Another Republican conversion story, if you can stand it! :)

expatriate

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Thu Sep-08-05 08:12 PM
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Another Republican conversion story, if you can stand it! :)

Yet another has left the Bushite fold.

My brother was literally born Republican. From the time he was a little bitty kid, he was just the squarest, conservative, military minded rah rah rah type you could imagine. He used to beg our parents to let him stay up until midnight, when the local TV stations went off the air, so he could stand at attention and salute while The Star Spangled Banner was played along with all the montages of military jets and the like. He was a real law and order man, absolutely intolerant of any kind of explanation for any behavior he considered unpatriotic or illegal. Bad people were bad, full stop. No grey areas, no perspective other than the most narrow one imaginable.

This was bizarre in our liberal minded household, and no-one could ever figure out where the hell it came from. My mother used to think he must be the re-incarnation of Patton, because he certainly never learned jingoism and conservatism at our house.

Of course it got worse as he got older. He was heartbroken when a problem with his eyes prevented him from being able to join the military. By the time he graduated from high school, he was so set in his viewpoints and so vehement in defending them that I basically just avoided him. We clash in many ways, and always have, and as the years went by, became more and more estranged. In the last few years, we have hardly communicated at all, because I couldn't bear his smugness about Bushco and how America is number one, how we're really cleaning up the world of terrorists. He was gung ho about the war in Afghanistan, and thought the war in Iraq was the greatest idea since sliced bread. No opposing viewpoints would even be considered, as far as he was concerned.

But he loved the City of New Orleans, as did I. Probably the only thing we have in common. And he has friends there of longstanding.

Yesterday, while I was making endless phone calls to contact my just-located son, who was in New Orleans, my mother mentioned that my brother was heartbroken because he cannot find out the fate of a longtime friend who lives near New Orleans. I told her that I was working on the Katrina Help Project, so had access to many databases of missing and found persons, and that I would do what I could to find his friend, let her know, and she could relay the word to him. Things between my brother and myself have come to the point where Mom acts as go-between. She agreed, and that was that.

But then, when I hung up the phone I suddenly thought, "what the hell, he's in pain right now", and I called him directly.

He was flabbergasted, but as I told him what I intended to do to find his friend, he began to talk.

It all poured out. The pain of seeing the town we both love like a mother destroyed through indifference on the part of Shrubco. The terrible worry about his friend. And the terrible, painful realization that came to him that Bush is lying, has lied, has always lied.

He said that Bush is lying to try to cover up his lack of action in New Orleans. That he lied about Iraq, and the WMDs and about a lot of things. As he talked on and on, he started to cry, with the abandon of a little boy who has found that everything he believed in never existed at all.

I have never heard my brother speak so openly and honestly. This is a heart wound for him. He must have always clung to the idea of government, law and order, might is right to compensate for our very precarious and insecure childhood. Our parents lived in a constant state of warfare, and as kids, we never felt as if things were safe or settled, because of the continual disruptions and violent fights.

I developed resources within myself and became very strong and self-reliant as a result of not having a secure childhood - and I developed a very strong degree of cynicism about authority structures of all kinds.

But my brother reached outward for a sense of security instead, placing far too much confidence and importance on things outside himself, including friends (many of whom used him mercilessly) and authority structures - particularly, the US government.

For me, knowing that Bush lies is no shock. I cut my political teeth on Watergate, I've never believed that anyone is pure and holy just because they attain a position of authority and power. But for my brother - his entire belief system has been completely shattered. He is so ashamed and so shaken. He castigates himself for voting for Bush, and Reagan, and Bush, Sr.

I never thought I would hear him say anything negative about a conservative politician, but boy, did he ever cut loose during that phone call. The things he said about Bush and Co were shocking even to me, and I can make a sailor blush. I don't think he'll ever go back to it. The disillusionment and clarity of perception is far too intense.

I hope he can draw something positive, and more liberal out of the ashes.

And I'll drink a toast to him too. It's not easy to drop the blinders, particularly when you've worn them for 40 years - or to admit it to the older sister who is your exact opposite in so many ways.

Cheers, Jaybird. May your mind continue to lighten and expand.