Jeb Bush Reveals His “Mystical Warrior” Friend

[sabra]

http://thinkprogress.org/2005/09/20/jeb-bush-reveals/

Jeb Bush Reveals His “Mystical Warrior” Friend
Last week, after “more than an hour of solemn ceremony” swearing in Rep. Marco Rubio (R-FL) as House speaker, Gov. Jeb Bush stepped to the podium to tell “a short story about ‘unleashing Chang,’ his ‘mystical warrior’ friend.”

Below, courtesy of the Gainesville Sun, are Bush’s words, “spoken before hundreds of lawmakers and politicians”:




“Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

“I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.”


Bush then unsheathed a golden sword and gave it to Rubio as a gift.

‘’I'm going to bestow to you the sword of a great conservative warrior,'’ he said, as the crowd roared.

[phantom power]

1. These guys really are nuts. Off the rails.

[sui generis]

6. sounds like they're "on" the rails

those big white powdery ones.

[yellowcanine]

2. How phallic of him. Is Jebbie a closet gay?

[ChairmanAgnostic]

3. thou shalt not honot false gods, jeb.

Just thought you ought to know.

[flvegan]

4. Bet "Chang" gets blamed for any blunders Jebbie performs

Yeah, next Florida hurricane snafu, Georgie can't blame his bro. Blame Chang.

[Poll_Blind]

5. What the shit?!?!

Goddamn. It's the Fruitcake Times*.


* After the End Times, just before the universe ultimately ends.

PB

[Marnieworld]

7. C'mon now. this is a joke right?

Breaking:Governor has invisible friend. News at 11.

[DarkTirade]

41. What, and his brother doesn't?

His brother's invisible friend just happens to have a more common name.

[Marnieworld]

57. Yah but that's everyone's invisible friend

So that makes perfect sense. :eyes:

[Cats Against Frist]

60. Yeah the "Help-A-Dope 3000," which he wears strapped to his back. n/t

[DarkTirade]

63. I still think

it's a giant Energizer battery to keep him running.

[orion9941]

8. What the hell?!

What sort of mumbo-jumbo happy horse shit is that?!

[kweerwolf]

9. WTF?!?!?! ... Chang? Dang!

What a shame Chang wasn't around to keep Jebbie's son out of trouble last weekend in Texas, what with Chang's belief in "moral values" and all.

But then maybe Jeb's kids have their own mystical spirit ... and I'd put money on it being the ghost of John Belushi.

Toga! Toga! Toga! :toast:

[MADem]

35. HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!!!! You clever wag, you!!!

Well....seeing as we are in debt to China up to our asses, why shouldn't chubby Jebby's pal be called Chang?

Why do I suspect he named his penis that as well????

[kweerwolf]

39. He may as well call his wang "Chang" ...

... because he certainly couldn't call it "Hung Lo"
:evilgrin:

[MADem]

45. Well, perhaps his grave disappointment in his member could be

cause for him crying out, in frustration, anger, envy and dismay, "DANG, CHANG!!!!!"

You gave me my laugh of the day!!!!

[mzteris]

10. ijut doesn't know that

CHANG is the word for SPEAR.

[sui generis]

11. "Stang is somebody who believes in

conservative principles, believes in capitalism, believes in republican moral values that underpin a sick closeted repressed society.

I rely on Stang with great frequency in my private life. He has been by my side, in my side, inside my (ahem), and sometimes I put him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.

Bush then unsheathed a golden dildo and gave it to Rubio as a gift.

I'm going to bestow to you the dildo of a great conservative warrior, he said, and the crowd roared.

[phantom power]

12. So, I just read the entire article. It's maybe not as insane as I thought

It's actually a reference to a family metaphor. On the other hand, I still think it's more than a bit weird for politicians to be giving each other golden swords, as part of a swearing-in ceremony.

The crowd, however, could be excused for not understanding Bush's enigmatic foray into the realm of Eastern mysticism. We're here to help.

In a 1989 Washington Post article on the politics of tennis, former President George Bush was quoted as threatening to ''unleash Chang'' as a means of intimidating other players.

The saying was apparently quite popular with Gov. Bush's father, and referred to a legendary warrior named Chang who was called upon to settle political disputes in Chinese dynasties of yore.

The phrase has evolved, under Gov. Jeb Bush's use, to mean the need to fix conflicts or disagreements over an issue. Faced with a stalemate, the governor apparently "unleashes Chang" as a rhetorical device, signaling it's time to stop arguing and start agreeing.

[MaineDem]

14. He meant Michael Chang, the tennis pro

:evilgrin:

[MADem]

37. Well, they crowned REV MOON in a Senate Office Building

And after a great deal of hemming and hawing, Sen. John Warner (R VA) finally confessed that his office had reserved the room. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A19-2004Jul20.html

Yo, Moonie, how's yer Chang hangin'?????

[phantom power]

38. Funny, this story also made me think of the Moon crowning ceremony.

We tend to think of politicians as cold cynics, but there seems to be at least an equal measure of wild-eyed mysticism in many current politicians.

It's all just a bit creepy.

[Sequoia]

13. I have a parking angel

Right before I need to park in a busy place I call on her and wham-o, there's a spot. However, I have to pay for her services by being nice to people on the road and plugging in a quarter for someone's car where the meter is about to run out and the meter maid is speeding up to give a ticket. You too can have a parking angel, just do what I do only don't go to the same place I am or the angels will have a sword fight...ka Chang!

[mzteris]

15. Poppy bush had a chang, too

Maybe it's a family thing:
In a 1989 Washington Post article on the politics of tennis, former President George Bush was quoted as threatening to "unleash Chang" as a means of intimidating other players.
http://aikane.blogspot.com/

[phantom power]

16. They are referring to the same Chang.

According to the article, it's become a family thing.

[daninthemoon]

17. OK, The golden sword is the wierdest part, but I'm not willing to

just dismiss Chang as a bush figure of speech. Just consider the possibilty that Chang is an actual demonic presence that favors the imperial family. Does anyone think any of these knuckleheads got where they are on their own merits? Not saying...just consider.

[Imagevision]

18. Jeb Bush: daughters a druggie - the son is a drunk, helluva parent!

[tgnyc]

31. He needs to unleash Chang on their asses!

[kestrel91316]

19. Jebbie has an imaginary friend??

[LouisianaLiberal]

20. I wish I could be delusional too.

Life would be so much easier. Even if I were delusional I don't think I could become a Republican - I still wouldn't be able to reconcile the conflicting ideas that are inherent in that strange ideology.

[pepperlove]

21. As if

"brother *" needs more embarrassment at the moment hahahaha

[Joe Chi Minh]

22. Only difference is...

he's a warrior, not a chickenhawk. Could the empathy be imagined - like a child's invisible friend?.

Do I hear Blair asking me, "Why do you hate America?" Don't laugh, but apparently, the Dirty Digger confided in someone that Blair was furious because the BBC reported Katrina with an appreciable measure of honesty, and actually asked DD, "Why do they hate America!!!" I kid you not! I reckon DD was probably in stitches himself.

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

23. WTF! I recommended this, we need to keep it out there for a while.

MKJ

[Joe Chi Minh]

24. Only difference is...

his mystical friend is a warrior, not a chickenhawk. Could the empathy be imagined - like a child's invisible friend?.

Would he recognise a "leader of men" in any of the neocons? He'd have to find them within a thousand miles of the battlefield, first, wouldn't he.

[mzteris]

25. even the freeps are freaked.....

lol.......

[FSogol]

26. He calls it "Chang"? I though he'd call it "Little Jeb" nt

[tabasco]

27. Maybe Chang should visit the Army recruiting office.

Army recruiting short 10,000 recruits this fiscal year.

Did Jebbie ever consider actual military service? Nope. Just lives in his dreams with his warrior friend Chang. That's about as close as any of these silver (coke) spoon cowards come to being in the Army.

[MsTryska]

28. you know what......jebbie needs to put his sword away

and start attending to those hellions he's given birth too.


Heard one of 'em got popped again for a DUI over the weekend.

[izzybeans]

29. Chang is quite a probe isn't he? The last of the Deliverance Samurai.

Geesh. Lay off the mushrooms dude. They're best used when not surrounded by right wing loonies and their weapons. Jeb Bush, and his psychodelic anal beads, has blasted compassionate conservatism into another dimension.

[berni_mccoy]

30. Maybe Jeb takes over the title of Cukoobananas?

[July]

32. Anybody remember Hillary getting pilloried for her "talks" w/

Eleanor Roosevelt?

I get it. IOKIYAR.

[progressoid]

33. Whaaa? Maybe Rush or Sean can 'splain what the fuck that's all about!

[DemocracyInaction]

34. I loved to play dress up when I was a kid too--looks like these

two wack jobs still love to do it. Georgie wants to play in the "fighter pilot" outfit and Jebbie wants to pretend he's a Japanese warrior. Maybe there just practicin' for Halloween when Babs will take them around Trick or Treating. They seem to like the trick part but don't like "treating". What I want to know is why didn't he hand the guy a "cross" in that they profess to be such warriors for Christ!! (I'd be ashamed to have these two utter assholes as my sons.............).

[Historic NY]

36. Humm.....what does Dr. Sigmund Freud say about that.....

Dr. Freud thought it was abnormal. So Jebby is so child-like he needs an imaginary friend to help him cope. Strange indeed, the Bush family.

[sabra]

40. very strange... :-)

[corbett]

42. Hang Onto This Story For 2008 When He Runs For VP

I stand by my prediction that he will be McCain's runningmate for the Republican presidential ticket.

[Arkana]

43. Just once, I want to see Dubya flip out at a press conference

and scream "I'M UNLEASHING THE MIGHT OF CHANG!"

[satya]

44. LOL! I force myself to watch his speeches just to see him lose it. n/t

[hootinholler]

46. I'll see your chang and raise you

A Cheech and Chong.

That ought to get the joint buzzin!

:hippie:

-Hoot

[Vinnie From Indy]

47. When Jeb and his family aren't sucking "Chang" dry of his wisdom

and courage, you can be sure they have him doing the laundry.

[CantGetFooledAgain]

48. I love the fact that the mystical warrior "Chang"...

...also just happens to be a conservative. I've got a hunch that that ol' Chang is dead set against the "death tax", and that he thinks that state and local authorities should have handled Katrina by themselves...

[Bluebear]

49. Yeah, yeah, every guy has a pet name for it.

:evilgrin:

[QC]

50. How about Noelle's mystical warrior friend, Xanax?

When will we hear more about her?

[Jawja]

51. Jeb Bush is

a PAGAN??? (gasp!!)

:wow:

[AnnieBW]

52. He's a Kloset Klingon

And this is his General Chang (From Star Trek VI)



I'd love to see Jeb in a turtlehead! Qa'pla!

[Cha]

53. Could jeebie be any more of

a farce? Could he possibly be anymore of a caricature of a sleaze gluttonous politician, fleecing the great brainwashed outta their life savings?

bush could only have zero like him for a brother. poppy and babs should be indicted for unleashing unholy shit on the Planet Earth.

[Straight Shooter]

54. I've heard some horsesh*t in my life, but this just about beats all.

A conservative mystical warrior? How low does the bush IQ go? :eyes:

[GarySeven]

55. Ca mon you guys - don't you remember his DAD saying that?

The first President Bush used that line all the time. Is there anyone on this board older than 19?

[Fire Walk With Me]

56. One of these is not like the other.

"moral values"
"free society"
"conservative warrior"

Please tell me this is something that won't pass the snopes test.

[tlsmith1963]

58. He's Nuts, & it's *Okay*?!!

Geez, if I publicly said anything like that, I would be hauled off to the loony bin right now. But since all the neocons are crazy, it's perfectly okay for Jeb.:crazy:

Tammy

[Blackwater]

59. His brother has been known to seek guidance from supernatural beings too

[ProfessorPlum]

61. Maybe Jeb thinks he is "Eng"

this seems like really odd behavior.

[rniel]

62. Can I strangle "chang"

n/m