|
* Manhattan sunrises no longer marred by annoying WTC towers.
* Thousands of Reservists and National Guard getting a break from the tedium of their civilian lives.
* Conservatives have discovered new depths of compassion for drug addicts.
* America has now taken posession of awesome new cloaking technology that can render WMDs undetectable.
* Finally got to find out what that sneaky Mrs. Wilson was really up to.
* Got rid of that silly fashion taboo about the president wearing a military uniform.
* Courtroom news coverage now all about exciting celebrity rapes and murders instead of dreary Enron and Worldcom prosecutions.
* Help is on the way for those who are suffering nasty "endangered species" infestations.
* On TV: more talk shows, sitcoms, and dramas, fewer annoying press conferences.
* New voting machine technology makes it possible to decide elections without requiring voters to make those tiresome trips to polling places.
* Now much easier for schoolchildren to memorize names of countries that like us.
* Number of boobs on display at Justice Department press conferences reduced by 50%.
* Now you can protest in spacious and comfortable First Amendment Zones, avoiding noisy crowds.
* Press has finally gotten over annoying habit of picking apart presidential statements looking for tiny inconsistencies.
Apologies for any inadverdant plagiarization.
|