I Once Was A Nobody

[kentuck]

Even as a kid, I was in trouble a lot. I dreamed that someday I would have a lot of money and I could do what I wanted. I would not have to ask Mom and Dad for anything...Like most kids, I did a lot of drugs and a lot of partying. My Dad talked me into joining the military once just to get me out of trouble, but I couldn't hack it. It was too regimented for me.

With a lot of help from my folks, I was able to get into one of those fine Eastern universities. Most people never knew that I bribed my way through half my classes and bought my way through the other half. It's good to have friends that will cover for you.

My friends set me up with this real smart girl and I ended up marrying her. Then I started drinking heavily. I mean I drank like a fish. Every once in a while, I would mix in a couple of lines of Columbian cocaine. My life was going nowhere and my wife threatened to divorce me if I didn't change my ways.

Then my luck seemed to change. I got a loan from some friends of my folks and invested in a very profitable business venture. I was able to sell my shares in it before it went bust.

Then I got real interested in sports. By then, my folks had a pretty famous name, so I was able to join a group that wanted to invest in a sports venture. I saw this as a way to make some money so I was able to borrow enough money on my name to join the sports group.

Then, I had some real close friends in politics and I learned all the dirty tricks. I decided I might just get into politics myself. With what I had learned, I thought I could effectively destroy the character of any opponent I might encounter and, sure enough, I was able to win the highest office in one of the western states. Hey, this was easy, I thought.

One day, I told some of close friends that I was going to run for President. President of what, they asked? The United States, I said!
But what are your qualifications, they asked? I know how to screw people before they screw me. I understand politics. It's like sports. You have to play to win. Now, watch this drive!

[Cleita]

1. Bush is still a nobody, a famous nobody, but still a big zero

any way you size him up.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

2. I think you left out the thing that turned your life around

You remember. When you traded your addiction to liquor for an addiction to Jesus. When you found the word of the God that you could twist to fuel your deep, sick anger that drives you to punish the world you hate, hate, hate so much.

'Member that?

[leveymg]

3. And unlike those God Awful Hangovers, Jesus Always Forgives

No matter what he does.

Opiate of the masses. What a drug!

[NJCher]

4. that's really good, kentuck

Did you write it? Looks like you did.

I feel like letting my students read it--they just finsihed writing their autobiographies. I would be funny to see how fast they figure this out.




Cher

[knowbody0]

5. knowbody0 likes it too, kentuck