I'm very, very bored...ask me anything DIRTY!!

[catpower2000]

:evilgrin:

[patdem]

1. How does your car look?

:shrug:

[catpower2000]

5. It's filthy!

My windshield especially needs to be cleaned--I can barely see out when oncoming cars shine their headlights at me at night.

Why, wanna come over here and detail it?? :)

Cat

[patdem]

16. Cat I will detail your car....to look like mine...

why bother with headlights when headlice can do? I mean get with the program of WMD...If you even see headlights...but are scratching head lice....the wreck is the same....See how this is all a part of the WMD argument? NO?...well you are not a republican...

[catpower2000]

*head spins, brain turns off, commence zombie walk*

MUST. VOTE. BUSH.
MUST. VOTE. BUSH.
MUST. VOTE. BUSH.
BRAINS...

[neuvocat]

2. What's the best way to change bags on a vacuum cleaner?

I hear that can be REAL dirty!

[catpower2000]

7. Get a vac with one of those empty-able plastic canisters in it!!

Never muss your clothes with a bag again!!

Cat :)

[WillyT]

3. How Do I Get These Stains Out ???

Oh.... I see... Sorry!

:hi::evilgrin::hi:

[catpower2000]

8. Depends...are they DNA stains??

:evilgrin:

[patdem]

50. How to get the stains out? Impeach!

worked before?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

4. Wanna screw?

[catpower2000]

10. FINALLY!!

Yes!! Yes, I do!! THANK YOU for indulging my oversexed plan for this thread! :evilgrin:

Oh, and Teena...name the time and place. I will DEFINITELY bat for the other team if you're going to be my...ahem...pitcher.

Cat :)

[ForrestGump]

57. So THAT's how I should be doing it!

Note to self: (from NSMA's playbook).....approach potential romantic partner with tact and subtle glances pants down...

[InkAddict]

6. Just wondering

Is human ash good for the rose beds? It's good to leave instructions and it'll probably be my last chance to contribute to a better world.

[catpower2000]

12. I believe that it is...

You planning on going somewhere any time soon? *concerned*

Cat

[InkAddict]

39. Naw, I gotta VOTE next year!

eom

:edit - just don't like the thought of those slimey worms crawling around

[bearded_cat]

9. Will you dance for me?

That would bring me great pleasure!

[catpower2000]

13. Um, okay!

Since I am channeling Beyonce today, it will have to be to that "Crazy in Love" song she and Jay-Z did, and I'll have to wear short-shorts, a tank top, and heels. That work for ya?

Cat

[bearded_cat]

15. Indeed!

let's get crazy

[catpower2000]

17. Well, I AM feeling fairly bootylicious today...

And who cares if all the neighbors can see me?? I HAVE NO SHAME, PEOPLE!! DO YOU HEAR ME???

*commences booty shaking*

Cat

ps. Welcome to DU, bearded cat. Tell me about your username.

[Code_Name_D]

11. Uh oh, I hear dirty dishes a callen.

O8)

[catpower2000]

14. Is that code for something???

:evilgrin:

[patdem]

19. Answer to 'dirty dishes a callen'...My home is a dictatorship....not

a democracy...so when the dishes call...I send soldiers to shut them the frick up!!!

[never cry wolf]

18. i assume you are of the female persuasion

could you please describe a female orgasm?

[catpower2000]

20. Okay!

Yes, I am equipped with a vagina, so here goes...

(Keep in mind, I've never actually experienced one of these things with another person in the room, so we're talking solo fun here...)

When you're getting close, it kinda feels like scratching an itch, except much, much nicer...it's like, you know, like a train chugging up a hill, and then closer, and closer...

When it finally hits, it feels like, I don't know, warmth and pleasure spreading out from ground zero all over your whole entire body. Head drops back, breath exhales, moaning, a pink flush all over.

Basically, it feels like RELEASE. Which is what I can only assume the male orgasm feels like as well.

Hard to explain, I hope I did an okay job.

Cat

[never cry wolf]

22. ya, not too bad i guess

i think that the male version may be a bit more, um, centralized.

[short bus president]

21. How far do you live

from the closest A-train stop?

:evilgrin:

[catpower2000]

23. PRETTY GODDAMN FAR!!

Like, over the river and through the woods. Next jurisdiction for sure!!

Cat

[short bus president]

24. See, this is why the country needs

more commuter railroads!

Next question: if I asked you that in person, would you slap my face, or laugh it off and spank me for it later?

[catpower2000]

25. All three?

I'd laugh as I slapped you (gently) in the face, then spank you later for impertinence. How's that?

Cat

[short bus president]

26. That'll do nicely, thanks

And BTW - what's got you so, um, "fevered" this afternoon?

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

;-)

[catpower2000]

27. I'm trapped in the house with a chest cold...

Can't nap, sick of reading (read 2 books this weekend already) have been writing for 4 hours and I can't stand it anymore. I'm fucking BORED! And I think this wonky cold medicine is making me horny. :)

Cat

[short bus president]

28. I feel for you

Sometimes a little sickness, especially a slight fever, will get the juices flowing. Here's hoping everything works out OK for ya'. ;-)

[catpower2000]

29. Well...

the horniness won't work itself out, I have nobody to play with. I've already given myself a hand and it's not helping. Sometimes you need a partner, you know?

Cat

[short bus president]

32. Cat, you make

a guy want to head out the door and sprint up I-95.

But there's no rule that says if at first the helping hand doesn't succeed, you can't try, try again.

[catpower2000]

33. How soon can you be here? ;-)

I warn you, I'm not very good. ;-)

Cat

[short bus president]

34. And I'm rustier than the damn Tin Man

after riding the bench for so long.

If you live where I think you live (can you see the Eiffel tower from your house?), I'm not too far away. And I'm probably much easier to get along with given some distance.

[catpower2000]

35. Seriously, where do you live?

Not propositioning you, I just can't remember now! :)

Cat

[short bus president]

36. I'm right outside of

Chapel Hill, NC.

Meetcha at King's Dominion ANYTIME, though. :P

[catpower2000]

37. Hee!

I don't do amusement parks--I end up having to hold everyone's purse because I don't go on rides. I do like the food though! :)

(And I really want one of those signs that says "you must be this tall to ride this ride". I want to adjust it to 6'2" and put it outside my bedroom door.) :evilgrin:

Cat

[short bus president]

38. Oh, yeah

I forgot I'm too short for you... heightist!

:P

[catpower2000]

40. Whoops, sorry...

I've dipped into the 6' range in my day--but the tall ones just get my motor running, can't help it!

Isn't it odd that we can't control what we're attracted to?

Cat

[short bus president]

41. It's probably for the best, anyway

Waxing numerology geekish, here, but remember the kink thread? M'kay now, 5 plus 8 = unlucky 13. You'd be horrified, I'm sure, at the things that run through this short guy's mind. ;-)

[catpower2000]

42. LOL

Well, I'd probably be horrified at the thoughts that run through MOST guys' minds, m'kay? :)

I'd like to be less of a prude, I really would. Honestly, I think I just have to meet someone with whom I'm totally comfortable. (Not even really great with having the LIGHTS on). I'm sure there's a crazy woman locked in here somewhere!! ;-)

Cat

[short bus president]

43. hon, if ya' ever

come to abandon the height restriction, definitely look me up. Or look me up now and see if you can't stretch me on the rack. I'm willing to learn to be tall...

[catpower2000]

46. It's all mental!

If you think tall, you'll be tall!! :-P

Cat

[short bus president]

47. "I wish I was BIG!"

</cheeseball bad movie reference>

[Aristus]

61. Well, me and GOPisEvil together probably stack up to eight feet or so.

Does that count?

[ForrestGump]

65. I must say, I'm impressed!

What, do you keep them coiled up on a reel, or something, like fire hoses? :D

[Aristus]

66. Weren't we talking about Cat's affinity for height? I was crediting

GOPisEvil for being at least 3'6". ;-)

I'm 5'10".

[catpower2000]

68. Oh! I thought you meant stacked up HORIZONTALLY...

Damn, I was getting all excited. :)

Cat

[Aristus]

71. Well, endurance counts for something too, right?

*

[catpower2000]

73. Stamina, yes!

That may be my other problem in the orgasm department--I don't have enough TIME.

Cat

[ForrestGump]

74. Uh-oh

Fantasies of men stacking up horizontally....I knew it! :D

[GOPisEvil]

132. For the record, I'm...

...5'9"...so we are 11'6". :-)

[Aristus]

58. One of the most erotic moments of my life:

I was flirting drunkenly with this pretty young lady. We were doing the tentative touching back and forth, arms and so on, when in a moment of intoxicated exuberance, I reached down, grabbed her with both arms and attempted to throw her over my shoulder. Over my shoulder she went, and all the way down to the ground! Ouch! I apologized profusely as she stood up and dusted herself off. Then she slapped me across the face, and followed it with a long, turned-on kiss. Wow! The most knee-weakening moment I've ever had with my clothes on. Something about a girl slapping a guy's face...

[catpower2000]

62. Goodness gracious!

That story was very..uh...erotic, and I don't even know why! :evilgrin:

Cat

[Aristus]

69. Were you maybe imagining a girl slapping and then kissing you?

Now THAT's an erotic image!

[catpower2000]

70. Can it be Angelina Jolie?

Jesus, I may have to leave the room for a minute... *wipes brow*

Cat

[Aristus]

78. Now that you're back, can I watch?

:evilgrin: Not a big Angelina Jolie fan, but I'll try to overcome my prejudices.

[catpower2000]

83. Oh, come on...

How can you not want to suck face with this woman?? She's a GODDESS.

Cat

[Aristus]

86. Cuz she's smoking. No, I mean the cigarette.

Sorry, that's not a turn-on for me even in my wildest fantasies. And I've had some wild ones, believe me.

[catpower2000]

91. Hmm, it doesn't affect me one way or the other...

But just from her looks, you can't get with that?

Cat

[Aristus]

94. Sometimes her lips are a little, you know, too much.

They are too pneumatic to be sexy. And she seems too full of herself. Just my opinion, you understand.

[catpower2000]

100. Too much is never enough!

I might find her lips a bit over the edge if they weren't real, but the fact that nature chose to put that face (if not that body) together in just that way...*swoon*. That's really something.

Cat

[ForrestGump]

96. Yeah, she'd have to ditch that

I mean, she can keep the oral fixation, if she wants.....

[ForrestGump]

89. I'm in line with you there

And not just face, either....

[catpower2000]

95. You mean something like...

this?



Anywhere in there look promising?

[Aristus]

101. Okay, much better, Cat. And she's already in position. How nice!

Amazing what the lack of a cigarette can do.

[catpower2000]

105. She's so accomadating, isn't she? :) nt

[Aristus]

108. In still photos, yes.

Wouldn't want to get close to her in one of her action films, though.

[ForrestGump]

110. I would

:-)

My knees would be shaking, though, for sure....

[catpower2000]

113. Me too!

Nothing like an aggressive woman, eh? ;-)

Cat

[ForrestGump]

120. Oh, yeah!

Well, to a point :-)

But when there's a mutual agenda...well! What a happy confluence that is...

[ForrestGump]

102. Um....

Is there an "all of the above" option? (well, including 'below,' too, of course)

*rooowwwwrrrrrrrrr*

[skrunch]

30. So what happens after the train leaves the station...

without your partner? Are you slumbering peacefully in the top berth?

[catpower2000]

31. LOL!

Depends on the time of day. If it's the morning, I get up, take a shower, and have a spring in my step for the day. If it's at night, yes, it's the perfect sleeping aid. The nice thing about being a woman--no clean-up. :)

Cat

[latebloomer]

44. Tell me if I'm being too personal

but why have all your orgasms been solo?

Inquiring minds. . .

[catpower2000]

45. I don't know!

I can't seem to...get there with a partner. It may have something to do with the...um, areas of stimulation, or lack thereof.

I'd like to, believe me!

Cat

[ForrestGump]

48. This sounds like a job for....

um...me.

But without the graphic I was gonna use, because I just discovered that ImageStation killed my account again. :-)

Besides, I didn't want to get too graphic...

[catpower2000]

49. *cue Beyonce booty shaking*

Your love's got me looking so crazy right now!

I don't know what it is, but EVERY TIME I see your name today, that song starts playing in my head! How are you doing that???

Cat

[ForrestGump]

53. That would be telling

:D

It involves a remote control, though - you just wouldn't believe where. :o

[catpower2000]

55. Whoa!

:wow:

Beyonce ain't got nothin' on me today! Here I am in my room, booty-shaking with my chest cold and all, and the neighbors can see me, and I DON'T CARE!!

You've got some sort of strange control over me... :evilgrin:

Cat

[ForrestGump]

60. *gulp* (with great power comes great responsibility)

Perhaps it's time that you calm your bootylicious self down for a few minutes, then, while I selflessly rub liniment on your chest....

Oh...wait a minute....let me just get my dispenser ready....

[catpower2000]

67. Is it like a caulking gun?

(the only reason I posted this was that I want people to be reading through the responses and get to this post and say, "Is WHAT like a caulking gun???")

I really probably could use a good Vicks rubdown, though. :evilgrin:

Cat

[ForrestGump]

75. Well, if you pronounce it in a certain way, yes

:D "Pronounce WHAT in a certain way?"

Rub-a-dub-dub coming right up.....

[catpower2000]

77. Between you and me and Shortbus and Beyonce and Angelina...

it's getting really crowded in my brain right about now...

Cat

[ForrestGump]

81. You mean,

like this?



Is it hot in here? Or is my pituitary just melting?

[Aristus]

82. Wow! Talk about having sex on the brain!

Great image.

[ForrestGump]

92. It's a cat-scan

:-)

Sorry, I mean, CT-scan.....

[catpower2000]

87. LOL!

Every man's brain! That's awesome.

Cat

[ForrestGump]

93. Now you know!

Pssssttt....don't tell anybody, 'kay :-)

[latebloomer]

51. Hmm, sounds like the partner needs a seminar!

Or else-- if he's doing everything right, it's probably the trouble-letting-go thing on your part.

Like occasionally I have had trouble peeing if someone else is in the room. Same deal.

[catpower2000]

52. Haven't got a partner--that's my first problem right there, lol...

But, yeah, when I DO have a partner, I think it's a combination of the fact that nobody's ever been too, too interested in making sure I get there, and that I can't let go to enjoy it fully. Bad combo--lots of unsatisfied nights for me! :-(

Cat

edit: spelling is hard!

[ForrestGump]

54. Cads! All of them!!

And there's just way too much of this partnerless thing going on at DU.

So I henceforwith propose that we collectively resolve that each of us who wants one is hereuntofore linked up with the perfect partner who brings a smile to every day and who helps make sure that the 'getting there' is completely more than satisfactorily again, and again, and again, and - possibly - again. And, even though I never saw "Next generation," to that I say "let it be so."

I have spoken.

Thusly shall it be.

Can I have an amen?

[short bus president]

56. OMIGAWD!

Forrest said somethin' SMART!

Um, I mean, AMEN!

[ForrestGump]

63. Whatchoo talkin' 'bout,

Shortbus.... :P

[catpower2000]

59. AMEN!! Preach it, brother Gump!!

Can we get this added as a constitutional amendment?

[ForrestGump]

79. I second that emotion. Amendment passed!

Now let's all be happy - they're out there, waiting for the right time to enter our lives.

I'm gonna wait seven minutes and then I'm going to go looking, running around naked and desperately asking people if they're my soul mate. But that's just me.... *synchronizing watch*

[catpower2000]

84. In other news...creating Paypal account for FG's bail money!!

"Honestly, officer, he was just looking for love!!" :)

Cat

[ForrestGump]

99. ....in aw da wong pwaces....wookin' pa nuuuubbbbbb

:-)

Free Forrest! Free Forrest! Free Forrest!

[Aristus]

64. Don't you tell your partners your areas of...um...stimulation?

Communication, more than just about anything else, leads to great orgasms.

[catpower2000]

72. No, I feel like an idiot...

"No, over there, a bit to the left, down, down!"

I know I'm not doing myself any favors, but then again, no one's ever ASKED me, hey, how can I get you off? either.

Cat

[Aristus]

76. Well, you don't have to say anything, you know.

You can just sort of guide them in the right direction. If they are too self-absorbed to follow a little guidance, then you wouldn't want to be with them to begin with.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

80. You're kidding! I love to hear stuff like that!

IT's lets me know you aren't up there winding your watch! :evilgrin:

[catpower2000]

88. ROFL

Painting my nails? Is that wrong? :evilgrin:

All right, if you say it's so, NSMA, I'll have to look into it.

Cat

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

98. If there's one thing I hate the smell of

it's nailpolish :D

[catpower2000]

107. Especially while you're...

otherwise engaged. :evilgrin:

I mean, that's just rude. :)

Cat

[ForrestGump]

85. That really sucks

:-(

Even from a self-interest point of view, and sounds like that may have been theirs, they're mising out on more than half of the fun. It just makes me really peeved. *grrrrrrr* Chauvinist swine....

On the bright side, the best is yet to....well....come.

[Aristus]

90. Nothing turns me on more than when my wife gently guides me

to the area she wants worked over. The desire and the confidence are both very sexy.

[ForrestGump]

106. Oh, yes

And there're always the times when you - um - work together to achieve a common goal.....

[catpower2000]

97. That's true!!

Lemme tell ya, when I meet the man (or woman, who knows?) who can actually get me over, I am going to be SO FUCKING GRATEFUL. He (or she) will be very glad to be generous, because I'll be paying them back in EVERY WAY I know how!!!

Cat

[Aristus]

103. Well, my wife was married for fifteen years to a thirty-second man.

When I came along (so to speak), I guess I was what she had been looking for. And they lived happily, flushed and stickily, ever after...

[ForrestGump]

104. To that, I can only say one thing

(well, part from the obvious), and that is that I just hope he or she doesn't have to be at work early in the mornings. :-)

Let's hear it for payback! :bounce:

[short bus president]

109. I'm tellin' ya Cat,

look me up. I'll be 6'6 for ya. ;-)

[catpower2000]

111. Hee!

I guess when you're lying down, who can tell? :evilgrin:

Cat

[ForrestGump]

112. Just get hold of a shortbed and Mr shortbus will look 6'6",

no problem...

It's only those last few inches that matter, anyway :o

[catpower2000]

114. How tall are you, mister? nt

[short bus president]

116. with his leg braces or without? n/t

[ForrestGump]

125. Mr Shortbus, I won't even dignify that with a response.......

Oh, the heck with it - gotcha response right here, buddy...


:P

[ForrestGump]

122. Actually....

6'5"

[catpower2000]

123. ARE YOU SHITTING ME??

Check your PM.

[ForrestGump]

127. Nope

But I'm sh***ing myself now.... :D

[Cush]

115. don't look at me

well, you can if you want ;) (not like there's a pic of me up anywhere), but I'm like 5'5 (maybe 5'6)

lol

[catpower2000]

117. Ha!

I'm such a heightist, it's really terrible. :)

Cat

[Cush]

118. yup

and there in lies my problem, I've always been the short guy.

[GOPisEvil]

119. So, uh, wanna make me feel ten feet tall?

Everyone else is playing - I should too! :-)

[catpower2000]

121. WOO HOO!! Let the party begin!!

David, I'll rev your motor ANYTIME. :)

Cat

[GOPisEvil]

124. Hahaha!!!

Just warm me up first...I'd hate to pop a gasket. :P

[catpower2000]

126. I'll check your oil and change your transmission fluid too!

Heh. Dirty!

Cat

[GOPisEvil]

128. Playing with my dipstick, eh?

}(

[catpower2000]

129. LOL

I love it! The dirty innuendo! This is what I've been looking for!

Make sure and check under the hood, m'kay?

Cat

[GOPisEvil]

130. Want me to check your headlights?

Rear bumper? :D

[catpower2000]

131. I think I'm high-beaming!

Yeah, I think my rear axle might be out of alignment. Can you help me out with that?

Cat

[Cush]

133. watch out

someone might go blind with those high beams :evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

135. And ytou've got to make sure not to ride his clutch too excessively

There's nothing like a damaged clutch to spoil your day....

All that pistoning in and out, you know, is pretty hard on the old crankshaft. And it's even worse when you throw a rod.

Of course, having your muffler drag is, well, a drag, too....

[catpower2000]

136. ROFLMMFAO!!

Okay, I have no good comeback to that, because I can't stop laughing. :)

Cat

[ForrestGump]

139. Well, see, that's what we're trying to encourage here, is

comebacks. :-)

[GOPisEvil]

134. I think I can massage it back into alignment!

:-)

[catpower2000]

137. Hmm, you might need to jack it up nt

[GOPisEvil]

138. *wonders what the lift capacity of this thing is*

I think I can handle it! :D

[catpower2000]

141. Oh, I bet you can!

Make sure you got your jack good and oiled, though, because you wouldn't want anything to stick!

Cat

[GOPisEvil]

143. Sometimes, nature can be of service in that area!

;-)

[Squeech]

147. she being brand (e.e. cummings, 1926)

she being Brand

-new;and you
know consequently a
little stiff i was
careful of her and(having

thoroughly oiled the universal
joint tested my gas felt of
her radiator made sure her springs were O.

K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her

up,slipped the
clutch(and then somehow got into reverse she
kicked what
the hell)next
minute i was back in neutral tried and

again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg. ing (my

lev-er Right-
oh and her gears being in
A 1 shape passed
from low through
second-in-to-high like
grasedlightning)just as we turned the corner of Divinity

avenue i touched the accelerator and give

her the juice,good

(it

was the first ride and believe i we was
happy to see how nice she acted right up to
the last minute coming back down by the Public
Gardens i slammed on

the
internalexpanding
&
externalcontracting
brakes Bothatonce and

brought allofher tremB
-ling
to a:dead.

stand-
;Still)


(Just seemed appropriate here.)

[catpower2000]

148. WOW, thanks!

Nothing like a little amazing poetry to class up the joint!

I love ee cummings, how did you know?

Cat :)

[Squeech]

149. It was a lucky guess

He's one of my favorites too.

But this poem is just the best ever instance of the car as erotic metaphor, so it belonged in this thread!

And I had faith in you-- anyone who'd make a point of learning to say sweet nothings in Gaelic would have to be as erudite as she is sexy. :loveya:

[sasquatch]

140. Are you ticklish?

:evilgrin:

[catpower2000]

142. HORRIFYINGLY so!!

If I even THINK someone is going to tickle me, I start laughing uncontrollably.

Is that a sex thing? I didn't know!

Cat

[sasquatch]

144. Yes

Alot of stuff turns on guys and this is one of them? It's also fun for me at least:evilgrin:

[catpower2000]

145. Huh! I didn't know that!

I read on a post here the other day that this one guy fetishizes girls who smoke, then just above in this thread, two guys were grossed out by smokers. Just goes to show, it takes all kinds! Maybe I'll have to work some tickling in...

Cat

[sasquatch]

146. They have it on Howard Stern sometimes

They'll usely do it to a celebrity's like Pam Anderson and Carmen Electra. If you go on yahoo and type in "tickling" and press search you'll find all types of tickling sites and forums.