My daughter is supposed to wear the Red, White, & Blue tomorrow

[Sabriel]

It's to honor the PE teacher who died in Iraq last weekend.

Why must they tie that sorry event into the flag? I hate it. And how do I explain to a six-year-old why her caregivers are against her participation in unthinking jingoism?

[fudge stripe cookays]

1. just put her in a red T-shirt and blue jeans

Do they have to wear the flag? You can express your protest in not going the whole 9 yards.

[Der Blaue Engel]

2. Why not honor the soldier unfairly murdered by Bush's war?

She doesn't have to be supporting the war to remember one of the fallen.

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. There are other ways to honor the fallen

For example, they can plant a tree
or make a donation to Disabled Vets
or write letters to wounded soldiers
or put a plaque in the hallway at the school.

[Der Blaue Engel]

37. Of course

I'm just saying it doesn't seem like it has to be taken as supporting the war, unless that's being explicitly stated. Any of the things you list could be done by warmongers too. (Not likely, but it could happen.) I think it's the intent that's important.

The only reason I make this point at all is that I think we should take back the flag from these pukes.

[proud2BlibKansan]

38. I understood your point

Sorry if I wasn't clear. I agree it is perfectly appropriate to honor the fallen ESPECIALLY for those of us who do not support the war that took their lives.

[justiceischeap]

3. You explain it to her in terms that you think she'll understand

and not be overwhelmed by. Of course this is advice from someone who has no kids and not much experience with them. I've found though that they get it most of the time. Maybe tell her she doesn't have to wear red, white & blue to honor the dead... does she comprehend dead at that age?

Good luck.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

4. Whoa. That's a hard one

I don't envy you the discussions you are about to get into. How far to go.. how much to say.

Good luck to you. I don't say that as a cliche. I mean it.


Just thought of something: does the school have "colors"? Maybe she could wear them for the teacher?

[cynatnite]

5. She's six years old

Gotta keep it simple with kids that age. Ask her what she wants to wear and let it go at that. That's how I handle my six year old.

[SidDithers]

43. I agree...

there are times to make a stand, and times to not single your kids out from their friends. Let her wear the colours, and explain to her that, someday down the road, when she's older, the two of you can have a grown-up talk about why the PE teacher died.

Sid

[politicaholic]

7. At least they're acknowledging that in war, people die...

They're not hiding the coffins so I say, sure, it's a little/a lot overtly agenda based patriotism, but go with it and then ask her what they said when she gets home.

[bertha katzenengel]

8. It's not up to the school to dictate what a child wears to honor someone.

Sabriel, here's hoping you have some strength & calm in explaining this stuff to your girl.

[LisaM]

9. It reminds me of a card I saw today

It showed a bunch of fans at a sporting event, and they announced "will the person with the American flag on their car please move it" and the whole crowd rushed out. The card then said something like "doesn't it feel good to root for the home team?" This is not a sporting event and we are not playing a game against another team.

I think I would let her pick out her red, white, and blue outfit, but then separately call the school and tell them that you would appreciate if they don't pull any stunts like that in the future. They are bullying you using your own child. Clearly, other children can make your child's life miserable and very well might if she dresses differently that day. It's unfair of them to put you in a position where your child might suffer. In fact, it's unthinkable. And I would also warn them against this stunt being played on or written about in local media.

[elfin]

10. She will want to be

with her classmates. A bit too young to make another kind of statement.

Let her wear it and try to give a simplistic statement that it is honoring that person and not the war itself.

[cynatnite]

14. I agree...

Keeping it simple is better and it doesn't give children that age more than they can comprehend and handle. It's about the person and that's what this should be about.

[Im with Rosey]

28. I agree

When my now 17 year old was that age, every week they did a wear something... day, obviously the death of someone is a different situation, but I think for the most part, kid don't do much thinking about serius things. I'd be surprised if she wouldn't be more upset if she wasn't wearing what everyone else is wearing. Kids process in a different way than we do.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

11. Teach her what civil disobedience means.

Have her wear what you prefer or just keep her home and read her a book.

[LisaM]

15. But she's only six!

If she were twelve, she would be capable of thinking it through. You can't send a six-year old to school dressed differently from other kids. It could be very scarring.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

33. Kids are reslient.

Black parents sent their kids to school through jeering crowds shouting obscenities and threats at them.

So what are they going to do if she wears something different? Make fun of her? Most kids experience that regularly without ending up in a penitentiary or an asylum.

Should it be that way? No. But it is. Teaching her to conform in fear of being "different" is far more harmful. Unless you want an abedient little worker bee to emerge.

[dbonds]

12. Would light purple pass for red white and blue combined?

[leftchick]

13. I always dress my kids in Black on RW&B days

or one solid color. This flag adoration shit is too nazi like for me.

[Spinzonner]

29. Your kids are Goth ?

:-)

[leftchick]

no

Since Sept. 11 I have always thought of black as more approriate considering the USA LET its citizens die. The nazi like patriotism makes me ill.

Though I have no problem if the go Goth as long as they still communicate with their mother. :)

[Sabriel]

16. When she came home Monday...

She informed us the principal had told everyone the PE teacher had been killed in the Iraq War. Then she corrected herself and said, "I mean, the Iraq INVASION."

Heh! I guess she's been listening in to my partner and me.

I'll ask her what she wants to wear tomorrow and ask her to explain her reasoning for her decision. That's good enough for me.

Thanks to all who responded. The whole situation has been utterly depressing for everyone concerned.

He just finished going through the Teacher Ed program at UW-Oshkosh, had just gotten married and bought a house. What a complete waste.

[Solon]

19. Let her wear the Red White and Blue...

And put on a "Go France!" or "Viva Cuba" button on it. Of course this is what I did back in high school when they had these types of days, not necessarily appropriate for a 6 year old.

[LisaM]

20. I heard a story like that today

the daughter of a soldier killed a day or so ago had published a story in the paper about her father's trip home on leave. It was published in the paper the same day as his obituary.

WASTE.

[Nobody]

24. Good for you, your daughter can think for herself

I particularly like the asking for her reasons for choosing the clothes she's choosing.

Your daughter will never be a sheep.

[Mz Pip]

17. Is Bush coming to the school

for one of his photo ops?

I've always thought of red, white and blue as sort of celebratory colors, not the colors of mourning. Black makes more sense. As an above poster pointed out, this is not some sporting event where we wear the colors of the home team and cheer.

I'd call the school and express sadness at the death of the PE teacher but voice concerns about the appropriateness of the pep rally type of message this kind of display is sending.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[Tamyrlin79]

18. Seize the flag for OUR side, yo!

Put her in all the red white and blue you can find... with a "bring the troops home NOW!" ribbon/sign/sticker attached to her lapel. Let her show that you can be patriotic AND oppose the war at the same time.

[Sabriel]

22. That's awfully tempting

I did think about doing it, but wouldn't I be using her in the same way the school people are? I'm torn, really.

[liberalnurse]

21. Dress her in black......

Give her the talking points and let the chips fall. You don't have to be coerced.

[ucmike]

41. aren't there enough "talking points" already.

do we really need to arm six year olds with talking points? sounds like exactly the sort of thing that we scream about the rw'ers doing.

[jmm]

23. A few years ago when my job wanted us to wear red, white, & blue

for a couple of weeks leading up to the fourth of July I tried to explain to my boss why I felt patriotism shouldn't be forced on people or be exploited for business reasons. She said the policy came down from people higher up from her and I had to do it. I just happened to own a set of red, white and blue Care Bear pj's so I wore it the first day. She asked me why I came to work like that. I had memorized the dress code and asked her to show me where it said I couldn't wear pajamas. After that I wore whatever I wanted and noody ever said anything to me about it.

Of course your daughter might not be ready to make a statement like that so maybe you should just keep her home from school and complain to the school district.

[valerief]

25. Tell her she won't be going to school.

Take her someplace special instead.

[LibDemAlways]

26. Last time my daughter was supposed

to wear red, white, and blue, I put her in a white souvenir tee-shirt from San Francisco with a multi-colored golden gate bridge. Told her it was close enough.

[Caoimhe]

27. I'd love to see kids

Show up with peace signs on their clothing and buttons. The death of a teacher shouldn't be treated like it's SPIRIT WEEK or something. How stupid. I am interested in what you decide to do, or what she decides to wear.

[CBGLuthier]

30. I agree with you but

either don't let her go or let her go in the requested dress.

Six is too young to use her to make a point. If she were 3 or 4 years older maybe but she is the one who has to go to that school and will suffer the prejudices of fools.

[omega minimo]

31. White & Blue-- colors of spirit and sky, minus the blood

An affirmative statement in memory of the fallen, minus the bloody jingoism.

:hug: :patriot:

[omega minimo]

39. Black makes her a target for the insanity and hate infecting the country

White is also a color for mourning and a peaceful way to find middle ground and do what is intended-- honor the teacher.

An older child might make a stronger statement. Let her be.

[YouthInAsia]

32. I'd dress her all in black. your supposed to be mourning, right??

I mean, the man IS dead, isnt he?

[LeftyMom]

34. Ugh, that's such an inapropriate rememberance

Wouldn't it be nicer to remember the teacher instead of the colors of the country that killed him?

[Cleita]

35. Those colors are still for all Americans, not just the Bushbots.

You could put a peace sign there somewhere, just to let them know you aren't in league with the pro-war community.

[chalky]

36. I vote with those that say dress her in black. If they give you crap,

use their own language against them.
Tell them that red, white and blue are not the colors of mourning, and it's disrespectful of both the flag and the teacher to treat them as such.

[ucmike]

40. its a simple act of remeberance and respect.

sometimes i think we make too much of it. its not in support of the president, its not a recruitment rally.

its okay to be patriotic and to embrace the red/white/blue. just because knuckleheads have wrapped themselves in the flag and claimed it as their own doesn't take away from the true meaning of it-its all the more reason to embrace it.

it makes me sick to see all the ways the flag has been corrupted by rw'ers, but it doesn't take away from the fact that the colors actually stand for something real.

its a show of respect for a fallen soldier and a teacher. in a six year old's world a teacher means something, its a simple way to show respect in a simple world (elementary school). despite all the rhetoric and todays political enviroment it is okay to love the country and the historic symbols that represent it. sometimes i think we project complicated, adult emotions onto children who don't need it, and complicate things for them.

i remember going to 2nd grade during the bicentennial year and being so excited for red, white, & blue day. we had our assembly and i was part of something. i wore my r/w/b to school that day and was so proud to be part of it. i also remember thinking that some of the kids weren't dressed accordingly and they must have been bad, cause they didn't get to wear the colors. it was simple, it was honest, it was patriotic. there's nothing wrong with a young kid feeling that way.

[Horse with no Name]

42. Since she is 6, best to let her go to school in what the other kids

are wearing.
HOWEVER...if you are feeling really dangerous, I would get some of those iron-on-letters and write
"Honor the warrior not the war" on it.

and just for kicks--I would put an orange ribbon on her t-shirt.