I am Ducky, hear me roar

[SweetZombieJesus]

That 80s teen movie thread got me to thinking about how almost every girl I've ever dated has told me that I remind them of Jon Cryer's character Ducky in "Pretty In Pink". The first few times I heard it, I took it as a compliment, because Jon Cryer kicks ass. But after a while, I took it as an impending death knell for the relationship, because what it really means is "I'll leave you for some bland rich fuck the first chance I get, but let's still be friends, ok?"

That movie was the biggest crock in history, and John Hughes movies did NOTHING but screw up a generation of well meaning boys. He never told us the truth that in order to get girls, we'd have to pretend to be something we're not, because if we're the cool, smart, funny guys we really are, we'll get relegated the friend zone over and over and over again. He kept telling us over and over again that true love conquers all, but not if you're Ducky, because he's just the comic relief.

I hate that movie more than anything, because little poor girl Molly Ringwold is such a class-obsessed idiot that she misses the forest for the handsome, funny, tree that actually has a personality and isn't named FUCKING BLAINE. She shits all over her dad for being poor, and abandons Ducky, who loves her more than that idiot Blaine ever could. You're just a fucking charity case to Blaine, Molly. He's slumming. Ducky loved you and you used him.

Jesus, I have issues.

[short bus president]

1. And this one

is not funny, because it's true.

"John Hughes movies did NOTHING but screw up a generation of well meaning boys"

You've gotta love the "be yourself, and get used to being crapped on" life lesson.

[SweetZombieJesus]

2. The only 80s movie that made me feel good about myself was Say Anything

I felt like I was a lot like Lloyd, and when I did have a relationship like his, it of course turned to shit, but in my case it was the girl's mother who disaproved of me.

But Pretty In Pink gave me a complex for years. How the hell could any woman pick Andrew "Mannequin" McCarthy over Jon Cryer?

[short bus president]

3. I barely remember either of these movies

I remember the music, and that's about it. Mostly at that age, I paid attention to movies in which I thought I might see boobies, not movies with plots or anything.

[SweetZombieJesus]

4. Well, I never really watched all of Pretty in Pink until college

When Emily made me sit down and watch it, and afterwards I was like "You like this bullshit? That was a horrible ending."

Boobies are the reason I watched "Just One Of The Guys" everytime it was ever on HBO.