U.S. Army Smashes Records as Young Republicans Rush to Enlist (Satire)

[NNN0LHI]

http://www.unconfirmedsources.com/?itemid=1044

Unconfirmed sources report that the U.S. Army has set a new recruiting record in the wake of President Bush's address to the nation last Tuesday. Young Republicans are flocking to Army recruiting centers to join up and volunteer to serve in Iraq. The flood of new recruits has caught the Army off guard and long lines are forming across the nation. If this flood of recruits keeps up the Army estimates it will actually have to close many recruiting centers.

"President Bush has preformed a miracle." Says Michael D. Rochelle, head of recruiting command for the US Army. "We've got young men and women lining up outside recruiting centers waiting their turn to enlist. I've never seen anything like it. In the two days since the President spoke we have made up for all of last year's low recruitment and met our goals for the rest of the current year. If this keeps up we will have to shut down our recruitments centers, we won't be able to train that many more new recruits."

A sampling of the flood of new recruits finds that 95% of them are registered Republicans, many admitting that have been swept up by the Presidents stirring words of the other night.

"After hearing the President speak my heart told me to join up immediately." Says Kevin Whycliff, a senior at George Town University, who had been studying economics before he quit to enlist. "America needs me to fight, and who better to bear the burden of this fight than a guy like me. My family is rich, I've grown up with more privilege and opportunity than most and it's time to pay for it. I'm not going to run away from a fight like some draft dodging rich kid with family connections. No sir, even though there is no draft it is the responsibility of privileged Americans to fight this fight."

[marbuc]

1. Is this a joke?

Edit: didn't see "satire" in the title.

[NNN0LHI]

3. Read the subject line...

:banghead:

[marbuc]

4. read the edit

didn't see it the first time.

[fortyfeetunder]

2. Good. It's about time

If they did, the positions open would be feeding the camels or some inane low risk assignment...

[tabasco]

5. I wish it was true.

Since these flag-waving cowards lack the backbone to fight the war they support, the Army is scraping the bottom of the barrel to find warm bodies. I have officially been scraped and report for duty on the 9th of next month.

Of course, the Army actually missed its recruiting quota by about 10,000 recruits this fiscal year. This cannot be maintained. It will not be long before we hear of a draft, because after the Army calls up the old farts like me (47), there's nobody left !

Here's to republicans everywhere:

[Canuckistanian]

6. Oh, it's a fairy-tale story...

The kind that Phyllis Schlafly would read to her grandkids to get them good and scared.