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Kool-Aid-aholism is a mental disease and is treatable, but first you must admit you have a problem. The following are typical symptoms of problem Kool-Aid consumption:
*Increased tolerance – the need to consume more and more Kool-Aid to achieve the desired effect. The Kool-Aid-aholic will find the usual dosage is not working and either admit his or her problem, or move on to harder stuff. Like oxycontin.
*Excessive agitation or aggression – the tendency to regard a fact a merely a “theory” and attack it with barely disguised, Kool-Aid-influenced nonsense
*Nausea – the tendency to make other people sick
*Decreased problem-solving skills – and other cognitive dysfunction
*Rage – a tendency to attack, with minimal factual support, whatever threatens your shaky worldview
*Denial – “I don’t have a problem! YOU have a problem!
*Relationship difficulties – inability to maintain relationships with people who do not drink Kool-Aid the same way you do
*Paranoia – the belief that your religion or freedom of speech is being oppressed, despite having a majority in Congress, the Supreme Court, the Executive branch, and over 200 years of being the oppressor
*Inflated ego – inability to admit when you are wrong despite all evidence to the contrary
*Delusions - the belief that Republicans represent you even when you're not in the top 2% economic bracket
*Hallucinations - the appearance that you are more safe than you were five years ago
*Irresponsibility – it’s always someone else’s fault, even if they did, in fact, order a state of emergency
*Blackouts – not remembering what bullshit you spewed only the day before while trying to defend the indefensible
*Social unacceptability – the need to hide your true beliefs, such as racism, under socially acceptable catch-phrases, like “states’ rights”, “cultural prerogative”, blaming the victim, or suggesting that poor treatment for the underprivileged “work(s) very well for them”.
*Legal troubles – such as arrests for assault, reckless driving while running over crosses, bank fraud and embezzling, and the tendency to use top secret information to smear a political opponent’s wife
*Continued use despite evidence of a problem
If you have two or more of these symptoms, you could be a Kool-Aid-aholic. See your doctor. There is treatment available, beginning with:
1. abstinence from freerepublic.com, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, and other Kool-Aid pushers
2. helping those less fortunate instead of blaming them for their situation
3. sending money to the Red Cross instead of Pat Robertson
4. not voting Republican
Get help today!
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