Things you have to believe at the same time to be a Repu*lican

[buycitgo]

from an email......no wonder so many of them seem unbalanced, what with all those contradictory thoughts fighting for control in their confused little brainpans



Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.

o Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
o The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
o Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
o “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
o A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
o Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
o The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
o Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
o If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
o A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
o HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
o Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
o Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
o Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
o A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
o Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
o The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.
o You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
o What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.
o Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

[Djinn]

1. and

mothers should stay home with their children but we'll bus them miles away to slave for minimum wage and call it social security

[Cronus Protagonist]

2. Just support the Real Republican Platform

http://cronus.com/platform

or check out the "You Might Be A Republican If..."

http://cronus.com/quiz

:)

[buycitgo]

5. ooooh, cronus........I just ate!

you might be a republican if you inhabit this guy's no spin zone:

[Cronus Protagonist]

12. That's a great picture

It's from Moore's book cover. It's the one that pisses O'Rheally off the most. :)


FUCK BUSH Buttons, Stickers & Magnets

[Tredge]

3. I want to help!

Can I contribute?

o Killing animals ensures their preservation.
o When "their people" came to America they were worthy additions to the workforce; when "these people" immigrate to America today they're a drag on the economy.
o Helping the homeless hurts the homeless.

I'm sure I can think of many more but I wanted to start things off...

[buycitgo]

4. great idea!

feel free to bring up all seemingly countless examples of the cognitive dissonance that's one of the essential characteristics of the the dysfunctional republican psyche.

speaking of which, and I haven't checked, is there a thread up yet on Larry King tonight?

one of the poster children for C=MI is his guest

[David Zephyr]

6. Delicious Posting, Buycitgo

:hi:

[buycitgo]

7. just passing it along

from a US cit living in Melbourne, I believe.

he deserves the credit.....or whoever sent him the email in the first place, I guess.

sounds like communism to me, anyway

[waruimono]

8. "Things you have to believe at the same time to be a Repu*lican"

Can I add something??

Global warming is a myth created by radical left wing scientists

Guns deter crime

[buycitgo]

9. you're half way there, but.......

you have to come up with a second part of each of your statements which is at odds with the first

[Tredge]

10. To be clear...

...you mean to give the progressive perspective of our claims? As in the proper ones? 'Cause I can do that.

[MisterP]

13. no, like

"Guns deter crime"
but social programs cause it.
And welcome to DU!

[newyawker99]

14. Hi waruimono!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[frank frankly]

11. this is useful

forward this beauty!