The Rapture Index - "fasten your seatbelt"

[dooner]

I'm sure the religious nuts are excited over all the disaster and turmoil. Maybe that's why GW is so glib, after all he believes in this crap. Nothing like a self-fulfilling prophecy for lunatics. These people scare me because their belief in this stuff makes disaster a good thing, because it means the exit plan or "cosmic lift up to heaven" isjust around the corner. Who knows how much the thought processes of our "leaders" are influenced by this stuff.


http://www.raptureready.com/rap2.html

[Holly_Hobby]

1. Yeah

They're salivating over the death and destruction of poor black people. They're even having a day of prayer. Idiots!

[bribri16]

43. But they can't be that happy. Remember, a camel can't fit through the eye

of a needle...so where are they going to go? they certainly are not going to give up their wealth and they can't take it with them. They must be horrified.

[growlypants]

2. Do I even want to know how you came across THAT nightmare??

These people are completely nutz

[dooner]

Oh, I try to keep an eye on those people

It's so bizarre to me, that I admit I have a morbid fascination.
I've read some stuff that says it explains right wing/conservative/religous attitudes toward the environment... i.e. they don't care because they aren't planning to be here on earth all that long! If the earth is going to be destroyed by an angry GOD pretty soon, then who cares about saving anything here?

I think it is important to understand this stuff because it really does explain things, like why the destruction of a city like NO is not necessarily viewed as a negative by some of these people.


I know I'll probably get blasted by some DUers for saying anything about the rapture here, but I'm the type that likes to keep an eye on things outside my own belief system.

[growlypants]

48. good idea, but its tantamount to listening to Limbaugh or Hannity.....

keep doing it and you'll eventually go insane.

[dooner]

49. I know, I have been feeling a bit strange lately. n/t

[Mein Bush]

53. Don't you mean Limpo and Insannity?

[MellowOne]

50. I pray for the rapture

The red states will be gone and we get our country back.

[FlaGranny]

52. Yeqh, right there

in the New Testament it says Jesus wants us to destroy all God's creations. It also says in there that you shouldn't worry about your neighbor cause he isn't going to be raptured. Right there in the Bible. NOT!

[leftylady]

32. There is another bumper sticker that says something like

"In case of Rapture this Car Will be Empty" or something like that.

[rkc3]

38. I think it reads...

"In Case of Rapture, This Car Will Run Over Your Honor Student"

[Kikosexy2]

3. Well...

they are rejoicing with the rise of the Anti-Christ (Chimpie)--who lies, cheats, steals, and causes great destruction with deception--so they're getting prophecies fulfilled to orgasmic climax.

[Barack_America]

4. I wonder if there's any correlation between the Rapture Index...

...and the National Threat Level???

[Vincardog]

5. Yeah what color level will The Rapture be?

You know the Chimp and the Fristians believe it will be lillie white

[dooner]

22. that would be amusing to graph n.t.

[leftylady]

6. Bumper Sticker I saw

"If You Get Raptured Can I Have Your Car?"

I thought that was pretty funny.

[LizMoonstar]

23. my buddies and i think that

rapturists shouldn't be allowed to drive or hold high-risk jobs - if you could disappear at any moment, you put everyone else at risk :0

[leftylady]

34. I don't think the chances of their leaving anytime soon is

very high.

[dooner]

27. ha ha n/t

[xray s]

7. well...they'll have an eternity to think about their false religion

in hell

[Ms. Clio]

8. I wish they would all get raptured off to their "heaven" and leave

the rest of us the hell alone to make something of this world.

[Totally Committed]

11. Amen!

Beam them up, Scotty!

I am so ready for them to go, already!

TC

[Coventina]

14. No. See, Jesus is coming for US not THEM!

I mean, think about it.
Who do you think really represents the Kingdom of Heaven?

The hateful, wish-you-were-in-hell, let's trash the planet cuz we're going to heaven anyway-type?

No, when the rapture comes, DUers will vanish. And all these guys will be left scratching their heads.

[Ms. Clio]

30. That would work just fine, too! I sure hope you're right :)

[leftylady]

36. They argue about whether they will be raptured with their

clothes on. Really!

[SlavesandBulldozers]

45. yes. those are my sentiments as well.

to me the disappearance of these assholes will be all the proof I need that God exists.

[Skidmore]

9. Heaven Gaters...

Don't call these freaking fundamentalists anything but Heavengaters anymore. They are no different than those cultists.

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door...

[Bob3]

10. An evil thought -

would it be possible to start a rumor that the rapture has started? You know - friend of a friend e-mails about an odd disappearance or two - just enough to get the ball rolling and have a story or two show up on the net - after that sit back and watch them come out of the woodwork all of them rolling on the ground screaming for god to take them.

It's too evil to really do - people would get hurt - but it's amusing to contemplate.

[sui generis]

19. I am typing this from 18000 feet and rising

my laptop battery is about to run out.

I have been waptured. There I was on a friday afternoon just sitting there drinking my coffee when all of a sudden The Holy Bugs Bunny appeared to me and **POOF** I sploded up out of my chair, rose up through the ceiling still clutching my laptop
and oh jeez there's no (cough) air up . . ..what was I saying? :silly:

if I don't answer replies it's because . . . I have left. For the weekend.

[FlaGranny]

55. Did your clothes come along with you?

At least your underwear? And your shoes? I wouldn't want to go anywhere unfamiliar without my shoes and underwear at least.

[dooner]

25. a construction friend of mine said

they they were joking with a lady who believed in the rapture.. one day his crew showed up for work on her house and said, "you still here? everyone else has left!!" I guess she took them seriously for a moment and then had a chuckle. (They said it in a kind hearted way, and I guess she took the joke pretty well..)

It wouldn't be hard to start the rumor, I'm sure they must already be thinking it's underway! But yes, we aren't that cruel.

[CantGetFooledAgain]

56. I've had the same idea

...but never knew how to effectively pull it off.

That would be the greatest practical joke EVER!

[sui generis]

12. eeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh!

oh. still here.

guess I better make the best of what's in front of me now that those righteous hard haired bastids have been swept away into the cosmic toilet bowl.

I've always suspected the rapture was a test of humanity. If you're willing to accommodate the end of civilization, judgementalism, destroying the jews, hating fags to death, and allowing everyone who doesn't believe exactly they way you do to be boiled in lakes of lava while you get airlifted to safety for not missing a bead on your rosary (or whatever they do), . . . YOU MIGHT BE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD. Good fucking riddance.

If you let blind faith overcome natural human goodness so that you can get a ticket to the rapture, you're probably not going where you think you are. Passing that test means you fail.

just sayin' :shrug:

[Fleshdancer]

13. The record low was during the Clinton admin. Record high was in * admin.

hey, maybe they are on to something! lol

Record High 182 Record Low 57
24 Sept 01 12 Dec 93

[longship]

15. I'd love to see the rapture happen

and everybody *but* the rapture rightists get to go.

BTW, these people have had the index at "fasten your seatbelt" for some time now. They *always* think it's right around the corner. That's how they get so many people giving them lots of money. 1) They think their money will soon no longer be needed. 2) That they can get more people to be drinking the poisoned kool-aid.

[Coventina]

20. See? Someone else understands!! We're going! Not them!

:hug:

The thing I don't quite get is, why would they say
"Fasten Your Seatbelts"?

Wouldn't that prevent them from being taken?
I would think they would eschew anything that would pin them down.

:shrug:

[leftylady]

37. Dean Koontz wrote a book like that.

It was the really good people who loved children and animals and who were just kind that were left behind to create a new world.

The others just sort of disappeared. Interesting concept.

[hatrack]

16. Fuck these Comic-Book World losers

Just plain fuck them.

If they want to live a pathetic adolescent fantasy of personal redemption and general destruction, then that's their delusion and they're welcome to it.

But when it comes into play as an element not just of politics but also of policy, such as trying to sacrifice perfect roan bulls on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem in order to set off Armageddon, then their rights of religious expression come to an end.

[GreenPartyVoter]

17. Nothing more than a death cult

------------------------------------------------------
Ditch Bu$h and save the Gulf: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=106&topic_id=22507&mesg_id=22507

Then save the nation!
http://timeforachange.bluelemur.com/electionreform.htm

[ET Awful]

18. Hey Fundies . . . the whole idea of "rapture" wasn't even tought in

any church until 1839 or so. Yeah, that's right, the whole doctrine of "rapture" is less than 200 years old.

[rkc3]

39. My favorite response to these fundies...

Which idea is a bigger pile of shit?

72 virgins waiting for you in heaven after you've blown yourself up? (That gets them thinking this question is going to be lots of fun.)

OR

The idea that Jesus is going to take you sans clothes to sit next to Him while the rest of the infidels burn in a lake of lava?

You'll get a fine Fuck You! from most of them. It's great fun.

[elcondor]

21. Wait ... civil rights are a sign of the end-times?

Or am I mis-readying this "index?" Liberalism is too, huh? ... Does anyone else want the sun to explode tomorrow just to see these idiots be proven wrong?

[Double T]

24. Our phony leaders are influenced by this 'stuff' far more than any of us

want to know. Didn't congress just pass legislation and funding to build the congressional ark????

[Raydawg1234]

26. They are anti-catholic too

I am catholic, and their anti catholic beliefs disturb me : http://www.raptureready.com/faq/faq3.html

For a bunch of christians the shure preach the opposite of tolerance

[Raydawg1234]

28. They talk about "the antichrist's false church"

I think we all know which one that is (quick hint:GWB is a member)

[ET Awful]

33. Do they use Jack Chick's "Death Cookie" tract?

:evilgrin:

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

40. Why darlin', didn't you know? You're not a Christian.

No offense intended. I was raised RC and didn't find out I was a pagan till I was 37 years old, when a Pentecostal kindly filled me in. It's all that Mary worshipping and kowtowing to Rome, doncha know. 'N the Jesuits are the CIA of the Church, 'n the Dominicans are its KGB...or is it the other way around...

Don't let it bother you. Just know that there are people running this country who want to bring on Armeggedon. That is the scary part of all this shit.

[-..__...]

29. Is this a joke or parody site?

If not...

:wtf:


Mansions in Heaven - Find out what type mansion you should expect to be given


"The Super Saint Mansion: This is the home of those rare folks who totally commit themselves to the task of advancing the Kingdom of God".



The Widow's Mite Mansion: Jesus' example of the poor widow out-giving
wealthy men proved that it may not be so obvious who will be greatly
blessed with riches in Heaven



The Average Christian Mansion: In heaven, even the average believer
will enjoy living quarters that will be elegant by earthly standards.



The Wood, Hay and Stubble Mansion: This is the dwelling place for those individuals Who did everything in life for their own glory. Many high-minded preachers would easily fit into this category.



The Pew Warmer Mansion: One of the saddest groups of people in heaven
will be those who never did anything beyond going to church every Sunday. They had the knowledge of the truth, but they never did anything with it.

[dooner]

42. I'm afraid it's quite serious...

It only seems hilarious to us.

[FlaGranny]

57. That is hysterical.

You mean there is going to be classism in Heaven? There's STILL going to be THEM and US? Sounds just like earth.

Maybe it's because I've been relatively unrich all my life, but I've always wondered why anyone would want to live in a huge mansion. In heaven, do you get servants to clean the bathrooms? Who are the servants?

[Arbiter]

31. Haven't people been "predicting" the rapture for 2000 or so years now?

And they've never been right.

Excuse me while I don't give a damn...

[leftylady]

35. It goes back even further than that.

Maybe not in quite the same form. The Essenes believed there would be a huge battle of evil against the Sons of Light.

Then Rome attacked and the Essenes were wiped out.

Kind of sad, huh?

[Pathwalker]

44. I had a cartoon of a CAVEMAN carrying a sign

that said: The End Is Near. He was walking around everyone gathered at a campfire. I lost that cartoon, but it is my all time favorite.
:evilgrin:

[Opusnone]

41. Alot more of your "leaders" than you may think

The federal government has been overrun by a death cult.

[jokerman93]

46. No one but the end- timers think

I'm pretty sure no one but the end-timers think Bush is actually a christian believer. However, he does manage to pander to their lemming-like desire for annihilation and redemption. The ME oil wars, the building of Jeebus's kingdom on earth (Amerikan Neocon empire), earthquakes, tidal waves, hurricanes, terror, mass murder and disease... Yep. He's presiding over the world they hanker for. They love Dubya for his strengths.

:sarcasm:

To me, the real questions are: What kind of world do the rest of us envision? What kind of America do we want as an outcome from all this? What is the vision, and what do we have to do to bring it about?

The ones with the strongest imagination win. So far, it seems like the cartoon bible apocalypse version seems to be winning.

[ComerPerro]

47. That has to be the most idiotic, poorly organized, unscientific load of

absolute crap that I have ever seen. And I say this having been to school board meetings in KS.

[mshasta]

51. WTF?

what all this numbers means?


2002 High 179 2003 High 177 2004 High 157 2005 High 161
2002 Low 161 2003 Low 133 2004 Low 135 2005 Low 143

Record High 182 Record Low 57
24 Sept 01 12 Dec 93

[dooner]

54. Ways to earn a living off the rapture...

There's a rapture service that you can use to notify your loved ones by email that you've been lifted.

Apparently you pay a guy who has emails ready to send to your loved ones (but probably not VERY dearly loved ones, or they would be getting raptured as well). The email notifies them of your rapturous exit. Apparently this guy programmed his computer to send the emails out automatically if HE doesn't log in once every 24 hours. (He expects to be raptured along with the others.)

So if anything unexpected but not exactly rapturous happens to THIS guy, a bunch of people are going to get an email saying their relatives have gone to heaven, when not really.

There are many ways to support the rapturists in their mission, and turn a buck apparently. I've seen some rapture insurance businesses promoted by saying that the business owners are certified to be Jewish, or Buddhist so there is no fear that they will be raptured. (I'm totally serious.)

I'm sure many DUers have some other good business ideas.

[kitkat65]

58. "Thank God for Rapture Alert. I owe my salvation to it."

OR

"Help, I've fallen and since my husband was raptured he's not here to help me up!"

[dooner]

59. you must be in marketing n/t

[FyurFly]

60. Bush scares me!

But i'm an atheist, it's all fairy tales to me!

[kitkat65]

61. Some bible stuff I think certain Christians have overlooked

from Matthew 7:15-23

Beware false prophets, which come to you in sheeps' clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns or figs of thistles?

Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

Many will say to me in the day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

And then I will profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.