Mormons Find Loophole Through Gay Marriage

[proud2BlibKansan]

Written by Nefarious Aflatus

Americans woke to the realization today of the sheer brilliance employed within the Mormon religion and its church.

They have effectively turned themselves from a religious institution to a financial mega-monster in a non profit disguise and It would seem that in the wake of the gay marriage success, the Mormons have found a loop hole through which to continue to defy the monogomous standards of the rest of American society. From initial evaluations it appears that many of the pro-polygamy Mormons have used the legalized gay "unions" to their advantage... going from insisting that their multiple wives are just their "good friends" to citing them as lesbian couples that "happen to live next door, who are, by the way, legally united."

When questioned about this "radical" approach to polygamy, one of the Bishops of the Salt Lake city stake responded; "Given that our (the Mormons) current assets total no less than $30 billion dollars in the United States....and our annual income is no less than $5.9 billion dollars.... and given that once we gave up actually believing in a higher power and went headlong into power and money with our near takeover of Pepsi, ...foresaking our belief structures abstinence of caffeine ....not to mention our recent Gubernatorial success in Massachusetts .....a few of us got together and decided... ah? Screw it! What the hell? The gays and lesbians are going to make so much ruckus anyhow, we might as well use it too. They might even prove to be great political puppet material. Besides, what and who are going to do anything about it anyhow? We have the American religious right on a leash...being the largest financial influence in that arena within the United States... especially given that we are the largest of such "birthed" in the U.S..... and that's not to mention Donny and Marie......I'm a little dubby doobie doobiee..ba dat di doobi la la la la...." he sang as he did an almost Charles Manson like "Charlie Brown" dance which had a seriously disturbing, vacant aura about it.

"Most people aren't familiar with the very radical changes that took place beginning in the late seventies and early eighties..." he continued...."that is when finance really began to be larger in the church than ever before... but really, we had no choice... I mean really? All that money to be made? And now that we look back at it.... not drinking caffeine was kind of dumb, anyways.... and everyone else agrees... so we don't think it a hypocritical stance anymore.... but NOOOOOoo tobacco! That is a line that is sacred!" .....As he then freaked me out with finishing his statement in a near perfect imitation of Pee Wee Herman; "It is written in our holy word! Ha Ha!

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