CNN-Shape of Earth Finally Determined by Halliburton

[spotbird]

WASHINGTON, DC (CNN) Bush administration officials today released the long awaited report on the shape of the earth. The report's conclusions, though well researched and extensively documented, raised some controversy in liberal circles. The report prepared by the defense contracting firm Halliburton shows conclusively that the Earth is indeed flat, ending the age old debate within the scientific community.

Vice President Dick Cheney lauded the research as a major step forward for the US security stating, “Until these facts were known we built boats that could have literally fallen off the earth. Our jets could have ended up in distant space. We thank the merciful God that that never happened, but major improvements in military equipment must be developed and now. We are again fortunate that Halliburton has agreed to take on the monumental task of correcting the entire military infrastructure.” Cheney denied that his connections to Halliburton had anything to do with this one trillion dollar no bid contract, stating that the timeliness of the company’s ability to start work on this critical project was the soul deciding factor.

Capital Hill Democrats dismissed the Halliburton report and corresponding contract as nonsense and fraud. An unnamed administration official responded to the Democratic charge frankly with the comment, “There they go again, dismissing the need for improvements in the National defense with scurrilous, unfounded charges. Isn’t clear that they don’t remember the lessons of 9/11?” CNN has also confirmed that the debate about the shape of the earth is a longstanding one, so much so that this recent report is a welcome relief to the scientific community, which as a whole also dismisses the assertions of the Democrats.

Apologies to Paul Krugman.

The sorry part is that it isn't that far from reality.

[Bandit]

1. I knew it all the time

It has all been liberal lies all along. Anyone with any sense at all knows that there is no way possible the earth could be anything other than flat. Just like the heads of Conservatives.

[Jonte_1979]

2. Shaped like a dollar-sign, no doubt (nt.)

[Coldgothicwoman]

3. 'Soul-deciding factor'?

As in, "I'll SELL my soul for ya, Hally-burton"? ;)