Shocks to our system: How do you process/fear/anger/loss/ stress?

[Dover]

I just saw a thread locked due to its 'inflammatory' nature. Of course our nerves get frayed with these shocks to our collective system. I have a friend in NYC who was a block from the 9/11 event whom I kept in close communication with . Her anger grew daily, more and more out of all proportion to the things she claimed to be angry at, and I recognised that she was experiencing post traumatic stress. I later discovered hers was not an isolated case, and that it had become epidemic in NYC in particular (although the whole country also suffered some level of PTS too).

I can understand where that poster who posted that locked thread was coming from...the N.O. officials were chastised mercilessly for their emergency efforts and the Bush administration and some Texas officials in their camp, joined in, shifted blame, etc. to deflect the blame being put on themselves. So of course that caused resentment. Particularly when people are dealing with crisis and are at their most vulnerable. But beneath all the petty crap is fear, anger, pain, and all the effects of shock.

I think the scale of these disasters will quickly humble anyone who mistakenly THINKS they have things under control...

It seems our fuses are getting shorter and shorter, along with our patience as our coping mechanisms are put to the test. Frustrations have no immediate outlet, and often there's no immediate action to take either. We are all susceptible to moments of misdirected anger aren't we? A little more tolerance of our own weaknesses might help build compassion. A little more conscious understanding of the very real and raw feelings we are all sharing, and the creation of a safe place for one another to gather would help us all to cope better.

It will take a long time to get through all the emotional stuff that comes with these shocks to our systems too (grief/loss/sudden change), let alone the profound changes they will have on so many lives and the country generally.

So how can we deal with this stress better individually as well as here on DU as a group so we can support one another rather than add to the stress?

[castiron]

1. First, offer kind words, after taking a deep breath.

Someone did this for me during a raging, angry post that was deleted by the moderator! I was humbled to read the kind words that flowed from my bitter post. I suggest we assume the poster or the person is good and that this emotion is abberration. Give second chances.

[Dover]

9. I've had that experience too. I was lost in my anger, but someone saw

through it......they saw ME, and had great compassion for that person behind my angry mask that was actually feeling such pain.
I found my anger turning to tears.
What a gift that was!

[whatever4]

2. Thanks for your post

Myself, I'm just handling it all badly, that's just all there is to it. I appreciate this site a lot.

[castiron]

3. Me, too.

[WiseButAngrySara]

13. Me three!!............n/t

[Dover]

What do you mean 'badly'?

Sounds like you are being very hard on yourself, eh?

[spuddonna]

4. I'm eating an entire container of cookies...

food abuse... :) It helps me a little! I guess it's better than booze...

[SeattleGirl]

5. I try to find things to laugh at

Laughter is a great way to release stress, anger, etc. Doesn't mean it takes it away, but just gives you a little respite, a little release. And please do NOT feel guilty if you need to "excuse" yourself for a bit and go laugh at something.

Years ago,when I was going through a painful divorce, a therapist I was seeing stopped me mid-I-gotta-make-everything-okay-or-the-world-will-fall-apart rants, and said, "Who recharges YOUR batteries?" That question stopped me cold. His point was that yes, I had responsibilities, I had pain, etc., but the best way for me to get through this very painful period of my life was to find a way to laugh, to lean on others for awhile (not an easy thing for me to do!), and to take periodic rests so that I could recharge my "batteries" and continue on.

So please, everyone, whenever and if-ever you can, take a moment to catch your breath, regroup, and laugh if you can (acknowledging that some in our community don't have a hell of a lot to laugh about if they are caught in the aftermath of Katrina or the current crisis of Rita).

We have to take care of ourselves as best we can, so that we can continue our fight, and continue to look out for each other.

:grouphug:

[Dover]

7. Yes me too. HUMOR (at myself) provides me a broader perspective.

and that perspective gives me greater compassion for myself. Once I've forgiven myself, THEN I can take whatever action is required to resolve things...whether that's an apology to someone I went off on, or taking more assertive action to clear the air in some situation. And what a relief that is!

[SeattleGirl]

10. 'xactly!!!!

I had a friend (rest her beautiful soul) with whom I learned to laugh at myself, and she at herself. One of the BEST gifts she and I ever go. We both had alcholic parents (my dad, and both her parents), and grew up feeling we had to be perfect. We leared to laugh at ourselves and man, was that a great thing! Has helped me for years! (Thanks Genie!)

[Tace]

6. I'm Madder Than A Hornet

I was a mile away from Ground Zero. There's no question about PTS.

I cope by focusing my attention and energy on my two beautiful little girls and my lovely wife. And the little time I have left, I'm working to fix what I see is wrong with this country... starting with the vote sham.

I'm mad as hell. And I'm not going to take it any more.

[Dover]

24. Sounds like an excellent way to channel the anger!

But don't forget to nourish yourself! Your engine needs good quality fuel to keep going and not burn out.

[murielm99]

8. Go beyond the superficial.

Respond in a kind way to someone you don't usually interact with. Even if they do not answer, it might help the tone.

We were all pretty raw after the election. Many people posted in a thread with their real names, and something about their lives. That helped some of us. I actually got a few PMs from people who had some things in common with me. It made me feel accepted.

Or, respond with humor. Even in a terrible flame-fest, a joke can break up the anger. One of the things I like best about DU is the humor. Sometimes laughter is the only way to get through these dark times.

Thank you for putting it so well.

[sam sarrha]

11. meditation trains the mind to not associate emotions with thoughts..

when we do have emotional responces.. they are identified as such, and they dont take us off on a runaway train..

with proper practice we aquire what is called 'Skillful Means', which is sort of a clairvoyant skill of what is the most appropriate and effective way to deal with a situation.. our own or anothers.

[NIGHT TRIPPER]

12. find a leader skilled in eastern techniques of dealing (meditation etc.,)

in one's personal life of course (not at D.U.)--

Too hard to do it oneself...much easier when you find a group--Best to find one where the teachers/leaders have studied the greater part of their life.

Groups can help more than anything you can pick up on your own--kind of like learning computers or music or painting--there's a limit to what you can get on your own...
Many eastern techniqes are absolutely practical and not philosophical or intellectual.--
There's such a large variety of groups-
Mediation-->Indian or Japanese or whatever
---->Yoga is VERY VERY helpful to strengthen the endocrine systems and the entire body.
----->Diet is VERY VERY important for frame of mind

[Digit]

14. I began meditating again

I KNEW I had to get some of the stress off since I found myself crying everyday since Katrina and only able to sleep for 3 hours at a time. My eyelids looked horrible, so puffy, and besides...I was exhausted.
I had learned TM (transcendental meditation) back in the 70's and since I am unemployed, I figured it was the least expensive, and quickest fix I could try.
I began doing it twice a day, and can say it has helped.
In addition, I am also writing to the media regarding issues that need to be addressed more than usual. I sometimes get discouraged by those who carry on like there is nothing wrong with our country, or those who complain, but do nothing about it.
I can no longer be concerned for them as I will do my part to bring about change. Oh, I will point things out to them, and recommend DU, but it is their choice.
AS for other DU'ers...I have posted encouragement to new DU'ers who have received no replies, and then in a few recent posts, I tried to rescue them only to find the thread locked. I wondered where that ERROR came from! They had passion, but it was misread.
These are trying times, and there are alot of unknowns in our future.
Take a deep breath, and chose your words carefully...we are all in this community together.

[NorthernSpy]

15. me, I light candles and draw butterflies and rainbows...

And the Care Bears are coming over later. That should be fun!
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:................


Actually, it's called "bourbon". Sante.

[The Backlash Cometh]

16. I think we're all walking time-bombs.

Distracton is the only thing that works. The "Life goes on" syndrome. You just try to imprint on what everybody else is doing and hope that everything and everybody around you is practicing good behavior. Then, suddenly you get involved, and then suddenly the void feels a little smaller.

[Mutley]

17. Speaking for myself...

All I can do is step away from it for awhile. I have to take a day or two and pretend like I know nothing of what is going on. In the first few weeks after Katrina I had to take two days to completely ignore what was going on because I could feel myself coming close to the breaking point. That is all we can do. Take a break, then come back refreshed and ready to keep fighting.

Nominated, BTW.

edit: I recommend that everyone spend a little time in the Lounge at least every few days. Posts there are largely light and humorous. It is a great way to decompress if you don't want to spend time away from DU.

[Dover]

18. Yes, I step out into my garden and pull some weeds! Plant some veggies.

I recommend everyone leave cyberspace and touch the ground often...and others.

[coffeenap]

19. It probably sounds simplistic, but it works for me: Just be kind to as

many people in as many instances as you can. Look into the eyes of the gal at the drive-thru, let two or three people in front of you in the grocery line, don't get angry at bad drivers, remember the kind of flowers someone likes and get them one, let someone explain something to you that you already know--just to make them feel useful, stop and pick up the trash you hate on the side of a quiet road, find something reasonable about your republican friend (that one is hard-LOL). I know it seems trite, but even if a person does not have the ability to do big things right now, small ones get you on the path. my 2 cents.

[crispini]

20. Here's my list.

Yoga
Dark, dark chocolate
Organic fruits and veggies
Omega-3 capsules
Walks
Vodka tonics
Live music, especially a "happy" upbeat band
Visiting the art museum
Bicycling

Now that the times are so stressful I really have to get in at least 2 or 3 of these a day. Sometimes I have to force myself, especially the "exercise" type ones (which are very, very effective) but it's SO worth it. Makes all the difference between a "falling apart" kind of a day and a "keeping it together" kind of a day.

[Dover]

21. I KNEW I forgot something...................

CHOCOLATE! Indeed...the darker the better. Now wouldn't we have a serious crisis in this country if they stopped supplying that little necessity?

Omega-3 and B vitamins, yoga/meditation are on my list too. And swimming at the local pool. Being in water (even just a hot bath) always calms me.

I also enjoy cooking for both friends AND acquaintances (like the woman at my local store who works four jobs). Those who don't have the time or inclination to have a good meal always appreciate it, and it's fun for me...nourishing on many levels.

[crispini]

22. I like Scharfen Berger 86% Extra Dark

It's almost bitter. It takes me a week or so to get through a bar. :)

[Dover]

23. Where do you get it? I thought you had to die and go to heaven

before you got to eat that stuff.O8) O8)

Are you an angel?

[crispini]

25. I buy it at that inexpressibly wonderful food mecca, Central Market.

But I'm sure most "foodie" type stores would have it and also you can buy it online. :)

http://www.scharffenberger.com/index.php O8)

[Dover]

27. Thanks. You ARE an angel!

I love Whole Foods and Central Market.

[Pharlo]

26. Write it out. Figure out what the root cause is

Once I have that figured out, I can deal with the symptoms.
Find the humor in the situation - there's always humor...sometimes it takes a very sarcastic bent, but there's always humor.

And when everything else fails, GET A PUPPY.

I can't stay angry or depressed around a puppy, and a poor mutt puppy gets a good home.....

[crispini]

28. kick

This is a nice thread.