Please help me with this.. I'm confused!

[Cosmic_Latte]

If this is what you call a 'love problem'! (Teenagers! O8) )

Anyway, I shouldn't be whining about this but it has been bugging me lately. I wished at the start of the schoolyear that someone in the world would like me, but I never expected that my wish would lead to this.

I have been friends with 'Dexter' (not his real name) for almost over 2 years, since the time when we were classmates last year. We talk about almost anything... about school and life in general. He's also a writer like me, and one tidbit: I beat him (as he was always been the 1st placer for time immemorial) at our Grade 6 Spelling Contest for the gold...but we don't give a damn about it. He's been very congenial and helpful, amiable, intelligent, he's near-perfect (except for the physical side because he's a little overweight) for 'boyfriend material'. Though in the time we were starting to be friends I admit I did kinda like him, I only regard Dexter as a close friend and nothing more.

But what's been happening for the past two weeks leads me to this startling conclusion:
He's falling for me! :wow:

Last Friday, my friend 'Liz' (who's also a close friend of his, they've known each other for a long time) asked me a strange question: "Would it matter to you if a friend likes you... 'more than friends' sort of thing? What's your opinion?" Having no idea, I replied, "It's alright, since it's better to be "" with someone you already know.. you don't need to pretend." Liz, Dexter and I were walking together that time.. and Liz was kinda whispering to Dexter something a while after I said it, but I didn't really pay attention. And the following day, as Dexter and I were editors of the school paper, we had to stay after school for layouting and all that. (Though nothing really resulted from the layouting!) A friend saw us and teased us... me in "NR" (No Reaction) state still. Dexter and I had a little chat after the layouting, me telling him that he's so super, having a 150+ IQ and all that, about essay contests and all that. And he then told me that I looked pretty without glasses (because I wore glasses last year), and that I'm really good at writing and that I'm very insightful. He said, "You know, you're really an interesting person. Your opinions about things require a lot of thought.. it's like your opinions change my way of thinking." It was flattering to hear that!

Then just this week, everything started to happen. You see, we have this little clique of friends (about 7 of us) that are in a way, bonded. Whenever one of them (or all of them) sees Dexter and I together, they kinda make signals to each other, or back off or tease us, like "Ooooh!! You're an item now!" (something to that effect.) And Dexter seems to get all 'smiley' and denies it. While me? No reaction.

These 2 days got me really boggled. Just this Friday, almost everything hints me to my present conclusion! Dexter has been following me, like a stalker! He comes to my section (as he's from a different section) every recess period to ask me how I feel, and talks to me! Like every time he'll see me, he'll rush and chat with me! He evens walks me on my way to the tutor, while going down, asks if he could help me with my stuff, etc. He treats me so nicely, well in fact he wasn't really like that (because last time he was crushing on someone else). My friends have been dropping hints almost everywhere.. I pretend to feel all nonchalant about it, like I don't care. But deep inside I feel so shammed! It's like a monster I can't control! I have no one to confide what I feel because all my friends are his friends... and I don't want to encounter a huge problem because of this.

But the fact that he follows me almost everywhere bugs me. He shows his feelings for me pretty obviously to others. My classmates ask me why does he go to our classroom, and I just put on a confused look. I feel so uneasy, and I wished he doesn't do this because I really feel like I'm 'imprisoned' whenever he's there. I want to tell him this but I'm afraid he might get hurt. So I make every possible excuse that I can't accomodate him... but he insists on going with me. Do you get it? I don't want US to be a "couple"! I just wish things remained the same...it really makes me depressed. :-(

Any advice?

[searchingforlight]

1. Your answer is in your last sentence.

Gather your nerve. Tell him all the things you like about the way things were and then say "I don't want US to be a "couple"! I just wish things remained the same."

[roughsatori]

2. He's may just be in love, not stalking

They can be hard to tell apart sometimes. I know that when I have had good friends and they have fallen in love with me, I tell them that we can never be more than friends; it hurts and angers them, and the friendships are never the same or end. I have also been the one who "stalked" and then hated the friend when they did not respond. Tell him the truth. And ask him about his feelings. You may not be able to avoid hurting his feelings, but you can avoid being cruel.

But is his weight the only problem? As I get older I go over my life and wished I had tried to date some of the people I turned down. In retrospect, starting in HS I went for the wrong people. In ways you make him sound like quite a catch.

[short bus president]

3. Hehe - I think I was Dexter, some 15 years ago

and I can only imagine that every one of my female friends who I put in the position you find yourself in felt about the same as you do. Like roughsatori said, none of those friendships were the same after I went all "Chasing Amy." But do let the boy know how you feel. It'll suck for both of you up front, but it's (generally) the right thing to do.

[leftist_rebel1569]

4. Okay...coming from a "dexter" viewpoint...

BTW, nice to meet another teen on the boards! :hi: anyways, I can identify with "dexter" a little bit, that was me in middle school. The thing is...he prolly does like you. And, subtlety with it isn't one of his good points. So, if it bugs you enough, talk to him about it. But, try and be nice. If he does like you, and he knows that you just want to be friends, he'll get over it and things will be ok. But, don't leave him hanging if he asks you out. I asked a girl out earlier this summer, and she said she would, but she was getting over another relationship. She never got back to me after that. No matter how much I tried, i never saw her after that. And, It wrecked my summer, pretty much. So, basically, talk to him, and let him know that you just want to be friends if he likes you.

[leftist_rebel1569]

5. kick

:kick:

[Capn Sunshine]

6. OK here's the thing

guys rarely are willing to MAKE the commitment to say to a girl "Hey you're IT. I LOVE YOU and want to be with you"
WHY? Because they dread rejection worse than any pain in the world.

A young guy is still completely unsure of himself, of his feelings of ,well, everything. The confusion you are feeling as the recipient of this attention is probably tenfold for him. Yeah, he's seriously crushing on you. Part of the reason you posted this is because you are flattered. Admit it. But you know your own self best. Emotionally, you aren't ready for this leap.

Now all we have to do is wait for you to tell him, temporarily stop being around him in even a friendly manner, and suddenly become all protective of him when he's dating some bitch from hell who doesn't understand him at all and is just using him.

Or not.

Life is full of confusion and blurred lines and I can assure you none of this changes as you get older. But HONESTY is the most important thing in a relationship be it friendly or romantic. Follow your heart child, tell him you're confused and not attracted to him in "that way." He might hate you for this but at least the games will cease.

One of my greatest regrets from high school by the way, was not dating a girl because she "wasn't pretty enough" ( I was a pretty superficial asshole in high school)and now I find myself looking back at a lost relationship with one of the smartest women I have ever known before or since. It seems that after the superficial wears off, smart is what is really sexy.
:)

[Syn_Dem]

7. Hmm..

Yay! Another 15 year old on the board. Hmm...having been in this situation before (Dexter's role) the main thing I would do is to tell him how you feel. The girl who I liked kept me on hold for a year and a half. I must've asked her out like a dozen times and it was always "maybe". I felt like I wasted a good year and a half of my life just to her convience. The best thing right now is honesty, he might be hurt at first, but you'll save him a lot of trouble in the long run. Good luck, and hope this helps.

[short bus president]

8. I just gotta chime in again

with a big :thumbsup: to all you politically-aware young people. You guys are LIGHT YEARS ahead of where I was at your age in terms of knowing which way the wind blows. Of course, I didn't have this fancy "in-ter-web" to help me out not to mention the 10 mile walk to and from school, uphill both ways...

[Syn_Dem]

9. Oh, I almost forgot

I have a site that deals with my political idealogy and what not. Since you're quite a proficient writer, I was wonderign if you're interested. If you are, email me at [e-mail] and drop me a line.