Oh, Jesus Baldheaded Christ on a Crutch

[WilliamPitt]

The new FEMA guy, Paulson, sounds good....right?

30-year fire rescue guy...right?

Paulson was the guy who recommended "plastic sheeting and duct tape" be used by Americans to protect themselves.

Pardon me while I go fling myself into traffic.

[kikiek]

1. Don't forget the duct tape!

[stepnw1f]

2. So He Was The Guy That Said That...

Great.... Not!!!!:mad:

[eleny]

3. But I love duct tape!

:cry:

Now, Will, didn't you expect the shrub to pull an "in your face" maneuver? That was a given. Eat my poop and act you like it. That's our president's m.o.

[Mr Rabble]

4. LOL. Thanks for the laugh! nt

[emulatorloo]

5. The words "competent" and "Bush appointee" just don't go together

EOM

[Pacifist Patriot]

30. 'Nuff said.

[Eurobabe]

66. which is why I had to read mom the riot act re: Roberts

Mom: "I really like him and what he had to say, I think he'll be a great SCJ."

Me: "You've got to be fucking joking, look at all the Bu$h appointees so far, a big bunch of numbnuts!"

[Jamastiene]

6. You do know they won't slam on brakes to try to avoid leaving a tire

track on your ass, don't you?

Yep, we are just as fucked with this guy as the last guy, only we still ain't enjoying the kind of fucking they are doing to us. Even worse, having that bunch in charge will ensure that sex toys will be banned nationwide, so we won't get any satisfaction after the fact either. Now, THAT'S fucked.

[thereismore]

7. "plastic sheeting and duct tape"? What is that a reference to? Thanks n/t

[WilliamPitt]

8. Here you go

Duct tape sales rise amid terror fears
From Jeanne Meserve
CNN
Tuesday, February 11, 2003 Posted: 7:35 PM EST (0035 GMT)

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Americans have apparently heeded the U.S. government's advice to prepare for terror attacks, emptying hardware store shelves of duct tape.

On Tuesday, less than 24 hours after U.S. Fire Administrator David Paulison described a list of useful items, stores in the greater Washington, D.C. area reported a surge in sales of plastic sheeting, duct tape, and other emergency items.

These items, Paulison said, can be helpful after a biological, chemical or radiological attack.

A Lowe's hardware store in Alexandria, Virginia, said every roll of duct tape has been sold. Another Alexandria Home Depot store reported sales of duct tape tripled overnight.

"Everything that was on that newscast, we are selling a lot of it," said Rich Pierce with a Home Depot in the D.C. area.

In his advisory, Paulison recommended that households have on hand three days worth of water and food; an emergency supply kit for both home and automobile; radios with extra batteries; and plastic sheeting and duct tape to seal windows and doors.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/02/11/emergency.supplies/

[jean]

16. His advice can be found today in Preparedness Tip #12, DHS

http://www.dhs.gov/dhspublic/interapp/editorial/editorial_0711.xml

30 Tips for Emergency Preparedness, National Preparedness Month 2005

September is National Preparedness Month

During the month of September we will post a tip each day to help you and your family become better prepared for an emergency. All of the tips will be listed here, so check back each day to read the newest tip.

Today's Tip

Preparedness Tip #12
You should keep enough supplies in your home to meet the needs of you and your family for at least three days. Build an emergency supply kit to take with you in an evacuation. The basics to stock in your portable kit include: water, food, battery-powered radio and flashlight with extra batteries, first aid supplies, change of clothing, blanket or sleeping bag, wrench or pliers, whistle, dust mask, plastic sheeting and duct tape, trash bags, map, a manual can opener for canned food and special items for infants, elderly, the sick or people with disabilities. Keep these items in an easy to carry container such as a covered trash container, a large backpack, or a duffle bag. Visit www.ready.gov or www.redcross.org for more information about what to include in your kit.


more, the other 11 tips

[Old and In the Way]

32. Anything in there about maintaining flood control systems?

nt

[XemaSab]

84. Wait....

I thought the plastic sheeting and duct tape was for SHELTERING IN PLACE?

:shrug:

[Warren DeMontague]

68. And again, the context of that warning came

right as people were gearing up for a big weekend of pre-Iraq invasion antiwar rallies. And it came along with the handy warning about "STAY AWAY from BIG CROWDS!" (you know, like, rallies)

[redwitch]

9. "Jesus Christ on a bicycle" is what my mom used to say

She was very, very angry when she let that one fly. I have to go buy more duct tape. My son used the last roll to cover his bass guitar.

[katinmn]

33. Our fundie friends inspired "Jesus Christ on a Trailor Hitch"

at Camp Schaivo.

[mcscajun]

62. So *that's* where that photo came from!

I saw it posted here just within the last week or so.

[Carni]

10. What? You gotta a problem with duct tape?

Let me tell you buddy, it's saved my ass on a number of occasions and don't make me tell you how many terraists I have snagged in my web of plastic sheeting....why do you hate our freedom?

[pinto]

11. They sure are shooting par for their course...Busboy goes on vacation,

Cheney's out buying a place on the Bay, and Brown's trying to figure out if CNN, MSNBC or Fox has more *inside info*. Now the "duct tape and cover" guy gets the nod....

[DancingBear]

12. Ha! - DUCT stands for Damn U Communist Traitor

I'm stockin' up myself - you can just go wait for Pravda or somethin'.

Harumph.

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

13. and don't forget it was all a hoax

[Ladyhawk]

14. I thought it was "Jesus Christ on a Trailer Hitch"...

:shrug:

[DancingBear]

22. I thought it was Jesus H. Christ on a trailer hitch

but then again, I went to college in Ohio...

[Ladyhawk]

24. I never get a straight answer...what does the "H." stand for? n/t

[DancingBear]

28. I have NO idea - anyone??? n/t

[Contrary1]

31. Harold

as in: Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name.

[Ladyhawk]

34. I thought it was "Hollow Ed"?

:shrug:

[Contrary1]

37. Or maybe one of the explanations found here:

http://www.answers.com/topic/jesus-h-christ

[hootinholler]

59. No, it's Howard be thy name. sheesh!

I bet you say trespasses when debts would do too :P

The H comes from the monagram IHS, which does not mean in his service, but, rather, is JES with greecian spelling transliterated back into the english alphabet.

-Hoot

[Contrary1]

69. You would win that bet.

When my son was a toddler, he got the Lord's Prayer mixed up with Rock A Bye Baby. He was fine until he got to
"...as we forgive those who trespass in the treetops. When the bough breaks..."

Sure got a lot of chuckles in church.

[TahitiNut]

36. "Hallmark" (God cared enough to send the very best)

:silly: :dunce:

[Pathwalker]

45. Howard. Our Father...Howard be thy name.

[jbnow]

52. It is Horatio

Jesus Horatio Christ.

And for what is he on, a crutch a bus a trailer hitch...

Well duh since he resurrected he is omnipresent.

And speaking of the our father...when I was a kid I thought it was "Our father who aren't in heaven..." If he wasn't there, where was he?
Little did I know he had incarnated and was riding bikes, trailer hitches and using crutches.

[WillyT]

55. It Is !!!

:evilgrin:

[evlbstrd]

75. And they've improved the crucifix with that nifty hinge at the bottom!

[Arugula Latte]

92. I prefer "Luggage Rack Jesus"

You don't have to worry about the turning radius as much ...

[0rganism]

15. Better: mummify yourself with duct tape & plastic sheeting...

...THEN fling yourself into traffic, or simply have a friend duct tape your body to the front of a city bus.

[Wizard777]

17. Red Green should head Homeland Security and FEMA.

He's resourceful and he's got the color code thing down. He could have fixed the levee all by himself. You just have to park the Possum Lodge van in the hole and put lots of duct tape over it. At least he couldn't be any worse than Brown. Oh yeah and if Red thinks Harold is bad. Just wait until he meets Bush.

[Canadian Socialist]

53. If women don't find you handsome

at least they'll find you handy:rofl:
Plus, have you noticed? Red Green wears a belt AND suspenders! He is prepared for everything!

[CelticWinter]

70. My hubby just loves that show

Red Green could fix anything with his duct tape LOL.

[tavalon]

18. Can't fault him on the duct tape

Duct tape is useful for damn near anything. :hide:

:sarcasm:

[eridani]

76. Well it is. And don't forget the WD-40.

Between the two, you can solve any problem in the world. If it moves and it shouldn't, apply duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, apply WD-40.

[tavalon]

80. Amen sister!

I have kept many a household running on just those two things.

[Sapphire Blue]

19. Suggested use of duct tape to increase level of Homeland Security

[ismnotwasm]

41. I have that image

As one of my favorite refrigerator magnet's;-)

[mcscajun]

64. Just need one more loop of the stuff...

...around his hands so he can't SIGN anything!

I'm not kidding.

Okay...maybe I am.

I gotta go now. :hide:

[Sapphire Blue]

71. Then they can replace that loop w/handcuffs as he's hauled off to prison.

[ModerateLee]

20. LOL!!!!!!!

We need to name him 'Saran Wrap' or 'Hefty Bag' or some such!

[Pierre Trudeau]

21. why not just appoint Red Green instead?

The bewilderingly popular but marginally semi-funny Canadian television character has been extolling the virtues of duct tape for years.

[laruemtt]

63. oh god i miss Red Green!

we don't get him down here in st. lucia. 15 more months..... hope * leaves something to come home to.

[jokerman93]

23. When are we going to face it?

We're dealing with a government wide shell game here. The Bushco governement is sham. We're on our own.

[ismnotwasm]

25. wa--WHAT?

Does * HAVE to always be a complete idiot? Does he take classes or something? Is there a The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being an Idiot book? (His real "Summer reading list")
Oh, excuse me, I have to go buy some duct tape now so I can feel safe. I hear it stops earthquakes and levee's busting. Not to mention car bombs. Great stuff, duct tape.

[yy4me]

39. Idiots for Dummies!

n/t

[KyndCulture]

26. New guy dumb as old guy... story of the administration.

[cinci_democrat]

46. Meet the new boss...same as the old boss

[Old Mouse]

27. FEMA recommends...

...tying pillows onto your head with bungee cords before flinging yourself into traffic.

[Garbo 2004]

42. LOL....

[katinmn]

29. Nooooooooooooooo! Not that guy!

Just when you think they are panicking and want to do one thing right.

This is so awful it's funny. :rofl:

[sakabatou]

35. Suffocating is so much easier than dying of... regular air.

[Kerrytravelers]

38. The BIG question:

What dog and pony show did this guy (kinda) run?

[Infomaniac]

40. You neglected to mention the garlic leis and lucky rabbit's foot.

Yup. We're safer. Uh-huh. I just keep telling myself that. Yup. I think the traffic fling is the fallback position.

[lonestarnot]

43. LOL Please control yourself...

[Gregorian]

44. Hey, at least it's better than "Duck and cover".

And it's original.

We're making progress.

And don't complain: Where I'm from, there isn't enough traffic to fling myself into. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[Arkham House]

47. It Could Be Worse...

...it might have been Reagan's "with enough shovels we'll all survive nuclear war" guy...:-(...

[Warren DeMontague]

48. OTOH, you know, the wife and I had quite a bit of fun

with that plastic sheeting and duct tape.

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

[Peace Patriot]

49. Very funny line, Will, but please don't (fling yourself into traffic). We

need you!

[spanone]

50. That's one of the funniest thread names I've ever seen.

duct tape.....geez

[kineneb]

51. Will, don't fling yourself into traffic

he really isn't worth it. And stop beating your head on that wall; it causes hair loss and the wall doesn't care.

Seriously, BushCo is up to their usual tricks: appoint a buddy who is totally incompetent.

Now I'll get back to making that duct tape wallet...:)

[Usrename]

54. Better get some duct tape and plastic.

Don't want to be an unprepared stupid ass that deserved to die because the terra-ist released nerve gas at the big demonstration.

[Roy]

56. As much as can be expected though.

Republicans are not as high on qualifications as they are on campaign contributions.

After all, they put their best and brightest (GW) in the presidency. So they're just a tad short on 'qualified' people for other positions.

[undeterred]

57. Now I feel safe.

[pitohui]

58. plastic sheeting & duct tape is currrently holding my home together

forgive me if i don't care what someone in massachusetts thinks abt it

you need to secure yr home aga. damp & there are no contractors available, OK?

this is a big improvement over the horse judge guy who if he had any decency would quietly commit seppuko because he is such a disgrace to the human race

yes, you should have those items available for emergency

next question mr. pitt who does not have huge holes in his house & knows not whereof he speaks?

ppl who didn't buy tarps are rilly rilly kicking themselves right abt now

get a clue train, there is nothing in the bible that sez god can't make it rain after a natural disaster punches holes in yr dwelling!

[Warren DeMontague]

67. No one is saying you shouldn't have those things...

or be prepared for an emergency.

Saying that this administration's track record regarding its bullshit blather around suspiciously timed "terror alerts" bears any sort of resemblance to competency is something else.

Does anyone besides me remember the CONTEXT of the "plastic sheeting and duct tape" warning? It was right before the weekend of the big pre-Iraq war protest rallies. And it came with that other warning-- "stay away from big crowds".. (like, say, rallies-- right?) Which I have to believe they had trouble delivering with a straight face.

[pitohui]

89. agreed you're right

but anything's better than the other dude & we were never going to get actual COMPETENCE from these ppl

[Warren DeMontague]

94. Oh, believe me- I'm astounded someone with the Bush admin. actually

lost their JOB over something besides contradicting the boss in public. That's gotta be a first- normally this shithead would get a promotion, or a medal.

[sandnsea]

77. right solution, wrong crisis

That's more than we've gotten from anybody else in this misadministration.

[Laurab]

83. Huh? n/t

[David Zephyr]

60. Ha.

I'm race you into the traffic. I'm diving under the tractor trailers.

[mcscajun]

61. Un-fucking-believable.

He's supposed to be an IMPROVEMENT?

Mr. "Plastic Sheeting and Duct Tape" is who's going to save us all now?

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Can we form a line for that heavily trafficked intersection?

[The Traveler]

65. Nah ... fling someone else into traffic

You can do some good that way and it will feel great! (I have some suggestions if no names leap to mind ... :evilgrin: )

[symbolman]

72. Yep

and at Takebackthemedia.com I made this flash political attack ad just for him and Ridge -- enjoy, music by the Dandy Warhols..

THis one is called "Duct Tape Theater"

http://66.230.230.110/geeklog/public_html/staticpages/index.php?page=20040602184656622

[Miss Chybil]

73. I don't think I can picture a bald-headed, gimpy Jesus.

My mind just won't go there. Of course, my mind couldn't have imagined watching Americans die on live television as they waited for the cavalry,either. So, I'll work harder on the crippled Jesus thing. You never know, anymore. The times, they are a'changin'....

[spacelady]

74. I just started laughing and shaking my head in an hysterical manner

And I don't seem to be able to stop. Help me please.

[Arugula Latte]

93. Okay.

:spank: Knock if off, Dammit!!

There, that's better.

[spacelady]

95. I Just saw your reply, thanks for the bat! lol, I Do feel better. n/t

[all.of.me]

78. protect themselves from what?!?!?! terrists?

so we have gone from bad to worse, i see....

[hunter]

79. I am now busy applying said items to the San Andreas fault...

Living here in California there is little other hope for us now.

[hvn_nbr_2]

81. Look on the bright side... :-)

The next installment of TOONS will be great.

Letterman et al will have good material.

Maybe even the presstitute corps' new-found cajones will show up and they'll ask about it. "Mr. President, with enough plastic sheeting and duct tape, could New Orleans have been saved?"

[struggle4progress]

82. If only New Orleans public officials had heeded Paulson's advice ..

.. they would have had duct tape and plastic enough to repair the levees ten times over: so you see, it's still really all their own fault ...

[spuddonna]

85. LOL I'm recommending this for greatest just for your subject title!

Now announcing our new FEMA head...

(duh duh duh daaah!)

DUCT TAPE MAN!!!

Please... Aren't there any grown-ups in this administration? sigh :eyes:

[txaslftist]

86. The duct tape guy...Jeebus.

[JHB]

87. Hey, with enough plastic sheeting and duct tape...

...you can seal a house against flooding, create a still for fresh water, and build a plane to fly to safety.

Just ask MacGuyver.

[mom cat]

88. I feel so relieved and so safe now!

:saracasm:

[Vinca]

90. Look at the bright side - at least he recommended something and,

truth be told, just about everything can be fixed with duct tape.:rofl:

[many a good man]

91. Anybody seen a photo of this guy?