be checking back to see how people are doing in terms of getting that bastard out of office/keeping tally's of his TOTAL incompetence and all the lies worthy of IMPEACHMENT. Til then, I've got to rest up some; get to the grocery and take care of some personal business. Gotta do some donating too..

I LOVE DU.......... :grouphug:

[newswolf56]

27. I have always been very skeptical of the United States because...

in my work as a newspaperman I have seen time and again the black mold growing behind the glitz facade, but in the past -- at least during my 65 years of life -- the people's collective good intentions have usually been sufficient to overcome the savagery at the heart of capitalism and the malevolent greed of the oligarchy and even the shameless betrayal by the politicians, so that the people themselves battered down all these obstacles and made "America" truly a faint approximation of the dream-nation portrayed by the inscription on the base of the Statue of Liberty: "Give us your tired, your poor..." But now looking at New Orleans it feels to me as if even I (who should have known better) was duped by the glitz facade, and my outrage at the events of the past few days has dwindled to a sad beaten sense of inevitability in which whatever new horror that is revealed will not seem shocking but only another predictable atrocity. I have gone from astonishment to rage to tears and now to benumbed weariness. But the worst is yet to come, and not just in the ruinous economic consequences Katrina will soon inflict on us all: what has really happened is that the horror of New Orleans has revealed how the Bush presidency has enabled the oligarchy to strip America to a hollow shell, an empty box, a skeleton -- a fact surely noted by our enemies abroad, who will now expand their estimate of their own dire capabilities and become ever more ambitious in their murderously aggressive intentions. We the people are beset from within and without, and it seems there is no one in the world to whom we can turn for succor.

[Beam Me Up]

37. Everything you say, nenwswolf56, is true. That's how I see it, too. BUT

I do not feel defeated even by defeat. None of us can afford to -- at least not for long. We need to embody what we believe in, even if we do nothing outwardly to express it. We need to feel deeply the values we hold and we must appreciate their great value -- far more than wealth -- more even than life itself. These values are our soul. Without them we become soulless 'things', not human.

Speaking on a more mundane level, I'll tell you one thing I think could help turn this situation around: Men and women of the news media beginning to 'get it' that they, perhaps more than most of us, are responsible for what is taking place around us. We've seen what happens when a reporter begins to 'wake up' a bit; sees some of the gritty reality that is a direct consequence of fascism. They are beginning to identify with those who are the victims of oppression and as they do so they begin to change. They begin to see that next time it could be them, their family, their community, their city. We need to help them understand this, help them understand that they have a responsibility to help us help ourselves.

Everything you believe may be coming, I believe that too. Looks that way to me! And yet (returning to that other level), it is alright. We will all suffer and die, sooner or later. Not a comforting thought, at least not at first. But the point of it is that LIFE is something that goes on, whether we do or not. It is much bigger than we are, much much bigger. And those virtues and values we hold and have carried in our hearts -- those, too, will continue onward and will grow. We are fortunate to have given them home, even if only for a short time.

Peace.

[newswolf56]

41. Just saw your post because "My Posts" was shut down all day...

due to heavy DU traffic. Thank you; I also read your comments to UndergroundPanther and I believe beyond politics you and I share many of the same aesthetics and quite possibly many of the same principles: the Gaea Hypothesis (and all it implies) at the very least. In truth I am far more despondent over New Orleans than I can possibly convey -- and recognizing how the media's masters always loosen the leashes of reporters and editors during disasters, I do not imagine for even an instant the momentary media-outcry heralds some great media radicalization that will then arouse the nation's better instincts -- but I do have hope: I believe the time will come in the United States when the people will take back the reigns of power and (with the help of socialism) bring about the fulfillment of our national promise: "liberty and justice for all." But at age 65 I doubt I shall live long enough to see it happen. In any case, thanks again.

[SeattleGirl]

28. Moving in and out of it

I have watched CNN/MSNBC most of the day, and have found myself feeling nothing for the most part, until I watched Celene Dion on CNN. It's not that I don't care -- I just hit the wall because I feel so damned helpless and impotent about all of this, especially about * and his administration. But I know the rage and pain are still there. Maybe my weariness is just a way to give myself a break, so I can get back in the saddle and continue to fight this most evil empire, and work to help the victims of the hurricane.

And I am happy and grateful beyond words for all of you here on DU.

:grouphug:

[NMMNG]

29. I'm hitting the overload state myself

NOLA, the general state of our nation plus personal issues I've encountered recently. I'm considering a "reality break", if only briefly. It's selfish but better than insanity.

[Prism]

30. The minute I saw those buses in the parking lot . . .

I said fuck it. Just fuck it.

There is no excuse for this. It is such a failure of both parties, Republican and Democrat. This isn't a political thing, this is a government thing. People from both parties just collapsed in the face of this.

To hear people speak with such surity, to know every motive, to know the circumstances of every decision, to know the entire situation with an omniscience greater than god, I just don't know what to say. I wish I had that deific personal confidence.

I'm just plain sick, on so many levels, with both sides. I have never looked upon politics with such horror. At this point, I see the looming Democrat vs Republican battles, and I just don't care. They're both rotten. But they'll go on, jockey for position. Prop the corpse of weekly convenience for advantage to seem slightly less negligent. But hey, as long as it makes them feel better.

I've never, in my whole life, seen such falsely fuelled self-righteousness from the politicians and their sychophants. When 9-11 couldn't be topped . . .

[DoYouEverWonder]

31. I don't know what I am anymore

I've been ranting and raving since last Sunday before the storm hit. Hoping somehow someone who could do something would hear me. Hoping that there was some way to stop the oncoming train that was hurling down the tracks with no breaks.

My poor husband has to put up with my ranting and raving in person. Not a pretty sight. Me jumping up and down everytime some new outrage gets reported. Eat, sleep both are hard to do. All those poor people. All those needless deaths while Bush laughs and plays guitar. It makes you want to do terrible things. Things that are against my nature.

Sometimes all I want to do is fight back against these bastards, at other times it all seems so useless. What can someone as small and insignificant as me ranting on a public forum do? I don't know. I just don't know any more.

[Ouabache]

32. Counter attack on another front - NOW

Now is the time. It will give you a break from this.
There are lots of other fronts to counter attack on right now. They are weakened. Hit 'em now where they ain't looking. We can fight back on another front too. Just do it. Figure it out.

Get some sleep. Get some fresh air. We all have each others backs. Come back and fight some more until the day we die.

Find a way or make one.

[DoYouEverWonder]

33. It's okay

I have my ups and downs. It's a real sea-saw ride right now. When it gets too bad I've got tons of weeds to go pull in my garden. Then I come back and rage against the machine some more.

Thanks.

[deadparrot]

38. Tired and sad, yes.

Emotionally and physically spent. :shrug:

[texpatriot2004]

40. Me too. Tired but can't sleep again. Sad, so very sad about this

complete and utter failure of a response to people in trouble on our own soil. I can't believe this is America. I am angry too. I think many, many people are angry and that is only going to get worse.