Jesus Christ implicated in Rush’s drug addictionAssociated Press
October 14, 2003
In yet another startling bombshell, this reporter has learned that Jesus Christ himself is directly linked to the Rush Limbaugh drug addiction scandal. The revelation follows Rush’s startling public confession that he had been addicted to illegal painkillers for many years, and have been buying them off the black market.
A source close to the Son of God has claimed that Jesus allegedly said "narrow is the gate and narrow is the way that leadeth into paradise." This blatant and obvious jab at the fact that Rush is fat threw the former king of hate radio into a cycle of depression and desperation, which inexorably led to his addiction.
The source attributing this quote to Jesus Christ remains anonymous despite numerous attempts to track him down. This quote has been well documented in numerous books however, and a large majority of Jesus’ followers attest that he did indeed make such a comment.
After discovering the link between Jesus’s comments and Rush’s drug addiction we asked a man on the street for his reaction to the news. When asked for comment, Joe Conservative said, “Curse you Jesus! You heartless bastard!” when stuttered burst into tears and sobbed “forgive me Jebus, I’ve sinned!”
We tried to reach Jesus for comment but then remembered he’s been dead for 2,000 years.
http://www.thisisjustajoke/iwrotethis/besuretopatmeontheback.html
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