Applying for a job at the White House...How does this sound?

[TalkingDog]

A friend sent this to me in response to the news story re: Mr. Brown's rehire by the WH.
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Dear George

I recently became aware of your search for professional consultants to testify in front of Congress on the recent failures of FEMA during and after hurricane Katrina. Seeing as how you are paying Brownie for his vast experience in being a screw-up during these hard economic times let me outline some of my failings over my career. First I had the foresight to be born into a family mired in multi-generational poverty. Although I showed a mistaken amount of initiative in procuring a college degree I did manage to rack up over $25,000 in debt before the age of 25. While this may seem like a pittance compared to the billions squandered by the DOD, Hallibuton, and Homeland Security, please keep in mind I was forced to attend second rate state universities. Imagine the kind of lifelong liability I could have racked up if I had attended Yale or Princeton!

My disaster management started early. Once while performing the weekly chore of burning the trash I nearly managed send the whole of Fairfield County , Ohio up in flames. My immediate superior (one Mr. X.) was clearly at fault for insisting that the trash pit be set in a district far removed from accessible water service. I also supervised a kitchen grease fire and a chimney fire during the same period. Clearly my other job priorities of studying early afternoon syndicated TV overburdened my work load to a degree comparable to vacationing at a summer ranch home in TX. More relevant than my actions before or during these catastrophes would be the stellar way I kept all mention of them out of the press. My immediate superiors at the time had no knowledge of their occurrence until one of my siblings ratted me out during Thanksgiving dinner nearly 20 years later.

In closing, I believe that my ability to squander opportunities and foul up the simplest task cannot be surpassed. Why, even the last six months on unemployment I have blown interview after interview by highlighting my reformed management skills and assuming that potential employers were actually looking at my qualifications instead of assuming the obvious. The most important job skill to bring to any new position should be how well can you cover your ass after the fact!

I will be available for interviews anytime I can get away from my online poker game. Feel free to email me at my home address and I will try to pen off a response in between surfing the web for porn.

Truly God Helps Those Who Help Themselves,

X.

[dhinojosa]

1. Youll do a heck of a job Doggie. haha

[Spazito]

2. LOL, great application but you failed!

First mistake, you put complete sentences together in a coherent form, that's a no-no.

Second, I cannot find one ummm, one errrr, one ahhhh, in your whole application, one must write as one speaks when applying in writing.

(Love your letter, it is actually perfect!)