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Edited on Wed Nov-12-03 03:45 PM by Richardo
First: the e-mail...
Here's a new spin on a classic cow teaching.
LIBERAL You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cow-lessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven't done anything to help them at all.
CONSERVATIVE You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a Man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
Here's my addition:
BUSH’S “COMPASSIONATE” CONSERVATISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. The guy on the ranch next door has a herd of 100,000 head. To stimulate the economy, the government gives you $400 and the guy next door $20,000,000 since he creates jobs for people to clean up after his enormous herd. Or not. The government does not give anything to the neighbor with no cow, ‘cause hey - no cow. Next the government takes $800 apiece (so far) from you, your spouse, your children and grandchildren to launch a hostile takeover of another ranch that is led by a disagreeable rancher who abuses his cows and reportedly wants to kill YOUR cows. Turns out the disagreeable rancher had no means to kill your cows. But he WAS disagreeable. Government needs another $300 apiece from you and your family to rebuild the ranch it destroyed in the hostile takeover. That should do until next October. The rancher next door changes his mind about hiring people to work his ranch. Keeps his $20,000,000, lays you and your spouse off. After eating one cow, you now have one cow. Your neighbor still has zero cows, and is down a couple of dogs and a cat as well. Ranch next door now has 150,000 head and $20 million So what’s the problem?
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